The Great and Powerful ... Walter?

by Westphalian_Musketeer

Ch. 8 Ever Hear of Paint?

I awoke to the feeling of grass brushing against my face, and a rumble in my stomach. I got up and looked around. Enrique and Pablo were lying beside eachother, snoring softly. I walked over to our bags and searched for some food. I found a granola bar and opened it with my magic. I chewed tentatively and then swallowed the bit I had taken. It was sweet with the flavor of honey and cranberries.

I finished the bar and walked up to the side of the road and looked both ways before crossing. I stepped into the bushes and tended to some morning things and then hastily retreated back to my group. Thank goodness ponies were... clean-cut on such matters. I lay down with my hooves nestled below me. I rested my head on the ground and took a deep sniff. The grass smelled... good.

Don’t you dare! Trixie commanded.

Why not? I am in the body of a horse. Horses eat grass.

We are a pony! And Trixie has standards!

You have standards, I retorted. What about other ponies? The ones you agreed to let me help you be more agreeable with?

Well I... Think of how disgusting this grass is! It’s right beside a road! she responded.

That not a single car has driven by since we got here, relax, you’re a big mare, you can hand--

If you eat that grass she will do everything in her power to send off every possible signal to Pablo that you’re interested! Trixie yelled in my mind. I stopped with my mouth hanging over a tuft of grass.

Bullshit, you don’t have any control over my body! I thought.

How do you think you were able to learn to walk so quickly? she questioned. Magic? What about all those involuntary actions? The ear swivels, the tail twitches? You don’t know the half of these things. Trixie may be a master of illusion, but that just means she’s an expert at suggestion as well. Eat that grass and your pride is going to be shot to hell when Pablo tries to kiss you again with MY consent.

You’re sick! What is Snips, like ten in the show? He was still in school. Besides, it’s your body too. I lifted my head up and retched at the thought. I was once male, and might one day become so again, that made the prospect of a relationship... with anyone... feel wrong. That Trixie was suggesting engaging in a relationship with a colt just showed that she was a manipulative harlot.

You really think Snips and Snails weren’t held back a year? Or a half dozen, a full dozen years? All the more reason for you to not eat that grass, she answered.

I snorted in disgust and lifted myself off the ground. I went to the pile and retrieved another granola bar. “This isn’t over,” I muttered. “You’re going to have to become a little more agreeable. I was willing to start travelling all the way to New York when for all intents and purposes as a closet brony. I should probably still be barricaded in my room.”

Oh! Would you stop going on about ‘Closet Brony’ this and ‘I’m so scared of this’ that! You’re now occupying the body of the greatest showpony in all of Equestria! What was that phrase you hoo-a-mans...

“Humans,” I corrected.

Humans, right. What was the phrase that some of you hold close, ‘If you’ve got it, flaunt it?’

“Very well, but that is not going to extend to my plot!” I hissed.

Then keep us both happy. Show your talents once in awhile; the one’s you’re truly proud of. It’ll be good for you, and Trixie shall have her time in the limelight. If you don’t do that, you’ll know what it’s like to have ‘bad attention’.

“Just like when you were the center of attention after failing dismally in vanquishing the Ursa Minor,” I snorted.

You should be happy that I even know what bad attention is, having your memories to pick through has been informative.

Trixie? You used ‘I’.

Indeed she did, call it a sign of good things to come.

*****

We had been walking for hours along the highway, hoping to find a town where we could buy some supplies, get some rest, and find out what was going on in the world. I was dragging behind me our group’s bag. Pablo and Enrique were following behind me.

“I have to admit, I like that my feet aren’t aching at all from all this walking,” Enrique said, nodding satisfactorily as he looked at his brother.

“Sí, it is a nice benefit of having hooves. Remember nuestra abuela? Our grandmother? She was always going on and on about her arthritis.” I heard Pablo chuckle. “How are you doing Trixie? How are you doing with the bag?”

“We are doing fine thank you, though we do believe we should teach you both how to perform magic once we find a town,” I replied. The use of the royal ‘we’ was coming rather naturally. Trixie, did you ever use the royal ‘we’ prior to this?

If Trixie did, does it truly matter? she responded.

Yes it does, I replied. It would be nice to know if it’s me or you who is making this so easy.

You did start using it on your own initiative. I’m sure you can have a nice long discussion with whoever became Luna once we get to New York. I felt Trixie shift in my mind and focus on our surroundings. My my my, but there are a lot of swamps here.

I looked around and nodded, “Yeah, there are a lot of--”

Just then I noted a shiny green rectangle in the distance. “A sign! Thank Celestia! Faust! God! Flying Spaghetti Monster if you feel like it!” I broke into a swift trot and had to focus in order to not lose my magical grip on my bag or trip over myself.

When I was a few feet from the sign I looked up. “Gunterstown, next exit, half a mile,” I recited.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Enrique gasped, catching up with his stubby legs. “Let’s get over there, then we can figure out what’s going on, call a cab to pick us up, then get the heck over to New York! Rapido, rapido!” The green colt started making his way down the road eagerly with his brother close behind.

*****

I had heard of the unwelcoming country backwaters of some towns that could be found throughout the country. As it turned out, Gunterstown was one of them. The first most noticeable feature of the town was a large community hall with paint peeling off the side of it. On the side of it were two water fountains. Over each of them words could be seen, outlined from having once been painted on the side of the building with bold, commanding letters. It had not been repainted for what looked like decades, but the fact that no one had bothered painting over them spoke worlds. Over one fountain was the faint outline of the word ‘whites’. Over the other was the pale tracing of the word ‘blacks’.

I winced, gulped and continued forward. A bit further into town was a diner; we stepped inside and were met with an unremarkable sight. Along the counter were several men with closely shorn haircuts and collared shirts. Each were digging into their meals until the bell on the door jingled. The men turned around and looked at us, giving a collective glare before they turned back to their food.

I gulped and ushered in Pablo and Enrique. We walked to the end of the counter, and I coughed at the waitress that was cleaning some dishes. She had light red hair and freckles, a slender build, and a dress-and-apron combo that heralded the days when the fountain signs on the community hall were freshly painted. Also wrinkles, the woman was clearly past her middle years and pushing sixty.

When she looked at me she gasped. “Oooooh mah goodness, yer one of them bronyfolk they’re talking about on the internet and news! We ain’t seen any o’ yer type here in Gunterstown before. Well, let me just be the first to welcome you to our town, not the most impressive thing, but very accommodating. Oh but where are mah manners! Mah name is Marietta, and you are?” she asked, offering a hand. I had to brace myself against the counter in order reach out a hoof to her hand. My little pony indeed.

“Trixie,” I offered, “and might we add that it is a pleasure to meet you. We have to ask though, do you serve anything without meat?”

“Absolutely! We have minestrone ready to serve soon as ya please.” She smiled broadly at me. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed one of the men look over and shake his head before opening a newspaper.

I turned to Pablo and Enrique and gave them an inquiring look. When they nodded I turned back to Marietta and smiled. “Minestrone sounds lovely, you have our thanks.”

The waitress brought us to a booth and served us some water. I brought out my laptop and turned it on. “Do you by any chance have a wireless network? I’ve been out of the loop news-wise for a little while and would like to catch up.”

Marietta nodded. “Network's unrestricted, it’s called ‘Maria_net’, should be easy to find.”

I began making the adjustments to connect to the internet and was soon looking over the news. “Okay, let’s see, seems like all the Mane Six are coming out of the woodwork. Lauren Faust is Celestia, Tara Strong became Luna. We also have Derpy and... hang on. I clicked on a link that showed a video of Pinkie Pie giving a speech somewhere in Oklahoma to loud cheers. My left eye twitched slightly.

And ponies call me a showboater? Humph!

I have to agree with you there Trixie, I replied in thought.

I was looking over other stories when the waitress came with three bowls of soup. After giving my thanks I began browsing again. “Reports of violence against ponies across the world, no reports yet of any deaths, sev--” I looked up to see Enrique staring down at his bowl. Pablo had his face dunked in his and was slurping loudly.

Ignoring the orange colt, I asked Enrique, “Prefer to learn how to use spoons again?” When he nodded, I continued. “Try to imagine not you picking up the spoon, but the magic itself.”

Enrique concentrated on the spoon and scowled at it, willing it to move. He was rewarded by the spoon flying upwards and clattering against the ceiling before falling back down again. I caught it in my own magical field and lowered it to the table slowly. “Try again,” I instructed.

Another bout of grimacing from Enrique was rewarded by the spoon being surrounded by a green aura. It lifted the spoon shakily and dipped into the soup and soon Enrique was eating at a steady pace.

I resumed examining the news. “South African Parliament holds emergency session regarding legal status of ponies and other Equestrian nationals... Italy issues invitation to ponies to emigrate, cites phrase ‘Italy is heaven for horses, and hell for women. England is heaven for women, and hell for horses.’” I rolled my eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Enrique look up from his soup as I clicked to the next page of stories. What I saw on my monitor then was caused me to flinch as spew out a small spoonful of minestrone towards Enrique as he ejected the contents of his own mouth. The collective momentum of the fluids canceled eachother out and we were left relatively clean. I grabbed as many napkins as I could to absorb the mess and then looked over the news article again.

Attempt on Fluttershy’s Life, Investigation in Progress

I spun around the laptop to Pablo and Enrique and gestured with my hoof. In response Enrique pointed behind me. I turned around and saw that the same article was on the newspaper one of the men at the counter was reading. I lifted a few more napkins with my magic and dabbed at my cheeks.

“What is this? Attacking Fluttershy?” I hissed. “We have to get out of here!”

“Why?” Pablo questioned loudly.

“SH! Keep it down, just look at the story!”

The orange colt’s eyes scanned the article and slowly widened. “Yeah, I don’t think we’ll be very welcome in this town for long.”

Soon afterwards we paid for our meal and hastily left the establishment, continuing our way down the road on hoof.

“I can’t believe that of all the Mane Six, the first pony to be attacked by the People Against Ponies Association would be Fluttershy!” I exclaimed openly to the air and my two followers.

That’s the yellow one with the pink mane? Soft spoken and much too timid? Intimacy issues? Trixie asked, plucking through my mind.

Yes, yes, and really only in the fanon, I replied.

The one that bird made cry?

Yes, Gilda made Fluttershy cry, which puts you up as slightly better by having not done that, I responded.

I could feel Trixie moving about in my head. Get the map, the Trixie shall figure out the quickest way to New York.

That would be by finding an airport and flying, here. I opened up a pouch in the bag and lifted out a map, opening it up in front of me.

Let’s see, Alabama...

After a few minutes of Trixie scanning the map, I hit something hard through the map and fell over. I looked up and saw a large black sign with neon lettering. It read out: ‘Johnson’s Travel Agency’.

“Deus ex machina,” I pronounced.

Enrique’s head poked into my vision. “What are you talking about?” he questioned. “There were signs all over the place. I thought you were just following them.”

“Errr, of course!” I stated sheepishly as I stood up. “Right this way, time waits for nopony!”

I swiftly trotted to the small building. Inside the windows were various maps and pictures for various airlines, bus companies, and rail-lines. I used my magic to open the door and looked around. All along the sides were shelves holding travel brochures to plan vacations from Disney Land to Disney World, from Reno to Las Vegas, from New Jersey to just about any other place that wasn’t New Jersey. The walls were painted white and the fluorescent light clearly illuminated the soft linoleum below my hooves.

At the back of the room was a counter that would have reached waist height back when I was human, so about three feet. On the counter were two computers placed close to the center, with a second computer off to the left. Behind the counter was a door that led to the back rooms, from which I could hear a hurried scurrying about.

When I walked to the counter I lifted myself onto my back hooves and barely managed to poke my head over the top while still maintaining my balance. Thank goodness my hooves had some capacity to grip smooth surfaces. Enrique was looking over the brochures on the walls. I looked behind me to see Pablo staring at me, a smile spread over the orange colt’s muzzle when he saw I was looking at him. This caused me to shudder and blanch, and I felt my tail move between my legs and my ears pin back.

Thanks for the assist with those, I thought.

You are welcome, keep away from eating any grass and I’ll be sure to keep your body language as hostile to him as possible.

“Hello?” I called out to the rooms behind the desk. “We are looking for assistance in getting to New York!”

The shuffling stopped briefly and a loud thud sounded in the back. “DAMMIT!” shouted someone. A stomping sounded but soon became a quiet step as it approached the door. A tall, slim, clean-shaven, smiling, caucasian man in a business suit walked through the door into the main room. When his eyes set on me his smile vanished in an instant to become a scowl.

“Oh, it’s one of them types,” he declared.

“PAPA?” I asked flatly.

“My affiliations are nothing of your concern horse! Now go on git! Out of my establishment!” The man approached the edge of the counter and then saw Pablo and Enrique. His left eye twitched. “It’s a god-damn invasion! First the economy tanks! Then the calendar gets all screwed up! Now I can’t figure out how to organize flights for my customers! And to top it all off, little technicolor ponies start rampaging around.”

“Erm, what’s this about the calendar?” I asked timidly. In response both of his eyelids spasmed. The man stormed into the back room and then returned with a calendar. He shoved it violently into my muzzle.

“LOOK AT IT!” he screamed. I quickly scanned the paper, Saturday, Sunday, Marsday, Thorsday, Wagnesday. There was something off with this calendar.

I looked at the irate man and spoke. “This seems to be a gag calendar, the names are all wrong.”

“Exactly!” he yelled. “Every calendar on the planet has been changed to be like this, digital, paper, all of it! All because of you damned ponies and your crazy god of chaos Discworld or something.”

“First of all, it's Discord. Second, ponies do not worship Discord, nor are we in any way allied with him. For instance, he caused our friends and us to crash into a swamp a few miles out of town and stranded us on a gigantic gummy bear.” When the words left my mouth I realized I should have dropped that last clause.

“A gigantic gummy bear. Likely story. Now go!” The man pointed at the door.

At this point Pablo walked up and started spouting off. “Pero señor, necesitamos su ayuda. Piense en lo que haria Jesus.”

“What did he just call me?” the man asked.

Enrique responded, “He said: But sir, we need your help. Think of what Jesus would do.”

“THAT’S IT!” the irate travel agent bellowed. “I’m tired of all these pony-Catholic-immigrant types coming in here and ruining this fine country! Out now!”

“Now hold on a moment! We are perfectly willing to pay for your services in procuring transportation and your present attitude is--” The man walked away from the counter and into the back room. When he returned, he had a large baseball bat in his hand.

“OUT!” he demanded.

With that I finally decided to cut my losses and get out of there. Pablo followed close behind and Enrique shoved our bag back outside. We trotted down the road and panted wearily.

“Well, that is the last time we try to negotiate with PAPA. Come, Snips and Snails, we must get to New York another way!”

Enrique looked at me and coughed. “Care to repeat that?”

Realization dawned on what I had said. “Oh, our apologies, Pablo and Enrique.”

“Right,” the green colt said before nodding his head with a flat expression, “let’s get going.”

Comments

[Red Bomber]

So that's your first encounter with a PAPA affiliate. If only he was more rational, either way it's time try to get out of here as fast as possible.

[Hope]

[TundraStanza]

“I’m tired of all these pony-Catholic-immigrant types coming in here and ruining this fine country! Out now!”

Yeah, that pretty much sums up the loud minority's opinion about Christians.
I wish it wasn't as loud.

[Westphalian_Musketeer]

1735585
I was partially inspired to write this scene by this video here... Be warned, gore near the end.
[youtube=9hSEwy8ZORc]

[TundraStanza]

1735607
RDR: UN.
That's... quite an inspiring scene.

[Buckshot2825]

I resumed examining the news. “South African Parliament holds emergency session regarding legal status of ponies and other Equestrian nationals... Italy issues invitation to ponies to emigrate, cites phrase ‘Italy is heaven for horses, and hell for women. England is heaven for women, and hell for horses.’” I rolled my eyes.

Another funny news story for your wonderful friends in the government politics
Anyways, almost done. :D well if you have more updates then i wont be done but after this i have the zecora story then when i get around to it
Diaries of a madman
Also i must note that part of the thought process between you and trixie is not italicized
Your Faithful Comedian
-Buck

[Zanec]

Gunterstown, more like... Gruntersdown

[jmmovieboy]

The Italy bit made laugh a little. They do realize most of the characters are females, right. Also that PAPA guy was asshole.

[ShadeJak]

This is not a nice town. Between Discord's trolling and PAPA's hatemongering, seems Trixie and co. cannot catch a break