Experiments
The sound of tapping alerted the slightly drowsy marine. He looked around to see nothing, yet the tapping grew closer. Closer. Closer. He looked up, and sure enough, a little skulk was watching over him, ready to pounce. He quickly whipped out his pistol, and pumped a few rounds in to it.
Not even phased.
"Damned budget CUTS!" He screamed before receiving a face full of teeth.
Respawning.
"Ugh... Jenkins, get down there and kill that Skulk before it wrecks the power. Its already at 85%." A voice echoed through the team's helmets.
"On it boss." Jenkins replied. "I'll grab a shotgun and go."
"And you... What is it? Private Brave-something?"
"I-It's Briavary.. Sir." The marine replied. "But just call me John.."
"That's a no-go private. What do you think this is? The boot camp cafeteria?" The commander replied. "We go by ranks and last name by law, or were you sick during those Ten years of training?"
"Uhm.. No sir.."
"Then go and help reinforce that power core that you Could Have protected."
"y-yes sir.." John gulped. It was his first deployment, and due to his scores on the written test, he was put on the front lines. "IT WAS JUST SO EASY!" He thought to himself.
"PRIVATE!"
A stern yell awoke him from his day dreaming. "O-ON IT SIR!"
"What a good start. Fan-FUCKING-tastic." John thought to himself. The first alien he sees, and it kicks his ass. Royally. "This is gonna be a good day. I know it." He joked to himself aloud. At least, he had some people to help him. A full squad of the finest soldiers in the Frontiersmen's armada. Too bad they were mostly judged by their boot camp test scores.
"Ya gonna let a Skulk show you out?"
John jumped in surprise. "Don't freaking do that man. Nearly crapped myself.."
"Wouldn't have surprised me."
It was wolf, the seinor combat officer.
"So, Rex out to get you?"
"Yeah.. It's probably nothing though. I'll be fine." John replied.
"You sure aren't acting like it." Wolf retorted.
"I know what's happening here.. I'm not gonna play this game man.." John snapped slightly.
"Woah, sorry. Toutch-y! It's gonna be fine. The rookie always gets chewed out on their first day. It's just the cycle of life in the Frontiersmen.
This reassured John enough for him to continue with the task at hand. "Thanks.."
"Don't mention it. Really, don't tell Rex."
"Don't tell me what now?" A slightly prissy computerized voice came over their headsets.
"Nothing Rex, get back to commanding. I'll head to the east wing to scout." Wolf said, nodding at John.
John nodded back, and made his way to help Jenkins back at the barracks.
"Yo!" Jenkins called out to john, from his perch atop the sentry battery.
"Well, this wasn't here when that Skark-" John was cut off.
"Skulk." Jenkins quickly said.
"Whatever!" John said. "The point is, if those were there, I wouldn't have died! And might I add- It really hurt."
"We all know rookie... We have ALL died at least a hundred times before you..." Jenkins said flatly.
He then looked over to the damaged power core, fresh with Skulk chunks. "Well? Get to it."
John sighed, and walked over to do his assigned deeds.
I wonder how these things work... How did they become so vile? If they have been undisturbed for so long.." His thoughts were stopped by the power returning, and the lights blinking on.
"Hey Jenkins! I got the power back!"
"Yeah, I can see tha-" He stopped mid sentence, a look of horror upon his face.
"What's wrong?"
"JOHN, BEHIND YOU!"
John looked to his side, only to see a pair of bright yellow eyes staring him down, and then vanish.
"GAH! WHAT THE HELL?! OH GOD!" He snapped in panic, only to be slashed on the back. He turned around, his combat axe in hand. Swinging back, the only thing he killed was air. He heard a disturbance above him, and whipped out his assault rifle.
"I got you now bitch."
He readied his shot quickly, and pumped a clip in to the space above him. As a result, he heard a sharp screech, followed by a downpour of a wet, yellowish-red substance. Then the creature blinked again, this time, to an air vent.
"OH NO YOU DON'T!"
John grabbed the creature's leg, and was greeted with a squeal, he tore the creature out of the vent.
He threw his rifle to the side, and tackled the creature. He began to beat it senselessly. Right hook, left hook.
As John began to tire out, the creature began to melt away, the trump card of the Kharaa, the one thing preventing them from being countered. Every time a specimen was secured, it melted away soon after. It's a little difficult to do arms testing on a pile of organic goo.
John was pulled back by Jenkins, leaving him to inspect the damage himself.
"Jesus kid... What the fuck was that?! You just flipped out!" Jenkins blurted.
"I... I d-don't know... I'm just..." John Fell to the floor.
"Kid! What the hell...."
John had passed out. He would come too soon, but Jenkins felt it worthy to radio for backup.
"Yo, Rex, we need a team down here to collect John."
"Ugh, what did that idiot do this time?!" Rex replied, obviously irritated.
"Lets just say that the kid has a soldier in him.. Somewhere.."
Twilight Sparkle was trying to perfect the almighty potion. One that would out-do the innovations of Star Swirl the bearded, and them some. She was developing a way to allow any type of pony- Earth, or pegasus to teleport. She was gathering materials needed to make the brew, with help form other members of the mane six, namely Fluttershy and Pinkie.
"Here ya go!" Pinkie said happily.
Twililight was almost done, she just needed to have Fluttershy come back with the rest of the ingredients, and gather the others to help her test it. Before she could say anything to Pinkie, she heard a tapping on her door.
"U-um T-T-Twilight? I got the herbs you wanted..." Fluttershy softly stated.
"Good! Now bring them here. I'll start mixing them in. Now, Pinkie, I need you to-"
That's when she realized Pinkie, was indeed, gone. "Where did she.." Again, she was rudely cut off by another knocking at the door.
"Yo, Twi! Pinkie came and gathered us all up as soon as she could! What's the bug rush?" Rainbow said from behind the door.
"Well.. That was.. Odd... But helpful.." Twilight muttered to herself. "Well okay then, come in, I'm adding the final ingredients now."
"Ingredients for.. what exactly?" Rarity sniped.
"Glad you asked! it's for my newest potion.. It's supposed to help any type of pony teleport! Earth ponies, Pegasi, and even unicorns new to magic!" Twilight proudly proclaimed.
"But how n' tarnation is that suppose'd to work?" Applejack stated quizzically.
"By using a certain herbs and tomes, I have combined the very essence of the spell, pure magic, and some magical stimulants to allow anyone to preform the spell!... In theory.." Twilight said enthusiastically.
"Wait, what was that last part again?" Rainbow asked.
"Nothing! It was nothing of importance!" Twilight quickly replied, wiping a bead of sweat off of her forehead.
"Eeeeeeewwwwwww!" Pinkie screamed. "That. Is. One NASTY color! Let's make it nicer!"
Twilight had no idea what she was referring to, until she heard rustling behind her.
"P-P-PINKIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Twilight screamed.
Pinkie was adding every single spice, powder, and color she could find to the potion.
"OOH! And a little bit of piiiiink~ And some Bluuuuuee~ AH! And some Yeeellooooww~!" She was making the already bubbling concoction even more unstable. Steam began to rise from it.
"Alright... Nobody... move... a muscle..." Twilight muttered.
"How about this pretty flower!"
"It was if the world slowed down. In her hands, pinkie had a sample.. Of poison joke.
"NO!" was the last thing Twilight said before every member of the mane six vanished. In a single puff of smoke, it was if nothing happened at all.
"Hey twilight, I heard some screaming, what happened?" Spike said.
"...Twi?" They were gone. Welp, more free time for me.. I guess...
"Jenkins, Report."
"Fade sir. Fully armored and upgraded too, woulda been hard ta' kill with even a shotgun shot to the face."
"And you are trying to tell me that He took it on with an assault rifle and his fists?!" Rex said, in disbelief.
"Aye sir." Jenkins replied, monotone as ever.
"Well tell wolf and Ryans to scout the area out, weld the vents shut, and crush any cysts they find. Go with them."
"Yes sir.. And what' about John?"
"He will come to in a matter of seconds due to the stim, i'll brief him."
"Yes sir." Jenkins walked in to the nearest hallway, off to inform his colleagues of their new orders.
John was coming to. "Jesus... My god damn back..." He muttered to himself, as he scraped himself off his back.
He looked around. He was back at base. "Oh damn it, did I die AGAIN?!" He said aloud.
"Quite the opposite actually private."
"Who's- Oh. Its just you commander. Not much for s-showing your face, huh?"
Rex was wearing his state of the art commander helmet, it allowed him to issue minor orders outside of a command station. Such as build this, go here, buy that..
"It's mostly to help keep aware. Can't be too careful in an alien infest hellhole of a colony." Rex said.
"Well, now that you have regained conscience, build that warp gate, the network's almost complete. When it is, I want you to join Wolf and the others on their patrol."
"Yes sir." John replied. He began to weld, and repair the gate when it flared up. "Whoa.. That was fast..." He said to himself.
"Alright, who's coming through the portal?" Rex said.
"None of us are near a station sir..." Jenkins's voice piped up on the radio."
"B-team?" Rex inquired.
"Gaz here, me an' Ratch are at the forward sentry batteries.. The portal Isn't built yet over here."
"Then who the hell..." Rex was cut off as a burst of light came from the portal.
"JOHN, BACK AWAY!"
John complied and dove away, taking cover behind the weapons depot.
Rex ran back in to his command station just in time, as the portal flared.
Several thumps on the cold metallic floor followed, and sure enough, the portal stopped spazzing out.
John looked up from his cover, and took in the sight before him.
"John.. what's out there? The flares cut the command center's power. I can't see." Rex shouted from inside the metallic box.
"You'd better come out and see for yourself..."
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I was totally waiting for someone to make this crossover. Finally.
First off, you really need to state what you're crossing over with; I had to look it up.
Secondly, typos, typos everywhere!
Thirdly: When you finally add in the ponies, the typos get WORSE.
Twilight Sparkle, not Twilight sparkle. The almighty potion, not he. No matter how you spell Starswirl's name, it needa a capital letter. You want then some, not them-some. Any type of pony, not andy. Bad spacing around your hyphens; you probably want commas. From other members, not form. Mane Six should be capitalized. Fluttershy and Pinkie, not fluttershy and and pinkie.
Let's give you another chance...
... no, I'm done.
1575394 I'm sorry.
I'llread over the chapter several times, as well as have some people help me correct tomorrow. Again, sorry for being a major dumbass... 
I'll give it a re-read when it's edited and another chapter is out.
1575449 Thank you. And again, sorry. Already added the game title to the description, but the second I can get to my computer I'll fix it right up.
A nice start. A little bit of work here and there and you've got the beginnings of a real interesting story.
The story is a bit bare boned in terms of details but it gets the point across and I get what's happening. But the fact that you're making a crossover of one of my favorite games gives it a spot on my favorite list. Hopefully you'll be able to deal with the first great challenge of making a crossover. That would be breaking the ice and somehow getting the two worlds to mesh together properly and without any seams that could come undone at the worse time. This meshing goes by three very important steps:
1. Vehicle of insertion: Twilight Sparkle concocts a potion that hopefully would allow an earth pony or pegasus to teleport. Unfortunately Pinkie Pie decides to help and somehow and the Mane Six are transported to whatever map the setting takes place. Twilight's potion is the vehicle and Pinkie Pie's action then initiates the insertion. Both parts are possible which makes the story a bit more believable since some crossovers just say that x group is teleported to world y through unrealistic means. It doesn't happen often but when its done, not many people either notice or cares about that detail and just soldiers on. Although if you want to make this transition smoother, get Twilight to go into presentation mode and have her explain what the problem is, what did she do to solve that problem, how she managed to do it and then finish her presentation with a conclusion with her raving about how revolutionary the potion would be followed by excited jumping and 'yessing.' But if that's too much for you, have her try to present her project and have one of her friends to interrupt her. The part with Pinkie Pie can stay the same.
2. Initial Shock of First Contact: This can go into many different directions. But from the way your story is going, the Mane Six will help the Froniersmen in their fight because getting any of the main characters kill, at least killed too early, will raise much ire from the readers. Plus I can't see the Mane Six working with the Kahraa, although that might prove to be an interesting challenge to any body gutzy and/or cleaver enough to do that. So when you do initiate first contact, don't have them trust each other too soon because a lot, and I emphasize A LOT, of crossovers ruin first contact and then the whole fanfiction is ruined. This isn't an exaggeration. Its the truth. Think of it like this. The first aliens that the UNF--GOV (Not quite sure what their central government is, assuming they have one) finds wants them all dead. Not these new 'aliens' appear from one of their phase gates without any apparent reason. Yes they are the Mane Six but the Froniersmen don't know that and must act accordingly to how any military force would react to something of the unknown variant. How you manage to break the ice is up to you. Just don't make it too easy otherwise the effort will read as rushed and sloppy. But if its too long, mist readers might get frustrated on how long its taking.
3. Handshake Protocol:Then of course there's this. If you don't know what a handshake protocol, it is an automated process of negotiation, that dynamically sets parameters of a communications channel established between two entities before normal communication over the channel begins. In this case, the two entities are Mane Six and the OC's that you created. This is important because it determines which group is more important than the other. This may not be so important when getting two groups of cannon characters together but in your case, its the Mane Six with a bunch of OC's that I don't give a darn about. Yes... I don't care about them. If this story eventually goes where the Mane Six fight with the humans, the OC's will just end up as being a bunch of over puffed body guard and drill instructors for the war virgin ponies. That's because you have six cannon characters that we all know an love so of course they will overpower your OC's. To combat them, give them some more life. Put more description of the characters so we the readers can start to feel for them. Don't over angst or dramatize it or else it seems pretentious. Give just enough to satisfy the reader and the give more as the story progresses. That way the OC's don't get over powered and over shadowed by the already established Mane Six.
I know this is a big review and I hope you get something out of this because I'm really rooting for you.
Don't let us down.
I love you
1577386 From now on, I shall refer to you as sensei Zenigata. You are the FIRST PERSON To give some perfect advice that can help me for ages. I'm writing a chapter for my other story, but will probably take a break to write some more on this, seeing how semi-well it has been received by the community. I mean, seriously. I HAVE BEEN SEEN AS SOMETHING OTHER THAN A LITERARY COCKROACH FOR ONCE!
