- Member Since 21st Jul, 2013
- offline last seen Saturday
dustor7689
In a fever dream I type this for you to consume with your sentience. Drink water. I hope you all are having a wonderful day.
dustor7689
Joined 21st Jul, 2013 ·
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the wizard meme
I CAST FIREBALL
"Grandma *cough cough* I-I need to sel- *Cough! Cough!* sell your fridge grandma. I need to sell it *COUGH! COUGH!*
A wizard is never late nearly is he early arrives precisely when it means to
11885026 I don't know it's me but your face seems familiar
First of all, I liked the story. It's lighthearted and amusing, and it's obvious you had fun writing it, props to you, this is certainly a whole lot better than most people's first story, and it certainly is, without a doubt, better than my first piece of fiction, but there is one problem that is glaring at me. At the part when our MC was discovered by Luna and Celestia, I realized that the story started to feel accelerated, rushed would be another word, but speed up fits best.
It's like this tale was suddenly placed into a pre-determined set of events, put on tracks, forced if you would, and this becomes even more direct when you start with the time skips in chapter 2. Don't get me wrong, no one wants to read how our MC goes through every singular, daily task, but it's right at the beginning, where we, or I, want to make a picture of our protagonist, how he settles in and everything. And then we have the Luna/MC relationship, which isn't a problem in itself, but it's just so suddenly and in your face, as if months or years of kinship had already been established.
The three-fourths of the first chapter made me feel like I found another great, quality Human in Equestria story, almost akin to displaced without bursting at every seam in creation, tangible excitement in a Mc with potential for growth in every way and a world yet to leave a mark on. Still, the tone shift, shift in writing and something I cannot quite put my finger it, just changed.
Do not take my words as absolute, but please also don't throw them into the wind either. I like the story, I will try to follow it some more, but remember, the path in the story, and not the milestones listed in chronological order.
I hope I didn't sound insulting/arrogant with this comment.
>Conjuration Wizard
Oh boy, time to prep all those Summon Monster spells.
11886750
Thank you for the feedback. Your comment isn't insulting or arrogant at all; I find it refreshing and constructive. Upon reflecting on my writings and plans, I realize you are absolutely correct. In my excitement, I have turned my story into a list rather than a narrative.
I've been missing the forest for the trees.
I'll take some time to review what's there and what will be, in order to improve upon it.
Sebastian needs to learn the light of the Valet Familiar. Cooperative Crafting is a drug, I swear...
A few questions though: what spells does he currently gave in his book? What are his stats? Magic items?
11886829 I'm curious about those too.
At first you have my interest now you have my curiosity
Ah, the one spell my GM especially disliked.
Prestons Indigestion.
Into my library you go!
Huh, now that I think about If he learns one of the shape-changing spells they could go on a date as ponies.
Additionally If/when he learns Wish he can become technically immortal. Or is it ageless? Well, he will die when he gets killed. 'nuff said. Only for a cheap price of 50k every 40-50 years or so? Okay, there are of course Arcane Discoveries. But immortality on 20th lv? Oof
11886723
🤫🇦🇷🇩🇪
great story so far
I can guess some kind of gossip about non-unicorn being casting a spell would circulate around Canterlot within a few months from now. Follow by a typical protest of 'Unicorn Elites' as usual.
The pace seemed a little rush, but quite enjoyable read. Actually, I am amazed that Celestia haven't come to monitor his magic practice so far. Unknown magic from unknown world should raise some concern about safety of the kingdom.
TL;DR, Pacing is rushed but that's fine. There's some choices made by the author that I personally disagree with but I'm not the one writing. Still enjoyable and I'm looking forward to future updates.
The romance with Luna feels rushed and i'm mildly dissapointed I didnt get to read the the details on how luna and mr protagonist (i already forgot his name) fell for eachother. It doesn't really sell the romance to me, but that's obviously taking a backstage to future lovey dovey scenes for the two, and that's fine.
The leveling of protagonist-kun feels off and also feels like it arbitrarily confines to the leveling in pathfinder what with specifically calling out 3rd level spells, but that might just be because it was waived through timeskip training arc and I enjoy not skipping those or getting a different feel with that sort of time skip.
On a related note, explaining how the magic works is possibly not needed or wanted but I personally enjoy hearing about the inner workings of how magic works in various settings. I think there might have been an interesting blurb to be made about how the spells in the pathfinder spellbook are somehow drastically different in how equestrians do magic. Like, somatic components would be vastily different for a human and a unicorn; one does the double-polka to cast fireball while the other waves around their horn and thinks really hard to do the same spell.
There's also the point about how there really isn't much of a mention about what the other ponies think of our resident human mage. I know the trope of a human being scorned in pony land is done to death but it'd be nice to see what the other ponies in canterlot think of mr mage.
I enjoy the concept of such a character and how they interact in pony land though, as it seems they're able to follow pathfinder rules for how they interact with the world. I'll keep my eye on this one for sure.
11887209
PF1e Wizards actually dont need Wish for immortality. Dinging level 20 is sufficient to have the option.
THIS IS SPONSORED BY THE SHADOW GOVERMENT
11887539
True that, hard to find fics with in-depth magic systems and magi-babble, and yeah romance felt mightily rushed but well, time skip and all that.
On the other hand, kinda I get why it could happen the way it happened, at least from a psychological point of view.
You spend millennium alone, and then from nowhere comes this creature that is genuinely interested in you, and you can't help but feel the same. To add to that, you outright crave affection and contact with fellow creatures.
Ba-da-boom you get the previously mentioned scene.
This looks neat.