To All the Time We Spent A Part

Dull rattling of the window against my skull lulled me into a false sense of sleep. I never really had much trouble sleeping on the train. But on this long journey, all I could think of was a turmoil of thoughts racing faster than the train itself.

You.

Sunburst was really a fitting name, huh? Funny how these things turn out.

The sun bursting down onto your orange coat. You really were handsome, weren’t you? It was just the way I remembered you as a filly. When you left…

We’d just seen each other. I was just a disaster. You saved the Crystal Empire and got hired by the Princess for an important task. I barely helped. I ran around the library looking for spells to stop an impending blizzard from killing us all, but you. In one fell swoop you casted numerous spells that fixed the heart, calmed the baby, and proved how much of a wizard you actually were.

Why couldn’t I be like that?

Why am I having these thoughts anyways? I thought I was happy now in Ponyville. Trixie took me on dates occasionally. But what were we? I don’t think neither I nor Trixie could tell you. I was the understudy of the Princess of Friendship herself. Lavender alicorns made for good magic study.

But during all this my heart was in the Crystal Empire.

The train pulled into the station. Has it really been so long? Well, not since we met as foals I mean, and no not since we met last on that little ‘friendship mission.’ I just meant the train ride itself. It was a long train ride. There was only one more stop. One more. The time flew like a pegasus but crawled like a foal. After a blizzard of feeling the train pulled into the station.

I held my suitcase in my magic, groggily wiping the sleep out of my eyes. My hooves carried themselves. I couldn’t stop them. Clip-clop-clip-clop down the familiar crystal paths. The Crystal Empire at night was absolutely stunning, even I could admit it through my clouded lens of thought. Magic powered lanterns gleamed gently, illuminating the dim streets even though nopony but me trotted under its light. Catching glimpses of the crystal walls on buildings and reflecting into my now watery eyes.

You opened the door, it couldn’t have been any slower to my aching body. I lunged into a hug, nearly tackling you onto the floor. Oh Sunburst, has it really been so long?

You chuckled a little, adjusting your glasses the way you always did. You idly twirled at that patch of hay grass you called your beard. We chatted, made up the time. The time. Has it really been so long?

And you smiled that awkward little smile as you curled around me in bed. You had set up a space for me on the couch but, no. I would not stoop so low as to sleep on the couch when I had the company of the most adorable awkward stallion I could ever imagine in my thoughts. You cared for me then, did you care for me now? Even as you drifted into Luna’s dream land embrace, you curled your hoof gently around my hair. You smelled likeâ€¦ you smelled like you. A grove of a thousand oranges and tangerines. A field of flowers, with puppies and young foals frolicking through them.

Like… Like…

Why did I cry? Why did I have to cry? The water welled up in my old violet eyes. I sobbed. It woke you up, and you offered to walk me to the living room and make me chamomile tea. So you did. So you made me chamomile tea.

Gentle steam and aroma wafted up through the air, and I dried my tears and snot. I sipped on the tea gratefully, feeling sleepier already. I stopped crying. You were still there. You smiled at me. Smiled into my big, wet eyes with your own balls of teal. They say all throughout Equestria that the eyes are the window to the soul, I felt like my soul was part of yours and vice versa. I knew at that time I loved you. I spilled my heart out to you and you listened in that awkward way you always listened.

You said you didn’t feel that way. Not that you didn’t love me, you did but only in the way of friends. I felt the tears well up again but you chuckled as you brought up your coltfriend who you’d had for years. I wanted to kill him. Sunburst just wasn’t in the market for mares, unfortunately, or in the market at all. But It wasn't his fault. You guided me back to bed, but I wanted to sleep on the couch. You protested. I cried myself to sleep on the couch.

The next few days managed to pass. How long has it been? How long had it been since my heart was opened up to love at all? I’d spent years running a village where I wrongfully took everyone’s cutie mark and made them all equal under me. I could’ve had anyone I wanted, all of them looked up to me. Double Diamond. Sugar Belle. I can hardly even look them in the eyes anymore.

My heart ached for yours but, I’d long since accepted I couldn’t have it, not as lovers anyways but as friends. The time was awkward, but we did spend time together. We went to one of your favorite restaurants in the Crystal Empire and you even bought me crystal earrings on your own bits like the little ray of sunshine you were.

I couldn’t leave, no I couldn’t go back home to Canterlot but I had to. There was no way out of it now. A golden ticket levitated in front of my oh so teary and pathetic eyes with the words “Crystal Express” written on them. I waved goodbye and you and your coltfriend waved me off as well.

I put my head on the glass as the purr of the engine vibrated me off to another state of half sleep. It had been a long few days but the time calmed the swirling storm in my mind. I was going to miss you. I was going to miss the way the sun reflected off your golden sunny coat. Please don’t ever leave me again, Sunburst.

Author's Note:

Always the rattling vehicle windows, ay?