Nice enough so far, though you should really look into the use of "to" and "too" since it's easily the most noticeable mistake throughout this chapter at least. For example: "To become" instead of "Too become" "That would hurt her just too much" <- this is probably the only place in this chapter "too" is used correctly, I think.
Gonna comment on every chapter with this, because it looks intruiging.
Good chapter, but this: “Oh sure Spike. Yuk it up.” seems OOC for Twilight. Swapping 'yuk' with 'laugh' though, and that seems more IC. Otherwise? Nothing jumps out at me. Your foreshadowing of what was going to happen was somewhat blatant with the description, but I can't think of any way to change that unfortunately, just want to draw attention to it.
Well I guess if a Pegasus could become skilled enough in alchemy to create a potion to give themselves a horn they might be able to become Alicorns too. For an earth pony, it would be the most difficult, as they would have to be able to make potions for both wings and horns.
Naturally, due to unicorns having magic, it helps them in the art of alchemy, but Zecora is proof that you do not need unicorn magic to be able to make potions.
Next chapter is Rarity...I have a feeling I am going to be pissed at Twilight for betraying Spike with Rarity. She may have only just become a male but bro code clearly states that you don't sleep with the mare your friend is into.
I like it so far and I can't wait to see what happens next and about the bro code she is way to old for him so he should suck it up and find a girl his own age I probably one of the CMC
7880968 Not really, alicorn Twilight was a very common plot in fanfiction back in the first and second seasons, in fact that may be why she did ascend in the show.
8502932 I think it's because people were pretty much suspecting that that's what was going to happen, especially when the introduction of Cadence confirmed that there are more alicorns than just Celestia and Luna.
Nice enough so far, though you should really look into the use of "to" and "too" since it's easily the most noticeable mistake throughout this chapter at least.
For example: "To become" instead of "Too become"
"That would hurt her just too much" <- this is probably the only place in this chapter "too" is used correctly, I think.
What no comments? this is hilarious i could read this with out the clop
1:Racist! Only unicorns can become Alicorns?!?
2: You already have a big brother, Twi
thats funny i have a feeling that celestia intended for this to happen
i would read this even if it wasn't a clop because i like what you are doing with it! though there is probably more you can do with it as a clop!~ :3
oh please don't leave us on a cliff hanger mate this story was truley enchanting you just gotta finish it
Gonna comment on every chapter with this, because it looks intruiging.
Good chapter, but this: “Oh sure Spike. Yuk it up.” seems OOC for Twilight. Swapping 'yuk' with 'laugh' though, and that seems more IC. Otherwise? Nothing jumps out at me. Your foreshadowing of what was going to happen was somewhat blatant with the description, but I can't think of any way to change that unfortunately, just want to draw attention to it.
terrariaonline.com/attachments/i-like-where-this-is-going-jpg.6549/
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Well I guess if a Pegasus could become skilled enough in alchemy to create a potion to give themselves a horn they might be able to become Alicorns too. For an earth pony, it would be the most difficult, as they would have to be able to make potions for both wings and horns.
Naturally, due to unicorns having magic, it helps them in the art of alchemy, but Zecora is proof that you do not need unicorn magic to be able to make potions.
Next chapter is Rarity...I have a feeling I am going to be pissed at Twilight for betraying Spike with Rarity. She may have only just become a male but bro code clearly states that you don't sleep with the mare your friend is into.
1727381
Oh damn i forgot about the bro code
I like it so far and I can't wait to see what happens next and about the bro code she is way to old for him so he should suck it up and find a girl his own age I probably one of the CMC
Just started reading this story for the fifth time, and I just caught Spike's last line in this chapter.
Fell out of my chair laughing at the irony.
4083305 FINALLY!!!! Finally someone caught onto that. I had Spike say that for a reason, and you are the first to comment on it at least
Stay classy
Lifted his tail and failed to see a vagina. Oh, good grief! S/He is in trouble when Rainbow Dash finds out.!
“But she already has wings. Why would she want a potion that can grant wings?”
What is she making, Red Bull?
That's what you think Spikey boy.
I dub this potion 'M.A. Larson's Signature Brew.'
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Red Alicorn gives you wings! Aaaaand a penis... But mostly wings!
Ya know, it's actually kind of meta reading about alicorn Twilight before she actually ascended.
7880968
Not really, alicorn Twilight was a very common plot in fanfiction back in the first and second seasons, in fact that may be why she did ascend in the show.
8502932
I think it's because people were pretty much suspecting that that's what was going to happen, especially when the introduction of Cadence confirmed that there are more alicorns than just Celestia and Luna.