In a world where evolution is key, how will the mane six adapt to the harshest of environments? And how will they protect themselves from the alien abominations, the Kharaa?
Crossover with Natural selection 2
Chapters (2)
TheDudeWhoWasR3
Joined 22nd Oct, 2011 ·
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I was totally waiting for someone to make this crossover. Finally.
First off, you really need to state what you're crossing over with; I had to look it up.
Secondly, typos, typos everywhere!
Thirdly: When you finally add in the ponies, the typos get WORSE.
Twilight Sparkle, not Twilight sparkle. The almighty potion, not he. No matter how you spell Starswirl's name, it needa a capital letter. You want then some, not them-some. Any type of pony, not andy. Bad spacing around your hyphens; you probably want commas. From other members, not form. Mane Six should be capitalized. Fluttershy and Pinkie, not fluttershy and and pinkie.
Let's give you another chance...
... no, I'm done.
1575394 I'm sorry.
I'llread over the chapter several times, as well as have some people help me correct tomorrow. Again, sorry for being a major dumbass... 
I'll give it a re-read when it's edited and another chapter is out.
1575449 Thank you. And again, sorry. Already added the game title to the description, but the second I can get to my computer I'll fix it right up.
A nice start. A little bit of work here and there and you've got the beginnings of a real interesting story.
The story is a bit bare boned in terms of details but it gets the point across and I get what's happening. But the fact that you're making a crossover of one of my favorite games gives it a spot on my favorite list. Hopefully you'll be able to deal with the first great challenge of making a crossover. That would be breaking the ice and somehow getting the two worlds to mesh together properly and without any seams that could come undone at the worse time. This meshing goes by three very important steps:
1. Vehicle of insertion: Twilight Sparkle concocts a potion that hopefully would allow an earth pony or pegasus to teleport. Unfortunately Pinkie Pie decides to help and somehow and the Mane Six are transported to whatever map the setting takes place. Twilight's potion is the vehicle and Pinkie Pie's action then initiates the insertion. Both parts are possible which makes the story a bit more believable since some crossovers just say that x group is teleported to world y through unrealistic means. It doesn't happen often but when its done, not many people either notice or cares about that detail and just soldiers on. Although if you want to make this transition smoother, get Twilight to go into presentation mode and have her explain what the problem is, what did she do to solve that problem, how she managed to do it and then finish her presentation with a conclusion with her raving about how revolutionary the potion would be followed by excited jumping and 'yessing.' But if that's too much for you, have her try to present her project and have one of her friends to interrupt her. The part with Pinkie Pie can stay the same.
2. Initial Shock of First Contact: This can go into many different directions. But from the way your story is going, the Mane Six will help the Froniersmen in their fight because getting any of the main characters kill, at least killed too early, will raise much ire from the readers. Plus I can't see the Mane Six working with the Kahraa, although that might prove to be an interesting challenge to any body gutzy and/or cleaver enough to do that. So when you do initiate first contact, don't have them trust each other too soon because a lot, and I emphasize A LOT, of crossovers ruin first contact and then the whole fanfiction is ruined. This isn't an exaggeration. Its the truth. Think of it like this. The first aliens that the UNF--GOV (Not quite sure what their central government is, assuming they have one) finds wants them all dead. Not these new 'aliens' appear from one of their phase gates without any apparent reason. Yes they are the Mane Six but the Froniersmen don't know that and must act accordingly to how any military force would react to something of the unknown variant. How you manage to break the ice is up to you. Just don't make it too easy otherwise the effort will read as rushed and sloppy. But if its too long, mist readers might get frustrated on how long its taking.
3. Handshake Protocol:Then of course there's this. If you don't know what a handshake protocol, it is an automated process of negotiation, that dynamically sets parameters of a communications channel established between two entities before normal communication over the channel begins. In this case, the two entities are Mane Six and the OC's that you created. This is important because it determines which group is more important than the other. This may not be so important when getting two groups of cannon characters together but in your case, its the Mane Six with a bunch of OC's that I don't give a darn about. Yes... I don't care about them. If this story eventually goes where the Mane Six fight with the humans, the OC's will just end up as being a bunch of over puffed body guard and drill instructors for the war virgin ponies. That's because you have six cannon characters that we all know an love so of course they will overpower your OC's. To combat them, give them some more life. Put more description of the characters so we the readers can start to feel for them. Don't over angst or dramatize it or else it seems pretentious. Give just enough to satisfy the reader and the give more as the story progresses. That way the OC's don't get over powered and over shadowed by the already established Mane Six.
I know this is a big review and I hope you get something out of this because I'm really rooting for you.
Don't let us down.
I love you
1577386 From now on, I shall refer to you as sensei Zenigata. You are the FIRST PERSON To give some perfect advice that can help me for ages. I'm writing a chapter for my other story, but will probably take a break to write some more on this, seeing how semi-well it has been received by the community. I mean, seriously. I HAVE BEEN SEEN AS SOMETHING OTHER THAN A LITERARY COCKROACH FOR ONCE!
A update
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