Soarin and Rainbow Dash were the b.f.f.f.l best foal friends for life. When there were kids they love to hang out together and
they want grow up together to become wonder bolts but what Rainbow Dash never knew that Soarin had secret chrush on her. Soarin's older brother is a captian of the wonder bolts, his name is Darklight. This all started when they at flight camp. Soarin
was very popular in flight camp every pony respected him, even the bullies respected him, but then this one time he saw a sonic rainboom, then he looked closley, he went outside of his cabin to get a closer look, he then grins at the most awsome thing, then a rainbow maned filly accidently crashes in to Soarin. Rainbow Dash then giggles a little and smiles, "sorry my bad, let me help you" she then grabs Soarin's hoof and pulls him up, "wow you look... familer" *cute gasp * "YOUR THE YOUNGER BROTHER OF DARKLIGHT, THE CAPTIAN OF THE WONDERBOLT'S". "Oh where are my manners, my name is Rainbow Dash, and what's your's. Soarin just stares at her, wondering how buetiful she is. "um... hello"? Soarin was done day dreaming. "Oh yeah im Soarin, and are your the filly who did all of this ? "Yes I am, say maybe it's best in of to impress the wonderbolt's" said Rainbow Dash. "Wait you like the wonder bolt's too" ?said Soarin "Hay yeah I do, I want to grow up to
be just like them. "So do I" said Soarin. "Hey we have a lot of common together." said Rainbow Dash "Im from Cloudsdale are you also from Cloudsdale"? "OMC!! no way yes i am"! said the rainbow filly. "Whats your favorite favorite color"? um I dont want to tell you" said Soarin shyly. aw but why, i promise I wont laugh if you say pink" pleading the rainbow filly. "Alright it's
... its *sigh*" Then whispers "rainbow" "What was that"? "I said rainbows" "oh" "I know it sound's awkard deosnt it" "It just I think rainbow's are kind of pretty and your name sounds really pretty with the name Rainbow in it" said Soarin. Rainbow Dash then grined and blushed a little. "You think my name is pretty?" "Well i think your Rainbow mane is kinda pretty" Then Rainbow Dash grined agian and her face is even getting more redder."Well I think your kind of cute to" She said to Soarin then he smiles and blushed even redder then rainbow dash."You want to be friend's"? asked Soarin "I think i want be best friends. Said Rainbow Dash. "That is the best idea" said Soarin "Indeed it is"said Rainbow dash
Chapter 3 is already made
1504252 Jesus, even you showed up to grace this terrible abomination? My god, man...
Back in action!
Let's take a look at chapter 3 now.
Oh wow...
I consider my self a grammar nazi, so here comes the wave of corrections!
Section 1: Spelling
You have the spelling skills of a dog. Now, I think you've spelled 'captain' wrong two times in this chapter, boy, if you're planning to get successful, you'll need to improve your spelling skills. BIG TIME.
Too lazy to do the rest.
5/5 facehoofs!
loving family is back in beusniss
I'm going to speak to you like an adult because I think it's necessary for you to hear. I'm not going to sugar coat this. You have no business writing stories at all. Up until now, this was the only story I knew that you wrote and it wasn't very good. You received loads of advice from writers better than you who took the time and the effort to parse your story and to tell you what needed to be done. You ignore all of that and post this garbage with the same issues, same crappy spelling, same fucked up structure and absolutely no narrative flow. So lesson not learned.
Then I last night there was your story that was ripped off from "Uncharted". You did the right thing and pulled it down.
Then I actually read through the comments, checked out the link to knighty's blog and found the first... thing you tried to post. Yeah. That wasn't even funny in an ironic sense. You just went for something completely offensive and totally without merit. It's obvious from all this that you're not taking this seriously.
Half of my brain was completely damaged after reading this.Dude, if you want to write stuff, go ahead.But first you'll need to go to school.This fanfic is really bad.And I never say a fanfic is bad.
1680335
*Business
What grade are ya in bud? 1st?
I'm so so so sorry but I can't finish this story your grammar is horrific but you get an A+ for effort , but other then that adios amigo!