A Little Justice On The Side

by Autocharth

The Angel & The Dentist

“I know you’re still relatively new to the whole ‘eating thing’, but...,” Twilight’s nose wrinkled in disgust, “you really shouldn’t be using that much maple syrup.”

Paladin looked up from his plate for a moment before returning to his meal. “I have spent an eternity controlling myself in such a way no mortal could understand.” He said, tilting the plate slightly until the maple syrup moved enough to reveal the pancake it was soaking. “I think a little indulging is fair.”

Sighing, the studious unicorn went back to her own meal. She was bitterly regretting her suggestion to meet for lunch, at least as far as Paladin went. ‘Or Tyrael. Whatever.’ Twilight grumbled internally.

“Wow Pally, that looks great!” The other attendee grinned widely as she took her seat. “Mhmmm, maple syrup is the best syrup, it’s like liquid sugar. Sugary juice made from tree sap but sap is like tree blood *gasp* Pally, are you a tree-vampire? Oh no, have you been feeding on Applejack’s orchard? Its good thing Bloomberg moved to A~aaaaapploosa-afmahomfahagarh-”

Spike snorted with suppressed giggles as Pinkie shot off on a tangent without noticing that her mouth was full.

“Don’t encourage him.” Twilight told her exuberant friend sternly but without much real hope.

Deigning to look up, Paladin and Spike exchanged a look, wondering which ‘he’ she meant. Spike shrugged helplessly as if to say ‘I might have known her all my life, but, y’know, mares’.

“Paladin, please, you need to think about your teeth. I know you’ve only been...” Hesitating slightly, Twilight powered on, albeit in a whisper, “...mortal for two months but you can do a lot of damage to your teeth. You’ve had maple syrup with every meal since you first tried it at the palace.”

A look of subdued pleasure came to Paladin’s face as he considered her statement. “Yes,” he answered. “I have.”

Pinkie giggled, adding “I’ve never seen anypony – or anyangel either! – eat hay fries and a dandelion sandwich in a pool of maple syrup before!” She smothered her humour with another piece of pie. “It looked de~eeeeelish!”

“It looked incredibly unhealthy!”

“Technically a meal may be both, ahem, delicious and incredibly unhealthy.” Paladin pointed out in a neutral tone.

Twilight sighed in desperation, looking to around the open air cafe in search of something. She had no real expectation of finding anything , but a certain blue coated, two-tone maned unicorn caught her attention.

“Colgate!”

Surprised by the greeting the dentist trotted over with a smile. “Twilight, good morning. The same to you, Pinkie and...Paladin.” Her smile became a tad flirty at the sight of the massive, muscled pegasus.

“Good morning. I’m sorry to interrupt, um, whatever you were going to do but I think we could use your input.” Twilight told her quickly.

“Sure thing.” Smiling though slightly confused, Colgate nodded along.

Twilight took a deep breath, preparing to explain exactly what the argument was all about.

Which was, predictably, when Pinkie took over.

“Ya see, Pally tried maple syrup for the first time in Canterlot can you believe he had never had it before? Well, now he told us where he’s from I can but before that I was like ‘wow! How could anypony not have tried maple syrup?’ but he really liked it and I wondered if I could bake him a maple syrup flavoured ‘Yay You Saved Ponyville From A Mean Old Possessing Ghost Nightmare Thing’ surprise cake but Mr Cake said that wouldn’t fit on a cake even if I tried to write it all really tiny because we can’t do it by hoof because our hooves are big oooooh, maybe a unicorn can do it but I just said it out loud so now Pally knows and it won’t be a surprised anymore, maybe Mrs Cake knows a maple syrup cupcake recipe so I can surprise him with those but I just said it out loud again oh no what will-”

“Have you been brushing your teeth?”

The question, fired quick and short, caught them all off guard. Except Paladin, who failed to react in any noticeable fashion.

“Ummm....” Pinkie rubbed the back of her head nervously.

Ignoring Twilight’s pointed expression of thanks, Colgate frowned at the pink party pony. “That’s what I thought.”

From her saddlebags a toothbrush (with new built-in water magic so you never needed to wet your brush again! Yours for 20 bits or attending regular check-ups with associated dentists every three months!) floated, wrapped in Colgate’s magic. A blob of toothpaste (Celestia’s Own Royal Tooth Guard with 48-hour protection! The minty freshness of Friendship in your mouth!) also from her bag was swiftly applied.

Pouting slightly Pinkie plucked the toothbrush out of the air and, with one last look at Colgate’ unflinching expression, began to brush. Her mane drooped slightly.

Turning back to look at Twilight, Colgate smiled without a hint of guile.

That should really send warning-bells ringing.

“So, I gather this is about Paladin’s new taste for maple syrup?” She asked pleasantly.

Twilight was more concerned with the sulking Pinkie. “Wha- how did you....? I’m so confused.”

Laughing, Colgate fell into place at the table next to Twilight. “It’s nothing big. The Cakes bring Pinkie to me every month for a check-up. They’ve been doing it since I took over from the dentist who worked the clinic before me. Apparently it started not long after she moved in with them and they realised she wasn’t brushing her teeth. Dental care is very important, after all.”

“Huh.” Twilight frowned. “You would think I’d notice...well, anyway this at least leads to our argu- discussion.”

“Oh?”

She nodded. “Yes. You see, before now Paladin never really ate anything sweet. Until he came to stay in Ponyville his diet has always been a bit...um, well let’s just say he never had any dental problems.”

Colgate made a small sound of understanding, glancing at Paladin out of the corner of her eye. His expression was either a lack thereof or he was very bored.

“Now he has maple syrup with every meal.” Twilight continued on. “And I mean every meal. Literally.”

The dentist’s eyebrows rose in an expression of surprise.”Wow. How long has this been going on?”

“Nearly a month.”

Colgate’s look when she turned to Paladin was now all business. “Mr Paladin, that really is not healthy for your teeth. Now, you seem healthy and from what I hear you do your share of exercise but dental hygiene is just as important.”

“See?!” Twilight burst out at Paladin, nodding ferociously with Colgate’s words.

He said nothing, merely looking back at Colgate as if he expected her to continue.

“Since you clearly can’t be persuaded so easily, just make sure to brush heavily every morning and before bed. After every meal might be a good idea as well.” She added thoughtfully.

His brow drew together in an unreadable expression. “Brush?”

Twilight and Colgate stared at him while Pinkie’s brushing slowed and stopped.

“You...you don’t....you don’t....” Colgate began to hyperventilate. She gulped air desperately.

Familiar with the many signs of an impending freak out, Spike acted quickly. He had to adjust his usual modus operandi from ‘study-obsessed’ to ‘dentally mental’ (and he was quite proud of that little pun), but it would hopefully work nonetheless.

Taking full advantage of his unique abilities (his hands), Spike flicked Colgate in the horn.

The unicorn jerked back, blinking dumbly. “Bha-wha?”

“I’m sorry, I appear to have put you in some distress.” Paladin apologised mildly. He had learned to put up with Pinkie’s...Pinkie-ness too well to be put off.

“Heh, that’s...that’s alright.” Taking a deep breath Colgate chuckled to herself. “Never thought I’d hear a pony not even know what brushing is. I’m not sure the dentist in me could take much more of a surprise than that.”

Twilight and Spike laughed politely with her, happy at least that she had recovered without a Twilight-style bout of craziness. A crazy dentist with magic was never a good thing.

Paladin, however, was frowning.

“I beg your pardon,” He began, “but what precisely is a ‘dentist’?”

Colgate hit the ground in a dead faint.

Comments

[Web of Hope]

&

Ohhh, you silly angels

[Hanna Lovelace]

hmm a diablo crossover with Tyreal? will read later.

[clonezero]

Why have I only noticed this work of art now!

[Blissey1]

wait so is this set after the events of act II, when the girls all know who he is?

[elue1234]