• Published 25th Oct 2012
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Halo: Stranded - The R0fl Guy



The Master Chief is stuck on an unknown planet, and to make matters worse, Cortana's going rampant.

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Knight in Shining MJOLNIR

Chief aimed his SMG at the head of the pegasus, intending to fire, when a large red dot appeared on his motion tracker, triggering a ping in his helmets speakers. It was slightly smaller than the size of a dot for an elite, but still considerably large. The dot was twenty two meters from his current position, and closing in on him fast.

As soon as his motion tracker detected the threat, he turned to face it, ignoring the petrified gray pegasus and allowing it a chance to escape. Not without clumsily smashing into a large tree branch and almost spiraling out of control though. He didn't worry greatly about it telling the alicorns, as he would still have the element of surprise if he remained inside of the forest, and he was much better armed now as well. He just hoped Cortana would be able to handle staying inside.

As Chief turned to aim his SMG in the direction of the oncoming threat, he heard a deafening roar come from whatever was crashing through the trees and bushes.

“Chief, whatever approaches us is almost the same size as an average elite. You may need something larger than an M7.” Cortana said cautiously, yet calmly. She had seen him handle Brute Chieftains before, so she was certain he'd do just fine against whatever he was about to go up against now.

Acknowledging Cortana's suggestion, Chief attached his SMG to his side while placing his ammo bag down next to him, and drew his assault rifle along with three spare magazines for it. He also took his remaining two grenades from it and put them into one of the pouches on his belt. The threat was now eleven meters from him, and he could see trees crashing down through the bushes and foliage. Digging in behind a thick tree he knew the beast wouldn't be able to knock down, Chief took aim in the direction it was coming from.

It was almost on him now, just seven meters away. All that was between him and the threat was the tree he was behind, and the thick patch of bushes and trees he had previously hid in from the pegasus.

“It's almost through, get ready.” Cortana said.

The beast smashed another tree aside, allowing it to push its head through. When it spotted Chief, it let loose a bellowing roar at him. Chief examined its head, and thought that it looked like an oversized lion with large horns atop its head and an extremely sharp set of teeth. Chief was taller than the beast, but it had a much larger body than him. It's arms and claws were very large as well, and were probably capable of causing him a bit of damage he noted.

There was only one tree left between them now, so he had to act quickly. He pulled a frag grenade from the pouch he had put them in, primed it, then pulled the spoon. He aimed for a spot in the bushes where he thought its feet would be, counted to three, and threw it. His aim was true, and it flew through the bushes and into the beasts foot with great force. The lion gave a roar of pain and anger as the grenade slammed into its foot, and looked to Chief with fire in its eyes. It attempted to knock down the final tree once more, and was about to succeed, when the grenade exploded.

The impact from the explosion sent the beast flying into the ground with force, causing it to yell out in intense pain. The explosion tore most of its leg and the left side of its body to dark red pieces, leaving nothing but a severed thigh and bloody burn marks all along its arm and side. The lion lay still on its back, slowly slipping into unconsciousness, as it was stunned and unable to think straight after taking such a devastating blow.

As soon as he threw the grenade, Chief dug back into the tree and waited until it exploded. After hearing the loud boom of the detonation and the roar of pain from the lion, he poked his head around to inspect it. He saw a tire sized crater in the burnt ground, still smoking from the explosion. The bushes and trees had been ripped apart by the grenade, and some trees had even toppled over. He then examined the lion, which was severely injured. It was unmoving, and most likely dead, Chief thought.

“Cortana, check its life signs. Is it dead?” He asked.

“No, surprisingly. Much like an elite, or brute, it survived the grenade because of how large it is. Just barely, though. Its arms are very thick, so it was able to cover most of its side from the blast, but not its leg.” Cortana answered. “Of course, if this were an elite or a brute, its armour would have prevented it from losing a leg, and it would be pretty angry with you right now.” She said jokingly. “Although, I'm sure your good buddy the Arbiter would understand you throwing a grenade at one of his elites.” She added sarcastically.

“Is it some sort of lion?” He asked in a confused tone when he noticed it had wings and a scorpion tail, as well as the horns he saw earlier.

“It may look like it, but no. This appears to be a manticore. Basically, it's a beast that has wings, horns, a tail, eats people whole, and may shoot poisonous spines, according to Eurasian mythology.” Cortana answered. “This entire planet seems to be made up of fairy tales and myths. Talking equines, wooden wolves, manticores... it just doesn't make any sense.” She added with as much confusion as Chief.

“Don't think too hard about it. We just need a way off.” Chief replied flatly.

“Okay. The manticore's as good as dead, and we still haven't found anywhere to set up camp. There's no use sticking around he-AAAGHH!” Cortana screamed briefly before becoming silent.

“Cortana!” Chief yelled. She did not respond. “Cortana, answer me. Are you alright?” He asked with worry. His question was met with more silence. He was about to run a diagnostic on her, when his heads up display started flickering. He could do nothing but watch as his suits systems gradually began going offline and malfunctioning, as nothing would respond to him.

The speakers in his helmet suddenly started working, and he was able to make out a sound coming through. The sound was small at first, but slowly became louder and louder. After long enough, he was able to make out what the sound was. He thought he heard Cortana talking to herself. The first voice was unmistakeable, and he instantly recognized it as Cortana's. The second voice, however, was definitely Cortana's, but in a much more devious tone. The two voices seemed to be arguing back and forth about multiple topics.

He wasn't able to make out much of what they were saying, as the two voices were talking over each other quite furiously. He thought he heard Cortana mention doctor Halsey, and a chess game, but as soon as he was almost able to make out a full sentence, another voice started speaking over it. The constant arguing went on for almost a minute, causing much grief to Chief's ears, until it escalated into what sounded like complete anger. He could no longer make out partial sentences, or even single words, as everything they said to each other was just a jumble of sounds to him.

His heads up display started to flicker more violently, then it shut down completely. The rest of his armour that Cortana had access to shut down as well, including his shields. He would be much more vulnerable to the energy based attacks of the alicorns if he didn't have his shields, he thought. Chief needed to fix this now, he didn't want to be stranded on an alien world with nonoperational armour and Cortana in full rampancy.

Chief activated his armour override control, allowing his armour's systems to begin functioning properly once more. As the rest of his armour began functioning again, his speakers crackled to life. The yelling Cortana's were still there, and it was now becoming a nuisance for him. Ejecting her data chip, Chief said,

“Cortana, get a hold of yourself. Just calm down.”

When she realized he had pulled her, she snapped back to her usual self. Appearing above the data chip Chief held in front of his face, she slowly looked up. Chief noticed she was flickering in and out of view quite rapidly, as well as appearing red on parts of her body. She spoke slowly,

“Chief, I..." She paused, "I didn't mean to cause your armour to malfunction. It's the forest, we need to stay near the outskirts of it, I can't handle being inside for too long.” She said, sounding very weak. Chief knew they didn't have much time, so he would buy as much as he could.

“Alright. Lets get moving. We'll stick to the outskirts.” He said as he picked up his bag of ammunition while returning his assault rifle to it.

“How is your condition?” He asked cautiously, worried about what she might say.

“You don't have to call it that, Chief. My rampancy is becoming a pain, as I'm sure you've noticed, but it's manageable. Don't worry.” She answered quietly, half lying about it being manageable.

“We just need to get back to Earth. Halsey will be there. We can get you help.” He replied reassuringly.

“Well, it's a long shot, but it may be possible. As far as I know, I'm the only AI ever to be generated from living tissue. It may be possible to recompile my neural net by replicating those same conditions. If we could get back, Halsey might be able to do it.” Cortana said with a hint of hope in her voice, returning to her usual blue self. “The only problem now, though, is we have no way back. Unless a slip space rated cruiser comes waltzing in sometime soon, we might not make it... unless these ponies have a hidden talent for interstellar travel.” She added sarcastically, the previous hope in her voice now gone.

“Someone has to find us, or there has to be something on this planet we could use. If we ended up here, someone else could have ended up here too.” Chief said.

“Well I wouldn't hold out on it.” she replied.

“I'm lucky though, aren't I?” He said as he inserted her chip back into his helmet and started jogging towards the edge of the forest.

-

“Girls, do you feel a slight pull in your elements?” Celestia asked them.

“I do!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“As do I.” Rarity said.

“They're pulling us towards the Everfree forest. I guess that thing decided to spend the night there.” Twilight said to Princess Celestia.

“Ugh. Splendid.” Rarity pouted to herself.

“Guards,” Luna said to each of the two guards flying the two chariots the girls were in, “Follow the girls instructions. They will be able to tell you where we must go.” Acknowledging Princess Luna, they flew ahead of the chariot Celestia and herself were in, and descended down towards the forest canopy.

“Oh my.” Celestia said.

“What do you think could have caused that?” Luna asked her.

“Something that can create large amounts of fire, a dragon would be my guess.” She answered. The princesses and the girls gazed upon a massive black scar across a small part of the Everfree forest. They had spotted it after passing through a large cloud the forest had created.

Small fires were still scattered all around the scar, attempting to burn anything that may have survived.

“Too bad none of these clouds are rain clouds.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Lets hope the fire doesn't spread anymore.” Twilight replied.

They all continued gazing, wondering what created the forest fire. Secretly, they were all hoping the alien wasn't connected to the fire. Something that could cause that much destruction must be powerful.

“Oh no!” Pinkie yelled into Applejack's ear, breaking her out of her gaze on the huge scar.

“What? What is it?” She yelled back to her.

“We missed lunch time by half an hour!” She replied frantically, making it sound like they had broken a major law, and earning strange looks from Applejack and Rarity. Rolling her eyes at her, Applejack turned back to the forest that stretched for miles and miles beneath them.

-

Chief was nearing the edge of the forest, so he decided to stop and find a suitable place to set up camp. He found a small clearing covered by the canopy that was roughly fifteen meters from the edge, and was large enough for him to maneuver comfortably in. He took his assault rifle from the bag, along with two more magazines and the emergency supply satchel he had stored in it earlier. He then pulled together some logs and bushes, and hid his sniper rifle and the bag in them.

“You shouldn't have let that pegasus escape. It's probably on its way to those alicorns now. The last thing we need is them hunting us down.” Cortana warned Chief.

“Don't worry. There's a lot of cover in this forest, as long as we don't leave before nightfall we'll be fine.” He replied. “There was an actual threat approaching, anyway.” He added.

“Right, because I'm sure one five by twenty three millimeter round would have made all the difference.” Cortana said sarcastically. She continued, “Although, I can't blame you, your ammunition supply is dwindling with each round you fire. I'm sure when those equines find left over weapons and ammo on board the Dawn, they'll take them in for examination, and that won't help our situation either. Keep your knife handy.”

“Affirmative. How much longer can you handle being in the forest?” He asked.

“A while, now that my head is clear. You need supplies, I'm not going to stop you from getting them. Don't worry about me.” Cortana answered.

“Okay. Just tell me if it's too much. If we need to, we can go back to the Dawn for supplies.” Chief replied.

“Negative, we shouldn't leave until nightfall, like you said. I can fight it, just try not to go too far into the forest for extended periods of time.”

Chief checked his mission clock and read 0726 hours. He wouldn't venture out of the forest until 2100 hours, when he was sure it would be dark.

He began collecting supplies once more, and eventually his searching lead him to a large cave. The entrance of the cave was massive, easily big enough for two Pelican drop ships to enter side by side. Trees grew off the edge of the cave in awkward positions, and vines hung off of them that were so long they almost touched the ground.

Examining the rest of his surroundings, Chief noticed that the forest canopy above the cave had been excavated. The strange part was that it wasn't cleanly excavated, as old trees, branches and plant life lay scattered around on the ground. He also noticed many burnt trees and branches, and piles of ash littered the ground, which was also burnt in some areas.

Chief scanned the inside of the cave, and thanks to his virtual night vision augmentation, spied large foot prints further into it. Whatever the prints belonged to only had four toes. The toes appeared to have large, sharp claws on the ends of them, as the dirt had large holes and slices in it at the end of each one. The foot prints were about three times the size of a hunters foot print, which was very large. Cortana saw them too, and asked,

“Think they have overgrown reptiles here?” in a dumbfounded voice. “Scratch that, extremely overgrown?” She added with much emphasis.

“What do you think they belong to?” Chief asked, still staring at the foot prints.

“Well, given what we've already seen here, my guess is another fairy tale creature, or a dinosaur.” She replied skeptically. “Hah, or maybe even a-” Cortana was about to mock something, when she was cut off by a loud roar in the distance. It was a deep bellow, almost a moan, that echoed throughout the forest.

Seconds after hearing the roar, Chief heard a dull sound. It was quiet at first, but slowly became louder, indicating it was getting closer. The sound was like wings flapping, and by how loud it was getting and the amount of time between each flap, whatever was approaching was big. Very big.

It was now in range of Chief's motion tracker, and appeared as a very large triangle. Whatever was approaching must live inside the cave, Chief thought.

“Now would be a good time to go!” Cortana hissed into Chief's speakers.

Throwing down the moss covered logs he had collected during that supply trip, he turned and sprinted back into the brush he emerged from earlier, taking a glance at his motion tracker. The blip was approaching him, and was only seventeen meters from his position.

He plowed through the bushes and hid behind a nearby tree, just as the target arrived at his location. Chief risked a glance from behind the tree, and what he saw he refused to believe.

“You've got to be kidding me.” He said flatly.

“Funny, because that's actually the next creature I was going to suggest before it so rudely interrupted me.” Cortana said, trying and failing to hide the nervousness in her voice.

The creature they were both looking at was a massive dragon.

“A dragon? Is this place a living fairy tale?” Chief thought to himself.

The dragon was perched on top of the cave, crushing a few of the twisted trees hanging off of it, and was looking down over the foliage below. There were deadly looking black spines running the length of its body, from its neck, all the way to the end of its tail, and it had sharp, pointed, rust coloured scales. Its body and head were very rigid, and were covered with more of the black spines. At the end of its tail, there was a large flap that looked like the head of a spear. Most likely for stabilization, Chief thought.

The dragon continued scanning the foliage below, waiting for anything to move.

“Stay out of sight, Chief. I have no clue how dragons work, so lets just wait and see if it will move on.” Cortana said cautiously.

Displeased with a new scent near its cave, the dragon decided to investigate further. Chief could hear it unfurl its wings, and drop down into the clearing in front of the cave. His motion tracker notified him, with a beep, that a massive threat was now only twelve meters away from him. He was so close that he was able to hear its deep breaths as it growled, and sniffed at the air.

“Fascinating, it seems to be territorial. I wonder how many more dragons there are here.” Cortana said, more to herself than anyone else.

Agitated at the scent that continued to remain in the area, the dragon began shooting flames in every direction. The flames blanketed the forest, burning everything to a crisp. Chief needed to get out of there, and fast.

“Okay, forget what I said about waiting, go!” Cortana ordered.

Chief made a dash to get away from the flames, but just as he did, the dragon shot a a wall of fire straight at him. Chief dove behind a thick tree as the flames met with him, and waited for the best time to move.

“It knows we're here now, get us out of here!” Cortana yelled.

The tree wouldn't provide cover for much longer; the fire was devouring it. His shields would be able to protect him from the flames for a few seconds only, so he would need to move between cover. Contact with the flames brought his shields down rapidly. They were at eighty three percent, and he was only in them for about a second and a half.

He waited for his shields to recharge, then started sprinting through the burning forest once more. It was much easier to run through when most of the trees and bushes were ash. The dragon wouldn't be satisfied the intruder was dead until it was in front of its eyes, so it took off in the direction Chief was in, trying to locate him.

“Chief, it's airborne. Try finding a cave or something. The canopy will provide cover for now, it should make it difficult for the dragon to spot you.” Cortana said. “Never thought we'd ever be running from a dragon...” She mumbled to herself.

As Chief left the burnt forest behind him and started running through the living foliage once more, he could hear the dragon bellowing from above the forest. Suddenly, flames engulfed the canopy above him, and burning branches began raining down around him. The dragon seemed to be trying to clear a way down to him. As more and more flames covered the forest above him, Chief continued sprinting through bushes and trees alike, stopping for nothing.

The dragon kept after him, burning away the canopy above him in an attempt to get a clear shot at him. He would need cover very soon, as the dragon was becoming more aggressive, and was even diving into the canopy to try and get to him. He kept on running, trying to get away, when he heard a small voice.

“Mister! Over here!” It cried.

Chief had no clue where “Over here” was, but his motion tracker did. He saw a small red dot twenty meters to his right. Looking over to its position, he spied the small gray pegasus through some bushes. It appeared to be beckoning to him, and if it wasn't for what he saw behind it, he would have kept on running. However, behind the pegasus was another cave, not as large as the last one, but still quite large. Turning towards the pegasus and the cave, he bolted towards them.

The dragon was now furious with Chief, and was viciously thrashing at the canopy. It was almost through. Its flames were now covering the forest floor around him. He kept running, and was nearing the cave, when the dragon broke through. It flew towards him, crashing through branches, trees and anything that stood between them. The pegasus watched as the Spartan and the dragon rushed towards her. Squealing in fear, she turned and ran into the cave.

Chief could hear the dragon as it flew after him, smashing through any obstacle in its way. It was seconds away from clamping down on him with its powerful jaws, when he reached the cave. He rushed inside, almost tumbling out of control as he tried to slow down, then turned to face the entrance, assault rifle drawn. The dragon, however, could not slow down as easily inside of the forest, and smashed into the top of the cave with great force. The impact caused it to shake violently, making a few stalactites fall from the ceiling. Chief then saw the gray pegasus over to the side of the cave, who asked,

“Why i-is a d-dragon chasing y-you?” in a very fearful tone.

Ignoring it, Chief shifted his gaze back towards the entrance of the cave. The dragon stood outside, shaking its head and bellowing in pain. After a few seconds of agony, it lowered its head to look inside of the cave, glaring at the Spartan and the pegasus with rage in its orange lizard-like eyes. Chief knew what was coming, and sidestepped to his left, taking cover behind a large boulder, the pegasus jumping in behind him. The dragon opened its mouth to cover the inside of the cave with a blanket of flames, when Chief opened fire on its exposed mouth.

He pulled the trigger, aiming directly into its throat, and fired every bullet in his rifle. The first ten rounds of the magazine entered the dragons throat, severely injuring it and causing it to spit up blood. After taking the first rounds to its mouth, it pulled its head back and roared in intense agony. The rest of the bullets lodged themselves into the dragons thick scales, while some pierced the skin underneath them and created small sprays of dark red blood. The dragon reared back and bellowed in pain once more, then attempted to breath flames, but was only able to spit up more blood.

“Good, we know how to hurt it now. The scales on its body seem to be very thick, so I suggest aiming for the head and neck. Let him have it.” Cortana said.

“Wh-what is that thing?!” The pegasus yelled over the pained roars of the dragon, while pointing a hoof at Chief's assault rifle. He ignored her once more.

The dragon was now incredibly angry, and was smashing its body against the cave, attempting to cause it to cave in. After smashing itself against the cave for a fourth time, it peered inside, and was greeted with another hail of bullets from the Master Chief. Roaring in anger at him, the dragon smashed its head against the inside of the cave in a failed attempt crush him.

Chief stepped out from behind the boulder, and fired once more at the dragons bloody head. The dragon resisted the urge to pull its head back and bellow in agony once more, and instead head butted the boulder Chief was behind, sending it flying into him. The boulder hit Chief, knocking him into the ground and sending his assault rifle flying across the cavern. Luckily for the pegasus, the boulder lost a lot of momentum when it struck the Chief, but it was still going fast enough to knock her unconscious.

Chief recovered quickly, and looked up to see the dragon opening its bloody, lacerated mouth once more, preparing to burn him to a crisp. Before the dragon could exhale any flames though, Chief jumped up and bolted towards it while activating his energy sword. Reaching the dragon in a second flat, he lunged at it, slicing through its jaw with the white hot blade of plasma.

The dragon screamed in pain, the loudest one yet, and pulled its head back, smashing into the ceiling with tremendous force. Stunned by the sudden strike from the energy sword, and the impact of its head meeting with the ceiling, it collapsed for a few short seconds. Chief used its lapse of energy to his advantage, and charged towards it, jumping on top of its head. As he was about to jam the energy sword into the dragons skull, it came to, and launched him off its head.

Landing on his shoulder and rolling back onto his feet, Chief turned and sprinted towards the dragon again. The dragon launched its head forward at him, attempting to grab him in its jaws, but Chief rolled to his right. It had many grapple points all over its body, thanks to its many spines, and Chief grabbed onto one of the smaller spines sticking out of the side of its neck.

Since the dragon was so large and cumbersome, it couldn't maneuver well inside of the cave, and couldn't object to Chief grappling onto it. Swinging around onto the top of its neck, Chief slashed at it several times, each time drawing a pained roar from it. Moving up its neck to the base of its head, Chief made a final strike, stabbing the blade into its upper neck.

The dragon could take no more pain, and furiously thrashed its head in an attempt to get Chief off of it. When that didn't work, it started slamming its body into the entrance of the cave, managing to knock Chief off of it that way. The dragon quickly picked him up in its mouth and flung him into the wall of the cave. It growled at him, as Chief's armour shattered the dragons already damaged and bullet filled teeth. Chief didn't have time to get up, so he turned over on his back to face it. The dragon moved in to make the killing move by smothering him in flames, but he had expected this, and as soon as it opened its mouth, he unleashed on its throat once more with his SMG.

The dragon roared and gurgled as it tried breathing fire, but only choked on its own blood. If the dragon hadn't continued trying to breath flames while Chief fired at it, it wouldn't have been injured as badly, but it kept trying out of rage. Finally closing its mouth, the dragon made one more attempt to kill Chief, and grabbed onto him before he could roll out of the way. It smashed Chief into the wall several times, as well as the ground, shattering almost all of its teeth in the process. It then flung the Spartan out of the cave, and slowly started making its way out to him.

The dragon didn't have much left in it, and could barely keep its balance as it moved towards the Spartan. Chief, quite rattled from the heavy repetitive blows he had just taken, lay on the ground, unable to move. He felt unconsciousness tugging at him, but resisted when he saw the dragon slowly approaching him, and knew he needed to do something fast.

Grabbing his last grenade, he primed it, pulled the spoon, and rolled it to the dragons feet. It looked down at it for a few seconds, then turned back to face Chief. It took a step towards him, positioning its vulnerable belly directly over the grenade.

The grenade detonated.

The dragon was too exhausted now to bellow out in pain, and instead just grunted. It collapsed once more, onto its shredded, bloody stomach. Slowly, it tried getting up, and eventually succeeded. It had very little life left in its torn, scarred body now, but it still wanted to kill the Master Chief.

Chief sensed it standing in front of him again.

“You've... gotta' be... kidding me.” He thought to himself. Hoping he still had ammo in his SMG, he raised it and fired.

One bullet.

One bullet was all that remained in his M7, and one more bullet was all that it took to convince the dragon to retreat. It had no teeth left to eat its opponent with anymore, nor did it have the strength or energy to kill it.

The dragon flinched at the bullet entering its raw neck, and resisted collapsing a third time. It slowly began to make its way back through the burnt forest, to its cave, where it would most likely die anyway, due to blood loss and trauma. Chief watched it disappear on his motion tracker, then tried getting up.

“No. You need to rest.” Cortana warned.

“The forest...” Chief said.

“Don't worry about me. I can fight it for now.” She answered.

Chief smiled to himself.

“One bullet.” He said slowly, mocking Cortana, before allowing himself to slip into unconsciousness.

“Just rest, Chief.” She replied, but he had already passed out.

-

“Chief, get up! Now!” He heard Cortana hiss in his deep slumber. “Come on Chief, they're coming! Wake up!” He heard her say again, more urgently.

He slowly opened his eyes, and saw that his mission clock read 1038 hours. He had slept for roughly two hours, which made him feel guilty for putting so much strain on Cortana. The next thing he saw was one of the last things he ever wanted to see, especially in the state he was in now. What he saw, was the white alicorn princess, and the smaller blue one beside her.

They were both glaring at him.

He then noticed the gray pegasus slumped over the back of one of the guards in golden armour, unconscious, and bloodied and bruised from the rock hitting her.

“Here in Equestria, we have laws that are against ponies being harmed. Especially innocent ponies.” The white alicorn said angrily, but calmly.

“You have a lot of explaining to do, alien.” The blue one spat. She continued, “And we will make you explain this time. You deserve no more mercy after treating an innocent pony this way, again.”

“You've got to be kidding me...” He thought to himself.