• Member Since 11th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2016

Nazkan


T

When the ponies woke up the next day to begin their daily work, something was amiss. Twilight Sparkle, resident librarian and pupil to Princess Celestia, was missing, leaving only a heavy tome unopened on her desk. The library showed signs of struggles; burn marks and soot lining the inside of the room. The only witness to the crime was Spike, the librarian's assistant. A scroll was sent to Celestia immediately, detailing what he'd heard.
"I screwed up Twilight, I'm sorry. I don't want to have to drag you into this, but I have no choice."

What followed would forever go down in Equestrian history as the longest night of self discovery, general nonsense, diplomatic relations, more general nonsense, changeling culture, debate on morals and beliefs and general nonsense that the world had ever seen.
And don't get me started on all the nonsense.

Now heavily edited.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )
Comment posted by Nazkan deleted Dec 12th, 2012

nonsense, lots of it :pinkiehappy:

well


it was interesting

Indent new paragraphs to make it more readable please.

Chrysalis shrugged. "What fun is there in making sen...oh wait, that's not me. Stupid questions again, Twilight, I'll explain later, now hurry up!"

Silly Chrysalis :unsuresweetie:

1944950
Huh, didn't know you could do that. Anyway, paragraphs are now indented.

Chrysalis was physically shaking as she stepped forward. "Right, keep me covered."
"What with?" Twilight asked.
"Just...keep me covered." Chrysalis repeated, shrugging slightly.
Facing forward again, Twilight barely managed to avoid Chrysalis flying back into her. A large rock hide her from the view of the cave. She didn't even let a single wing show. "Too late!"
"What?" Twilight asked, breathing faster. What was going on? Was the Slax coming back, or was it something more dangerous? Twilight took a position next to Chrysalis, poking her head out the side to see what was approaching.
"There he is!"
Visions of monsters flashed into Twilight's head. She imagined giant beasts of shadows, twisting their way towards her; ponies of evil, left unchecked for centuries; imagined indescribable beasts from her books, like the dreaded Jabberwocky, or a terrifying bald monkey!
A loud thumping resonated from the caves and the changelings not rendered unconscious tried to inch away. Too slow, as the beast already reached the entrance, stepping a foot into the shadows of the night.
And it was adorable.
A tiny pile of blue goo, barely bigger than Twilight's hoof rolled out of the cave, leaving a thin trail of goop as it did. The thing stopped when the moon hit it, turning it a translucent cyan. It's skin rippled and sparkled as it looked around, despite the fact that it lacked the eyes to do so. Content that it was alone, the thing gave a small yawn and fell backwards, basking in the moonlight.
The wind dug into Twilight as she continued to stare at the tiny pile of sludge. This couldn't be it, right? Of course this wasn't it, there must have been something bigger and more intimidating around. Slowly and taking extra care not to alert the creature, Twilight turned to Chrysalis. "Where?"
Chrysalis simply pointed, not bothering to poke her head out from behind the rocks. "There!"
"What, behind the goo?"
"No, it is the goo. That's Slax!"
The wires in Twilight's brain fired up again, struggling to comprehend what Chrysalis was trying to tell her. It took its sweet time, mainly because Twilight didn't want to believe it, but when a conclusion was reached, a wave of annoyance washed over her. "You silly sod, you got me all worked up."
Chrysalis back peddled, "That's no ordinary pile of goop! It's the meanest, most foul tempered, cruel and bad sludge you've ever laid eyes on." Chrysalis pointed at it again, "Look, that ooze has got a mean streak a mile wild, it's a killer!"
Twilight sighed. "Right, enough of the blatant joking, I'm going to go chop its head off. Then you're taking me home."
A holey hoof wrapped itself around Twilight, glueing her to ground. "I'm warning you, it's a killer. It can use magic to...no wait, it can't. Well, it can run at about sixty...no it can't do that either. Look at bodies!"

Now this paragraph sounds familiar...
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nvs5pqf-DMA]

1949282
I know, it's almost as if it was copied word for word. What an absolutely unexpected coincidence that, halfway through this story, right between the tasteful sex joke about Chrysalis, the reference to Gordon Frohman, the reference to both Doctor Who and overly long sports analogies, Gak, Castlevania and Edgar Allen Poes 'The Raven,' that there would be a remarkably similar transcript to the famous Monty Python skit 'killer rabbit,' from the popular movie 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail.'
It's almost as if the author put it there on purpose, but that's ridiculous, I know the guy, he wouldn't do something like that. He's a cool author, like that one who wrote 'oh shit mate, what are you doing?'
If I didn't know any better, I'd say that the author even knew he was ripping off the skit, thus including the extra line of 'enough blatent joking,' due to the fact that the entire paragraph was blantly stolen.
Just utterly ridiculous.

1951288 1949282 I've seen that rabbit before! I think his name is Angel. :fluttershysad:

Glad I finally got around to reading this.

I present: the longest chapter in history!!

For some reason, i kept expecting twilight to be turned into a changeling while reading this XD

huh... soooo, the little shaking container was just a mean fear prank? XD

Huh, that was interesting. So, did Chryssie survive, or is it simply that there are no new queens and she is simply reborn into a new body time after time?

And what was in that tune?

Laughed a lot reading this, cried when Chryssie wad seemingly dying. Aside of spelling errors here and there, good job.

Cya
Raziel-chan

Man, I don't like massive chapters like this, since there's too much to comment on. If you ever re-read your own work, consider opening this up in the edit window when you do, since I catch a massive amount of spelling mistakes or missing words.

Other than that, it was an enjoyable read, though I did get lost a few times with the character actions and where they were moving, such as Chrysalis and Twilight going deeper into the hive, where I got a sense of ennui where I felt like they were moving, but since their environment was still an underground hive, they weren't actually going anywhere in a metaphoric sense. That's about as good a metaphor as some of the metaphors in this story.

I see Luna and Celestia both like to poke fun at each other, given the names they gave their airships.

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