I don't say stuff often, but sometimes I do.
There is nothing special with my life, I am just like any other guard. No defining traits, no special ability that makes me stand out and no special connections go get where I want. Now I just live my life day by day, barely getting by with my duties. I have barely any friends left, I don't know when I last saw my family and I am stuck here for the rest of my life.
I need this to end.
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I wrote something, and it sucks. It read through it a second time, but my editing sucks. So it's probably filled with errors all over the place.
I didn't have any goal with this, it doesn't even tell a story if you ask me. I just rambled on for a while pretending to say something, and then there's words.
I never named anything, but I don't think it matters. In my headcannon, this pony knows no names, not even its own. I won't give it one. In fact I won't even give this soul a gender, race, coat colour, mane colour or anything. This is a blank character, with only the mind to tell you who it is.
I know how I look at it though, but saying that won't give you a chance.
I don't think anyone will like this anyway, it isn't what people want to read mostly.
Oh, then all this first story, be nice yada yada yada stuff. I don't care. Speak your heart out if you hate it, just say why. I did this for no one but me anyway, so you telling me what I did wrong might help me.
Also, First.
1399332 The only interesting thing is, I can't write at all. I can't make a decent character that acts in a consistent manner throughout a story, I can't write dialogue, I can't even write a basic plot outline. For the record, I didn't read your story either. I just thought about a guard and this came up.
This here was a few hours of me letting my mind fly free and think of pretty much anything. I ended up where my mind took me, and I just put down whatever I thought of. Sure, I limited my thinking to the guards but I could probably do this over and over again with a similar result. From my personal experience, this is the only kind of text I'll ever be able to write, for it leaves so little to the things I can't do to save my life and lets me do the one thing that sets words on paper. Ramble on about nothing.
I agree, it's not a story. It doesn't have a reason for existing. There is no message to get, no moral to learn. I could probably go back and revise parts of it, but I am no author. When I got to the point where the story ended, it ended because I found nothing else to write. The story isn't over, but my thoughts didn't connect any more dots that made lines I could follow. So it ended.
I have the original document saved, so if I ever want to go back and make it a story you'll be the first to know. But for now, I won't.
1399513 I can agree to one thing, I put the fear in there on purpose. It may have been the one thing I truly meant to put in at first, and everything else just happened to get in there too. But in my mind, protecting an immortal princess capable of raising the sun is meaningless, since nothing they could do would ever help even in numbers.
The fear, on the other hand, is way more abstract for me. I know I wrote it, but imagine standing there time after time watching her do something no one else in the world manages. It's interesting that I want to put it that way, for a reason similar to your own for recognizing something you write about a lot. Fear for me is near non-existent in my life. Sure it is there, but the situations when I fear anything are so far between I can barely relate to it at all. Maybe that's why it seems so interesting to me.
And what I meant with no message or theme, is that when I sat down I had nothing. No plan, no expectations, not anything. Except the fear part about Celestia, there was nothing in this that I had the slightest idea about before starting out. I re-read it earlier, and found several places where I could have put things in a different order, if only for the fact not all of the transitions between subjects aren't perfect.
If I go back and revise it in it's entirety, I still wouldn't put a name on the lead, I know that already. I never wanted a name, and personally giving it a name singles it out as a specific guard, which doesn't make it as general as this is. The revisions would alter, add and perhaps remove some things, but I would never alter the original premise of the unknown.
I'm not saying you have convinced me, but I might go and split up segments that could make their own parts and flesh them out in some way. It would probably take time though, seeing as I have a hard time wrapping my head around what I actually wrote. Some of these things I don't even understand where they came from...
1400645 I remember that story perfectly. It placed itself a fair bit up on my list of stories, and the best one I have read in a fair while. But you bring up an interesting point nonetheless. For as long as I can remember, my idea behind the story severely differ from that of everyone else. I haven't been told it's wrong, since you can't technically be wrong in how you interpret a story, but it's always been different. I don't know if that's insight, or just that my thought process work different from everyone else. Even in your case was mine different, even though I happened to get to the points where you wanted us to get.
Not saying it's anything bad, it's just an interesting point. Personally I believe those that can write things everyone will understand, they get most of the readers, but those that write the heavy stuff that few actually understands and can relate to (in some manner). Those are the ones you barely see around. I mean no offense when I say this, but the feature box is just one example of many. Mostly (not always) is it the same kind of stories that goes high up in there, comedy, popular crossovers, shipping or sad stories. They are usually written about things people relate to easily, and not abstract things. Not saying this is a bad thing either, it just means some things will be easier for people to get and by that they'll like it. I don't know many who enjoy a story they didn't understand, or got anything from.
Enough about that for now, but as you probably have noticed from our quite lengthy chat I've started to warm up about the idea of getting back to it. Not saying that it will happen, but it just might if I manage to understand my own story enough to flesh it out. Oh and while I remember, this story still haven't passed approval so I can't tell what others think of it yet, except you.
Inb4 featured, didn't really do it for me, still amazingly written, I think there was one misspelling of castle? Don't take it personally, just me, fair play writer, another writer I strife to write like
.
Edit: Just saying - after reading the comments - I think this is a story, and a damn good one at that. The way I see it is it doesnt feel like a story because it about a pony who isnt really living a life, that's what struck me first, I don't think you need the change it at all. But once again, that's just me.
1400944 To quote all our favorite King of Chaos: "Make sense? Oh, what fun is there in making sense?". They are usually the kind of stories you would find me reading, since you can often deviate quite a lot from what the original intention of the story was. Even something as short as this can most likely send several different messages depending on the reader even if it barely qualifies as a story as it is now.
But then again I have a pretty good feeling you're right, if I actually get a story out of it, it will be abstract. I honestly don't think I could ever write a "normal" story, with an understandable plot, logical transitions and common themes. Not that those are bad, but they just doesn't fit me. Sure I can read them, probably I'd like some of them, but I couldn't ever write one. But then again there's a difference between abstract stories and just plain weird ones. Your is fairly abstract, but there's still some value for the ones who doesn't enjoy stories like that at all, and then there's this, stories which makes absolutely no sense at all. Then again, that story was written to not make any sense, so there's some special circumstances regarding that.
In any case, the feature box wasn't ever my goal. I am fine with leaving that for others, with stories that fit. Then again, I could probably make something of this, given enough time. As a closing note, and I mean no offense when I say this, but I don't believe I'll read Thrones if I'm not 100% sure I won't revise this. Fairly sure I would get sidetracked by your story then.
1401124 There was actually two, thanks for spotting them.
Reminded me of something i heard in a song once. "Faithfull always they shal remain... Dogs to loose when war is waged". The soldiers image themselves as an item serving, not a human being. Their life does not matter; what matters is their goal. The goal they are expected to sacrifise their lives in order to achieve.
There were no story, except the story of nothing. the story of a soldier's life. The story of an object.
Fantastic work. you earned yourslef 6 of 6 spikes, a green thumb and a star.
(the song i refered to were "The Warrior Song - Hard Corps)
poetry...tru poetry
i truly liked it, a psycological vision of an invisible character
try other character now, like a changeling or a background pony or a wonderbolt
1404379 I'm glad that you liked it.
For future installments, I'm not sure if I will even do more but if I do the only of those that you mentioned that gave me ideas was Wonderbolts. Probably only because t's similar to this in a way.
Posted the rewritten version of the story. If you read it previously, I'd love if you tried this version instead but you don't have to.
For everyone who find this afterwards, the old version can still be found here, but I personally think this version is a lot better.
Any feedback is appreciated.
Side question, why can't I save the chapter as one as soon as it exceeds 5750 words? I tried but it doesn't save, which this is in two chapters rather than one like it should have been.
Well fuck