Will of Haphinea
Joined 3rd Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Roran Dreamon · 255k words · 538 71 · 11k views
- Lord Despair · 336k words · 582 164 · 11k views
- D34dly F1ng3r · 52k words · 271 32 · 5.1k views
- Ekhidna · 170k words · 571 78 · 12k views
- SociallyAwkwardPegasus · 18k words · 343 44 · 9k views
- Arreis Of Avalon · 6.9k words · 258 3 · 4.8k views
- TheEighthDayofNight · 653k words · 1,013 52 · 16k views
- UNITLuna004 · 10k words · 236 37 · 4.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.085 seconds
Total duration
982 users online
1,660,897 hits today, 2,658,435 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Well, I promised myself I would try a very Dark (for me) story, and this is the result. I had hinted at the Kelpie's origin in previous stories, but I wanted to try a fully fleshed out story of Origin for both her, and her somewhat secret lover (I actually got one PM from someone guessing that Mimic was a lover of the Kelpie from the FIRST story I wrote of Hope's Asylum, but forgot who. Have a cookie, you were right!!)
I am an odd sort of student. I find mythology a fascinating and fun pass time. Demons, and familiar spirits are under this specific interests, and I had to include a few more. We know of Changelings and Kelpies, but I also mentioned Sirens (you know, that thing on your Starbuck's coffee cup? THAT is a Siren =p) and Succubi. Now, granted, I sincerely doubt we would ever see the latter in the MLP Universe, (seeing as they literally suck your life and soul away after sex with males.) but Sirens I thought of a good way to link them to what I know about the Sea-Ponies, from the previous MLP Generations.
I am not saying that they are one in the same, but BOTH happen to sing, and have dramatic effect on those who hear their songs. So take that as you will!
My hope with this story beyond the main history is also twofold. I wanted to make Queen Chrysalis a bit more sympathetic, first off, and Celestia, while not evil and a tyrant like some may imagine, make her at least capable of being that badass that she can be.
For Chrysalis, her concern is to feed her children. As a mother, she is out to protect her Children, and simply wants them to survive. As a ruler, she judges and handles punishment, but cares for her subjects.
I did wish to clarify why she killed those Changelings who witnessed the torture in a bit more detail. The reason is, I believe Changelings can absorb all emotions, and they have varying taste, with Love being their favorite. After seeing such hate and resentment, the Changelings present were essentially poisoned, and suffered with the disease they had. For the good of the Hive, they were killed, after replacements were sent in, but because of the fact she had to kill them, she resents Celestia. I am not saying that is why the Season Two invasion happens, but it is why she may not have asked for help from the Princess.
Concerning Celestia: I really hope I didn't make it sound like she was out to kill, even though she nearly did. My view is, she knew of and loved her Sea-Pony friends, and grew genuinely concerned when they didn't contact her. When she went to visit,(in a deleted scene from the story) saw Kellie torturing a few of them, surrounded by the bones and remains of all the others she, and the Sea-Dragon ate. The Dragon itself was long gone, moving on to more prey, but Kellie remained. She was caught and beaten, as try as Celestia may, the tortured Sea-Ponies were beyond helping. I cannot say what she was doing, as the idea I had would probably go beyond my own sick twisted mind, but I couldn't keep that scene in there.
As such, Celestia captured the evil and gluttonous Kelpie, and did what she did in Canterlot. For those not thinking the punishment was anything, imagine, if you will, a curse in which you can never die, feel all the pain of any major injuries, and poisoning, and yet, you will still live. She essentially gave her a curse as a punishment, and I believe this as fitting, as I don't see Celestia as a killer herself. The idea behind this is a mix of the Souls series of games (the Nexial binding in Demon's Souls) and even a little Mother 3.
Why did those two fall in Love you may ask? Because I feel even monsters need someone to talk to. It may have seemed rushed, but Kellie was fascinated with the Changeling the moment he returned. Perhaps just as a servant at first, like others she tempted, but the more he said no, the more she desired him. I admit, she did manipulate his feelings for her own sexual gratification, but he was somewhat guilty too.
If need be, I shall be very glad to post a history FAQ, but I hope the story at least made things clear. My commentary tends to muddle up things.
Take care, and let me know if I overlooked a typo, or phrase, I am very open to criticism, and would love to improve.
1469038
Longest.
Comment.
Ever.
BUT
it did serve some key explanatory purposes, so I'm okay with reading all of that text. It definitely helped me to understand what I didn't.
1469960
You should see my commentary on my other story... Think I beat out the entire first chapter of my first fiction here in terms of how long I wrote things out!
That said, That is the purpose of my commentary. I didn't want these little details to crowd up the story. Obviously Chrysalis wouldn't share the reason why she killed those poor Changeling to a traitor of the Hive, but to scare the traitor she makes it clear she is dangerous. All in the point of view!
I am somewhat tempted to make a view of the "Sea-Pony incident" from Princess Celestia as both Princess Luna and Twilight will ask about it. After all, she witnessed the crime first hand. The reason I chose a second-hand source was this was the couple's story. Their view of events. I still have many secrets the Kelpie is hiding, but, those will be revealed in my other fic, so no spoilers for that. A good story leaves some things hidden or open, I believe a little room for interpretation is a good thing. (Thus why I chose the Souls series for inspiration)
I thank you VERY MUCH for your comment! My goal was to make the story be told, and as I read back, use the commentary system to expand on a few whys. (although I still won't include the deleted scene...it isn't pretty.
)
The sex scene kinda sucked...
but the story in general was great. Just improve on a few thing and your story will be great.
1478132
To be honest, I actually did not wish to include it, and was debating altering the scene, simply implying what was done. It's not that I don't know how to write such scenes, but writing in the context of a virgin, and a virgin who views sex as either breeding, or eating. I suppose it sort of didn't come out the way I wished!
I am in the process of cleaning up a few things here and there, and while I may edit out and/or change the scene entirely, I shall of course learn from this (rather odd way of starting out) attempt on a dark/sexual fics.
Thank you for your comment! I do appreciate the bad and good from all comments!
EDIT: As much as I like the idea of the sex scene... looking over my version of it retrospective of the story, and what my goals were, I edited it out. They still engaged in their desires, but I honestly failed to capture what they were feeling, and I thusly edited it out.
Don't deny what makes the story good, just improve it.
1478228
Well, to be honest, my goal was to tell the story of HOW they got together. As much as their very interesting views of sex are, I still really didn't have my heart in going full-on with the sex in the first place. Mind you, I am considering expanding on the original scenes later on. Making them, at least better than I presented, which I fully admit is amateurish sexual descriptive.
For now, I am reworking said scenes, trying to see where to expand, put more details, and convey what is said. Mind you, I didn't mean this to be a 'clop' story, but a monster story with a little bit of monster-y clop!
I may in fact bring in a friend in whom I work with on sensual stories. Although truth be told, I don't think she'd appreciate it being used in MLP Dark Sexual stories, but she is a source of great ideas and inspiration of sorts.
Honestly I think it is the somewhat taboo nature of what I wrote. I have done alternative sexual fiction before beyond the MLP Universe, but making monsters into lovers is new to me.
I appreciate your comments, and please tell me what to specifically improve as I may be missing the obvious.
I can help..... I really can... I haven't posted sensual stories here yet but ive done over 60 sensual stories in other sites
. You want help send me a mail. Trust me it helps.