Persephone Gaia Blake is stuck in a bit of a rut.
While all her friends are off following their respective dreams, she's stuck listlessly working at her hippie mother's witchy souvenir shop, peddling crystals and tarot decks to Salem tourists. She doesn’t believe in any of the ‘magic’ nonsense that the city prides itself on promoting to visitors, but she sucks it up to keep the cash flowing and her mother happy. It’s not like she has anything else going on in her life.
Thank goodness her and her friends’ 25th birthday is here to change all that. But is it a change for good?
Well- jury’s still out on that one.
A spinoff of "Five Score, Divided by Four" by TwistedSpectrum. This story follows the updated mature version set in 2020 where MLP got all 9 seasons (albeit with an alternate ending). You should probably check out that first if you want some general understanding of the world, though I don’t think you have to to understand what’s going on. Up to you!
What fun foreshadowing! I immediately liked the main character. Everyone relates to someone suffering retail and I liked the foreshadowing here. The setting was fresh and cute! I've never seen characters play D&D in a Five Score story but it's such a great idea for foreshadowing purposes. You kept it fun and just long enough! I'm taking lots of mental notes! I see that chapter title! The parallel with the pillars makes enough sense. I like how Persphone is portrayed here. I'm interested in seeing her take on the role thrust upon her!
Yup. I officially like Bree and Nat seems lovely too (We gotta have someone drive the truck!) My gawd though, the food truck. I'm excited. This is so silly and eccentric and perfect. A cheese-based food truck is underrated. Are you sure this doesn't take place in Wisconsin?
Isabelle is the wild card here. I'm not sure if I love her yet, but she seems pretty and most groups have an Isabelle, don't they? : )
Gift exhanging! I don't think we always see this despite the nature of these stories. It was nice! More telling of the characters than foreshadowing of useful gifts, I suppose? We'll see!
This is a good cast. And it seems like none of them are going to be pillars? So that only means... hmm! The possibilities!
Off to a great start!
11893579
Glad you enjoyed! I didn't want to have any Pillars in the core cast as I think it's a lot more fun to smash together characters that otherwise never would have interacted. That's not to say they some of them won't show up in the future, though!
I think I'd be a fool not to at least include Star Swirl in here somewhere (though that 'somewhere' eludes me at the moment!).
Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is ask for help when you need it.
To be continued
What a solid start to a new Five Score story, and a promising piece added to this version of the 'verse!
Excellent job setting the scene and mood through Percy's oh-so relatable perspective, with just enough details to feel real and lived-in and to brush a good picture of this group of friends without getting derailed by random minutiae. Nice and efficient!
Oh and that chapter title's wordplay is just delightful with how accurate and appropriate it is.
On to the next!
And things are already picking up! Love the viscerality of the prose during that last scene, it's really impactful and believable, especially after the thick blanket of (understandable) denial earlier.
I really appreciate the simple act of Percy looking to her mother for help, far too often a transforming character is tempted to keep things to themselves out of fear or shame or whatever (something I've been guilty of myself)... Though we do still have this angle with Isabelle, keeping Percy in the dark (just as they're all in for now regarding the truth (yes I do appreciate another clever chapter title, nicely done)), giving us some variety while fitting with what we know of her character.
And a random note: really like your extensive and colorful use of similes, makes for fun and engaging prose!
Can't wait to see where the next chapter will take us!
And it begins!
This is definitely a fun read! I'm still really liking the characters. Isabelle has grown on me! They all seem to bounce off of each other really well. I have to agree with Alsey on the prose. You captured the panic and fear really well at the end there. I'm liking the pacing with the transformation and with all of characters all seemingly at a different point in the transformation.
Percy and Isabelle not coming clean was great. There's just enough for us to know what's going on but for Percy not to put two and two together. There was no bomb under that table, maybe just metaphorical, but the tension there was still good! I love it when stories let us put the pieces together! I feel I'm guilty of handholding a little too much.
As a sidenote, I like how you're denoting text in brackets. I'm stealing that. Also I didn't mention in the last chapter but it's a nice change of pace seeing a group of girls instead of boys. Speaking of, oh boy. I'm curious to see how Percy, Bree and Nat react to that change.
Best Princess, indeed!
I know how her name is pronounced, but I can't help but imagine someone calling her a "Purse-a-phone" as a playful jab.
I'm looking forward to more!
Huh. Neat.
I'm gonna have to read the other stories like this now.
Well, yes and no. He was more the vessel for the villain. Like Luna with Nightmar Moon, but... less so?
I don't know why that one came to mind, but whatever.
If you're going to start panicking...
Or you could do that. That works too.
I can imagine all too well the anguish that must gnaw at Percy's mom right now... Especially if this isn't the first time she's found herself unable to help her child feel better and fix her issues. At least there might be less chances of blaming herself or her reaction for that kind of condition, but we'll have to see how well she can weather seeing her daughter fading away into something else...
Poor Percy. There's not much a person can do in this situation! I do like the interaction with her Mom and the conclusion. You got about 24 hours left! Less with your fingers!
What a frustrating dream as well. You portrayed Discord really well here I think! Random but following his own logic and clearly very dangerous!
I wonder if her Mom has been trying to find something among their magic stuff... Not to mention, Percy's friends! They must think they're alone on this! I can imagine we're about to see some things come together! Hang in there, Percy!