The sun had almost set as I followed Duster down the street. He hadn’t said much, and neither did I. Any questions I kept to myself.
I heard the clock tower on the next block over begin to chime seven. It was the time that I would normally be getting off work. Speaking of, in just another few minutes, Duster led me straight to the shop.
Inside, only Bend waited for us. Sawtooth and Bucket must have already gone home. The door opened and a couple of ponies came in, one of them pulling a cart. There was something in it, wrapped up with a sheet. As I watched, the bundle was lifted out of the cart and unraveled to reveal Steelie with a gag in his mouth and ropes binding his legs. I gulped.
“I thought you might want to see him,” said Duster.
“After he tried to kill you and then didn’t have the nerve to show up to work the next day,” added Bend.
Duster nodded. “We tracked him down. Maybe you want to pay him back?”
The other ponies stepped away, leaving me standing beside the bound stallion. Several realizations exploded into my brain all at once. Apparently, it had been Steelie that attacked Octavia and I. Also, Duster, Bend, and the others wanted me to have revenge for that.
My stomach and jaw clenched painfully, and my throat didn’t want to swallow. I looked around anxiously. Bend said, “What are you waiting on? We can power up some machines to cover the noise, if you want.”
Duster asked, “Can I get you something? A hammer? A saw?”
They wanted me to kill him. I had another sudden flashback from crime dramas I’d seen, realizing that ending Steelie’s life would prove that I wasn’t with the police.
Could I say no? What would happen if I did? Would they murder Steelie anyway? I had no idea what the metalworking pony had against me, but I didn’t feel enough hatred to want him to be killed. I knew I didn’t have the guts to do it myself. If there some way out of this, I was struggling to see it.
“Well?” asked Duster.
I swallowed hard, a tiny inkling of a plan coming to me. “Untie him.”
The pony who had pulled the cart in actually took a step backwards in surprise. “What for?”
“It’s more sporting this way.” I looked around. Making up lies on the spot was not my strong suit. Both Duster and Bend had sharp tools within easy reach. Whether they meant them for Steelie or me, the two of them were prepared to take care of things if I couldn’t get the situation under control. The plan in my mind was still developing, and I prayed it would work.
Steelie got up, rubbing the places where the ropes had cut into his skin. The gag had been removed, but he looked too surprised and nervous to say anything. I was feeling that way, myself.
“You have a five second head start,” I said to him, barely managing to keep my voice level. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep up the charade. Only Steelie was staring directly into my eyes, and he was the only one who might see the hesitation that had to be written on my face. I began tapping a hoof on the floor. One Mississippi, two Mississippi…
Steelie bolted out the door, not stopping to close it behind him. I crouched, spreading my wings and still counting in my head. From the corner of my eye, I could see Bend and Duster watching me, looking somewhat puzzled.
On five I darted out of the building. After a moment’s pause to locate the sound of Steelie’s running hooves, I took off after him. Behind me there came the sound of more hooves following. I cursed to myself. My plan depended on getting Steelie alone.
From the air, I didn’t have to work very hard to catch up. Maybe I should have given a larger head start. I swooped down into the street, rapidly gaining on Steelie. I was going to try to make some kind of deal with him. Maybe I could get him to play dead and then leave Canterlot.
I didn’t have a solid plan, but I was desperate. As I drew even with Steelie, I opened my mouth to say something. Hi there, I don’t actually want to kill you…
…but never got the chance as he darted away down an alley. I pulled up hard, tracing a vertical half circle that put me high above the buildings but still in roughly the same area. I’m sure pilots had a name for the maneuver, but had no time to think about it as I banked in the direction Steelie had gone and dove after him again.
He looked back at me as he ran. I began bleeding off some speed so I could pull up beside him and not overshoot. Not paying attention to what was ahead of him, Steelie stumbled on the sidewalk at the alley’s end and tripped head over heels. He flew through a plate glass window of a shop that faced the mouth of the alley.
I hit the ground with so much residual speed that I almost tripped as well. Skidding to a halt in front of the broken window, my mouth dropped open at the sight of what lay beyond.
There were shards of glass everywhere. A disturbing number of them were stuck in Steelie’s body. He unsteadily rose off the floor, blood dripping from his face, neck, and chest. I heard hoofbeats as the crowd that followed me from the shop came running up. They gathered around my position in the street, following my stare to the wounded stallion.
“Are you going to finish him?” asked Duster.
In shock, I still hadn’t managed to fully grasp the situation. I shook my head. “No.”
Steelie stared at us, a desperate look in his eyes. His heart was pumping furiously after the chase. The gash in his throat let blood flow freely. It ran in rivulets beneath him, the pool slowly spreading. Seconds passed, and his knees began to twitch. He shuddered and then fell, throwing up a little splash.
It seemed like I couldn’t breathe. My extremities felt numb. I blinked, and slowly turned my head away from the scene.
“Did you get any blood on you?” asked Duster. I shook my head, too shocked to speak.
“Good, nopony will know we were here. Let’s go.” I took hesitant steps, letting him lead me away. Our pace was a brisk walk, trying not to look too suspicious.
I noticed Bend wasn’t there, and figured that he’d stayed at the shop. The gold chains around Duster’s neck jangled a little as we trotted. I glanced at him. The look on his face was some mixture of surprise and mild astonishment. I didn’t know what he wanted with me now, but I took it as a good sign that he seemed pleased.
I swallowed and tried to think ahead, making only a little headway at getting Steelie’s battered body out of my mind. This was not at all the situation I wanted to be in, and it would take quite a bit more planning to get me out of it. I needed a little information, though. “Where are we going?”
“Ever heard of Magnifique?” Duster rolled his eyes as he pronounced the name. I was a little disturbed at how quickly he shrugged off death. “It’s a restaurant owned by some griffon. The food’s pretty good, although you have to be careful what you order.”
In a few minutes, we came to a place that looked fancy, even to my untrained eyes. Duster told his accomplices to wait outside and ushered me through the door.
A good portion of the crowd inside was composed of griffons. I had seen a few of their species around Canterlot before. Duster took me over to a large round table with eight chairs around it. There were two open, and we sat down.
Six griffons of various colors looked up from a quiet discussion they were having. Duster nodded in greeting and gestured to me. “This is the guy I was telling you about.”
“You work fast,” commented the one sitting in the chair next to mine. I got the unpleasant feeling that he knew what Duster had me doing before coming to the restaurant.
“That he does,” said Duster. He took a moment to introduce me to the griffons. He called them “associates for doing business outside Equestria.” That sounded nicer and friendlier than what they actually did.
“So were you all planning this meeting tonight?” I asked.
Tally, the griffon who sat next to me, shrugged. “We knew Duster was coming. He said he might bring a friend.”
It sounded like Duster had been unsure if I would be attending dinner. I wondered what would have been done with me if I had outright refused to hurt Steelie or Duster thought I let him escape. No, think happy thoughts instead.
“So tell me about yourself,” said Tally, who seemed to be the most talkative.
“Not much to talk about,” I said quietly.
He nodded as if that explained everything. He probably got that answer a lot. His eyes shifted to a spot over my shoulder. “Ah, lovely.”
A griffon waiter leaned between us and set a plate in front of Tally, and moved down the table distributing more food. The aroma was something I hadn’t smelled since arriving in Equestria.
I couldn’t help but ask, “Is that pork?”
Tally looked surprised. “It sure is. The chef around here does a good job with it.”
“I haven’t had any barbecue for a while.” Bad mouth! Stop speaking before I think!
The griffon wore an amused look. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a pony hungry for pig.”
Not wanting to put my foot—er, hoof—any deeper in my mouth, I nervously shrugged and said nothing.
“It’s really good at this restaurant,” said Tally, picking up a knife and fork with his talons and slicing off a little bit of his pork chop. He dropped it on a napkin in front of me.
I stared at the small piece of meat. I wasn’t sure if he was testing me to see if I was lying about eating meat, or just trying to be friendly by sharing. Either way, it did smell great, so I leaned forward and picked it up with my lips.
The flavor was excellent, and it was tender enough that my flat pony teeth had no trouble chewing it. I doubted that a small bite would mess with my digestion.
“It’s good,” I said after swallowing. “Tastes like oregano and red pepper. Maybe some garlic. It’s salted just right, too.”
“It almost sounds like you’re a connoisseur,” noted Tally.
I laughed. “Not really. I can usually be satisfied with a decent hamburger.”
“Hamburger?”
“You know, ground beef?”
All of the griffons looked surprised. Duster’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. It was then that I remembered something I read in a library book—in Equestria, cows were equal citizens. Dammit, mouth!
Before I could chuckle nervously and pass it off as a joke, one of the griffons did it for me. All of us relaxed a little. Duster got up from the table suddenly, seeming somewhat perturbed. “I’ll leave you gents to get acquainted.”
He glanced across my face without really looking at me and turned to go. Tally leaned over to my ear as Duster went out the door. “A word of advice, maybe don’t play pranks like that on your boss. It can be bad for business.”
I nodded. “I’ll try to remember that. Speaking of business, what sort of partnership do you have with Duster?”
“He handles things in Canterlot and a couple of surrounding towns, and we handle things over in Gryphos.”
I nodded, conversationally adding, “Maybe I’ll have to visit your country someday.”
“It’s a good place to do business,” said Tally. “Say, do you want to stay for dinner and talk about it?”
“I can’t, actually. I had other plans.” Despite the relatively friendly dialogue, the last thing I wanted to do was spend any more time with criminals, griffon or otherwise. I’d had more than enough of that tonight, thank you very much.
I got up. Tally said, “Don’t be a stranger. We’re having a card game this weekend.”
I nodded noncommittally and said goodbye. Outside the restaurant, I breathed a sigh of relief. It only helped me relax a little. I decided that a nice peaceful flight back to my place would help.
I had only glided a few blocks over the streets before I noticed a familiar stallion hurrying along below me. After pausing for a long moment, I dropped low to the roof beneath me and crouched there, watching.
Duster clearly had a destination in mind, and it was back in the direction I was going so I decided to follow him. I thought that maybe knowing a little more about his business might help me make plans. Much to my growing horror, I was becoming committed to this little enterprise. The only thing I could do to get out was keep my eyes open and grasp at any straws I could.
After several minutes Duster ended up back at the shop. I noticed that the lights were still on. He opened the door and went in.
I landed carefully on the roof near the skylight. Glancing down through it, I saw Duster talking to Bend. Carefully peeling away the caulk I had applied the other day, I lifted the pane of glass enough to hear what was going on below.
“Did you know that you hired a psychopath?” growled Duster.
Bend’s brow furrowed. “What are you talking about?”
“Miller.”
“I take it he offed Steelie?” asked Bend.
“Yes he did, but—”
“It’s kind of a shame, really. It was Steelie that thought Miller wasn’t the right kind of pony. I told him to do something about it, then. When he screwed up the first attempt, I figured that maybe we could use him to find out where Miller stood. Sounds like it’s out with the old guy, in with the new.”
Duster shook his head. “After he gave Steelie a head start to be ‘sporting,’ he tossed him through a window and watched him bleed to death.”
Bend considered that. “Does he have any experience with that?”
“I have no idea. He seems…efficient.”
Bend chuckled. “Funny, that’s how I would describe his work around here, too. You still haven’t told me why he’s crazy.”
“He doesn’t want money,” Duster stated flatly. Bend’s ears pricked up.
“Well, that is strange,” observed the shop owner.
“He actually tried to refuse when I gave him some,” put in Duster. “I visited that little apartment of his, and it’s got nothing in it. He doesn’t even own a bed.”
“Maybe he’s ideological,” suggested Bend.
“I doubt it. He’s just plain creepy. His body language, especially in the ears, is strange. It’s like his emotions don’t show at all. That’s not the worst part, though. He eats meat just like a griffon. I watched him do it tonight when we met with Tally and his friends.”
Bend thought silently for several seconds before shrugging. “Well, just stay on his good side.”
Duster snorted in consternation and headed for the door. I quietly lowered the glass and took to the air. It was a little hard to concentrate on flying back to my apartment with so much new information on my mind.
I was suddenly shifted to other thoughts by running into Octavia as I landed on the sidewalk outside the apartment building.
“Sorry!” I quickly grasped her hoof and helped her up. “I didn’t expect you to open the door when you did.”
Her eyes were wide, and not from unexpectedly meeting me. She pulled me through the door. “Miller, I’m so glad to see you! You have to help me get Ms. Scratch to the hospital.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked the two of us headed for Vinyl’s apartment.
“I decided to open her door to check on things, and I found her passed out. There was white powder everywhere.”
“Well...” I started, trailing off. I tried to think of something appropriate to say, but how do you reply to something like that? I consoled myself that at least Vinyl was better off than somepony I knew.
Oh damn shit getting real! Can't wait for more!
not first.
kool story, keep up the good work
THE WHITE POWDER! THE WHITE F*$%ING POWDER!
I thought I had a pretty good day today, that is until I read this chapter. I then realized today wasn't good, it was legen-wait for it-dary. Congrats for making my day.
HAH.
I KNEW IT. Vinyl you druggie! And Miller's series of lies was pretty stupendous for a complete noob to the business, but I guess his genre-savvy was helpful?
However, the chapter felt a BIT too much like a whirlwind and less settled as a literary work. It's not BAD, it's just that everything feels like it's been tossed three inches into the air and hasn't quite landed yet. I was expecting a *THUD* as all the pieces slid into place and Miller figured out what exactly he was dealing with. I can see why you'd want to stretch it out a bit, but I feel like the pacing you have going naturally slides into REVEAL right here. Stories are organic, after all.
First off, I feel like miller is the perfect mixture of Walter white/heisenburge from breaking bad and the joker from the dark knight. Think about it, he's already interacting with the criminal lords who run the drug trade, he's seen as a psychopath, and he's kind of fitting the bill for what alread call 'someone who just wants to watch the world burn'. Now while I know he isn't like that, since he is from our world. He could copy every brilliant menuver ever thought up in history or in movies. The Trojan horse, the taking or Rome, the jokers bank robbery, the valentines day massacre, or even banes plane robbery only with airships. The possibilitys are endless! Keep goin and stay golden^^
fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=1979&join
things are really getting interesting. Darn those cliff-hangers, now I just want more!
Or rather... Darn those inconclusive chapter endings, now I just want more! Because after all, he isn't really hanging off a cliff.
This is exactly how I think a ponified human would be seen in Equestria.
From his diet to his cold-like human body language and even his unintentionally efficient combat style (when he and Octavia were first attacked.)...
Yeah...
I'd be absolutely painted as a psychopath once I got to the griffin restaurant.
The smell of actual, cooked meat would just get me talking like you wouldn't believe.
"I would murder for a good steak."
"Steak?"
"A cut of beef, you got your porterhouse, new york strip, t-bone-"
-Fifteen minutes later-
"-and that's how you could a steak the right way."
"..."
*crickets chirping*
-edit-
Also, mobster griffins, I can't imagine how this could get better.
1742024 It works better if you don't try to embed it as a picture. Also, malicious trolling.
Well huh.
This is getting good.
They think they hired a psycotic and emotionless killer that is a canibal...
Shit just can't get any worse.
Fuck, I just jinxed it, didn't I?
1742086
I like where this is heading.
Not too surprised. Of course she would be the one to OD.
Heh, looks to me like our Miller is going to end up with an image as a stonecold killer, the most feared pony in all of Equestria. Hehe, maybe he will end up with the nickname 'Miller the Killer'.
Heh, Duster has no idea what he's got organized crime into. Awesome chapter.
1742062
Yes!! "malicious trolling"
Oh great author of this story! Make Miller in the eyes of ponies a cold blood killer.
Make him the Mr. Black of Equeastria,
For those who don't get the reference. Make a Wish by Rorschach's Blot on Fanfiction.net.
Funny as hell but it's slow to get going.
1742218
And Vinyl's gonna end up as an Untouchable thanks to him. Then they'll have spaghetti together for dinner and be all like, "can you believe they think I'm a cold-blooded killer?" "I know! Can you believe every criminal in the city is afraid of me just because we're friends?" "Lulz" "Lawlz"
True story.
So now they think Miller's the crazy guy (can't remember the name) from Wiseguy? Rad. Fucking rad.
BLAAAAAARRRRGGG
CLIFF HANGERS!
THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE!!
damn good writing!
huh... everywhere... sounds fishy.
>Miller spaghetti'd
>Scares shit out of drug lord
Oh god, is Miller going to become a high-profile criminal by pure accident?
This was the chapter that delivers on the pickup line! Wooo!
Equestria is so racist against pigs.
A quote attributed to Otto von Bismarck comes to mind for some reason:
"To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making."
(Look into the convoluted history of that translated quote if you dare.)
Vinyl, this is why you let Miller do the cooking. You obviously tried to put way too much salt in the pot!
I like this, it's got sort of a Resevoir Dogs feel to it; the bits where they all politely don't say anything about what they really do is well done as well, feels more realistic I would think then you usually see in crime dramas.
This is a generally positive comment with some obvious improvement recommendations.
Now lets see if he plays along to all this or tries to get out and sabotage the operations.
My old favorite stories don't update anymore. Even if they did, this would still the be my favorite on the site.
It had to be done...
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Wow, talk about action! I've gotta say, I enjoyed this one- however, like a few people mentioned, this did come off as somewhat rushed. There was a lot here, and I don't know if all of it was covered satisfactorily. Steelie's death was what stuck out to me the most, because it seemed like it would be a major event, and then it was just glossed over by the rest of the chapter, especially that deal with Vinyl at the end. You should probably limit yourself to one major event per chapter, just to avoid desensitizing your audience to the dramatic moments.
That dinner scene was hilarious, though. It's even better than when we talked about it.
Excuse me while I go grill some porkchops, you've managed to make me hungry
1742218
Miller the killer
saw a thriller
it got him to think
and with a mischievous wink
he brougth his own distiller
He set out to create
a drink for his mate
that would blow her mind
out of her behind
though when that happened he felt faint
It was not his plan
to get his ass thrown in a can
so he came up with a way
and tougth up what to say
to the confused guard at the slam.
"See officer, im not of this world
and i never wanted to hurt the girl
and i never knew
you should not give a brew
to a unicorn who is bold
and coming down with a cold"
Id imagine Miller becoming a sort of bogeymare like Jack the Ripper, with whimsical poems spreading through the town about his misadventures, simply because its impossible to read "Miller the killer" without starting to rhyme.
Also, this became my favourite story on this site now.
Curse you smelling salts, CURSE YOU!!!!
1745695 I'm actually planning to play this up later.
Found this not too long after reading chapter 7. Wondering how tense Vinyl felt. Unicorn OD?
id laugh now miller started talking about big mac's
1745695
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1021_Rainbow_Dash_says_youre_awesome.gif
I see what you did there.
I can't wait to see how this turns out. Maybe if Miller becomes a full fledged mob boss, Spangle will actually be willing to see him. But by then it'll be too late Also, I imagine Gold Duster as being identical to Hoity Toity but with a difference color scheme.
I wish I could make love to your ability to write extremely well. I don't know how that would work, but I'm sure it would cover a wide range of awesome.
1777339 Um, well, as long as you aren't making love to me.
1778268
Not you, your intangible writing skills. They 'pique my interest', as it were.
NOOO! No drugs for Vinyl
I read 7 chapters so far and this is getting better and better. It's an especially pleasant surprise considering that the story starts with a guy inexplicably waking up in Equestria as a pegasus, which isn't the kind of beginning that makes one expect high quality writing.
I think you should add a dark tag. Someone's going to come here looking for light-hearted comedy and they'll end up mildly traumatized.
At first I wasn't sure, but I moved on to chapter 2. Then I was interested, but not fully invested. Then this chapter. Sweet Celestia this is fantastic. The things you mention, details really, that lesser writers would completely miss, (emotional displays, meat knowledge, quirks of pony society, etc) and they way things are shaping up, this is positively incredible. Absolutely loving it.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!!
Because of his human mannerisms, the drug ponies think he is a cold-blooded psycho. I find that both disturbing and hilarious .
This chapter makes me happy.
Well done author person. Well done.
Oh my god, this chapter is hilarious, yet worrying. This story takes itself seriously enough where I'm actually nervous for him.
Why?
Actually... i could ask that question to everything that happens. Motive is really lacking...
4940845
One thing that struck me as funny is how he firstly punched Steely instead of bucking, which sent him away, and Octavia asked whether he took lessons. So for a pony, their first instinct is to go for the buck instead of a punch, and it's a really well-hidden nod on his human instincts.