Written for EQD's Nighmare Night 2012 competition.
Luna is sure that she can see in color. However, when she awakens in a greyscale labyrinth, she finds her convictions tested. A voice begins announcing the time, but is it counting up towards morning or down towards midnight? The other ponies wandering the labyrinth have stolen her appearance, and not all are harmless. As the walls begin to close in on her, she must decide what price she is willing to pay for freedom.
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A wonderful imagining of the nature of Nightmare Moon's banishment. I've always personally subscribed to the banishment being more figurative in nature than physical, and this story plays with that idea brilliantly.
That was chilling. But also pretty brilliant, bravo.
1560406>>1560683 Hey, thanks for the kind words! I am currently in the process of writing something longer, in the same universe. It'll focus on the night guards, and hopefully be a bit less grim overall. I've always thought of them as more of incubi than vampires, and I like the idea of contrasting a moral system developed after 1000 years of peace with the plain ol' run-of-the-mill evil we live with every day which necessitates a system of laws.
So yeah, I'm writing a police drama. We'll see how that goes.
I enjoyed that, right down to the little shiver at the last line. I'm not certain I know exactly what's going on (partially down to some ambiguity on what the 'others' represent, which might just be me being thick), but well worth the read.
Your other project also sounds interesting; how far have you got with it?
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I have protagonists, but I haven't balanced the antagonists against them to make the conflict less "saturday morning cartoon villain."
1560406 I think it's a representation of the banishment, but I'd like a little more clarity. As it is, it seems that Celestia has invented a Hell for Luna to torture her while she's banished. I didn't catch any indication that Luna is supposed to learn anything from this. The descriptions says "As the walls begin to close in on her, she must decide what price she is willing to pay for freedom," but this doesn't seem to have anything to do with the story.
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I was hoping for the H.P. Lovecraft vibe. I wanted it to be more of a personal hell than an externally invented one, but I can see how a lack of clarity on my part would result in that interpretation. My headcanon is that Celestia had no idea what was going to happen to Luna when she used the Elements on her. Using them for the right reasons on the pony she cherished more than any other was a perversion of their intended use, and so she lost control of them. She had no way to contact Luna and no knowledge of Luna's experiences there.
What in the name of the stars, why does this only have 15 Likes? This is egregious!
This story is probably my favorite Luna story on this website. Somehow I find myself empathizing with it immensely even when you'd think it would be far removed from anything 'normal' people have to deal with. That uncertainty, and the conflict with the self. The realization that not only have you ruined everything, you're almost certainly going to do it again.
Have a like, a favorite, and I would Follow you into hell.
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Aww... thanks! Comments like that make it worthwhile. It's been a while since I've published anything but I'm not dead! I've got the first couple of chapters of my next story done-- they just need polishing. Stay tuned!
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9367-602201_550771441611581_556909401_n.jpg
I don't quite get it, and yet...
I LOVE IT!!!
I love psychological pieces like this, even if I rarely fully understand them. Also:
Luna found her pace move into a brisk trot.
what the....
this was grand.