Twilight couldn't stop pacing around once she got home. What Celestia said to her, it just... she didn't want to do it. Did she have to? No. She didn't... but either way, she'd feel guilty.
This was one of those times when Twilight had to make a tough decision.
All I can say?
Guilt is one hell of a bitch.
- - - -
"No way."
"Way!"
"EEE!!!"
This had been going on for about an hour. Kratos laid in his bed, on the verge of yelling. The voices were of two young mares outside his door, talking about some damn stallion that was 'hot' or something, and how one got with him.
"So what is he like?"
"He's like, totally awesome! He's such a good kisser..."
Kratos mumbled, "I'll give you something to kiss..." Before growling.
"Really?! Oooh... so... how big is he?"
"I haven't gotten that far with him yet!"
The Spartan was seriously on the brink of- "WILL YOU TWO SHUT. UUUP!!! BEFORE I RIP OUT YOUR TAINTED... VOCAL... COOORDS!!!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.
Silence...
Thank Zeus...
... wait. Don't thank Zeus, brutally murder him when you get the chance. Got that? Got that.
"Finally... some peace and qui-"
"Like... what the hay was that?"
"Hehehe! I don't know!"
"URGHGRHGRGH..." Kratos realized something.
One.
He wasn't restrained.
Two.
His blades were on the floor, completely left for his taking.
Three.
Ponies were idiots for being so ignorant.
A few minutes later, Kratos opened the door, and slammed it against the wall, which cracked. The two mares stared in slight horror at him as he said, "The next word... I hear... come out of your mouths... earns me the right... to rip off your head." He held one of the blades in his hands.
The mares went pale, quickly exchanged silent whispers, walked away slowly...
... and screamed, "GUAAARD! MONSTERRR!!!"
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO-"
"GAH!" Kratos woke up with a yelp, and panted. Another damn dream! He growled, and tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't.
His eyes seemed to be glued open after the dream. Strange was the dream, but even more so strange was the fact that he couldn't get back to sleep.
Now, Kratos hadn't really thought about what happened in the day. Tried to... shove it down with ignorance. But even then, it made him feel off. Hollow. Stale. But, he was an expert at ignoring things, so he simply ignored.
As the saying goes, 'ignorance is bliss'.
The Spartan thought, 'I'm not bound to the mattress... I could simply walk out of here if I wanted... I doubt the guards would be able to put up any kind of fight.' But quickly dismissed it. Why? Because then he thought, 'But why would I leave...? I've nowhere to go, stay... that's how it has been for me for many years, but this isn't my home... I... don't know if I can return without help...' He groaned, forcefully shutting his eyes in an attempt to sleep once again.
Just as Kratos was about to drift off into slumber...
"K-Kratos...?" A familiar voice called to him in a whisper.
He looked over, and opened his eyes. There, emerging from the bed next to his, was none other than Twilight Sparkle. The very sight of her made him look away. "Kratos... I... didn't mean to hurt you..."
"Your words mean nothing to me... get out of my sight." He ordered.
"No, Kratos." She barked. "It... isn't... how you think it is. It was..."
"If you're to talk to me, Twilight, be quick with your tongue! I'm not tolerating mindless gibbering!" He snapped.
"I-i-it wasn't intentional. Princess Celestia made me do it... I... we... were trying to-"
Before Twilight could even finish her sentence, Kratos's eyes shot open in shock, then quickly boiled with rage in realization. "How... dare you... try to manipulate me, Twilight, how DARE you?!" Kratos demanded as he sat up on the bed. "You know what I have been through! You know that it was because of manipulation, because of deceit, that I MURDERED MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD! AND YET, YOU STILL HAVE THE NERVE TO TRY AND BREAK ME, MANIPULATE ME, JUST TO BEND ME TO YOUR WILL, AND GET ME TO BE CONTROLLED!?!?" He yelled. By now, Twilight was curled-up in a ball on the ground, crying out of the guilt and pressure he quite literally shoved on her, sputtering out apologies like there was no tomorrow.
"I-I'm... s-s-sorry..."
"Your apologies mean nothing to me! Now leave me... before I do something you'll regret."
Twilight didn't comply, but understood what he meant by 'something you'll regret'. Her horn lit-up, and she swiftly plucked the blades up from the ground into her magical grasp, and quickly started for the now opening door.
Acting fast, Kratos attempted to pursue, but fell down as soon as he started running. Twilight looked back, and that gave the Spartan just enough time to get up, and get a head start on her. Terrified for her life, the unicorn ran out of the room, and attempted to slam the door shut, but Kratos grabbed it before it could shut, and flung it open. Armed with nothing but his bare fists, he chased the unicorn through the midnight halls.
One of the patrolling stallions noticed him running, and charged toward him.
Bad idea.
Kratos sent out his undamaged leg once the stallion came rushing into the within-three-feet-zone, and with brutal force, knocked the wind out of the guard with an inhumanly powerful kick, straight to the chest. He heard a crack, but didn't care, continuing to pursue her, even as the stallion fell to the ground with a thump, gasping for painful breaths, until he finally breathed his last, limbs falling limp to the ground.
"GIVE ME THE BLADES, TWILIGHT!" He ordered as he ran. His leg was starting to get to him, but had he not been utterly pissed off to the point of no return, he would've been screaming.
Twilight ran out of the doors to the hospital, into the night air.
But Kratos charged through them. "GRAAAGH!" He yelled with bestial vigor as he threw the doors aside. Cuts were now on his chest, but he seemed not to care. He gritted his teeth, and continued to run after her.
The chase continued for several minutes. Twilight's stamina was depleting quickly, exhaustion beckoning her to stop and take a breather, but she was running for her life, ignoring every demand her body threw at her. She had to get the blades away from him, as fast as possible, but it was fruitless. But even then, she kept running. Kratos continued to close the distance, but as she ran through Ponyville, she got an idea, and skidded to a stop. Kratos did too, and growled at her, but before he could leap or charge at her, the chains that were connected to the blades were quickly, forcefully, and tightly, wrapped around his forearms.
Painful memories haunted Kratos's mind, ones of when Ares did this to him. The Spartan was confused, but tried to take the blades anyway. But this failed, as Twilight took advantage of this, yanking the blades outward to the left and right sides of him, causing Kratos to become unbalanced. She wrapped the blades' chains around two fence posts.
Kratos smirked. 'Really...' He took hold of the chains that were extended, and pulled inward with all his might, before both fences broke from the ground, and were sent flying towards him.
It was Twilight's turn to smirk, as her horn lit up again. In a flash, Kratos was tied-up painfully by his own chains, like a mummy. The fences were thrown away. His arms were disabled- practically useless now, the blades hanging by his sides. She glared at him, and tied them under his legs, just before he fell onto his back. He squirmed, but it was no use. Twilight approached him. "You're going to lay here... and think over your actions... d-do you understand me?" She asked.
Kratos almost laughed at her stuttering, easily telling out she was either terrified or in shock that she managed to disable him, but groaned, halfheartedly saying whilst resisting a shit-eating grin from forming, "I understand..."
"G-good..." Twilight said, before walking off to her home. Her eyes went wide as she thought, 'I... did I really... h-how did I...' She was astonished at herself.
... but then she heard the yell.
Looking behind her, her ears pinned back as Kratos miraculously freed himself. Her jaw slacked, dropping widely, pairing well with the shrunk irises that now accompanied her face.
Kratos grasped the handles of the blades tight, the chains wrapped tightly, almost painfully tight around his forearms, where the scars used to be.
Twilight braced herself, teary-eyed for what was to come...
kill her
2412695 I'm doing what I feel is right for my story. Nothing you can do to change that, whether you like it or not. Got that? Got that.
After all this time I got really excited to see that a new chapter had been posted... only to find a fucking cliffhanger...
WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
2412734 AHEHEHEHEHEE AAAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! MUAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! MWAHA- sorry.
Great chapter, a bit short but great none the less
2412765 Like it, hate it, to-ler-ate it.
:O I hope luna comes and saves twilight.
2412782 DRUM ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enough ellipses in your synopsis, good sir?
2412769
Whu? I don't hate it, or tolerate it. I just like it...
2412797 Insanity works in wondrous ways, my friend!
2412792 LOL
2412800
Ah so it's that way huh?
Sexcellent!
2412796 ... What hath thou just sayeth... to me?... Thy Prince... doth not... know... ERROR 404 ERROR 404...
"FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuurbies are GAY!"
Anyway, 'explain-eth' 'what-eth' thou 'mean-eth' 'by-est' thy comment. I 'learn-eth' from examples-ETH.
2412807 Do you know of the game?
2412856
...
Look through the past comments, specifically at mine, please and thank you. *Sigh*, I've honestly grown sick and tired, utterly tired, of comments like that. I-I just can't even be angry at them anymore. I just can't.
2412830
Enough "-eth"s in your comment, good sir?
A synopsis is exposition. Exposition, barring the use of a highly informal narrator, should (almost) never have ellipses in it. There are always exceptions but, rest assured, yours is not one of them. It's the hallmark of an amateurish writer who thinks three dots is better than one for whatever reason. An ellipsis in this regard indicates trailing off. So, unless your synopsis narrator suffers from extreme lack of confidence or has a breathing problem, those should be periods.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH snap
2412904
Did you not see my comment? I learn better, and much faster, from examples. And I believe it would've been a hell of a lot easier for you to simply write-out a basic, quickly understandable example, but that sufficed enough, I guess.
To not be realistic, is to be like a robot. No character whatsoever. And being fluent is key to writing, but being interesting, being unique, is also a good path to take. Even in narration. To make it look like somebody is actually speaking, actually narrating the story.
Examples:
Mike walked to the park. It was midnight, all was clear in the night air. But something was off. He looked around, but saw nothing. He turned around again. But this time, he blacked out.
And, my style.
Mike walked to the park. It was midnight, all was clear in the night air... but something was off. He looked around but saw nothing. He turned around again... but this time, he blacked out.
Even though your version may be grammatically correct, to me, it's lifeless. Stale. You accuse me of being wrong, when I'm merely trying to give something life? You sir, need to learn to enjoy a story for what it is. See narration as narration, not just text. Uniqueness is a trait that we all have in our own way, and you should respect that. Either example is grammatically correct, too. Only yours, to me, sounds like somebody in a monotone voice is speaking. It gets really annoying after a while... honestly.
Doing what is right in my opinion, is the path that I follow. Nothing anybody says can change that.
2412993 Damn straight.
Cliffhanger Man always gets me... man
2413021 Shit, I'd screw that up instantly. Other languages? Nein, nein! English is my comfort zone, thank you very much.
2413057 Anti-Kratos? What the hell?
2413027 Heheheh.
hope you continue soon
2413104 I will. I was lucky to get this out- school keeps getting in the way.
2412949
The reason the "grammatically correct" (which is a poor choice in qualifier since grammar is only in regards to the spelling of words and has nothing to do with punctuation, syntax or other writing elements) is "lifeless" is because you made it so. Your example lacks character and imagination.
>Mike walked to the park. It was midnight, all was clear in the night air... But something was off. He looked around, but saw nothing. He turned around again... But this time, he blacked out.
First of all, beginning a formal sentence with a conjunction is a no-no. You can get away with it in dialogue, but not narration. It's lazy and shows you lack the skill to vary your sentence structure.
In regards to the paragrah's actual content, all you have is a string of "X did Y, Y resulted in Z". They're bland, unimaginative cookie-cutter sentences that do nothing to enhance the reader's experience.
Let's knock it up a notch.
>The clock tolled midnight, its booming gong shattering the silence that had laid over the park like a lead blanket. Mike didn't know what he was doing out on the abandoned path, or why. A temporary fit of insanity, perhaps, but that didn't matter. What mattered was the creeping sense of dread that tickled his spine and raised the hairs on the back of his neck. He felt the cold stare of lifeless eyes on the back of his head and spun around, only to be greeted by more trees and underbrush. Ragged breaths escaped him, misting the freezing air that had but minutes before been a balmy summer night.
>A growl, deep and foreboding, came from behind and above him.
>His turn was slow, as if he didn't want to look at his untimely end in the eyes but couldn't help himself.
>The world fell into crimson blackness and Mike knew no more.
There, now I've taken your utterly inconsequential paragraph and turned it into a proper horror scene, all without the ill-advised use of an ellipsis.
Doing what you think is right, to go against the norms, can be good. However, you don't know the rules of writing and, until you do, you aren't allowed to break them because you're incapable of doing it well. I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
2413128i know how you feel
2413132 Does detail truly matter when setting an example? It's called an example for a reason. I could have went on as much as you, but still. An example is an example. And if you have a problem with how I write, move on, and have a good day. I thank you for the tips, though.
There's a thing, you know. What was it... oh, what was it?
Ah, yes!
Improvement!
It doesn't happen overnight.
I haven't been an author for too long, but still. There is always somebody better than anybody. No need to crack-down on somebody for imperfections- it's a part of life. Human error. Opinions. Perception. I could just as easily manipulate and milk metaphors and similes like you did in that paragraph. But I'm no adult, either. The age of thirteen does not imply that I know everything, but my opinion is still my opinion.
And the path that I follow...
... is the path that I follow.
2413062
Er... Hell?
Ok... How to explain this. You obviously played the Kratos games. So here we have a beaten demi god, who has killed gods he could have very well spared or left handicapped at the very least.
Obviously, Kratos is a being with little mercy. Even those that are innocent he will treat them no more indifferent than a stranger walking the street. I mean, he even kills Hera after he made her mortal over an insult over Pandora.
And here Twilight does some pretty bad things like stealing his blades, looking into his past without permission... And yet he offers her sympathy for transgressions he would kill for less?
2413199 Even though Twilight did such atrocious acts, and even though what you said is true, Kratos is still human, demigod or not. Realism, friend! Real-ism. When you fight a war for a mass majority of your life, and you're supposedly a 'hardened asshole who forgives no-one and gives an empty glass filled with no fucks', you're still human. Regardless'a what 'ya think.
2413218
I believe you, and you have a point.
Though now that I think about it... Realism. At least for Kratos' perspective as compared to other humans.
Towards ponies, not even human. And I think he almost killed a pony for deceiving him in your own story, right?
I'm a bit confused.
2413238 Deceit is something that Kratos hates- Ares played the card of it on him, making him do what lead to him earning the title 'Ghost of Sparta'. But, theft is entirely different. And Twilight actually apologized for it, and Kratos picked up on her apology only that once.
2413184
And whose fault is that? You provided the shitty "example" to justify your erroneous "style". And no, it did not do anything to prove your point about ellipses being a viable punctuation mark in formal narration. It added absolutely nothing to the sentence other than some extra dots which imply the narrator is winding himself trying to recount a rather dull and insipid lark in the park. You cannot use an example which you yourself state to be poor and then expect people to take it seriously.
Well then, by all means, follow that path.
Just don't shout for help when it takes you over the edge of the cliff you're coming up to.
2413293 Whoa, who made you passenger on the angry train? Christ almighty, calm yourself.
2413271
That does clear things up for me, though that also brings up to what Kratos did to Hephaestus, and he only deceived him to save Pandora.
But now I'm just arguing schematics- I'm not trying to poke holes in your story, just trying to make sense of things for me. I read through the other chapters and he seems to be a bit more himself.
Though another thing that seems to bother me about Kratos not being himself- He does a lot of prostrating and saying he's sorry too, and he never seems to say that either.
2413311 And you think he means it!?
2413315
Course not. My point, is that he would never bother saying it. You said it himself, he hates deceit. He wouldn't lie either.
2413308
Mad? Hardly. You see, it's my "style" (see how worthless and subjective that term is as an excuse for poor writing habits?), which I use for emphasis. The most emotion I've had on my face insofar is a thin smile as I laugh internally at your flimsy excuses for using poor punctuation.
2413324 Be a grammar Nazi all you want. All you're doing is wasting your time, trying to make me look inferior to you. I do not care what you think, but every man is equal to the one next to him, regardless of what anybody thinks. You're trying to make yourself seem superior by using all these fancy words, all these terms, yada, yada yada.
Do your pathetic waste of human anatomy a favor, and stop attempting to make me look like a grain of sand to a sandcastle, when we're both on the beach of humanity. I recommend that you take this advice. Being arrogant instead of kind is just wrong. I'm not going to tell you to get a life, other arrogant cynical disco-sticks will.
Now if you don't mind, please excuse me while I enjoy the rest of my night.
Can't believe that guard died from one kick, fucking weakling.
2413757 Hey, it's Kratos, afterall.
2413763 Oh right forgot, God Killer, doh.
2413770 Mm. But I don't think there'll be any God-killing yet.
KILL THE FUCK OUT OF HER!
2412840
Oh I do... and you just lost it
I really like this story, its awesome, but i'm getting a bit annoyed by the large amount of requests for blood and slaughter.
Great chapter man, can't wait until the next one.
...
....
.......
massacre ponyville
Dear Twilight...
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