I really liked the first chapter. I hope you write more soon.

Loved this chapter as well actually. I really hope you keep using morally grey areas that are not evident in the show.

Well hopefully his "first time" with White will be better.

Chamberpots everywhere!

Pretty good so far. Unlike the show, this demonstrates that not everything can be solved with friendship. Reality sucks.

Really feeling for these guys...

Beat Reality with the MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP!!!!

I'm just waiting for the general to die a horrible death...

Clips dream for canon ending please... PLEASE

Lol even Clip thinks they're gay subconsciously.

A Turning Point?

Very...Interesting ending.

Wow, I would not be fit to join the fraterity. I would have murdered somepony already. Especially the one who took Clip's wings.

The world is a crapsack, yet they continue to try and make right.

Batman voice: "This island, just showed you, that it is filled with ponies, willing to do the right thing!"

I'm wondering why Scroll and White haven't been shat upon this chapter. Before reading this, I was so optimistic...

I think there's going to be a bonfire soon.

Shame nopony else is reading this. Perhaps another cameo?

Wait. Is Barrel a Brony now?

shoot!!!!!!!!!!

SNAP!!!!!!!!!!

But seriously, great stuff so far. I sense the pegasi are coming in for a raid, and their friendship will be put to the true test.

The dream at the end puts things into perspective. He can't dream as big as Equestria is. Five ration coupons a week isn't Sugar-cube corner. The cloudship... well, Equestria might or might not have those, but while economically better, for sheer childhood joy it doesn't hold a candle to being able to ask two of your pegasus friend to take you for a ride (no sky chariot, maybe just some ropes for safety, or there own hooves if you are feeling reckless) once in a while (you could sub that for the airship I guess).

The only thing about it that is strictly "better" about it is the unlimited free time. I put "better" in quotes because schooling IS a good thing.

“Keep up like that, you’ll drink us out of house and home,” <-Not possible unless he can't pay. OTOH it could be just a turn of phrase, or it could be a matter of having to limit the intake of any one customer, to make sure they didn't run out, and therefore end up with a lot of unhappy customers who might take their business elsewhere in the long-run.

Was the idea of taking a few days off influenced at all by reading "Applebuck Season" (not that the book would call it that)?

well, she never really thought about the uses of gaudy red curtains.

-As a prostitute, I would have THOUGHT she would have vaguely heard of putting them around a bed, which, if you have a good enough bed, and a nice enough room, and building and such, you can charge more... but that might just be me.

“So did Twilight Sparkle when she first arrived in Ponyville,” said White.

-Try the following? :

"That is what Twilight Sparkle thought about the residents of Ponyville when she first arrived," said White.

“Oh, okay,” said Clip, leaving. He’d be safe, they figured. He knew his way around.

-Oh dear, do I smell "repossession" coming up?

“This island consists entirely of earth ponies,” said Scroll. “How is it overcast?”

-I would have thought that in the absence of pegasi, "default" weather would prevail, just as it does in the Everfree Forest. Or is that what is happening? More fuel for my idea that the pegasi raid the earth-ponies because otherwise there would be NO reason not to just let them die of thirst... I mean unless they have a coalmine somewhere (trees probably take more water to grow than you can distill by burning the wood) and are distilling all their drinking and crop water...

Wow, this is really good.

Quite frankly, when I read the description, I thought that is would suck, but I gave it a shot anyway.

And then it turned out to be one of my favorite fics. I come back to check for updates often.

Keep up the good work!

Also, love the hinting at a dynamic between White and Scroll. Cant wait to see how that turns out.

“I’m not leaving without my employee.”

That's a little generous for that pony isn't it? Let's call him what he really is.

I can't believe I put off reading such a great fic for so long. And if you do something awful to Clip in the next chapter I will never forgive you.

This is one of the most underrated stories I've ever read. Brilliantly written, grammar is fantastic, very humorous, fantastic job and I can't wait for more!

Great chapter!  How (if at all) are they going to resolve this...

Personally I'd just wipe the three factions off the face of the planet.

HAHAHA! Clip was there the whole damn time! Smart boy!

Now I wanna do art of the generals....hmmmm

Oh my god, if you do not finish this I will find you, break your legs, tie you to a bed, and force you to write the rest, just for me.

So close to admitting his feelings! You troll!

Keep up the good work dawg!

>>90679067

"Misery" reference?

The way this is going you're gonna have to add a romance tag to this story pretty soon

Man, got to fix that first pair of chapters. Now I'm kinda pissed at myself for not getting past them on the initial read. Starts out with a double dose of "shit's f*cked" before getting to the fun stuff. Dat cart chase... the visual on it is just great (especially with upbeat ska behind it, give it a shot).

Anyways, so far this story is swimming in a great quantity of assholes, but at least you seem to have picked up some more... I guess 'normal' might be the word--characters in the process. Tap was fun. Scroll seems to have the better persona of the two (White is a bit insufferable at times, but in a way that it seems to be on purpose at least) and maybe the more fun of the two as well.

Waiting to see if you will/what kind of overarching plot you may devise for these two, but it'll have to wait a while.

Think you might have to lay off the gay jokes a bit, if only so they don't get stale. White, you is one crazy weird, little pony.

Nine was a fun chapter, set up a whole lot of stuff and managed to be absurd enough to not wallow in potential despair. It actually ended on a fairly nice note as well, but ten does a good job in closing out that chapter. I do hope that we get to move beyond this point in the next part. I find myself wanting for adventure in this fic.... just feels like where it's going with the full trio of generals now exposed. (Oddly enough, found Storm to be a bit dull... Monarch seemed fun in his brief cameo, though)

Nice so far. (and, Pinkie, what horrors hath ye inspired?)

Please, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make the next part!

If you do not......

Of all the horrible things that could happen.

THAT

IS  

THE

WORST

THING.

yayness. :D So much goods.

They shipped a rainbow to them?  Hmm...

You've got a good start to a story... but you're a master of mood whiplash.

The two main characters are unusual -- I've seen few fanfics where religion plays such a strong role in the story.  (This is a good thing!)

You've got a pair of very sympathetic characters... in a world that's not very friendly.

You have an excellent balance between humor and terror.

The people of this town do need more empathy.

Interesting that you assume there's no alcohol in Equestria... especially since an old name for hard cider is "Applejack".

But, yeah... you've made me feel very strongly for Scroll and White.  Excellent writing.

>>1612016120

Glad you enjoy the story.

I should point out, however, that both Faust and Thiessen (unless I'm mistaken) have stated that there is no booze in Equestria.

Mood whiplash!

I appreciate your bawdy sense of humor.  And White and Scroll are a great pairing.  Even outside MLP:FIM fandom, this story is interesting and fun to read!

>>1612216122

Huh.  I took the beverages in S1Ep1 to be alcoholic:

Image: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111010150805/mlp/images/thumb/5/5f/Pinkie_Pie_again_S01E01.png/820px-Pinkie_Pie_again_S01E01.png

This story is a great protagonists-against-the-world story.  I sympathize deeply with Scroll and White.  Enjoying it a lot!

You converted me!

This story is wonderful.  Scroll and White are adorkable.  Someone needs to tell them to listen first, solve problems later... But not yet.

Lucky, lucky, lucky ponies.

An extremely well-thought-out story, with engaging main characters.

The concept of 'friendship' doesn't always work.  Sometimes, it takes more than just that...

I

I wonder how everyone's going to react to that

C. S. Lewis is now a pony. Hell yeah.

Sir! Every single bit of what I've read so far is awesome. This is a great concept and you are handling it like a pro.

yay billy. gudness

Excellent, as usual.

You know, I think G. K. Chesterton wouldn't mind to have been ponified.  He certainly didn't mind anthropomorphizing the days of the week! And, as he wrote, "Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."

As always, an excellent chapter!

ME GUSTA.

I follow this story like a stalker follows women.

Pony Mormons except they are not religious? That and the white-bread got you a watch!

The end of the story has.... odd... behavior from General Quake.  I had thought that the reason the mission house hadn't been attacked was because everyone knows that it's strictly neutral.

I would have expected General Quake to attack it first, not give equipment that the missionaries could use against him...

Interesting story, though.  Keep it up!

Clip is new favorite OC pony. He's just so ADORABLE. It almost made me cry!

Disc launchers are great for playing Frisbee.

...

What?

Should'a killed Quake with it.

The more I read about Quake the stronger my urge to brutally murder him gets.

Okay, seriously, can someone explain the feature system to me?

Funky chapter. You've made quakey even more of a dick, and given him some character. Lovelyness.

>>2269322693

As I understand it, the feature system figures in three factors, I believe - readers, ratings, and updates. My story went up on the featured list right after I published chapter 13, so I guess it was the update and the ratings that got me there.

Hope ya read it.

Superb, just superb! Very nice story, expertly written! Thank you very much for the opportunity to read this gem. Full 5 stars from me!

Obviously I would like to read more of it.

I'm in.

I liked having a chapter from the General's point of view. Right on.

Clip...

Lovely

Just a LITTLE hero-worship on Clip's part?

Regardless, this chapter is both excellent... and a touch (dare I say it?) hopeful.  Clip sees a future for himself. Thank you for continuing the series!

Heh. Husband. Though D'aww indeed.

Really I just want the Mane 6 to come in here and kick the living manure out of the Generals.

This chapter made me want to smile, cry, and vomit all at the same time. Clip is so darn cute that what happened to him just twisted my stomach. Wonderful chapter indeed!

Absolutely phenomenal! One of the best chapters of this wonderful story!

Word of Gay prevails.

Lovely chap, chap.

Wow, this story quickly grew on me. I know very little of mormons but I don't care, I feel for Brother Scroll.

Oh man, you know my weakness. An amputated pegasus colt just breaks my heart. I really like this story, but sometimes I just wish these guys would get a break.

The humor in this one chapter alone had me going the whole time with fits of laughter and smiles. Well done

Awww, that was adorable!

omg all that just for clip to be up there the whole time

clip is a boss

The wheel barrow chase was quite excellent. I loved Brother White's continued attempts at spreading the good word.

And the adventure continues. General shows up at the end to remind us that he still exists (and to establish that he controls the postage I suppose). The bit with the blind pony was good (knew what was coming with the whole "I didn't know you were a horner this whole time" bit, but it worked), and the story's progressing nicely.

Oh man, you really hit home with Clip's plight. Child abuse hits me hard, and the reveal was executed very well.

Squeaky smiles are best smiles.

The play was hilarious (also good point that they do actually match in colors).

I really hope nothing bad happens to Clip. I hate it when I see the NPCs wander away from the main group in a story. It always spells trouble.

Never thought I'd see an overcast day cause so much foreshadowing.

All of my stars. Take them now.

Words fail me.

first bit of this chapter in which the general commits murder..Wow powerful scene!

I think adding and writing out the detailed backstory to clip, really allows a closer emotional attachement. Also clips old cutie mark, an allusion perhaps eh :P. Also the section with the comic-book hero and clips daydreaming was a wonderful denoument to the chapter.

I get this feeling that Clip is going to do something to buzz.

Yaaaay! Another chapter! COOOOOL! May I have another, Sir?!

...so now scroll and white are aquaponies or can they just breath under water?

Yummy.

It fills me with sadness to know that this doesn't have the attention it should.

>>4730547305

I know

This is such an excellent story. It has the most endearing duo of ponies I ever encountered in this whole fandom. Along with Clip and all the other elements, subtle and obvious, it pools together into an enjoyable experience.

Still amusing... still waiting for something to develop here concerning the other generals (in the present at least) though. Assassin's Creed: Clip Edition amused me a bit more than it perhaps should, sudden peeping tomfoolery included. Think it still has some places where it feels like we've got a whole bunch of stuff going on without anything actually happening (though this seems to be coming to an end with this chapter).

On the technical side, you had a few typos and story flow derps that were a bit distracting.... but not too many.

Nice fic, BillyColt.

-Lammy

I enjoy this story quite a lot, and I'm glad to be caught up.

You have a winning pair of protagonists.  But I still smirked at the ambiguous conversation they had as they were getting into the ocean...

"He threw a foreleg around Scroll’s neck. “He’s my very special buddy, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.”"

I love your homo-erotic hinting :P

AAAND again

"saw White’s hoof on his own. He looked up and his eyes locked with White’s."

Yer really going all out on this chapter arentcha? heh

loved the clip and tap bonding scene :P especially with barrel coming in and being obvlious. Also it was a great chapter for slow paced characterisations. Especially in regards to the crush on tap(I honestly hope that works out, I love the concept of a beat down damsel being rescued by a good upstanding well moraled pony :P)

I didn't notice any major grammar issues, but I wasn't looking at this chapter with a large magnifying glass.

Once again top notch writing that I am wholly jealous off sir :P

Alrighty I'm all caught up and need a new chapter

I'm really anxious to see how that teleporter plays out later, and even more curious to how they turn the town. Good shit bro

Y'know, I really should read this.

As always, both well-written and very adorable.  The mood whiplash isn't as strong as it had been in earlier episodes... it's turning into a more humorous (and ambiguously gay) story.

But I have a comment...

His legs locked up and blood rushed to his face.

When I'm kissed like that, blood doesn't rush to my FACE...

Gay?

Image: http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=fluttershy+you+mad&hl=en&biw=1280&bih=581&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=OohDBkoCDeE_bM:&imgrefurl=http://mylittlefacewhen.com/f/622/&docid=_PotVCxjjEpwhM&imgurl=http://mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/130522894783.jpg&w=600&h=549&ei=AxjjTun4HNC78gP0zYyLBA&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=438&sig=112713419585927547752&page=1&tbnh=115&tbnw=127&start=0&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=75&ty=89