Hatred
Love is be a powerful thing. It can be amazing, or destructive. It's best not to mess with love, or else it will backfire.
Spike flexed in the mirror. Ever since he grew, he felt the need to look way better. SO he started to work out, and it paid off. Well, at least for him. He smiled, and showed his white teeth. "Alright, Spike. You can do this!" he repeated to himself. He knew he just should relax, but he couldn't. Today he was going to ask Rarity out! He know felt better about his chances, and the fact they have been friends for years.
He started to walk out and Twilight Sparkle, now taking her face out of a book, said,"Good luck!". Spike told her all about what he was going to do last night. He walked to Rarity's happily. He greeted everypony that passed by with a smile. He hadn't been treated as a child ever since he became bigger. It was a blessing to him. Especially since some ponies seemed to take interest in him. But, his heart belonged to Rarity.
He finally arrived at her house, and knocked on the door. "Coming!" said a familiar voice. He took a deep breath and exhaled. A blue outline surrounded the knob, and the door slowly opened. There she was, looking fine as ever in Spike's eyes. "Oh, hello Spike!" she said, with a big smile. "Hi Rarity, can I come in?" Spike said, nervously. "Of course!" she said, as Spike walked in.
"What brings you here?" she asked. "Oh, I-I wanted to uh, tell you something. M-more like a-ask."he said, looking around the room. His eyes shifted around, looking everywhere except to Rarity. "Anything." she said. She noticed he looked nervous. "What could Spike be nervous about? We've known each other for years.", she thought. "Well w-we've know eachother f-for while now...",he said as Rarity nodded,"And, I-I wanted to know I-If you wanted to...g-go out".
She gave an uncomfortable smile. "A, a date?" she said, now doing what Spike had been doing. "Yeah," he said, sighing. He hoped this wouldn't happen. She didn't feel the same way. "I'm sorry Spike, but I see you only as a good friend, let's just pretend this didn't happen." she said, nervously.
Let's just pretend this didn't happen.
He heard the words over and over in his mind. His jaw dropped, and his eyes watered. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. He had mixed emotions. He felt confusion, then passion, the rage. He wiped the tears away. He slammed his claw on the table in front of them. "Spike!"she yelled. "NEVER HAPPENED?! I've given so much for you, and this is how you treat me? I'm done trying. I don't want to see you. Ever." he said, tears again forming in his eyes. "Spike, I..." She said, speechless.
Spike stormed home, cursing away everypony that tried to greet him. He was furious.
Let's just pretend this didn't happen.
Just the though of that made him want to break someones face. A simple no would've been good. He kicked the door to the tree house open, nearly breaking it off. Twilight Sparkle looked with a frown. "So it-" she was cut off by a serious stare. Spike was hardly ever serious, so she took it as her cue to be quiet. He sat down on his small bed. he had so many things he wanted to tell Rarity, but he just wanted to take his mind off of her.
He couldn't stop thinking about her. In a bad way. He thought of all the things he would do to her. He sighed. "Violence isn't the answer." he said to himself. "Spike, are you feeling better?" said Twilight Sparkle, softly. "Go away." He responded, grimly. "C'mon, Spike! Let's go get ice cream or something." she said putting her hoof on his shoulder. "GO AWAY." he said, louder. "Spike." she said. "GET AWAY!" he yelled, throwing a claw.
She backed away, blood, dripping from her chin. She had a rather large cut. "Spike, don't let the anger get to you..." she said, turning away. He had just clawed his best friend in the face because of a rejection. He was disappointed in himself. He needed away to stop the pain. Or, a way to make her hurt.
He suddenly had a genius idea. Ever since Spike matured, he'd been spending a lot more time with ponies other than the ones he'd been around for the past few years. Especially, Sweetie Belle. They were good friends, and he'd always had a "thing" for her. But he had denied it because of his even bigger "thing" for Rarity. She was bigger now as well, and even had her cutie mark. He broke into a devious grin. "Perfect." he said, rubbing his hands together.
About two days later, there was a knocking on the library's door in the morning. "Twilight..." Spike groaned. She sighed. "You lazy dragon!". She opened the door and a white pony with a purple mane stood before her. "Hi Twilight, how's Spike holding up?" she asked. "Come in and see." she said, with no emotion. "Spike?" she yelled in the air. Spike quickly got out of bed, and walked down stairs with a smile. "Morning, Rarity. 'Sup?". Last Rarity had seen of him, he stormed out of her house, leaving dents in her floor. "Hello. I'm really sorry about the whole thing." she said. "Don't be! I've already got past that silly thing. In fact, I felt so good I asked a different pony out!" he said. Her jaw dropped. She was confused, she crushed him and he just asked another pony out? "Is that all he thinks of me now?!", she thought to herself. "G-good for you," she said, with a weak smile.
"Well, I must be going now. Bye!" she said, quickly walking out. Once the door shut, he smiled. All had gone according to plan!
Rarity ran home, confused. "But he, I thought, I, is that all he thinks of me now? Just another pony?" she said to herself. Tears dripped from her eyes. She always denied her love for him, she was a classy pony. She loved Spike, but she wanted a nice, strong stallion. But deep down, she knew she had feelings for him. When she reached her house, she got inside and slammed the door shut. She slid down it, until she was sitting down, crying. "Rarity?", a sweet voice asked. "S-Sweetie Belle?" she asked, weakly.
She stood back up, and wiped the tears from her eyes before Sweetie Belle came trotting in with a huge smile on her face. "Hello, darling!" said Rarity. "Hey sis! I heard some weeping, are you alright?" she asked. "Ha ha! Never better!" she said, trying to sound cheery. "Then we're both having amazing days!" she said. "What happened to you?" asked Rarity. "I have a coltfriend now!" replied Sweetie Belle.
"No, it can't be!", Rarity thought to herself.
"Well, actually more like a dragonfriend!",she said happily.
Rarity felt like she had been hit by a boulder, then stomped on by a minotaur.
Her eyes watered.
"SPIKE!" Sweetie Belle yelled.
"We're going out now! He took me to the park and asked!" she said.
She felt as if she had been crushed.
"G-good for you...", Rarity said, holding back tears.
"Good for you."
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Interesting...I like it!
1521976
Note taken
Will do in next chapter.
Thanks for feed back
Also, I was wondering if you might space out when other people talk. I don't know if that's a hard-and-fast rule, but I've always seen it written like this::
Spike: "Blah blah blah"
Actions
Twilight: "Blah blah blah"
The paragraphing between the actions is not important, but spacing between dialogue helps to make sure that everyone knows who is doing the talking.
1523058
Sure thing
1522185
She knew Spike was hurting, so instead of making a scene she just left.
1524166 I don't think it was like that. Form how I read it, he kind of waved his hand at her shooing her away and she got nicked by the claw. It wasn't really a direct act of violence more like a unpleasant accident.
You really need to have a new paragraph when someone new talks. Beside that, it's interesting. Spike does seem a little too cruel though.
Every time a new character starts speaking, you need to start a new paragraph. And there's also a part where you started a new paragraph when Sweetie Belle was still talking.
Rarity really chose her words poorly. I don't think Spike would ever be this big of a jerk, but despite that I can't wait to see what happens next.
I like this story, slow it down some and format a bit better, and this would be perfect.
1525862
Just like I said I'm changing the format
1529468
Again
1529672
Again
Don't worry everyone, It's just how I'm used to writing. It is being changed though.
1530151 Sounds good.
I'm liking this story.. seems interesting. I agree the chapter was rushed, but it was good nonetheless. Can't wait till the next part!
Rushed Indeed and perhaps a bit forced also, but I love the premise. It's time for a little pay back.
Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy. Anyways, I'll try to get in a chapter by Friday.
This story shows potential, but it feels very rushed. You really should put more detail into this.
Rarity didnt notice the cut on twilight's face