Parks and Wilderness

by stphven

Chapter 3 - Sandy

This is so cool!

Two new Royal Guards in town, and they’re here to see me? This is so exciting I just might faint!

...Hmm, maybe later. Too much fanfillying to do!

These aren’t just any Royal Guards (not that normal Royal Guards aren’t exciting!): one’s a pegasus, and the other’s a crystal unicorn! I’ve never even seen a crystal pony before. The glittering blue guard looks so glamorous, so badass, so… so cool!

Hmm, no, that’s quite not right. Definitely not cool. On closer inspection, she just looks really hot.

Wait no. Warm!

She just looks really warm. This is a desert, after all. Plenty of warm mares around here. Yep. Heheh.

Not to say that she’s not attractive or anything. If anything, the flushed cheeks, matted mane, and sweaty muscles beneath her gleaming armour are really doing it for m- No! Bad Sandy!

I force myself to look over at her partner, a smaller purple pegasus giving me a cute smile. She seems to be handling the heat better than her partner, unfortunatel- Nope!

“Ma’am?”

I shake my head, trying to dispel any thoughts of hot mares in uniform. The glimmering unicorn is looking at me with a polite but slightly confused expression, while the pegasus’ smile has been replaced with a knowing smirk.

Oh horsefeathers! I’ve been so busy staring at them I forgot to answer their question!

“Y-yup, that’s me! Sandy Miles. Best milliner in town! Um, that means I make hats. Also, I'm the only milliner in town. But still the best! Ah haha, ha, he…”

I grin awkwardly at the two glamorous guardsmares standing at my doorstep. Gosh it’s hot out this morning!

“I’m Sergeant Glacier, and this is Private Punch,” the crystal pony explains in a deep, level voice. “We’re here about the strange creature causing trouble in the area. Sheriff Prickly Pear said you’d had a run in with it not too long ago? We’d like to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind.”

“Ohhh! Right. Yeah. Of course. Sure I saw it!”

Or at least, that's what I meant to say. In my excitement that last part came out as “Saw I sure it!” Cringing, I quickly turn away and gesture the guards into my home.

“C-Come on in. I’ll fix ya some lemonade and tell ya all about it.”

Leading the way into my living room, I wish I had time to prepare. My house is a mess! Sure, it’s nice enough by Tranquility Springs’ standards, but these glamorous, sophisticated guardsmares are probably used to, like, fancy manors and castles and stuff. That’s where all the adventures and mysteries (and romance) occur, after all. I read all about it in Gallant Guard Magazine.

Which, incidentally, is lying open on the coffee table. At the article about adjusting guard armour to accentuate the plot. Crabapples!

I quickly whisk it out of sight, along with a few dirty magazines and dishes - er, dirty dishes and magazines - giving my best nonchalant smile as I turn to usher my guests in. Thankfully, they don’t seem to notice anything amiss. The cute, smiley one’s still cute and smiley, and the hot, serious one - warm, serious one - is still warm and serious.

That reminds me, I should probably see to that lemonade. The poor unicorn looks more flushed than I am. Number one rule of being a good hostess is to never let your guests die of dehydration in the living room.
Aunt Sunbeam taught me that. It always struck me as oddly specific.

Still, it seems like good advice in this situation. Soon my guests and I are seated comfortably on my best pillows, cool drinks in hoof, while I relate my recent adventures in the desert.

“So Tumbleweed’s wagon was completely covered in tree sap at this point. After picking the last o’ the scorpions out o’ his mane, we decided we were better off without the kitchen sink anyway. So we just called it a day, set the tent on fire, and turned tail for home.”

Sergeant Glacier and Private Punch are looking a bit dazed at this point in my story. From the heat, no doubt. I dutifully refill the unicorn’s ice for the third time - she seems to be enjoying it more than the lemonade.

“O’ course at this point we were pretty far from Tranquility Springs, and the afternoon was getting on. So Tumble said we outta head to Hoofrest and stay the night at his uncle’s place, then head on back home in the morning.”

The crystal mare blinks and clears her throat.

“Is Hoofrest another town? I don’t recall seeing it on the map...”

“Ehhh, sorta? It’s just like this one street and a bunch o’ houses out in the middle of nowhere. Couple o’ hours southeast o’ here. I think there was a mine or quarry or somethin’ ‘round there years ago? Dried up ‘fore I was born, whatever it was. Now it’s just folks that never got ‘round to moving elsewhere, I guess?”

I shrug awkwardly, but my explanation seems to satisfy the unicorn. She swallows another mouthful of ice and nods for me to continue.

“Right, so Tumble and I was still a ways away from Hoofrest. We were climbing down these rocky hills, and the sun’s setting behind us. We reach the bottom o’ one hill, and start up the next. We step out o’ the shade into the last rays o’ Celestia’s sun, when all of a sudden this great big shadow falls over us! We turn around and are shocked to see…!”

Dramatic pause!

All good adventure / mystery stories have dramatic pauses. I would know, I’ve read every issue of Gallant Heart, Royal Investigator. Even that one terrible, definitely-not-canon issue where Gallant Heart gets shipped with Sir Dashwood instead of her obvious true love, Captain Nightingale.

Sergeant Glacier gently clears her throat.

Ack! Horsefeathers! Dramatic pause over!

“Er, ahem, so, we turn around and see... this big dark shadowy critter rearing up on top of the hill we just came down! It, uhhh... it was right against the sun, y’see, so we couldn’t get a real good look at it... But we heard it! It was panting with this deep, growly... growl, and we could hear it stomping down the slope after us! We knew we were in terrible danger!”

The two guards are listening intently, excited yellow eyes and steady green ones locked onto mine. I'm such a good storyteller! Thanks, Gallant Heart!

“I thought maybe we were being chased by a blackjackal or mountain lion or somesuch, and I guess Tumbleweed thought the same, cause we both immediately turned tail and hoofed it. Looking back, I could see it trotting down the slope after us, but it was in the shade now so we still couldn’t really make it out. It was big, whatever it was, but we seemed to be getting a lead on it.

“I turned around to catch up with Tumble, when suddenly there’s a whoosh, and something crashes into the ground next to me! Wham! It was so close I could feel the pebbles pelting my coat!”

My heart starts pounding just thinking about it. It was really frightening!

“I thought the monster must have j-jumped at me! I sure wasn’t expecting that! But I was so startled I didn’t even think to look back and see what it was. Just bolted faster than I knew I could!

“W-we didn’t hear it chasing us after that, but you betcha we didn’t stop to look till we’d darn near keeled over, and whatever it was was long gone by then. It was getting super dark out by then and we weren’t too keen on sticking around to look for it, s-so as soon as we got our breath back we hurried to Hoofrest, raised the alarm, crashed at Tumble’s uncle’s place, a-and that’saboutit thanksforlistening.”

I suck in a lungful of air. I kinda rushed through that last part without stopping to breathe.

Once I’ve got my breathing under control, I reach out a shaky hoof and take a nice long draught of lemonade. Retelling my story was not as fun as I expected. I'm pretty sure getting chased by freaky jumping shadow monsters is, like, an instinctive racial fear or something? Nothing to be ashamed of running away from, right? Nothing to be ashamed of retelling with a shaking hoof, r-right?

I hope my guests think so.

Peeking up at them, I find the two guardsmares talking quietly between themselves. The glimmery sergeant notices and turns to face me.

“Thank you, Miss Miles. You did the right thing by getting out of there as fast as you could. That’s the smartest thing to do when faced with an unfamiliar creature.”

I can’t help but smile and blush a little at the praise. Even if I was acting purely on instinct.

Punch reaches over and sets a comforting hoof on mine. My blush intensifies.

“You can rest assured, ma’am, that the Guard will be investigating this creature further, and we’ll be doing absolutely everything we can to keep your community safe. You’ve already helped us a bunch, but if you can remember any more specific details about this critter it’ll help us make the town even safer.”

I scrunch my nose in concentration. I want to help, but I'm still a little rattled.

“Umm… It, uhh… Details...”

Sergeant Glacier interrupts in a practised tone:

“Things like the creature’s general size and shape; number of limbs; number of horns; scent; colouration; whether it had fur or scales; the way it moved. That sort of thing.”

Huh. For some reason, it is a little easier answering these specific questions.

“Well, the sun was in our eyes the whole time, so it just looked like a big dark blob, but I’m pretty sure it was bigger than me. Bigger than Tumbleweeed even. Like, two or three times as tall, though not much wider.”

I close my eyes, trying to picture the scene. My heart starts pounding again, but I force myself to stay focused.

“I-it definitely had four legs, and I don’t remember any horn nor wings. Don’t think I was close enough to catch its scent. I do remember it rearing up on its hind legs both times I saw it, and thinking that was kinda weird. It’d be much faster on all fours, right? Oh, unless it was getting ready to jump, maybe?”

Sergeant Glacier frowns.

“You’re sure it was rearing? I can think of a few desert dwelling creatures about that size which are known to walk on two legs instead of four.”

I cock my head.

“Uhh, maybe? I guess it didn’t look like rearing, exactly, but what kind of critters do you mean? Like, a... giant bird, or something?”

That doesn’t seem right. The silhouette certainly didn’t look like any bird I’ve ever seen.

Glacier shrugs.

“Not unheard of. But a dragon might be more likely.”

“D-d-dragon?!”

”Juvenile, maybe. They love hot, sunny places, and often walk on their hind legs.”

I was being chased by a dragon?! How can she talk about this so calmly!?

“Not all dragons have wings, and now that I think about it, that impact you felt striking next to you could have been a fireball.”

A fireball?!?!

I feel my head start to spin. Looks like my body has decided to take me up on that offer of fainting.

“Of course, this is all just guesswork; it was probably something much more-”

THUD.

“...mundane.”

“...Uhh, I think you broke her, boss.”

Comments

[Time Waster]

I'm guessing the "monster" is a human. I wonder what he is doing in the desert alone.