Celestia was in yet another meeting with the noble houses, each one clamoring for her attention. As usual they all had some kind of project or scheme they wanted her to endorse, some law they wanted to her to approve and others they wanted her to veto. Each and every single one of benefit to themselves or harmful to others, and no thought given to the ‘lesser’ ponies they hurt, with the very very rare exception of course.
She couldn’t get a word in edgewise anymore, let alone hear herself think, among the rabble shouting at her and at each other. Not a single one of them had any respect for her, that was the problem, she could recall days when they would be bowing at her hooves and treating her as a goddess. Heck they would have sooner thrown themselves off a cliff than dare to demand anything from her. It was her fault, she mused, she had been the one to encourage that they be proactive in their management, that they be able to openly voice their opinions without fear of defenestration. When they got their brains around that it had been all downhill from there.
She hadn't noticed it until it was too late, and when she did there was nothing she could do about it. Of course at first she had been happy that her little ponies were now independent, it was just that she wished they would show her a bit more respect. With Luna’s return she had hoped to split the court in half as soon as her sister had gotten her head around the fact that it wasn't acceptable to defenestrate annoying nobles and as soon as the nobles had stopped bitching about the new princess.
Which-with the way both parties were acting-was not going to happen any time soon.
Releasing a sigh she rubbed her temple with her hoof, none of the nobles gathered paid much attention given that they had broken out into another shouting match.
‘Oh well not much longer too go.’ She thought as she called upon the mighty, unfathomable, mystical connection she had to the sun to check the time. ‘Only……..e-ei-eight hours and forty minutes….’ Each meeting was nine hours long….she had been here for twenty minutes. Twenty minutes. Tweeennntttyyy minutes. She blinked, blinked again and stood up.
The room hushed, mostly, as Celestia began to address them.
“My little ponies, I call this meeting to a close.” With a flash of her horn the nobles found themselves picked up off the ground, many started shouting and struggle some simply watched.
Celestia stamped her hoof on the ground, a shockwave rippled from it silencing the court. “The court will be closed tomorrow, it will be closed the day after that and the day after that. It is high time I did something I should have done years ago and with the return of my sister it is something I can now do.”
Many or the nobles gulped as the solar Princess narrowed her eyes and smiled. “ Lords and Ladies I am taking a vacation, Luna is in charge.”
One of the suspended noble raised his voice. “But what about the country, you can’t just abandon us to your barbarian of a sister.”
Another noble raised his voice as well. “I agree it would be most unseemly of you, if you wish a vacation we can arrange a couple of weeks at a nice tropical island retreat.”
Seeing a chance to get in the princess’s good books many of the nobles started shouting out offers for the weary princess to stay at their own vistas and estates.
The princess chuckled. “I don’t think you quite grasp what I meant by vacation. For you two weeks might be sufficient, but as an immortal with a thousand years of stress to dispose of. I would say that ohh...ten maybe even twenty years would be sufficient.” She surveyed the shocked expressions on the nobles’ faces, with a burst of magic she sent them flying out the doors and maybe one or two of the more annoying ones through a window.
She turned to her shocked personal secretary. “Tell Luna I’m taking a sabbatical, I going to go off the grid for a few years. Tell her to give my love Philomena.”
She waved her hoof in front of the pony for a few seconds, no response. Sighing, she conjured a scroll quickly wrote down a missive saying she would be taking a few years for herself and to give her love to Philomena. Impaling the note on her secretary’s horn she smiled and with a flash of light disappeared.
She reappeared in her room and sat down at her desk to write the last two letters she would ever write for a few good years at least. One to Luna and one to Twilight, she spent a few minutes sitting deciding in what to write before she began, not wanting to screw it up. Not so much with Luna, the intervening years for her would seem short and they had discussed this before so this would not come to much of a shock for her sister, what she was worried about was Twilight. For her twenty years was a long time and this would be the last thing she would ever be able to say to her favorite student for some time. She sat at her desk and judged her words carefully and slowly began to write.
When they were done and sent off on their way, she closed her eyes, summoned her magic...and opened them to a new horizon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twilight was enjoying the fresh air as she helped set up her friends weekly picnic, the girls (and Spike) were placing various foods on the mat beneath them when a Scroll popped into existence above her horn.
The girls stopped what they were doing as Twilight picked it up. “It’s a letter from the Princess.”
Applejack placed the basket of apple treats she had brought on the ground to speak. “Last time this happened we found out you had a brother and that he was getting married, wonder what it’s going to be this time.”
Rainbow grinned. “Ten bits says it’s a sister.”
Applejack spat on her hoof and held it out Rainbow quickly copied the gesture. “Deal.” The two ponies said in unison.
Twilight rolled her eyes at her friends and began to read the scroll out loud as she unwound it.
My most faithful student Twilight
“Hehe pay up sugar cube.”
I am writing to inform you that I am taking a vacation, and as such will be gone for at the least twenty years. My sister Luna will be taking my place as ruler and I have no doubts that she will do fine however she can be a bit stubborn at times and will need a friend to talk to in coming days. I know this may come as a shock, but please know that I am in dire need of this. I have spent a thousand years reshaping and running a country, Twilight and I need a brake otherwise I fear may come to start resenting the ponies I love. I take this vacation now partly because previously with my sister gone there would have been no clear figure head for ponies to take leadership from, and so I kept my burdens to myself and painted a pretty mask for my subjects to see. You are one of the few ponies I have truly called friend, and one of the few who have seen beneath that mask to the tired mare warily trudging on. But with Luna returned to me and to Equestria she can take the throne, and I can finally truly rest for the first time in a thousand years. I had hoped that I would be able to have gotten her more acquainted to modern life and to spend more time with you before I decided to leave but I need this too much. To say that she has had trouble adjusting completely would be an understatement, but at least she has adjusted to modern linguistics and has succeed in talking in -relatively- modern Equestrian (she still insists on using that blasted royal We).
My leaving is not just about relieving myself from built up stress though, if it were things would be infinitely more simple. No my leaving is also about you, my most wonderful student. I have guided and shaped you into becoming the wonderful mare you are today, of that I have no regrets, the time I have spent at your side has been worth every second. But I can only teach you so much Twilight and my continued presence is only stiffing you. You may argue that I am doing no such thing, after all you don't need me to learn from a book, but only knowledge comes from books Twilight. Wisdom comes from life, as you know by now, and it is wisdom that I wish to teach you. You have to live and experience life, make mistakes and pick your self up again Twilight, if it's one thing you posses it is an indomitable spirit. Your life up to this point has been spent under my watchful gaze my dearest one, and up to this point you needed it. But you have grown so much, you are so much more than who you used to be, and trust me when I say that you are less than what you will be. I know that inside you is the seed for somepony magnificent and it has been my most honored privilege to tend to you and watch you blossom, but in order for you to continue growing you must leave my shadow. Your friends have begun to help you there but so long as I am around you will never truly let go. And this is the other half of my reason to leave, with myself gone both you will be forced to adapt and grow as pony. This may sound cruel to you now, but in time you will understand why and thank me for this, there may very well be times when it doesn't seem like it but trust me you will.
Lastly I wish you to know that you are under no obligation to become a permanent part of Luna's retinue, I know that you have your own life and it would be rude of me to order you to leave it behind. But you have been raised in the royal courts since you were a foal; you have intimate knowledge of how politics work even if you never involved yourself. But most importantly you have the most optimistic view of the world I have ever known, you are modest and polite even when you could have exploit your status and achievements at court to gain power. I know deep in my soul that you only have Equestria’s best wishes at heart. And it is because of this that I ask you this as your friend to please advise Luna whenever she needs it. She may have the power, but she needs a helping hoof to correct her course every now and then. You are my most faithful, my most talented student and there is no other pony I trust more with this task.
I want you to know that I have always been so proud of you and have always held a special place in my heart for you ever since you were a filly. I look forward to meet you again, I am sure the mare you will become will be fantastic.
Your eternally proud mentor,
With love,
Celestia.
P.S I expect to see some foals by the time I get back
Twilight reread the letter, shocked at what she had just read. She looked up from the letter, one thing on her mind as the full implications began to dawn on her.
What?
This has promise lets see where it goes.
This sounds good. Watching.
Hallowed Be Thy Name - Iron Maiden
1554324Oh sorry my apologies
1554155 whut?
Tank song though
I was initially afraid that this was going to be a Tyrant Twilight rise to power by killing Celestia / Luna story.
now i really am interested
Good Job
Hah! This made me laugh. Great job!
More typos though. If you wanted a proofreader before you post chapters, I could do it.
Anyway, here's my list:
Struggled or struggling depending on which tense you're planning to use
Question mark
I'm and to Philomena
friends' and a full stop before 'the girls', rather than a comma
No capital for scroll
Full stop before Rainbow.
There's a few bits of missing punctuation in the letter, but I thought I would just point out this bit. There should be a comma both before and after Twilight. And there's a spelling error at the end there. Should be break.
And the first paragraph could conceivably be broken up into three. It doesn't have to, I just think it would be a better break-up of ideas if it was.
I can't figure out if the funniest bit of this chapter was the abruptness of Celestia's decision to leave, or the postscript at the end of the letter.
There. ^.^
1554801I do have an editor, but it appears that he didn't get everything
When Celestia said she goes to a vacation of twenty years due having a whole differnet view of time than mortal living ponies i was like "this author did it right!".
Oh boy, Twi as one of Luna´s advisors who will have a really hard time with all the bossy and stubborn noble houses in her court (9 hours, jesus!!!) as well as trying to asjust to the needs of modern living ponies and all that.
Hope we get to see not only how Twi will cope with the new situation of having Celestia gone for ten-twenty years but also her friends and how they help Twi. We already heard of the farmer movement and such, can´t wait how this fic will explore this oppurtunity of ten-twenty Celestia free years and how it changes everypony, the Mane6 and also Luna!
Though Foals... given that Twi´s a princess now i kinda doubt Celestia saw any cute, little, adorable Twi babies when she came back. If she came back that is. <.<
1556906Well 'accidents' can occur in the most unfortunate places
Ahhhh, yes, good to see this up.
I'll keep a track on it for good measures.
1558322Thank you my friend
AWSUM!!! Ask me at school if you have any problems. Good work on getting the story going tho.
Oh good lord
Well you got an extra fav from me and have some moustache ón the way
Okay, here we go. Two chapters atm, two posts to report back.
First off, I'd like to say that just by reading the description I'm already hooked. I personally love these kinds of stories and I have high hopes!
Okay, reviewing time:
Color code in quotes (I'm only going to say this once, refer back here if necessary):
- Red = Fix
- Blue = Comment
- Purple = Highlight
The story itself:
- I'm going to take the first paragraph and point out things first.
- After a good look I decided that I should separately mention about the capitalization. Whilst some people don't capitalize enough, you capitalize too much. But it's better that way. Try to drop the unnecessary capitals out. Words like favorite, cool, white, you, we, era, diarchy etc. are non-capitalized unless they start a sentence. If you feel the need of a quick recap, see this page.
- I would like to bring up the punctuation here. Take a look at
Conclusion:
Looking good! I found mistakes, but they were small enough for you to be safe. After all, everyone has something new to learn. A human being is designed not to be perfect.
Queen Sparkle. I like the sound of that...
The chapter:
- This is not an error of yours, but rather a note of mine. I got distracted by the word "veto". It is exactly the same as the Finnish word that means "pull" or "bet". Credits to you for using it, I have never seen it anywhere other than Finnish texts.
- Now I have to mention about the comma use again, differently this time, though. Now you use it a bit too much.
- Same here
- Note.
- Another.
- Yet another.
- I'll just keep on doing these whole paragraphs.
Conclusion:
Well, a bit more mistakes here. Make sure to proofread the chapter by yourself, too. Read it right after you have finished to take down the clear ones, sleep over the night and read it again the next day. That way you can avoid most of the nasty mistakes.
Your spelling has been good, save for the favourite and brakes. Your English is good!
I'm enjoying this story and wish to see more! If you need any further help, feel free to contact me and I'll see if I'm free.
1554524 what you did there......I see it
1554523troll.me/images/creepy-willy-wonka/please-tell-me-more.jpg
166855(S)He was saying that I shouldn't use that image because another fic that is quite successful uses it.
As you can see I apologised, but am still using till I find a better picture
Oh dear. And here comes the proverbial manure.
Ok, this just starts out badly. First, the mention of a civil war in a society of ponies so pacifistic they don't even lead a counterattack to a changeling invasion. Unless this is 'alt-universe' and they DID wipe them out. But I don't see that, so I must assume this is happening in-universe.
Then there's the typical 'Celestia jut ups and leaves on vacation with no warning'. That is such a lazy trope. No leader would just up and leave for any length of time without foreplanning and preparation. Celestia RULED ON HER OWN FOR 1,000 YEARS OF PEACE!! I do rather think that indicates she's at least somewhat competent, considering no large human civilization has ever managed to last even a 100 year stretch without a significant conflict.
Barely 2,000 words in and already Celestia is being slammed with the idiot ball.
Also: "One of the suspended noble raised his voice. “But what about the country, you can’t just abandon us to your barbarian of a sister.”
And there we have the 'nobility being hostile to Luna' trope thrown in for good measure.
This does not inspire much faith when I see these weak tropes immediately