Pinkie Pie is well known as Ponyvilles brightest smile, a contagious one at that. But behind closed doors sometimes not everyone is as happy as they seem. Sometimes efforts to make others life a little brighter go unappreciated, and we seldom think how this might effect such shining personalities.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I liked it, it was well written and captured everything pretty well. One thing though. "Pinkie choked out letting her hoofs fall to the side." hoofs should be hooves, nothing but a small mistake (along with a couple places where you didn't capitalize pie in Pinkie Pie, but again I'm just being knit picky). Keep up the good work! .
1547909
Thanks for the comment! I've done a quik sweep and banished the gramma demons you mentioned, hopefuly i got all of them, thanks for your help.
It was an interesting piece. I always enjoy reading things like this that show how a character holds themselves together and their possible insecurities or weaknesses.
Criticisms:
Don't I get to be in the story?
I would have liked to see her try with Applejack and Rarity as well.
Please watch your formatting, if you can. The same character talking should be within the same paragraph. If you break it up into a different line, my brain automatically thinks someone else is talking. Then it takes me out of the story because I have to backtrack and figure out what just happened.
1549783
thankyou for your feedback! i'm sorry if my formating is a bit off, the editing for this was split between myself and my good friend, so it may seem a bit schizophrenic in places, i apologise for that (i'm not the best editor you see)
the original draft for the story did actauly have AJ and Rarity, unfortunately me and my proof read (same guy) both agreed that adding them was just repetitive and didn't add much to the story, but don't fret, i am currently drafting my next story and hoping to have the two have prominent roles.
thanks again for your feedback i really apprieciate it!
This was good but geez Rainbow Dash and Twilight were very rude, Twilight could have put aside her studies for a minute or even told Pinkie Pie to come by later but I guess she is forgiveable because she was tired, as for Rainbow Dash I'd feel more sympathy for her if weren't for the fact that the storm was because of her slacking off again!
(When will you learn RD?)
1551351
thankyou for your feedback! i'm sorry if they came off that way, i really didn't want any of the girls to come off as the 'bad' guy in this story, i gave them all very solid reasoning i thought for their actions, but it's ok if you see it diffrently then me, it's your interpretation and i respect that :)
1551661 Well regardlesss RD was in trouble as it was because of her habits, it wasn't Pinkie Pie's fault she slacked off when she wasn't suppose to. But of course she could never admit to it, NO she has to pin the blame on everyone else! That's the exact kind of thing that drives me away from her because I know she's better than that or else she wouldn't be The Element of Loyalty.
1552195
Mmm, noted, but don't discount her yet, I've had some ideas for a story featuring her. Perhaps i'll do a better job making her more affable there, hooves crossed right?
1548704 No problem!
Hey Quill! Nice story, sir. I'm glad you are posting here. I randomly stumbled across your story and loved it! Please keep it up. And just in case you've forgotten my account on here, it's your friendly neighborhood Dungeon Master for FOE. Looking forward to more from you, sir.