Tristan, a young man in college, has lead a perfectly normal life with a good best friend, good parents, and generally favorable prospects. However, he's fated to have all that torn away as he falls through a strange rift to an alien land filled with unknown dangers. Now instead of worrying about his next exam he finds himself forced to worry about his next meal as he struggles to survive in this new environment that makes less and less sense as he forges on.
- Cover picture by DarkCord -
Chapters (13)
Great start, keep it up.
Interesting.
what it stopped NNNOOOOOO
this is going to be the BEST FIC EVER 
...God dammit. I am really ashamed. My story is unoriginal garbage compared to yours. I mean, my story isn't bad, but... Yours is better and deserving of it's unblemished like count. I concede.
1634734 It's not a contest, they're just different types of stories. All we can do is just keep writing and improving upon our own styles. There's no shame in learning, and the fact that you're actively trying to improve says a lot.
>> Yeah... But I just had to say how I felt about your story and that was what came to mind. Your concept is off the beaten path, at least slightly more than what I am attempting. Your characterization is deeply human and rich (Especially with the arm which, after thinking about it for a moment, was rather deeply clever on your part). And while there were some grammar issues, they all occurred during thought or dialogue bits. Since people don't have perfect grammar, it is perfectly excusable and if done right can actually provide insight into the character in minor ways. Your pacing is good and the descriptions describe enough to visualize the action and scenery while leaving the specifics to the imagination and not dragging out the faster paced scenes.
This is good. If this is just attempt number one, I am sure I'll be choking on my own amazement as time marches on.
1645611 Been quite busy with school lately, it should hopefully be out later tonight or tomorrow.
Finally, a monster that WASN'T a Manticore or a Timber Wolf. Seems pretty decent so far.
Well that battle was anti-climatic, though realistic. Still, I always enjoy a good epic battle when the time comes for one. It's such a rush.
Hm, from what I can gather, that monster was a Gorgon, right? A demonbull with petrifying breath. Gotta say this is an interesting story so far.
Also wondering about the area Tristan appeared into. Was it an evil place, closed of because of lots of evil creatures there? If so, I wonder how long it has been so, considering there once was a cabin for ponies in there.
Or wait, was that the Everfree Forest? If so, was the cabin Zecoras place....no wait, her place was a hollowed out tree, right?
Meh, I guess I will ust have to continue reading, and see if I find out, eh?
Hm, interesting. Rift crisis? Perchance this has something to do with Discord, maybe?
And other creatures have appeared aswell, I see. Like the Gorgon, I assume. I wonder what else Tristan will meet during his stay in Equestria.
1713320 Aha, someone got it! Yes, it was indeed a Gorgon. Given how the rifts work (more on that soon) I needed a lot of different creatures. I play D&D 3.5 weekly, and so I have a D&D Monster Manual. Expect a lot of creatures, either directly from the book or slightly altered, in the future.
wow this fic is really good. I'm surprised it isn't on the feature box. I like everything in the story and it reflects on the reactions of a person really well.
Keen can probably cut his way out.
Tristan is quite the punching bag for this story. I gather the noisy cracks were a few important things inside him that were not meant to break? (Sarcasm) Owch. I hope Nurse Redheart left his bed ready for him...
As for Keen, he will give that giant centipede the worst case of indigestion it will ever know! (Hopefully cutting his way out of there before the beast gets enough strength to escape as the two standing warriors and scribe bash it's face in)
Do you even rift?
Mecha-wolf?
Ironwolf?
steelwolf?
Chapter 3 note: >>>“A while back some pony researcher, I can’t recall the name, invented a way for non-unicorns to pass from place to place instantly. They did it with these neat portals, and a few of them were opened up here in Stalliongrad. However, before long, something unintended started happening as a result.”>>>
Oh come on, you KNOW this all happened because Twilight messed up a spell! When has she NOT almost caused the end of the multiverse these days?
Call me paranoid (all the other ponies do, behind my back) but I'm guessing that he and Krik are both having those "all ponies must die" dreams. And the mystery voice in those dreams is also responsible for the runaway random rifts as well. Who or what this voice belongs to is still up in the air but it's got to be evil, pure evil... from the 8th Dimension!
>>>“The normal policy is for all rift spawn to be kept within walls away from pony kind and destroyed on sight, >>>
Ah, I take it this is not the wise and highly intelligent version of Celestia, then.
Even we humans would be more than interested enough in clearly transdimensional beings to at least try to keep them alive to study them, if possible.
Oh Celestia, for an intelligent creature over a thousand years old, you so often lack sorely in insight.
>>>So that’s it...no way home, I’m stuck here. I’ll most likely never see my parents, Eric, anyone that I’ve ever known again.>>>
Well, you can at least see Eric's arm! Maybe magically clone yourself a friend? The Doctor kinda did that by pouring regeneration energy into his severed arm once, and it grew a whole new Doctor in a later episode!
>>>Eric had always been the muscle of the duo,>>>
Tristan could tell from the amount of muscle on that arm he'd been dragging around...
(Yup, this is gonna be my running gag for this story now.)
Given that never in my 36 years have I ever had a dream that involved me harming innocent beings of any sort, rather I am always the hero who fights evil at all costs to myself (had my first true pony dream last night as a matter of fact. Twilight was stabbed by Chrysalis and killed... my rage was... well, it would make a Super Sayajin look like a pussy), anyway, I would know in the dream itself that something was attempting to invade my mind. Evil and I do not get along.
To be honest I wasn't exactly sure what to make of this story after having read the current six chapters. It was only after giving the story a second reading, that I was able to decipher my thoughts on the matter. At the moment I think this story is quite interesting, mostly because it feels like you are trying to tell an actual story. What I mean by that is a lot of HIE stories get really wrapped up in analyzing the social interactions between ponies and humans.
While that can certainly make for some engaging reading, its nice to get a break from that type of interaction with some good old fashioned adventure. Overall I think this story has solid writing, an interesting plot, and certainly a lot of potential. I hope to see this story grow into something truly awesome, but that is up to you XD
1913509 My first actual review! Thanks for taking the time to read my story, twice, apparently. I hope that I don't disappoint with future chapters. And to all those who have read so far, thanks very much for taking an interest in my story. Your comments, favorites, and likes have made my first story a resounding success, and I'm grateful to all of you.
He just gives up, lets himself get knocked out, then you cop out with a translation spell? Boo.
1920657 As you would see later, the translation spell is necessary for where the story is going to go. I'd imagine you're the source of the newest downvote and for that I say - thank you! You actually commented rather than just downvoting; it's great to know why! Sorry that the story didn't meet your expectations.
1922096
I would have preferred them being able to talk from the beginning. Translation spells always feel like the easy way out and a missed opportunity.
I was expecting something more along the lines of this story.
Of course now I feel obligated to read the rest of your story.
1922621 I never thought it made much sense to have them be able to understand each other to begin with. They're essentially aliens, why would their languages just happen to be the same? Though, it's always been a fairly minor issue to me, and I certainly do still enjoy stories where they can understand from the start. That one you mentioned happens to be on my favorites, in fact.
1922706
I've made that same complaint many times. My preference is they can't understand each other and have to manually learn the language. At the very least even if the ponies spoke English there's an even chance that the random human sent there could only speak French or something. Otherwise I prefer them starting off with the same language than using a translation spell.
.......wow this is......BRILLIANT!
/
I don't know what it is but the concept of having to fight or at least escape the ponies who obviously just think of you as "another odd/dangerous thing from the woods" and you write very well....so yeah more chapters please.
1634774 Um, Off The Beaten Path is a completely different story....
Discord got himself some new rift spawn toys!
1938477 It is?
...Oops. Derp. Sorry.
1943842 I believe that was a joke...off the beaten path may be a story name, but it's also a phrase. Or am I missing something here?
1865739 Yay!
Cliche monster battle!
Go to 1:14
This is the best copy of this scene I could find.
My apologies for the long wait for this chapter. College and writer's block both conspired against me at once and made this very difficult. I'll attempt to get future chapters out more quickly, but no promises!
A new chapter? Screw sleep.
1938477 they meant that the story is different than most, rather than doing the usual, "the beaten path", he went with something different than most, "off the beaten path", basically, "the road less traveled".
well, Murphy's law... you know what to do
1912588 and apparently where she makes cutie marks switch places in s3e13 she (may) become an Alicorn.
What the hell is it with college and it's ability to conspire against our goals. Seriously, that's some backwards shit.
2054082 I know! She just keeps messing up everything! I'm certain she's going to blow the planet up one of these days! I mean, sure, I can fix it again easily enough (being Super-God-Infinity-Plus-One-Always-More-OP-Than-Everyone-Else-With A-Cherry-O-Top) but that doesn't make it any less frustrating!
1943842>>1943847>>2053992 Nope, it was in fact a joke. I just couldn't resist the punny, "Come, join the PunSide of the Funny! We have cookies!" as it were.
And oddly enough, I only got an alert about the second reply.
imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/oh_you.jpg?w=720
FiMFiction you so crazy!!
I would have just killed them with some kind of potion or just slit their throats at night.
Why did I suddenly get a Skyrim vibe at the last portion of the chapter?
That fight was a fucking disappointment. But chapter was good enough, now... to the next one!
2058691 Remember that Tristan is no great warrior, nor is he even a very physical person. Could you honestly expect for your average college student to wage an epic battle with a murderous beast?
About damn time he gets lucky, he's been getting his ass kicked for way too long.