this story has potential to be pretty good and i quite frankly i thought it had a hilarious storyline and you should continue this story, but there were a few errors and as a friendly gesture im going to help you out by pointing some of them out and giving you some advice.
first and foremost hit enter a couple of times every time you start a new paragraph other wise it just looks like a wall of text and that my friend will get you some thumbs down right off the bat trust me i know this cause i did something similar when i first started out and that can hurt your story so try that out
second every time a new character comes in to speak you have to hit the enter button, it signifies that someone has entered the conversation and you should also do that when two characters are speaking to each other so people know who is who, for example:
“I believe that this is the safest place for you to stay until you get out of here.” “I guess that makes sense.”
should be this:
i believe that this is the safest place for you to stay until you get out of here."
"i guess that makes sense"
these are just a couple of things that will help you out greatly in your endeavor to create a story and now that that is done please continue i do so look forward to more.
ME: GAMER LUNA IS AMAZING!! ALTERNATE ME: you just had to say it didn't ya? ME yes i did so shut up ALTERNATE ME: no you shut up -argument continues for a while- ME: oh yeah please make more chapters for us so we can argue more ALTERNATE ME: yeah we love arguing with each other. cant ya tell? -earlier argument resumes and continues on forever-
NEW CHAPTER ALREADY this story is good but I nearly forgot it. the wait has been a bit too long. did you get fired from a job or fail a class or something?
Finally, a fic set in Molestia / Gamer Luna universe.
I love it.
This is great, but you need an editor.
more lulu and less tia
I shall be watching this story, it shows potential.....
2 best story ever my little dashie first
this story has potential to be pretty good and i quite frankly i thought it had a hilarious storyline and you should continue this story, but there were a few errors and as a friendly gesture im going to help you out by pointing some of them out and giving you some advice.
first and foremost hit enter a couple of times every time you start a new paragraph other wise it just looks like a wall of text and that my friend will get you some thumbs down right off the bat trust me i know this cause i did something similar when i first started out and that can hurt your story so try that out
second every time a new character comes in to speak you have to hit the enter button, it signifies that someone has entered the conversation and you should also do that when two characters are speaking to each other so people know who is who, for example:
should be this:
these are just a couple of things that will help you out greatly in your endeavor to create a story and now that that is done please continue i do so look forward to more.
ME: GAMER LUNA IS AMAZING!!
ALTERNATE ME: you just had to say it didn't ya?
ME yes i did so shut up
ALTERNATE ME: no you shut up
-argument continues for a while-
ME: oh yeah please make more chapters for us so we can argue more
ALTERNATE ME: yeah we love arguing with each other. cant ya tell?
-earlier argument resumes and continues on forever-
You must update!
NEW CHAPTER ALREADY
this story is good but I nearly forgot it. the wait has been a bit too long. did you get fired from a job or fail a class or something?
This was a cute and sweet chapter him and GL where adorable.