Spike and Rarity have been friends for years now. Spike's grown bigger, and so has his love for Rarity. But, for Rarity, he's still just a friend.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 15th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Aug 18th, 2014
TheOneTrueBanana
I am an amateur writer, looking for a great time on here. I am currently working on the story of love,"How I Came To Be"
TheOneTrueBanana
Joined 15th Oct, 2012 ·
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Interesting...I like it!
1521976
Note taken
Will do in next chapter.
Thanks for feed back
Also, I was wondering if you might space out when other people talk. I don't know if that's a hard-and-fast rule, but I've always seen it written like this::
Spike: "Blah blah blah"
Actions
Twilight: "Blah blah blah"
The paragraphing between the actions is not important, but spacing between dialogue helps to make sure that everyone knows who is doing the talking.
1523058
Sure thing
1522185
She knew Spike was hurting, so instead of making a scene she just left.
1524166 I don't think it was like that. Form how I read it, he kind of waved his hand at her shooing her away and she got nicked by the claw. It wasn't really a direct act of violence more like a unpleasant accident.
You really need to have a new paragraph when someone new talks. Beside that, it's interesting. Spike does seem a little too cruel though.
Every time a new character starts speaking, you need to start a new paragraph. And there's also a part where you started a new paragraph when Sweetie Belle was still talking.
Rarity really chose her words poorly. I don't think Spike would ever be this big of a jerk, but despite that I can't wait to see what happens next.
I like this story, slow it down some and format a bit better, and this would be perfect.
1525862
Just like I said I'm changing the format
1529468
Again
1529672
Again
Don't worry everyone, It's just how I'm used to writing. It is being changed though.
1530151 Sounds good.
I'm liking this story.. seems interesting. I agree the chapter was rushed, but it was good nonetheless. Can't wait till the next part!
Rushed Indeed and perhaps a bit forced also, but I love the premise. It's time for a little pay back.
Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy. Anyways, I'll try to get in a chapter by Friday.
Waaaaaaaaaaay too fast man, slow it down a bit
Good story just too fast paced
i think it was perfect,and i dont think it was too fast, i mean its been fictional years,maybe sweetie got a crush on spike for a while
i really like how a "revenge" could turns into a real love and i like rarity but of course i like her reaction
Oh BTW im a SweetySpike fan since them dancing photo on the royal wedding
This story shows potential, but it feels very rushed. You really should put more detail into this.
Just slow the pace a bit. This chapter could have been nearly tripled in length in my opinion (don't take that harshly because I love the story) Slow it down. Give more details. Not just "he went there did this than went there" if you know what I mean (:
next chapter?? plss
I'm gonna be honest, it didn't seem that rushed to me. I have a similar style of writing myself, so I know how it works. There were definitely a few grammatical errors, but I think this is great work and I'd love to see more of it!
Rarity didnt notice the cut on twilight's face