Ponies Love Katamari!

by Sib

Cosmic Love!

We were bored.

Simply put, that is. In truth, we were both bored, hungry, and in need of sleep. Lounging in an endless vacuum of space tends to make one rather peckish for treats and the like.

Usually, when a King wants something, they simply snap their fingers and voila! There's a lowly little servant ready to take their order, usually a saucy maid or a nameless lad.

Curiously, we raised our hand and attempted to snap our fingers. It was a futile effort, considering that we were wearing gloves. We hid a grimace and lowered our hand to the side of our throne.

Sitting upon our slender knee was our son, our little Prince. He stared up at us with wide, vacant eyes, his mouth ajar in question as he swung his legs to and fro.

"Are you bored too, Prince?" we asked casually.

He placed a hand to his chin (well, where a human might expect a chin to be on our people) and seemed to think. After a little while, he turned to us and nodded slowly.

"Good. So it is not just us."

We sat in silence, our eyes trailing across the expanse of space. A comet here, a nebula there, all of the landscape seemed to be performing for our eyes alone.

A noble effort, but a fruitless one all the same. We could never be entertained by silly light shows.

We felt a slight tickling upon our knee, and we looked down to find our Prince stumbling to his feet, his arms flailing up and down to grab our attention.

"Hm? What is it?"

His antenna crackled with static in his excitement, and he bent over to mime a rolling motion with his hands.

"Oh! You want to roll up a katamari, then?"

He turned to us and nodded wildly.

We put a hand to our chin. "But what sort of katamari? Tasty? Flowery? Educational?" The possibilities were endless!

Before us lay a tapestry of stars, all with their own little worlds and knickknacks that were simply begging to be taken up. "What about Earth? That's always a nice chaotic place. Good variety." We rubbed our chiseled stubble as we mumbled to ourselves, our eyes trailing back to the Prince. "What do you think, Prince? You'll be the one to roll in it, of course."

The Prince narrowed his eyes and placed a hand to his mouth in a bored yawn.

Needless to say, we were shocked. "Why, Prince!" we cried. "Have some respect for our fans! You know well that most of our audience comes from there. At least give their planet the admiration they deserve for being so junky."

Startled by our outburst, our little Prince jumped up and bowed slightly, a few droplets of sweat streaming down his face.

We would have smiled had our facial muscles allowed for it. "That's much better. We would have sent one of your cousins had you kept up with such an outlandish opinion!" As baffled as we were, we could not help but raise out a massive hand to gently pat the Prince's head.

It's hard to be fatherly sometimes. After all, what are we to do that equals 'bonding' in space? We can't play baseball like normal dads and sons do. That would be silly. And impractical. Our Prince would never be able to match up with our superior prowess.

Our sweat could also stain the sky's polished finish too, and that would just be icky considering how sweaty it already is.

A loud 'boom' interrupted us from our thoughts, and we looked up to find a peculiar object racing towards us. It was a small sized thing, hardly fitting for a katamari, yet roundish in a sort of appealing way that we cannot quite describe, even now.

We'll simply spoil it right now and tell you that there was a cute little pony inside this thing, like an Easter egg filled with delicious candy.

And so, the little Easter egg thing came spiraling down to land square at our polished shoes. With a jump of fright, our Prince jumped up and scuttled up our arm to hide upon our shoulder.

For a few moments, the object sat there, as if it were sizing us up. It was opaque, yet pinkish on the outlines. Quite a jarring combination. we will admit that we were a little unnerved when the color began to drain from the object's surface, revealing it's contents.

Have you ever had a hamster? If you had or have one, then you know what a hamster ball looks like. You put your hamster in there and it rolls around and around. It's like a katamari, but it isn't. It's like a hamster cosplaying as one.

Except there wasn't a hamster in the ball. There was a little pony instead, colored baby blue with a mane and tail all the colors of the rainbow.

We rather like rainbows, so needless to say its vibrant colors made us jealous (don't tell anyone!).

The pony stumbled about in it's little ball for a second, its eyes fluttering as it unfurled its feathery wings. It spread its legs to gather up its balance, then looked up.

By now, the Prince had gained back what little courage he had to slide down our arm to get a closer look, yet our attention was focused on the pony, the little equine with wings. We think humans call such things 'pegasuses' but we like 'pony' just fine.

"You're a pony, yes?" we asked. "Albeit a very wonky looking one..."

"Wonky?!" the pony cried, it's nostrils flaring in a kind of adorable anger. "Why I oughta... You don't treat an ambassador like that!"

We raised a hand to scratch our chin. "An ambassador of the pony people? How curious..."

The pony winced, its hamster ball teetering as it tried to find a balance. "I dunno what people are, mister, but I do know that you look pretty fishy..." Its eyes narrowed. "Fruity, too."

"How can one be fishy and fruity?" We pondered, reaching out to grab the pony's ball as we did so. The little pony yelped in protest, but we were quite gentle as we held it in our palm. "To be fishy is to be a fish, but to be fruity is to smell fabulous. Are you implying that we are a fabulous fish?"

"I... what?" the pony stammered, eyes wide as it regarded our visage open-mouthed. "No, no... Look, maybe you can help me with something. Can you do that?" it asked.

"Oh!" It all made perfect sense now! We carefully cradled the hamster ball in our hands. "You should have mentioned earlier that you were a fan, pony. We can help you a lot faster if you just cut to the chase, you know?" We nodded knowingly.

"I'm just gonna stop asking questions then," the pony huffed and waved its little hoof in frustration. “seeing as how you make like, no sense...”

The Prince clambered down onto our hand with some difficulty, his arms waving about to get a sense of balance as he brought his hands against the pink hamster ball. The poor thing probably stupidly thought that the thing was a katamari for him to roll.

We ignored him for now, our eyes locked to the pony’s. “What brings you here, pony fan?”

The pony ignored our remark and twisted itself around to pull out a little scroll from underneath its wing. With a dramatic flourish, it unfurled it. Clearing its throat, it read "Ahem, 'To has come to my attention that there have been several disturbances with my sun, namely that I've witnessed various chunks of debris flying into it and throwing it out of balance. This would be grievous enough had I not noticed it being carried off by...'" The pony's eyes narrowed and drew closer to the page. "'...a tall, flamboyant man with cylindrical tumors on the sides of his head.'"

"Flamboyant? We do not know what this word means," we said, scratching our shaved goatee. "Does it imply that we are a buoyant flam? If so, then that message is grossly accusing. We don't aquatically rip off fans. We merely get them to waste money."

Sighing, the pony rolled up its little scroll and shot us an adorable little glare. "So you're pretty much admitting that it was you who did i-whoa!"

It fell backwards, its wings flailing as our Prince began to roll the pink ball around our feet. We had never seen our heir so delighted with a faux katamari. Perhaps it's because, like ourselves, he likes colorful ponies too.

The pony flapped its wings and painstakingly kept in pace with the ball's rolling. She looked looked up at us. "Can't you tell it to stop?"

"That 'it' is the Prince of all Cosmos, little pony, and you should be grateful. You've been promoted!" We rewarded it with a modest golf clap. "Do you like rolling?"

"I think I'm gonna throw up..."

"That's the spirit!" We cried. A new life seemed to surge within us, a new opportunity had risen its divine head and we knew, we knew just what needed to be done. As gently as we were able, we plucked up the pony's hamster ball between two fingers (along with our Prince, of course).

Beyond that vast nebula laid a new world untouched by any stray katamari, the pony kingdom. No doubt it was quite peaceful if a few accidental sun rollings were enough to get it in a tizzy. The possibilities for fun were just endless!

The Prince seemed to sense our own excitement, and his little body shivered with the events to come. The pony shivered as well, no doubt as equally as excited as we were. We were quite glad that she finally understood our intentions.

We pulled our hand back and threw. Hard. As the pink hamster ball flew away, the Prince waved his hand.

A new adventure awaited. Well... a new game, really. But all adventures are games in their own ways. It's just that this adventure is special since you have to go to a 'game store' to get it, and we're deeply sorry for that.

Comments

[wubstep pony]

THIS.

[TheBigBob]

I look forward to the inevitable conversation between The King of All Cosmos and Princess Luna. Royal "we", indeed.

[Regidar]

i.imgur.com/NHuJ8.gif

[xenobrony]

ACIVATING ROYAL CAPS--LOCK: fINALLY A KATAMARI CROSSOVE

[thewaffler]

Katamari Damacy, best 20 dollars I ever spent on a new game. Yeah, it was a budget game at the time and it got popular only by word of mouth and "dude, you gotta try this weird game, that's like acid without the acid." Then you hear the story, is that god gets drunk and smashes the stars with his car and because he is the worst/most douchy father ever, to fix his mistakes he sends his son to Earth to roll people up and burn them alive so that they become stars.Oh and god pukes fucking rainbows and there are creepy Japanese children that say stuff. After that you realize you aren't high.

"To be fishy is to be a fish, but to be fruity is to smell fabulous. Are you implying that we are a fabulous fish?"

Obviously, he unaware of Kanye West and the question of whether or not he likes fish sticks.

"'...a tall, flamboyant man with cylindrical tumors on the sides of his head.'"

"Flamboyant? We do not know what this word means," we said, scratching our shaved goatee.

Rainbow should have facehooved and replied, "a queer wearing the Pringles tubes on his head and purple banana hammock."

[MyLittleBurger]

Ah katamari how you let the weirdness of Japan invade my soul when playing games that include you....

[Rainbow87dash]

I wander what RD's feeling while being flung through space in a ball
Yeah theres probably a lot of Vomit

[Katamariguy]

(Read: *record scratches*)