Tryouts
It was I think Saturday afternoon when I got to the tryouts. There were a lot of hefty colts out there just waiting to beat the living crap out of other colts, big surprise who was one of them...yep Shining Armor himself. "Hey Hackalot! You made it" he said coming toward me. "Yeah I made it...although I don't think I'm ready for this" I said shivering. "Don't worry about it, this will be cake, all you gotta do is throw the ball as far as you can and then go long and try to catch it while dodging the defenders. Should be a piece of cake" he said trying to build my confidence. I'll be honest with you I had little to no football experience, closest experience I had was playing Madden 2000 for the PlayStation one. That's all the knowledge I had so I decided to put it to work. As the coach came and talked to us about what was going to happen, he mentioned that Shining Armor was the captain, that's right, CAPTAIN of the team. I was in massive shock and was hoping that I could do well enough to impress everypony.
The coach started calling us out one by one until he got to me. "Now listen, all you got to do is throw that ball as far as you can toward the endzone, dodge the defenders, and then catch it at the endzone. You got that" he asked. "Yes sir, I got you loud and clear" I said still nervous. I looked at Shining Armor and he told me I could do it. I composed myself and threw that ball as far as I could, later running down the field trying to dodge all the defenders. I was doing well as I had ran into no defenders and I was waiting patiently for the ball at the endzone. Unfortunately I didn't throw the ball hard enough to make it past midfield, which was where we started. I had felt so humiliated that I didn't talk to anypony else throughout the entire tryout. The coach later made his final decisions and told me that I wasn't good enough to be quarterback, however I was good enough to be a Runningback for the team considering I could run really fast. That made both mine, and Shining Armor's day as we went over to Canterlot Cuts and got us some pizza. I told him how I was both mega nervous and mega humiliated about what happened at the tryouts. He told me that there was nothing to worry about considering I already made the team. He later gave me a binder with the full playbook and told me to memorize it because we had scrimmage that next week. Considering I have great memory skills I wasn't to worried and was ready for the big day.
> Alicorn OC
1446376
Apologies...I just thought him up to be like me...he's a part of me..
You have a fairly varied low-frequency lexis but you need to develop your grammar and syntax further before fully taking advantage of the points I mentioned. You need an equal mix of prose, grammar, lexis and imagination to pull this off, but your grammar is lacking. Nothing a little practice won't fix though.
~Sierra, TWE's Raging Englishman dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_rape.png
*Sees in Latest Stories Module*
Why the buck not?
1446376
There's nothing wrong with an alicorn OC as long as the OC isn't a Mary Sue and if the author doesn't rub in your face that the OC is an alicorn. Heck this story hasn't even mention the horn or the wings except in the cover picture.
1446397
Alicorns are supposed to be gods and all powerful entites of the MLP: FIM universe.
Compare you with them is just awkward, I dunno. Other than that, Quantum already did what I would do, Read, read and read more. Then when you are tired from reading, try to write something, show it to a friend, see if he likes it, and if he does like it, read even more...
That's how you practice.
By the way, sorry if the first part of my comment seems offensive, but I can't endure Alicorns OCs anymore.
1446397
What palerider said.
Alicorn OC's are generally considered bad, self-inserts are generally considered bad.
Self-insert alicorn OC's generate undying amounts of rage and are generally send to the deepest bowels of the Train Wreck Explorers' folders.
I have faith that Tech will pull off this Alicorn OC very well.
Favorite and thumb!
1446451
Not trying to be mean or anything but....how in the holy heck did you find this?
1451815 It hit front page. I was intrigued. Decided to patch up the description for ya.
1451820
Ah...much appreciated.
1446698
Look my OC is NEVER a show off...He always get's his stuff done and is modest. If you read in the 2nd chapter he doesn't use magic or flight during his tryouts! Believe me...my OC is different