Why Pie is Better Than Cake

by SoarinPie

Pie Vs. Cookies

Ah yes, the cookie. Though I find them to be a far inferior dessert option it still remains a worthy opponent to the pie, believe it or not. Surprised? Don’t be. Though I am a proud pony, willing to defend pie to the death, I’m willing to give credit where credit is due.

Now don’t get carried away. I never said that cookies were BETTER or even equal to the magnitude only found in the holy aura of a pie. But I will admit that of all the desserts that I’ve had both the pleasure and displeasure of consuming; only the cookie can hold a candle to the pie. This mainly due to the fact that pies and cookies are quite alike.

How? Well to start with, cookies and pies both have many variations. Why there only may be a few types of brownies, or even more flavors cakes, cookies and pies leave both of them in the dust. I’ve mentioned before the many enjoyable pies from the brown sugary buttery sweetness that is the Pecan Pie or the voluptuous creaminess of a Coconut Cream Pie. Or the spine tingling tart and sweet combination that is best observed in a Razzleberry Pie. This isn’t even mentioning the warming glow of a Pumpkin Pie, the springy freshness of a Cherry Pie, or the rich velvety consistency of a Chocolate Cream Pie. And as for the qualities found in an Apple Pie, those in themselves are worthy of a poem of perfection. One that could accompany the works of great poets millennia ago that have a rightful shelve in the Canterlot Royal Library.

Cookies are quite similar in this respect. One of the beauties of cookies is that you can throw whatever the heck you want in them and chances are you still have an edible delight on your hooves. I mean, who’s idea was it to throw candy coated chocolate morsels, raisins, peanuts, white chocolate chips, and oatmeal into a cookie? Sounds crazy? Unsophisticated? Maybe, but that’s what you find in a Monster Cookie. Perfect for a rain day when you need a sugar rush. Not your style? How bout the more refined White Chocolate Macadamia Nut? A buttery cookie with a pleasing crunch giving way to a chewy caramel like interior filled with both creamy smooth white chocolate and surprisingly creamy, yet crunchy, Macadamia nuts. Definitely a cookie to impress. Need more buttery? Snickerdoodles define it better than any other cookie. I mean, when the main ingredient is butter and cinnamon sugar it’s impossible to not achieve this desired flavor. And I would have to venture to say that the Chocolate Chip Cookie is the closest thing to rivaling the flavor combination of an Apple Pie.

Now, though neither one really shares any similar flavors, it’s the combination of each dessert that puts it on the top of the dessert pile. Chocolate Chip Cookies have managed to incorporate sweet, salty, crunchy, and chewy all in one bite sized package. Impressive, yes?

You may be asking “So if cookies are so similar to pie, how are pies still better?” To start with I have one word for you: consistency and temperature…okay that was 3 words, but it’s one category! When was the last time you had a soft, flakey, creamy, cool, juicy cookie? I would assume never since I’ve yet to meet a cookie that was able integrate all these qualities. No, dipping cookies in milk doesn’t count and yes, there is at least one pie that can do this.

The Key Lime Pie: the polar opposite to almost any cookie out there yet one of the most delicious creations available in the pie universe. This pie achieves all these qualities seamlessly. From the crust to the filling to the meringue on top, this pie is perfect for that hot summer day. How does the cookie respond? Well, not very well. Although their flavors may be many, consistency remains on level one.
This is not to say because cookies are one dimensional from a texture stand point that they are unworthy of consumption…just means that they aren’t as awesome as pie. But we already knew this. Right?
Plus on top of all this, cookies are a scam anyways. Problem with cookies is that typically the quality is affected by the quantity. To do something right, you have to keep it simple. If you want it complex, you need to limit the quantity. You can’t have both ways, though some try anyways. Sweet Apple Cider is a tribute to this. Yeah, you get pissed when they run out because they didn’t make enough. But if you happen to get up early enough to grab a mug it’s incredible! The flavor is a complex combination of sweet and tangy with a drop of warmth mixed in (think that comes from the love they put in it). This is because they limit their quantity to improve their quality. That’s just the harsh reality.

Great thing about pies is that you can only make so many at one time, usually just one or two at a time. All the love and focus is put into one pie. Any impurity shows up immediately, allowing for the baker to fix the situation. But cookies, cookies are made in batches. They can also be made quickly…this doesn’t bode well for quality either. Problem is that the majority of cookies aren’t being made in small batches by experienced bakers. It’s that filly’s mom who finds out at the last minute it’s her week to bring snacks for her foal’s soccer team. Or it’s that mare whose husband forgot to mention that his parents are in town and will be here in 30 minutes and he wants her to impress them with some home baking. For some reason ponies think that they can rush cookies…and you can’t. Now you could cheat and BUY cookies…but that is just about as bad as serving a plate of dead parasprites (or live ones for that matter). Between eating a “Bits Ahoy” cookie and having every bone in my wing dislocated I’d go with the “having every bone in my wing dislocated”. For one thing, mares love dudes in casts (ever heard of Pity-Filly?). Secondly, I don’t think I’d survive eating such an awful, dry, tasteless, preservative filled, loveless cookie. But somehow behind the veil of brightly colored packages and hip slogans, they get away with selling these atrocities to unsuspecting fillies and colts! Again, I weep for our younger generation…

“And that is why I refuse to promote anypony buying these”
“Damn it Soarin’, I swear to Celestia I can’t I take you anywhere?” Spitfire said hushed tone that was trying to convey her anger to Soarin’ without anypony else hearing her. “We’re supposed to be helping them SELL cookies, or have you forgotten the reason we came out here?”
Soarin’ glanced at a dozen or more fillies that sat at a collapsible table, trimmed in banners for “The Filly Scouts of Equestria” and covered colored boxes of cookies. The fillies, clad in their crisp green vests covered in miscellaneous badges and pins, were wide-eyed and on the verge of tears. He directed his attention back on Spitfire and matter-of-factly stated “Well how will they ever learn if I don’t teach them? When it comes to pies, there are no excuses”

Comments

[Seether00]

Damn it, you are trying to troll me again, aren't you?!

I see you're insulting cakes again, because the word cookie is derived from the Dutch koekje meaning 'little cake'.

And you never answered my tart argument, which totally counters your savior argument. All hail the onion and cheese tart!

[PornOfKidsMediaIsBAD]

methinks that what matters is what kind of pie/cake/cookies they are, and how well they are made, as i like all of them equally.

[thewaffler]

Key Lime pie is just cake in disguise, cheese cake to be exact. Everything Soarin' knew is a lie.
I'm surprised that you didn't mention the application of ice cream on both. Ice cream on pie and ice cream sandwich cookies. Cookies have the advantages of portability, mint flavored cookies (you rarely see pie in mint flavored) and they stay fresher longer.

If you think about it more things can be listed in the pie category(crust and filling) like empanadas, beef patties, pierogis, etc.

[Cicatrix]

... And then Soarin' started a protest, demanding that the Filly Scouts of Equestria sell pies, not packaged cookies.
And then Spitfire headdesked. And wondered what she had done to have gotten stuck with him.

[SoarinPie]

1446315

Ah! But I'll save ice cream for another chapter!

[SoarinPie]

1446315

Ah! But I'll save ice cream for another chapter!1446746

Pretty much haha

[thewaffler]

1447334
Ice cream, sherberts(healthier than ice cream, cake and pie), frozen yogurt (also healthier than ice cream, cake and pie), gelato, shakes, smoothies and shaved ice. Pie gonna have a hard time competing with the churned dairy and fruit crowd.

[Brony of Truth]

Pie vs. Doughnut. MAKE IT HAPPEN!
(...peacan pie is amazing...)

[Pyromaniac]

I lol'd so hard at the end.

Just genius.

[SoarinPie]

1468445

Haha glad you liked it! I was hoping that others would find my weird sense of humor funny.

[DeathCryBrony]

Well I finally got around to reading this chapter, and I gotta say,
"Oh my god!"
It went from why pie is better than cookies to -

“And that is why I refuse to promote anypony buying these”

Man, did I laugh at that.
The back-n'-forth between Soarin and Spitfire is always hilarious.
Did I inspire that?

[SoarinPie]

2794601
I approve of your well thought out retort at which you defend your beloved cake...but pie is and will always be the greatest food if all time. But I can see you're obviously too far gone to be saved from the stranglehold cake has on your sweet tooth...if only I acted more quickly

[HB_DS2013]

Soarin KNOWS his pies. I didn't know quiches are in the same family as pies.