- Member Since 5th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 18th, 2012
Rainbow Dashie Dash
Meh, I'm a casual Brony, nothing much here.
Rainbow Dashie Dash
Joined 5th Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Empirical Deduction · 33k words · 1,275 12 · 17k views
- Bobbles · 186k words · 2,202 46 · 30k views
- little big pony · 47k words · 2,445 68 · 39k views
- SirEcho · 24k words · 1,390 38 · 18k views
- Draconian Soul · 71k words · 1,826 56 · 24k views
- Anonymous Pegasus · 7.2k words · 1,615 50 · 34k views
- Yellowtail · 218k words · 1,913 63 · 26k views
- GusThePolarBear · 8.9k words · 482 10 · 5.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.087 seconds
Total duration
1,024 users online
1,997,253 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Why the hell is this rated Teen if there's EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT?
1512413 This sums up my thoughts exactly.
I got smacked by a wall of words there. And the punctuation is all messed up. I couldn't go on past the first 5 lines, sorry.
And the description says it leads to rape and incest. Shouldn't this be rated M, then?
I barely glanced over the story, and now I'm wondering who approved this.
I mean, I'm all for the mods accepting fics faster so they don't back up, but a quick glance over (thirty seconds) should tell any mod that this needs to be rated mature.
Good job!
... on changing the rating for the sole purpose of letting people see something they don't want to!
Cancel
Rewrite
Mature Tag
Remove "Tragedy"
Remove wall of text
Post
Finish
You guys have no taste. This is the best thing ever.
They don't think it be like it is, but it do.
I'M BLIND I'M BLIND SOMEBODY HELP ME MY EYES THEY'RE BURNING OH CELESTIA AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEY BURN
And he's down from the word go!
dl.dropbox.com/u/93510029/reaction/notsure.gif
dl.dropbox.com/u/93510029/reaction/fap.gif
Aside from being a huge wall of text, it is actually fappable. Stimuli: 6/10, would clop again. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
1: I actively do not want to know.
2: I don't think it's rape if its consensual
Down voted for being improperly flagged sexual content.
I... just don't... why? I don't even...
i39.tinypic.com/2vbmtl5.gif
^this is the way that I imagine the writers mindset.
1512431
Maybe people don't sleep anymore. That is very common among us internet-goers.
1512755
I was hoping to see that gif again. I love it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! This story is scaring the boo-boos!
If you get that reference, then you get a gold star.
Anywho, this is my first review in a while, so let's get this rolling, shall we?
First of all, there appears to be a large wall o' text in the way of the story. If you could possibly press enter every few times, as well as tab, then that would make this a whole lot easier to read and to follow along with.
Another thing is that you need to use periods! Commas can't end every sentence you type, because now you're just making run-ons and it gets hard to follow after a while.
Also, I'm not usually very picky, but I do have a pet peeve about ellipses. They're the three periods in a row that usually cut off a thought before a character can finish it. But that's just my pet peeve speaking, so it's not something really major. Okay, now that I think about it, maybe I am picky. 'Hoof' as a singular noun, is spelled without a 've'. Rather, it is spelled with a 'f'. 'Hoof' is only spelled as 'hooves' when you are talking about more than one.
So, unless this is a trollfic, I recommend getting a proofreader as always, and to go back and correct any mistakes.
img2.timeinc.net/ew/i/2011/12/15/Breaking-Bad-Victor_320.jpg
What just happened?
1512431
I'd gladly mod to filter tripe like this.
Not really any rape....
Also, too short.
It's still a work in progress.
Needs more spacing, and there's a lot of grammatical errors, I can see this being a decent fic. You've just gotta make it that.
1515049 Thank you for understanding.
1516808 no problem, truthfully, i really enjoyed this
1516996 ^^
Motherbucking wall of text. Please add spacing
Arrgh! This be poorly written and solely for the sake of clop. There be no story and no interest other than to those who like tales of rough acts between two sisters.
Neigh, tis not something that most would find appealing.
1512525 Damn right.
gifattack.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/pool-dive-fail.gif
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4t4kp6KPe1rv5j9yo1_500.gif
1514562
Focused review time.
General structure: While the re-edit improves on the block of text formatting of the first chapter, it still could use some work in separating out each paragraph. Indenting the lead sentence helps to break up each paragraph but putting in a full empty line between each paragraph would make it easier again.
One thing to always keep in mind is that a new speaker must always be placed on a new line.
Always start a sentence with a capital.
the second half to the sentence feels like it is missing a word or two.
E.G. she noticed the weather had started to get a lot worse.
Additionally the entire paragraph runs on for a long time without a pause.
Full stops should be used after 'a lot worse' and 'the jammed door', breaking up the paragraph into digestable chunks.
Again, this has overuse of commas instead of full stops. This line also implies that this would not be the first time that Darklight and Canni have had sex, yet Dark seems not to know how sex feels later on.
Two questions from this line, If Marduk is human then what does that make his daughters? adoptive ponies? And why would being a human mean that he does not have to pack anything?
When did sperm become part of this story? woudn't that require a male participant? Maybe change sperm to 'climax' or 'orgasm'.
Finally a selection of spelling and grammar mistakes that would benefit from an additional round of proofing.
hoove (multiple instances) should be hoof
Darklight's face was completely read (red)
Understand this is not a nag post, the story has the potential to be a decent clop. It just needs some more TLC first.