On the first anniversary of the defeat of Nightmare Moon, Pinkie Pie is preparing the party to end all parties. It is her masterpiece, to show her father that she was justified in fleeing the family farm ten years earlier.
Acting off of a mysterious remark by Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle is trying to work out which of her friends is suffering from nightmares about a horrible danger coming to Ponyville during the Summer Sun Celebration. All she knows is that this pony lied about their cutie mark story...
And Pinkamena is also preparing for the arrival of her father. She has a masterpiece of her own, but it is quite different from Pinkie's...
Chapters (12)
Let me begin by setting some expectations:
If you will observe the tags on this story, you will see "Sad" but not "Tragic" or "Dark". That means that this will be a bumpy voyage, but I promise to get this story to its destination safely. Although the story has some comic relief, I have deliberately left off the "Comedy" tag, as I feel that would demean the seriousness of the majority of the story.
Second, note that this is a "Slice of Life" and not an "Adventure". Regarding the "Nightmare Pink" scene above, that means that this story is not "Pinkie is corrupted by the Nightmare", but rather "Pinkie is so terrified of her darker half that she thinks she's being corrupted by the Nightmare"--which I think is a scenario more than interesting enough to pursue on its own.
Regarding chronology, this story takes place mid-way into Season 2. I have tried to leave obvious signposts in the story pointing this out.
Now as to where this story fits into my other FIMFiction, I would say that this goes after "Javelin", but "Javelin" at the most informs a couple of inside jokes, so you don't need to read it. After all, that story was all about Vinyl Scratch, and she doesn't even rate a character tag in this story.
This looks very interesting and of to a good start.
Adding one more story to look forward to updating
An Interesting take on a worn out character. I'll keep an eye on this.
Is this part of the "Perfect Little Village" universe?
Oh dear...very interesting.
Indeed, you have earned my favorite.
1443863
Yes, although this is set at least a year earlier.
By that... you mean "Mr. and Mrs. Cake", yes? And the way that this is worded ("her pregnancy" just after, as well as in the middle of, a sentence in which Pinkie is the subject) implied to me that it was Pinkie who was pregnant, despite the context.
Also, this is that story you're writing to fill in that Pinkamena plot hole, yes? I ask because I didn't see you write a blog post, comment, or Author's Note that specifically stated as such.
1447930
Yes, of course, Cakes. Sorry about that.
Yes, this is the "filler of the hole" story. The way I figured it, people following "Perfect Little Village" might not be so eager to read this story, as it kinda wanders off into a tangent, so I'll just put up a blog post with a link to it when it's finished and I start posting the actual sequel.
1447990
Understandable. I am liking it very much so far though, and I'm hoping Twilight learns a thing or two about lucid dreaming that she puts to use in "Perfect Little Village"'s sequel.
P.S. Despite the change from "Pie" to "Cake", the wording of that sentence still implies that it was Pinkie's pregnancy. Only notable error I've found so far, though.
1448110
Alright, let's try that change.
1448152
Heh, there you go. Looking forward to more.
I'm Confused In this Chapter, All that came to mind was
INCEPTION
So... But.... She was..... And her father? *BOOM*
What is going on here? I though your Perfect Little Village story would be the biggest mindfuck I would ever read. Now, i just want to read more to understand this.
What I do get so far, Luna can enter ponies dreams, Pinkie Pie is crazy, well more so than we thought, something is up with her father, and Twilight knows about as much as me as to whats going on. Ohh, and Rainbow knows something....
So, obligatory MOAR!!! and please keep up the wonderful stories.
1453793
Aww, thanks.
Yeah, it looks like you've about got what's going on so far.
And as for mindfucks, remember that the upcoming sequel to "Village" is going to be narrated by this Pinkie(s).
1454163
ohh god.... I forgot about the sequel to Village....
Well, hope my mind can survive another few explosions....
Oh dear...
Awaiting further releases.
Just "we".
Also found a slight misuse/lack of a comma later on, but I feel really nitpicky for bringing it up:
Need one after "and".
Still loving this so far.
1454653
Both fixed.
I lol'd.
Found a few more errors:
"runs"
You're sort of mixing "get a load of" with "take a load off", it seems...
This one's a bit more on the side of personal preference, but parentheses really shouldn't be used in dialogue. Rapid changes in thought are exactly what em dashes are for, and you have been using them already. As an example, see:
Tortoise. Dohoho!
One too many periods in that ellipsis.
"sat"
This one's also closer to personal preference, but that double negative reads really awkwardly, and broke immersion for me for a second. Like, it's a bit too colloquial, even for her.
New sentence, so "not" should be capitalized.
Same, with "no".
You don't mind me doing this at all, do you? I feel like I'm imposing...
1454827
Naw, I guess I can accept a few corrections--it makes the story better and easier to read (not to mention the turtle one makes me look like I wasn't paying attention when I watched the episode!). Of course, I retain the right to question at least one of your corrections, like so:
This one's a bit of a tone issue with me--I pronounce dashed text differently than parenthesesed text (and yes, I know that's not really a word). In my mind, the parentheses mean that Twilight said the phrase quickly, under her breath, like even she knows that Rainbow won't believe it. Of course, if I'm the only person in the world that thinks this, then maybe you're right.
Of course, if these comments get much longer, then maybe it would be better to move them to PMs, just to save everybody else having to hit Page Down a couple of times to get to something that wasn't fixed by the time they read it.
1454972
I can see what you mean with the separate pronunciations... Hm. I can definitely imagine "quickly", which is part of what the em dashes would serve to imply. I'm kind of having trouble imagining the "under her breath" bit, though, at least in this instance. A character saying things under their breath generally means that, without a doubt, the speaking character doesn't even intend for the listening character to hear. This works fine in A/V, but in literat—
I feel like I have too much to say and it sort of dances around my point; I'm a bit tired at the moment, so forgive me for cutting to the chase (I don't want to suck up your time, anyway). In both narration and dialogue, em dashes indicate rapid changes in thought, further detail, hasty clarifications and the like, which fits in this instance. Parentheses, though, really only indicate further detail, and don't actually have a set tone of their own. This is why, at least as far as I see, they have little use outside of non-fiction and only limited use in narration, as they can be replaced in almost every common instance with an em dash, and in dialogue they offer no tone or inflection that everyone really agrees on.
As to the last part of your comment, I had been thinking the same thing... I'd happily PM you instead, if you're sure you don't mind.
Edit: Here, have this. I haven't actually read it, so I can't vouch for it, but the title certainly sounded relevant.
1455031
The heck with it--I'm tired, too.
Fixed.
I can see now why you felt like writing this before the sequel to Village - and well, so far it's been a pretty good story in its own right.
I told You ! This Is Turning Into ...
INCEPTION
Inception
with
Conspiracy?
GodDamn Illuminati and Opus Dei...You Should Be Dead Too...You Hear That? DEAD!
Oh man I like where this is going
What did I told You, Cocaine!
Your AJ has the strangest saying... I'm getting FiW vibes.
1460781
Yeah, I was wondering if anybody would notice...the fact of the matter is, I don't know any Southerners, and I don't get Southern humor, so my version of Applejack starts resembling Saturday Night Live's version of Ross Perot.
That being said, her sayings amuse me more than a rooster in a biscuit factory.
Warning: Dr. Simmer is not an actual psychiatrist psychologist, he just plays one on TV. As such, his advice on DID should be taken with a grain of salt. (Or sugar, as the case may be.) I'm aware that some of the people on this site have experience with actual psychologists, which I unfortunately have not, so there's a good chance I don't know what the hell I'm talking about concerning the origins of the Pinkie/Pinkamena dichotomy. If there's any moment in this story to tick off a reader, this very likely is it.
Changing gears with blinding speed, the end of this chapter has what I like to call an "unreasonable cliffhanger", meaning that it would be completely unreasonable to leave a reader hanging on this cliff for any amount of time whatsoever. It's covered in the Geneva Convention, I'm sure of it.
For that reason, I'm posting Chapter 10 immediately after this chapter, leaving you to hang off the cliff at the end of that chapter instead!
Who says my dictatorial rule over this story's narrative is not benevolent?
Wow...
This!
I'm
I've got to commend you on the frequency of your story updates. It's kinda awesome to find atleast one new chapter/day, especially since your quality's good as well.
Oh and the reasoning about pinkie and the 4th wall is kinda disturbing ... double so since it makes sense.
edit: And if this chapter was any hint of what is to come in the sequal to village ... it's going to be awesome and slightly insane.
Dream world...nicely done. You made it without all that mindf*k that usually follows dream worlds in fiction but still managed to make it funny and random.
Excellent work!
That ended quickly.
1477631
Really? I kinda figured that the last nightmare was the climax, and I always like to wrap things up quickly once that's done.
1477642 I was kinda hoping for more, but hey, you're the author so...
Huh... It's odd; usually forced trivial events like the books, the crack, the air, and all that would leave me wondering for longer. Like, I found them odd at the time, and wondered about them as per usual, but I forgot them again so quickly, so that earthquake came as a complete surprise. It did make everything seem sort of sudden to me, but after being reminded about those little events, I'm feeling that you justified it just fine, and I'm just being dumber than usual.
Anyway, good work. I'm really looking forward to Pinkie's dream now.
This was an excellent piece of fiction.
Excellent work.
I actually do remember that line from the Holy Grail (when reading about the Holy Hand Grenade if I recall correctly).
Well,That Ended Quickly!
Oh, that's Trixie at the end there, isn't it.
Ack, I missed the "The Inn of the Prancing Pony" reference. Oh well.
Anyway, that was a very interesting look into Pinkie's backstory. And I do believe that I am now caught up to Masquerade.
The 45th? Months must work differently here.
Welp, she's doomed.
Once again, keeping secrets harms the situation more than it helps
1455031>>1455085
Normally I'd agree, but this is Twilight we're talking about, here. She totally would parenthesize her speech.