Pie is the most delicious, most complete, most versatile, most comforting, and all around best food every created in the history of Equestria. And I should know. I’m a Wonderbolt. Okay, maybe that doesn’t count as a reputable credential but this does: I am the 5-Time Canterlot Fair Pie Eating Champion, I’m subscribed to 13 different pie and baking related magazine subscriptions, I currently have bakers on speed-dial in each major city across Equestria in case of a Pie Emergency (Cause a Pie Emergency in nothing to trifle with), and I’m preparing to open my “Pie Only” bakery “Pie in the Sky”.
Overboard, obsessive, crazy? Maybe, but pie is worth it. And as biased as I might be, I can’t seem to find a food that could possibly top pie in the “Best Food in All of Equestria” category (which I’m sure in the royal archives there exists such a title). Sure there are other “possible” competitors. Doughnuts for instance have their flashes of brilliance. Fried dough covered in icing, topped with sprinkles, drizzled in sauces, filled with assorted jellies and custards and crèmes, or simply covered in either cinnamon or powdered sugar…is there anything not to like about that? But as amazing as having a fresh jelly donut might be, it still lacks where pie excels.
Some have the audacity to claim that cake is a worthy opponent. How in Equestria could cake POSSIBLY be considered better than pie?! In what possible way is “Celestia’s Guilty Pleasure” better than the pinnacle of perfection that is the pie? But, to be fair, I’ll prove to you why I’m right…and cake lovers are wrong.
Much goes into the composition of a great dessert. A balance of sweetness, without being overly sweet, needs to be achieved. I mix of textures is a must. Depths of flavor as well as versatility are both envious traits of a dessert as well. I mean really, if it were ONLY about being the sweetest then the best dessert would probably resemble a bowl of pure sugar (which I’m sure some of you ponies wouldn’t object to consuming). But a bowl of sugar is not a dessert.
So obviously being the sweetest is not the defining feature of a great dessert. This is where the cake stumbles first. What is the best part, if any, to the cake? As I’m sure that many of you would say the frosting. The frosting is why ponies love cake so much. The cake itself is just a sturdy, edible, medium for transporting frosting from plate to mouth. The cake itself, for the most part, is bland, dry, tasteless, and visually depressing. In a word, boring. Even if the cake is pleasantly moist it still seems dry in a personality sense.
But cake can get away with this thanks to its tasty covering. It’s the frosting that gives a cake character. The frosting deserves most, if not all, of the cake’s fame. It’s the visually stunning part with all the dainty colored flowers, bright ribbons and borders, and colorfully hoof written endearments. Honestly I’d probably sleep better if they changed cake’s name to Frosting. It would make more sense in my opinion.
Only problem with frosting is that it’s basically squishy colored sugar. It has deceptively hidden its truly simple nature behind a veil of colors and shapes. But most ponies couldn’t care less. Especially our younger fillies and colts. All they care about is sugar, sugar, and more sugar (I weep for our younger generation). Sugar, sugar, and sugar a perfect dessert does not make. So how does cake get away with it? Honestly I have no idea
Now compare this to the pie. Pie derives most of its sweetness and flavors from its fillings, which there are many. Where cake is left at simple flavors, or flavor combinations, such as chocolate, vanilla, strawberry; pie explodes with variety. Yes there are exceptions such as carrot cake or red velvet cake but these hardly compete with the flavors pie can offer. Even something as simple as an apple pie can best any flavored cake out there. Don’t be deceived by its simple title, an apple pie is a work of art. A great apple pie does not simply consist of sugar, apples, and crust. A glorious combination of apples, Granny Smith, Honey Crisp, Golden Delicious, Macintosh (for instance) make up for a overwhelmingly pleasing combination of sweet, tart, crisp, and softness.
In addition to a concoction of apples that would resemble a certain family reunion, a plethora of additives can be, well, added. And these ingredients look not to cover up the flavor of the apples, but enhance it. In the case of an apple pie, a combination of cinnamon, brown sugar, butter, oats, slivered almonds, nutmeg, and cloves turn the flavor up to 11 without shoving apples out of the picture.
And let us not forget the crust. Arguably the best part of the pie. And with good reason! After all what’s there not to like about a flaky, buttery crust? Not only does it add richness to balance out the pie, but it offers texture.
So you have the spiciness, the sweetness, and tartness of the filling; add to that the crunchiness, butteryness, and flakiness of the crust. ..pause for foodgasm.
Okay, now back to what I was saying. The nesses of an apple pie could go on for pages. And that’s not taking into consideration the tact that goes into a chocolate silk pie, or the depth of warmth you find in a pumpkin pie, or the pleasant twang of a strawberry rhubarb pie. How does cake fair now? Now slightly sweetened sponges covered in frosting doesn’t sound as appealing does it? Oh? Still not convinced? Alright then.
As a Wonderbolt, as you can imagine, I spend a great deal of my time air bound. I mean, it’s my job after all. Does this interfere with my 10am, 1pm, 3pm and 6pm pie times? Not in the least! How do I manage to consume seemingly copious amounts of pie (considering there is such thing as a copious amount of pie) miles away from the nearest table and plate? Easy!
Next to the pie itself, pocket pies were the most ingenious thing ever created. Some absolute genius decided that it was a good idea to take pie filling, wrap it in flaky pastry, and deep fry it until a glorious brown. You are now left with a “flyable pies” (as I like to call them). Now whether I’m rushing off to our next performance or grabbing a quick “mid-flight snack” I always have a pie available. Can cake offer the same mobility? No, but they do offer a notable try.
I give you, the cupcake. Basically the same composition as your run-of-the-mill cake: bland or possibly slightly less bland cake covered in mounds of frosting. But this is not always the case for cupcakes. For some reason ponies tend to be more creative with cupcakes than cake cakes. I’m sure you of all ponies are familiar with the show “Cupcake Battles”? Estrogen infused bakers battle to make the most ridiculous and obnoxious cupcakes. Orange juice and mint cupcake with a black licorice frosting? I’ll give them points for creativity. But that’s not to say that the cupcake exceeds the depth of complex flavor combinations that only pie offers, but at least they try.
But the cupcake does surpass its predecessor in one dimension: mobility. Although it does a piss poor job of it compared to a pocket pie, the cupcake does prove to be more versatile in hoof than a slice of your typical 3-layer cake. But that’s not saying much. Instead of going with a top heavy slice of cake, you’re now left with a smaller, still top heavy, piece of cake wearing an inedible wrapping. At least the pocket pie has the decency to be 100% edible while remaining 100% mobile.
And this issue with wearing an inedible wrapping is that although you can now hold your dessert you now have to pile the frosting that would’ve been reserved for the sides of the cake on top. This makes eating a uniform bite of cupcake impossible! You end up either with bite of just cake or a bite of just frosting. Either way it’s depressing and sad and drives me almost to tears...almost. It’s even worse with your “Hoity Toity” cupcakes; most of the flavorful additions topple off with transport and they have to resort to being “enjoyed” with a plate and fork. Thereby rendering these cupcakes non-versatile and thereby pointless.
Before you interrupt to say “okay, you’re right. Pie is best” I have one last statement I would like to make. Our last category is versatility…no, not like aforementioned. I mean versatility in flavors combinations…no, not like I said earlier. What do I mean then? I’m talking about savory in addition to sweet.
Have you ever had a roasted veggy pie, with a delicious medley of carrots, peas, potatoes, onion, beets? Covered in thick gelatinous gravy and again covered in a buttery crust. Or how bout a quiche? Fluffy eggs, suspending and deliciousness you happen to mix in, topped with melted cheese. Ohh I’m drooling just thinking about it! Now, pie is no longer one dimensional in terms of food category. They can now be enjoyed for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. And because these are just as nutritious as they are delicious you can still enjoy a slice of pie for dessert. Cake on the other hand remains a one-trick-pony. Overly sweet mounds of disappointment.
In addition to being savory as well as sweet, pies are just as enjoyable hot, warm, cold, room temp, you name it. Cakes on the other hand…not so much. Right out of the oven they lack frosting, as mentioned before that’s the whole point of the cake. They have to cool in order to apply frosting and you miss out on a glorious warm dessert on a cold rainy afternoon. That’s considering you didn’t order a piece of pie. And while better cold than room temperature the cake still doesn’t gain much in texture or flavor from its temp change.
So you see there shouldn’t even be a discussion of which is better. It’s like comparing apples and oranges, pegasi and unicorns, Wonderbolts and everypony else…okay maybe not that last one. You get what I’m saying though. Pie cannot be bested in anyway and remains the pinnacle of food!
Pinkie Pie, who by this point was struggling to keep a chipper grin during the length of this one-sided discussion, proceeded to reply in an unsure tone “Soooo I take it you DON’T want to try my cupcakes?"
“No thanks, but I will have that big apple pie!” Soarin’ said with an air excitement.
As Pinkie removed the large pie from the display counter, Soarin's face shone with happiness that resembled that of a filly on Hearth Warming Day morning. Wasting no time Soarin' dove head first into his guilty baked pleasure.
“Okey Dokey Lokey then!” Pinkie exclaimed in a bouncy tone that suggested that she might have not retained a word Soarin’ said during his lengthy conversation at all.
“How bout you Rainbow Dash? Would you like a cupcake?”
-The End
CAKE IS BETTER THAN PIE
Pretty funny I must admit.
Cake vs. Pie?
Brownies. That is all.
Cookies, that is all
CHOCOLATE!
Just sayin'.
I think it's funny that Pinkie Pie works for Mr. and Mrs. Cake. I see what they did there.
Saw the picture and thought "American Pie" as a legit reason.
Ok, before I commence reading I simply must state: PIE IS BEST!
Wow! Thank you guys for your comments and all. Honestly I was VERY bored and I had already baked a pie today (no joke) so thought I should write a fan fic. For my first fic ever, are there any pointers anyone wants to give me?
The cake is a lie!!
The next time I get into an argument with someone about Cake vs Pie, I'm pointing them to this.
And I was wondering when Pinkie would come into this. Wasn't expecting it to be the End, but whatever.
1410303
Eh, I needed somepony that Soarin' could vent this to. Pinkie seemed the most likely to not only bring on this conversation but be willing to sit through it.
This entire story is heresy and should be burned as such!
First of all pies are high labor low reward (was in pastry for a short while), primarily because of the crust. A good crust is tricky but producing cake with a fine crumb and soft texture is art.
Second, cakes are not just mediums for frosting. A good cake should hold up on its own without frosting. I am not a big fan of frosting, but there are glazes, fillings, glaces and all sorts of wonders with cakes. The joconde sponge, the pound cake, the chiffon, I would continue but its clear this author is a philistine! Forget cupcakes, think of petit fours, bite size layer cakes enrobed in chocolate.
Speaking of the miracle that is chocolate, what do you have pie man? Chocolate pudding in a graham cracker crust? To the moon with the foul thing, it is unworthy of such a fine ingredient. Bring me a mousse cake decorated with rolled truffles immediately.
So take your lowly pie, plebeian! I will be in my ivory tower laughing while I consume my slice of french apple cake. Is it a cake or a custard, WRONG! It is both and it is glorious!
1410442
Ohhh someone did some research! I applaud you...though I very much disagree. A delicious crust isn't as hard as people make it out to be. I have a perfect pie crust recipe and it only has 4 ingredients. And in all my years of being a baker I've yet to find a cake that has bested a pie. As for chocolate, I'll stick to my French Silk pies...although that french apple cake does sound rather good...might need to add another chapter to prove that pie is better than every dessert!
1410338
Could've used Spitfire too. Here's her dialog:
"Ok, this has got to be the twentieth time you've told me that story. I get it. You love pie. Now can we get back to practice?"
"Philistine." Soarin then gobbled down the last of his pie.
Sorry, have the urge to write a fic myself and it kinda leeched out.
1410503
Very much not a bad idea! Might steal that if I add another chapter...or write a related fic. I'm just a huge Wonderbolts fan colt and I just don't like that there are hardly any Soarin' fics that aren't clop fics (not that I don't read those too, just want something different). I just had the mindset today of "why not?" so I wrote my first fic ever!
1410516
Ohmygosh,ohmygosh,ohmygosh, someone liked my idea.
I mean *ahem* - Cool.
1410538
Hey! I have no problem acknowledging a good idea when I hear one. Plus, I'm no writer. Just an athletic artistic brony with a little free time. I'm better suited in the kitchen than in a word doc. But it was fun to write, sure with a little help I could write another.
1410485
Woah, woah, just woah. And back at you, I have yet to see a pie beat a proper cake(not that sugary sheet cake nonsense stores like to carry..ugh). As for frosting, you want frosting, make a proper swiss buttercream, not that overly sweetened crap in tins.
Better than every dessert? Now you are just escalating to trolling my friend. I will put my flourless chocolate cake with dark chocolate glaze against any French Silk pie. I make a mean Rhubarb-strawberry pie with traditional custard sauce, not his ice cream crap Americans use, so don't think I don't know pie. Emphasis on Rhubarb, proper British versions have a 3:1 ratio rhubarb to strawberry in the filling.
Good luck beating the variety of cheesecakes and ye old standby chocolate mousse. Hell the simple elegance of creme de caramel will beat you down, so good luck fighting for best dessert.
1410699
Flour-less chocolate ganache cake is the best. Mmmm Chocolate.
and a Cupcake?
Are you nuts?
She's supposed to be dead, twice.( In A Cupcake and cut in half)
1410559
You know what, it's late, I can't sleep and I am stuck writing the first line of my next scene, so I am going rant some more.
You are also forgetting the pie's sexier sister, the tart. It is just like a pie but elevated in every way. Isn't that right, Miss Rarity?
Of course, darling! A tart is refined, elegant, and so pleasing to the eye. Take for instance the apple tart. Thin slices of apple layered just so they overlap in a intricate spiral. So upper class, so me! A simple apple pie is well... charmingly rustic? Yes, charmingly rustic.
There you have it ladies and gentlecolts, right from the horses - I mean pony's mouth.
I think that this picture is obligatory in all pie vs. cake discussions:
wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/slacktivist/files/2012/01/picaken2.png
The mighty picaken is sure to please both factions in such confectionery confrontations. Or neither of them. Or at least it'll give Pinkie Pie something new to do.
Yes, Pie is awesome. I am disappointed in the lack of discussion about cobblers and crumbles.
I love sweet potato, pecan and peach pie.
The only thing more awesome is waffles. Waffles can be made into an edible container for other treats, and can filled and covered with any toppings. Their great when you have a nasty hang over, The can be a meal or a side. They are easy to make and there is no flipping required unlike their rival the pancake. Waffle fries are great and hold ketchup better than regular cut fries. Pancakes can go **** themselves.
>>thewaffler
I was wondering if it was possible to add anymore to this...guess so I need to remember everything everyone said! I'll agree with you about the waffles though...wonder if I could fit that into pie somehow...
I love me some warm freshly baked glazed doughnuts!
Glad to see you threw that into your story along with the greatness of pie!
1412279
They are second favorite food, I had to add them. But, as you said, this was about the greatness of pie!
I still prefer my mom's chocolate cake/cupcakes to pretty much any other dessert (including my brownies).
But I've never actually had pie, and this is doing a surprisingly good job of convincing me to try some . . .
Anyway, I am amused. Good job.
1413906
That was the point of the fic to be honest. Try to convince as many people as possible that pie is best, not so much that cake sucks...but I had to try to make pie look as good as possible. And I'm glad you like it!
@SoarinPie
omg you actually read and responded to my comment.
I was not expecting that.
So, um, Fluttershy yay?
And the next time there is pie I shall try some. For Soarin'.
1414156
Haha, well this is my first fan fic ever so I'm trying to respond to everyone cause I'm still pretty hyped that it's doing well!
Oh, Soarin'
You are your pies.
So engrossed with the pie that you don't notice Pinkie offering Rainbow a cupcake...
Hah, that was awesome. Five moustaches
(Even though cake is better )
1410864 Blasphemy! Pancakes are obviously superior. There's nothing like pancakes with fresh maple syrup and butter. Waffles simply don't work as well. There's a reason they don't serve waffles at Maple Syrup Festival.
1415010
haha thanks...and no pies are better (didn't I make that clear?)
Also I like waffles and pancakes equally, even though my chocolate chip bacon beer waffles are the SHT!!
1410538
I was starting to write another fic if you wouldn't mind helping me!
1409920
No! Brownies and cookies both fail in comparison...do I need to write another chapter?
Thanks for reading though!
1417245
Well I'm not sure how I could help. I don't exactly have any experience writing stories. (I do want to write one though)
And I don't have a PC, so my equipment is limited. I'm currently doing all my internet-related things via my PS3.
Thank god this site is so very PS3-Friendly.
But sure, I'll help however I can.
1420160
Write another chapter
This fic made me hungry as I read it...
Make me a Pie?
1424303
haha that was all I was trying to do. And maybe I make you pie
1410195 LOL I SEE WHAT U DID THERE XD
1410823 HOLY ELCAIRS! WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE CAKES?! * Eats cake *
*evil sounding* MORE
1415040 I agree. Pancakes ARE good...but not as good as the thing at bottom of my comment
1420160 this is my comapison: PIES STINK! They don't have funffeti flavor! or..*licks lips* doblue choolate vannalia strawbaerry eclair no frosting cake! WITH FREAKING 50 DIFFERENT TYPES OF CUSTARD! * Dies from food EPICNESS!*
*Comes back 2 life*
now where wasi? oh yes!
that cake I was talking about?
MY MOM MAKE SIT JUST FOR ME!
FOR ANY HOLIDAY ( NOTICEABLE OR NOT)!
2ND
I HAVE A SOLUTION TO YOUR AGUREMENT!
*Pinkie walks in* IM ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT
COMBINE
EVERY
KNOWN
SWEET
TOGETHER!
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
*dies*
oops
* Shoves my moms holiday treat in her face*
*CHOMP*
HEY THAT WAS MINE
not anymore *burp*
*Sigh*
Well I hope you read this, and agree with my solution.
Cause I've actually done that-
O_O
NO! IT FELL ON THE FLOOR
Dam it!
Well....i'm going to go find my girl pride now... if i can pick up the stains... ( SORRY ITS SO LONG!)
1424853
all I can say is...
But I disagree. I could make a funfetti pie.
My dear Soarin, I must inform you of the qualities of cake and why it's better than pie. A cake can have a wide varietiy of flavors, not just red velvet or carrot, but things like gingerbread cake, grasshopper, and even striped coloring. Can your pie do that? Also, cake is to be moist and flavorful, the icing it to hold in crumbs and complement the flavor of the cake itself. And mobile cake? Cupcakes with the frosting on the inside! IT is as complex as pies, and there's a reason there is a tie between both. I think you had a bad cake dear
~your's truly, Mem.
P.S. I read the story, I just liked this page.
Eh. Pie may be good. But, cake has something Pie can never have.
DEATH BY CHOCOLATE CAKE
When i saw the cover art from the story...Soarin needs a REAL girlfriend fast before he starts "making love" with the pie soon.