Designer's Block

A short story about how to find inspiration. Rarity is struggling to come up with a good dress idea and consults Twilight for help.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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Writer12577

Writer12577 #1 · Oct 12th, 2012 · · ·

Okay. You got the honor to be the last patient tonight.

Firstly, consider writing thoughts in a different manner than the other text.

Oh what shall I do?, Rarity thought to herself.

Or something like that.

Aaaaaand that's all. You're clear.

Honestly, I'm even slightly surprised. For a 1,000-word first-fic one-shot, this was good. Sure there was that one missing "o" and the dot that had got on a little adventure, but those are regular things. Easy to fix and they happen to all of us.

Congratulations. Have a thumbs up and a virtual pat on the back (kind of).

i.imgur.com/23rDb.gif

asmcint

asmcint #2 · Oct 12th, 2012 · · ·

Okay, this is a pretty decent little one-shot. However I noticed a few minor problems. Specifically you didn't put thoughts in italics, thus immediately making them impossible to recognise as thoughts. I was still able to discern them easily enough, but it's harder for some people. Example:

Maybe I can ask Twilight for help

Oh! You really should get out more Rarity!

Such a friendly place. I’m so lucky to be here.

Also, I noticed one sentence which seemed slightly out of character.

Spike has just prepared some tea for me, would you like some?

While Twilight is a braniac, she rarely speaks in such a formal tone. That sort of text is better fitted for Princess Celestia than Twilight. A better way to go about it would be the following:

Spike's just made some tea for me, would you like some?
OR
Spike just made some tea for me, would you like some?

Notice the change from "prepared" to "made" and the contraction of "Spike has", or its total removal. Both sentences are still grammatically correct, and both are far less formal. Other than that, this is really good. A bit bland, but it was still worth reading. A mustache for you.

jamofthetoe

jamofthetoe #3 · Oct 12th, 2012 · · ·

1428762>>1428829 Thanks! When I typed it up in word I actually did put it in italics, I'm kind of new to uploading here I'll get used to it eventually. Again thanks