Rifts

by Eldamaur

Chapter Two

Finally free of the strange forest, Tristan trudged onwards, hoping that wherever the road lead would yield food. He kept to the distance, where he could still see the road reasonably well, but far enough to where he could lie prone and hopefully stay hidden from any more of those accursed ponies that might travel the road.

The first travellers that he saw on the road, after about four hours of walking through the night, were a small convoy of carts, lead by a unicorn that looked like the armored ones from before. Following the unicorn’s lead were several other ponies pulling carts laden with the same kind of stone that the wall he left was made of. The ponies pulling the carts were not dressed as the soldier types, but rather garbed in heavy winter clothing that gave Tristan a sharp pang of jealousy. He also noticed the ones pulling the carts didn’t have horns, though they could potentially have wings under their heavy cloaks.

These ponies work fast, it’s a good thing I was there when I was! Otherwise, they would have patched it up before I got over and I would have ended up starving to death...though that’s a fate I still might abide. At least I know I’m going the right way; I’ll just go the opposite direction of them and end up at wherever they came from.

The convoy passed, with none of the ponies even glancing towards Tristan’s direction, and so he continued on his way. The sun eventually began to rise, indicating that time had been flying at an unusual rate, the light helping to expedite him but also making him much easier to see against the white snow all around. Though he was becoming tired he pushed onwards, seeing as he had passed little more than trees for possible shelter from the cold.

Before he came across any sort of civilization he spotted another traveller on the road, this one much more promising than the last few. Travelling in the opposite direction that he was heading, like the others, was a lone pony pulling a covered cart. The pony wore a cloak not unlike the ones he had seen on the other cart pullers from earlier, but this one didn’t have any guards that he could see.

Tristan quickly scanned the skies, looking for more of the pegasi that he had seen the previous night, and was relieved to see that there were no potential aggressors among the clouds. The pony was moving at a pretty good pace but didn’t seem to be in any kind of great hurry, and he knew that he could catch up to it with the cart slowing it down.

Whatever’s in that cart could be really useful, but even if it’s nothing I’d still have the cover that’s on it for a bit of warmth, so I’ve got to take the chance and steal the cart. Problem is, what to do with the pony? I could kill it and eat it, but these things are sentient, even if they are hostile, and this one hasn’t done anything to me yet...but when a man’s gotta eat, a man’s gotta eat, right?

But then, there’s the problem of how to do this. If I just run up to the thing it’ll be ready for me, and that would make this a whole lot harder. Though, if I scared it away like that I’d have the cart, but it might get help from some of those unicorn types with the fireballs. Well, at least a death by fireball would be a warm one...but then, ahh, yes...that’s it!

With a devious smirk on his face Tristan did his best to jog far ahead of the pony until he saw a tree close by the path. Keeping low to the ground, to hopefully remain unseen by the pony, he ran as stealthily as he could to the tree and pressed himself against the rough bark, readying one of the spears that he whittled. Before long he heard the telltale noise of clopping hooves coming his way and he mentally steeled himself for the confrontation.

When the hoofbeats were within a few feet he leapt from his cover with a yell as loud as he could muster, brandishing his spear towards the pony. The startled pony gave an almost human sounding yell and Tristan saw its eyes widen in shock at the aggressor that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Tristan attempted a clumsy stab with his spear which the frightened pony didn’t even attempt to dodge. However, his hasty and uncontrolled attack still missed its target, going straight past the pony and instead striking the cart itself, which caused the makeshift spear to snap. At this, Tristan let out a startled cry of his own, fearing retribution from his mark.

For a moment Tristan and the pony simply stared into one another’s equally fearful eyes, neither daring to blink. Regaining his senses, Tristan hastily fumbled behind him to try to retrieve one of his three remaining spears. The pony busied itself as well, frantically unlatching from the cart.

By the time Tristan managed to ready his new spear the pony was already beginning to run back the way it came at a speed he couldn’t hope to follow in his weakened condition. He briefly considered throwing his spear but decided against it, letting the pony escape unscathed.

He took a moment to simply sit down exposed in the road, still reeling from his encounter. The pony may have gotten away but he still had the cart, though if the pony went to get some friends he knew his trek would get a lot more dangerous.

I just tried to KILL that thing! The poor thing was terrified of me, and I just tried to kill it! Argh, no, I can’t feel guilty for this, that thing has to be with the others, and I needed to do it! I just hope it getting away didn’t sign my death warrant...there’s no way I’d last long without cover if they were actively looking for me.

Tristan shakily got to his feet, his balance swaying somewhat due to the retreating adrenaline and numbed feet, and went to inspect the cart. The material covering it seemed to be a sturdy, water resistant tarp, perfect for a blanket. Even if there was nothing underneath it that alone might have been worth his while; but he of course kept his hopes up for something useful under it as well.

His eyes widened in joy as he saw what lay within. Food, glorious food! The cart was filled almost to the brim with a giant heap of delicious looking carrots. This was odd, because he usually didn’t like carrots, but hunger is the best seasoning, after all. He immediately grabbed a few and began to eat them on the spot, not stopping until his hunger was sated. He then emptied out the useless trinkets from his backpack and filled it as full as he could with carrots, stuffed his pockets with carrots, and threw as many carrots as he could onto the tarp and wrapped it around them as a sack of sorts.

Satisfied that he had taken all he could from the cart he left it in the road, not seeing any other good use for it. He left the path again, at first attempting to cover his tracks so they couldn’t trace him but giving that up pretty quickly when he saw how obvious his tracks still were in comparison to the undisturbed snow.

Once he was back to a distance he felt safe with from the road he continued on in much higher spirits due to the carroty weight that he now carried with him. He saw no other travellers on the road, and after about two hours more it seemed he had finally reached his destination.

In the distance he saw what looked to be a small city, though not the kind he was used to. Instead of gigantic skyscrapers there were only simple buildings, mostly made of either stone or wood with thatched or wood-tiled roofs. Even from the distance he was at he could see what looked to be hundreds of ponies going about their lives in what looked to be a highly disorganised fashion.

Aha, civilization at last! Pony civilization, but civilization nonetheless! Hopefully I’ll at least be able to find some useful stuff there, like an axe or something...and perhaps I’ll even find an abandoned house to crash in for a bit! The problem is going to be getting there unnoticed. After my encounter with that pony earlier there’s no way I’ll be getting in peaceably...

The sky was teeming with pegasi of all colors, crushing any hope for an approach by day. That, of course, left a night approach, but night wasn’t for a few more hours. He trudged over to a fairly large tree he spotted nearby and decided to get some rest before the eventful night ahead. Emptying out the carrots from the tarp into the snow he wrapped himself as snugly as he could with it and waited for sleep to overtake him.

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He awoke slowly to the darkness of night all around him; he had slept the entire day away. After gathering up the frozen carrots he left in the snow he surveyed the city once more, hoping that his approach wouldn’t be met with too many watchful eyes.

While there were still lights, there weren’t nearly as many as one would expect from a city. The scattered lights seemed to keep almost entirely to the main road, which meant an approach from another direction would give him the cover of darkness. He took the opportunity to jog towards one of the houses on the outskirts.

The place he chose looked to be a smithy, complete with outdoor furnace and anvil with tools hung on a rack nearby. Sadly, he couldn’t find any tools that would be very useful, save for a large hammer that would undoubtedly make a better weapon than the pitiful spears he had crafted. He kept the hammer in mind for when he left, as it’d be annoying to lug around inside while trying to be quiet, and checked the windows of the nearby house.

Closer inspection of the windows revealed that they weren’t the type that could be opened, which meant a traditional entrance through an unlocked window was out of the question. He circled the house once, keeping to the shadows, yet could find no possible way to breach the perimeter.

Well, I suppose I could always break one of the windows, but that would undoubtedly attract a lot of attention from houses nearby, not to mention the occupants if there are any. That would just leave the door, but I don’t know how to pick a lock. Perhaps I could just force it open?

Having resolved to attempt breaching the door, he set the tarp full of carrots to the side and went to test the strength of the lock by attempting to wrench it open. However, to his great surprise, it wasn’t actually locked to begin with! The door swung open on well oiled hinges, not affording even a single squeak.

They forgot to lock their door! What luck! That’s a good way to get yourself robbed, though...like I’m about to do, actually. Oh well, can’t pass up an opportunity like this!

The inside of the house was fortunately lit well enough by the rays of moonlight streaming in from the windows that he could get a good look around. The first room seemed to be more of an entry than anything, with several openings to different parts of the house. One opening was to a hallway with several doors, which were likely bedrooms or offices. Several other rooms that had no doors to separate them seemed to be a simple kitchen, living room, and family room.

The first room he decided to loot was, not surprisingly, the kitchen. After searching through the drawers and cabinets as silently as he could he found a wealth of food, though some of it seemed to be inedible grass and the like, as well as one large cutting knife that would undoubtedly prove useful. Sadly, the knife didn’t have a sheathe, so he’d have to be very careful with it for the time being. After stowing the knife in his backpack at an angle where it hopefully wouldn’t stab him, he moved on to the other rooms.

The living room and family room didn’t have much of anything that was particularly interesting in them except for one feature that struck him as nothing less than a miracle. Hanging above the fireplace was a sword, not a particularly long one, as it was likely meant for a pony, but a sword all the same! He gingerly removed it from the plaque that held it to the wall, though not gingerly enough, it seemed.

As he removed the sword the plaque fell from the wall where it had hung in place with only a single nail and landed on the floor with a loud cracking noise as it split in two upon impact. Wincing from the sudden noise, Tristan lunged to a corner where he was mostly hidden by a bookcase and waited to see if the house had any occupants after all.

After a few more moments of blessed silence he heard the sound that confirmed his fears. The light clopping of hooves upon the wooden floor was unmistakable, causing his heart to race even faster and his grip on his newly acquired sword to tighten.

Crap! Tonight was just going too damn well, wasn’t it? Now I’m going to have to kill something after all, no way I could let myself get caught here. With their own sword, no less...

The sound of hooves stopped at last near the kitchen. Perhaps the pony was just getting a glass of water or something? Tristan peeked his head out from his hiding spot to steal a glance at the pony and found that it was not a potentially deadly adult but rather a small, and admittedly rather cute, unicorn colt.

Is that a KID? I can’t kill a kid, even if it is one of those things! So long as it doesn’t check out the living room I’ll be fine, but if it does...I guess I could just overpower it, not like that little thing could put up much of a fight. But what if it cries out, and its parent comes out? I’d rather not have to fight some big burly blacksmith pony that thinks I’m trying to kill its kid, that’s for sure.

The colt ran the sink for a moment and he heard the clink of a glass, confirming that it was only up to get some water. He heard the light clopping of hooves once again and breathed a sigh of relief that he had remained hidden. However, as soon as the sigh escaped his lips, the sound of hooves abruptly stopped and he heard a quiet voice say something in that strange language of theirs.

That was stupid, stupid, stupid! I was so close, too! Now I’m going to have to do something...kill it, overpower it, what? I’ve got no time to escape, it’s going to be after me soon, I’m going to be found and killed like some sort of animal, they’re going to-

Tristan was torn from his thoughts by a light prodding to his leg. He looked down to see the unicorn colt there, looking up at him with what seemed to be a mixture of fear and curiosity. He gave out a yell of surprise which was immediately followed by a yell from the colt as well, and he swung the flat of his sword at it.

The flat connected with a meaty thud and smacked the colt into a table, causing a lamp on the table to fall over onto the ground, shattering instantly upon impact. There was no doubt that something would have heard all of that commotion, the parents had to be coming!

Crap oh crap oh crap oh crap I’m so screwed oh crap! I need to get out of here, like, NOW! I’ve got to run off and never come back here again!

With adrenaline pounding in his veins he stepped over the unmoving foal and towards the door, only to be met by a full grown pony, the very thing he dreaded to see the most. The pony had a dusty grey coat with a brown mane and he could see powerful muscles under the skin of the legs, though it had neither a horn nor wings.

The pony looked fearfully at him, then towards the unconscious foal on the ground, towards him once more, and then finally towards the door. Understanding that it meant to run, Tristan ran to the door, followed closely by the pony, and blocked its exit. If it got help from outside from one of those powerful unicorn types or one of the speedy pegasi he knew there was no way he was going to get away.

He made a wild swing at the pony with his sword, this time not using the flat, but was met instead with a powerful buck to the arm. The unexpected force caused his grip to weaken and the sword flew out of his hand and stuck fast into the wall beside him. As a last ditch effort, knowing that this was do or die, he let his adrenaline take over as he tackled the pony to the ground.

The pony landed on its back with him on top of it and thrashed around violently to try to get him off, but he wouldn’t allow it to. It began to frantically bite at him, drawing blood, but he hardly felt it in the heat of the fight. He thrust his hands onto its neck, savagely ramming its head into the ground. With it in a submissive position he began to press upon its throat, strangling it.

Its eyes began to bulge in fear as it frantically kicked around, trying its very hardest to get him off. Tristan numbly felt a prodding on his leg and turned to see what it was, seeing yet another foal. It lacked wings and a horn as well and looked like it was trying to hit him off of the larger pony to absolutely no effect.

The thrashing of the pinned pony was slowly becoming a bit weaker as it began to lose its hold on life and Tristan knew within a moment it would be dead. However, the sight of the filly pounding at him for all it was worth, doing everything it could to try to save the dying pony, caused him to loosen his grip just enough for the pony to breathe.

What am I doing? These are children, just like on Earth! This must be their parent! I can’t do this, I can’t take their...mother? Father? Away from them. If I do, then I really will be a monster...I really will deserve to be hunted down and killed...

He slowly relaxed his grip more and more until his hands were free from its neck. The pony immediately began to hack and cough, sucking in as much air as its lungs would allow. He pulled the sword out of the wall and sat down against it, defeated.

If I run they’ll just find me...and this isn’t any type of life to live. I just don’t have the skills to survive in the wilderness, and I can’t just go around robbing places and killing things. I guess that I’m done for, then...I’ll never get to see my parents again, or Eric, or anyone...I’m going to die here, alone, at the hands, err, hooves, of ponies...

Tristan dropped the sword with a loud clang and began to weep. He wept for the life that he lost, he wept for all of the stress and anguish of the past two days, and he wept that he had almost taken a sentient life. He was so busy lamenting into his arms that he didn’t care about the sounds of the pony getting up or moving about, and he did nothing to stop it as it slowly came towards him. He felt a sudden pain as something heavy and metal smacked him in the back of the head, and he knew blackness.

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He awoke to the light of day streaming in from a nearby window to discover himself in bed with a throbbing pain in the back of his head. In his grogginess he attempted to stretch, only to determine that he couldn’t. Squirming around managed to free him from the sheets and he found that he was bound with several strong ropes. Curiously, his cuts and scrapes were bandaged and felt cleaner.

So, I’m alive, then? Perhaps that pony is just keeping me here until it can get another to take care of me...but then why the bed and bandages? If I can just get myself free I could try to find out what’s going on...

Tristan began to writhe about, attempting to free himself from the ropes that bound him. When more subdued struggling proved fruitless he steadily increased the intensity of his endeavor until he accidentally ended up falling off the bed with a loud thud.

At the sudden noise two ponies were summoned. One was the adult from the night before, and the other was far more intimidating. The new pony was one of the unicorns he had come to fear, bright yellow in coat with an equally bright orange for a mane. The thing looked like it would stick out among any crowd with such garish colors, especially in comparison to the more subdued colors he had found on the military types and the unobtrusive grey and brown of the pony without wings or horn.

He also noticed that they had what appeared to be tattoos on their flanks, though they were in fur, not skin, and seemed almost too perfect. The unicorn had a hammer, what looked to be a red cross, the type he had only seen used to denote medicine before, and a star, arranged in a triangular shape. The grey pony had a large hammer striking an anvil, which coincided with his suspicion that it was a smith.

The grey pony was standing partially behind the yellow one to hide itself from him somewhat, likely remembering the near death experience from the night prior. The unicorn was simply staring at him with a great deal of mistrust evident within its eyes, not moving a muscle as it carefully observed him.

Tristan returned the scrutinizing gaze with equal intensity and the duo took a moment to simply analyze the other, neither willing to budge. Eventually the grey pony said something, breaking the unicorn from its concentration, and the two began to talk, never taking their eyes off of Tristan. It seemed that they were having an argument, with several gestures being directed towards Tristan that he couldn’t imagine most horses or ponies being physically capable of.

It seemed that the grey pony eventually won as the yellow one conceded and turned to Tristan. It eyed him warily one last time and then began to strain, like the unicorns from the wall had done directly before launching a fireball at him. Its horn began to glow as well, causing Tristan to frantically writhe in his bindings, hopelessly attempting to get away from the incoming attack.

No, no, no! I changed my mind, I don’t give up, I don’t want to die! Why would they bandage me up just to kill me, what kind of sick game could that be? GIve me a bit of hope, then kill me? It can’t end like this!

Tristan attempted pathetically inching away like a worm to the door, only to find himself blocked by the grey pony from before. He looked up into its eyes with a look of pleading in his own but found no sympathy. He took a final look at the unicorn whose horn was glowing in an even brighter intensity now and closed his eyes, accepting his fate as a bright flash of light hurt his eyes, even through his eyelids.

“Hello? Can you understand me? Hello? ...Trade, I don’t think it worked, it’s not responding,” a female voice said. Had this all been a dream, and was that a doctor waking him up? Tristan took a moment to process what he just heard and slowly opened his eyes. There was no human in front of him, no hospital, just the ponies from before. His eyes darted between the two in confusion, wondering what just happened.

“The thing must not be able to speak any language then, I’m sure I got that right. It was kind of complicated, though,” the yellow unicorn said in a deeper voice that was definitely male. Its mouth moved differently than how it should have, like a dub on a foreign film, but the voice definitely came from it.

“What...what did you just do? How are you speaking English suddenly?” Tristan sputtered, his mind working to comprehend what had just happened.

“It can talk! See, I was right, it is intelligent!” the grey pony exclaimed towards the yellow one, though she did take another step away from Tristan.

“Well, I’m still getting the guards at the first sign of more trouble. Beast, you can understand us because of a spell I just cast on you. I was told that you almost killed my friend here last night, but she was kind enough to give you a chance to explain yourself before sending you to your death. What do you have to say for yourself?” the yellow pony said with no small amount of contempt. He noticed that at the mention of death the grey pony paled slightly, which didn’t make much sense considering she had fur.

“Wait, so you’re not going to kill me? That horn thing, that was just so I can talk to you? And it was a spell, as in, like, magic?” Tristan queried, unsure of how things were going to turn out. He knew he had nothing to lose, though, and he wasn’t exactly in a place to bargain, so he decided his best bet was to try to be cooperative.

“I’m certainly not going to kill you, no. But you almost killed a pony last night; and I’ve never seen a creature like you before. What are you? Did you come from one of the rifts? Oh, and my name is Motley Trade. I guess this would be easier if we had names to call each other by. You do have a name, don’t you?” The unicorn was obviously becoming more at ease now that it was apparent Tristan was not going to actively try to kill him.

“The rifts? If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about yes, I did. And the name is Tristan Davis,” he said, hoping that they could tell him how to get home. At the confirmation that he did indeed come through a rift Motley took a step back himself, and the grey pony retreated all the way to the door, as if they were fearful that he would explode or something.

“Ohhh, if the guards find out we have a rift spawn here we’ll be sent to jail, or worse! Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea; you were right Trade!” the grey pony worriedly exclaimed. “We should have just turned him over to them like you said!”

“Iron, you know what they would have done. If this thing isn’t just some bloodthirsty beast we can’t let it be disposed of like one. Now, err, Tristan, you said? Tristan, you need to tell us exactly why you did what you did the other night. You better have a good reason, or things aren’t looking very good for you.” Motley ended menacingly, making sure that Tristan knew he was in his power.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were so, well, human! My first encounter with one of you wasn’t exactly pleasant, either. I should really start from the beginning, when I came through the ‘rift’...” Tristan told the two about everything that had happened to him, from his initial fall into the forest, to the cabin in the woods, to his first encounter with the hostile unicorns, and even the waylaying of the pony on the road.

Motley and Iron listened intently to his story, wincing at the descriptions of the severed arm and the brutalized unicorn, and hardening their stares as he accounted his story with the pony he ambushed. Tristan knew that it’d certainly not help him out much to tell them about that, but he also knew that if they found out later any hope he had of assistance would disappear.

He told of his desperation, of his confusion, and of his pain. He finished his story with his escapades in Iron’s house, and his decision to not kill her though he had the power to do so. The two looked at each other and eventually nodded, and looked back to Tristan.

“Some of things you’ve done are just unacceptable. Attacking that pony unprovoked, almost killing Iron, those are crimes befitting of harsh punishment,” Motley began, sounding like he was sentencing Tristan for his crimes. “However,” he said with a sigh, “I can somewhat understand your circumstances, if what you say is true. While I don’t agree with your decisions, I know such trials can certainly bring out the worst in a pony...as such, I don’t think we’ll be turning you over to the guards just yet.”

Wait, they just believed everything I said? No confirming, no threats, no anything? Even after everything I did? These ponies are way too trusting...in their place I’d send me to the authorities instantly, but who am I to complain?

“Th-thank you! I won’t do anything to hurt either of you, I promise!” Tristan blurted out in relief that they were on his side, at least a little. “Really, I’m just a normal guy, I’ve never even been in a fight before! I’m just a tiiiny bit outside of my comfort zone, if you can understand.”

“...We’ve all been thrown out of our comfort zone since the rift crisis began, so I guess I can a little...these are just such strange times we’re living in,” Iron softly responded, growing more comfortable with the idea of talking to him.

“Well, I guess now would be as good of a time as any to ask, then. I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could help me get home, is there? Then we can all just go back to our own lives like this never even happened,” Tristan queried, bracing himself for the sting of a negative.

Iron and Motley just looked at each other and back to him with a sad look on their faces that told him everything. “I’m afraid I’ve never heard of getting a rift spawn back through to where they came from. There could possibly be a way, but you’re the first friendly, well, intelligent creature that I’ve ever heard of coming through one,” Motley answered with a hint of sadness in his voice. “I wonder though, if you’re intelligent, just how many others have been that we just didn’t know about?”

Tristan let out a breath he wasn’t even aware that he had been holding in with a sigh. “I guess that would have been too simple, huh? Well, thanks for not killing me at least; I won’t give up hope just yet. What’s causing those rifts, anyway?”

“That’s a bit of a long story, and I’d rather not tell it to you while you’re lying on Iron’s floor. Right now we just have to figure out what to do with you,” Motley answered, turning to Iron. “Iron, can you deal with him for now? I’m going to see if I can find someone to help us out with this.”

“Not one of those soldiers!” Tristan yelled without thinking, noting that he had developed a bit of an automatic fear response to the thought of them. Clearing his throat in embarrassment of his outburst he continued, “Err, I mean, I know you said you don’t want to get me killed, so please, keep them out of this, will you?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to be that hasty. We’ll handle this more delicately than that, you have my word,” Motley answered with a reassuring smile.

“I can watch him for a while, but I have Buzz and Moon to look after, so please hurry back! And what should I do about the ropes?” Iron answered to Motley’s previous question.

“Keep them on for now, I still don’t trust him,” Motley replied. “Err, no offense to you, but I hope you understand, given what you did and what you are,” he sheepishly remarked to Tristan.

“Yeah, I understand; I’d do the same thing in your place. Hell, you two are being a lot more understanding of all of this than I’d expect most people to be. Though, could you get me off the floor at least, please?” Tristan said, emphasising his discomfort with a few squirms.

“Right, yes, I can do that,” Motley replied, his horn once more glowing. Tristan was slowly lifted into the air as Motley strained himself.

At the unexpected feeling of weightlessness and floating Tristan cried out in panic, writhing about in the air. “You need to warn me before you do something like that, crap! You nearly gave me a heart attack, I’m still not used to this whole magic thing!”

“Ehehe, sorry. You’re perfectly safe though, I assure you,” Motley chuckled, taking small pleasure in Tristan’s fright. He lowered Tristan gently onto the bed and turned back to Iron. “Alright, well, I trust you’ll be all right on your own, then?”

“So long as it stays tied up and out of sight, yes. Please hurry back; I don’t want to be alone with it for too long, even if it isn’t going to try to kill me again,” Iron returned, looking overwhelmed at the thought of dealing with Tristan for very long.

“I’m a ‘he’, and I won’t be any trouble, I promise,” Tristan interrupted, getting a curt nod from Motley and a shaky one from Iron.

With that Motley turned tail and left, leaving Tristan alone with a frightened looking Iron. “We-well...what are we going to do with you?” Iron timidly queried with a forced smile.

Tristan merely squirmed a bit in his bindings to get more comfortable but the sudden movement was enough to elicit a small frightened yelp from Iron as she jumped back a short distance. Tristan rolled his eyes and muttered beneath his breath, “This day is going to be loads of fun. I can already tell...”

Comments

[Jack Frankenstien]

...God dammit. I am really ashamed. My story is unoriginal garbage compared to yours. I mean, my story isn't bad, but... Yours is better and deserving of it's unblemished like count. I concede.

[Eldamaur]

1634734 It's not a contest, they're just different types of stories. All we can do is just keep writing and improving upon our own styles. There's no shame in learning, and the fact that you're actively trying to improve says a lot.

[Jack Frankenstien]

>> Yeah... But I just had to say how I felt about your story and that was what came to mind. Your concept is off the beaten path, at least slightly more than what I am attempting. Your characterization is deeply human and rich (Especially with the arm which, after thinking about it for a moment, was rather deeply clever on your part). And while there were some grammar issues, they all occurred during thought or dialogue bits. Since people don't have perfect grammar, it is perfectly excusable and if done right can actually provide insight into the character in minor ways. Your pacing is good and the descriptions describe enough to visualize the action and scenery while leaving the specifics to the imagination and not dragging out the faster paced scenes.

This is good. If this is just attempt number one, I am sure I'll be choking on my own amazement as time marches on.

[Eldamaur]

1645611 Been quite busy with school lately, it should hopefully be out later tonight or tomorrow.

[Malesur Darkhoof]

Hm, interesting. Rift crisis? Perchance this has something to do with Discord, maybe?

And other creatures have appeared aswell, I see. Like the Gorgon, I assume. I wonder what else Tristan will meet during his stay in Equestria.

[Vates Despero]

1634774 Um, Off The Beaten Path is a completely different story....

[Rough Boulder]

1938477 they meant that the story is different than most, rather than doing the usual, "the beaten path", he went with something different than most, "off the beaten path", basically, "the road less traveled".