• Published 4th Oct 2012
  • 6,012 Views, 222 Comments

The Griffon War: A Soldier's Memoirs - Dusk Quill



The journal of a front line soldier in the Royal Guard.

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Author's Address

Author’s Address

Thank you for reading my story. I would like to extend a personal thank you to everyone who commented, liked, and/or favorited my work, especially to the ones who gave me feedback as I was going along. You all have been a huge support. I would also like to extend personal thanks to Silverstein and Treilacl, for their continued reviews and edits from start to finish, and to everyone who helped and continues to help spread my work.

I hope the story was to everyone’s liking! This was the first fanfiction I have written in a long while, and after my extended hiatus, it felt good to return to writing. All the views have been so inspiring, and all of you in the community are a wonderful bunch. I purposely left the end open for a sequel, planning to continue if I saw a demand for more. If you have an opinion, I would love to hear it.

If you have any comments, criticisms, or just something you’d like to tell me, I encourage you to leave me a message here or in my inbox. I love feedback almost as much as I love all my readers.

April 15th, 2014 Edit

As authors, it is our duty to give voices to stories that would otherwise be left untold. Each writer has their own tales hiding in their hearts and minds, and it is up to their talented hands to give them existence on paper. We are storytellers and wordsmiths. But words cannot do justice to the amount of gratitude I feel toward everyone who has supported me.

When I wrote this story going on two years ago, I did it to prove to myself I could. I hadn't written anything in almost eight years at the time, and it was supposed to be nothing more than a hobby and to do a little something for the fandom I had fallen in love with. I never expected the praise, nor the reviews. I never expected anyone to feel so moved by my words. I never expected to sit here, five stories into a series, with such a voracious request for more. Hell, I never really expected anyone in a fandom about happy technicolor ponies to pick up a story about something so dark as war.

And for that, I thank every single one of you. Every reader that has taken the time to look through these chapters, every person that has left a comment or a like, every critic that has helped me shape my writing into something a little more than it was before, and every fan that has been supporting me in the uphill battle. Thank you—from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I could never have gotten anywhere without all of you.

— Dusk Quill

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." —Ernest Hemingway

Comments ( 78 )

1679038

Thank you and I love how in your writing you do a very good job trying to decipher the emotions of a soldier on the front-lines after he has seen some of the horrors of war.

I am in the Air Force and I am happy to say that I know NOTHING about war, because I've never been there. I've been in over a year, and I'll volunteer to deploy because I feel I need to do my part but if I don't get "in the shit" while I'm over there, then I am completely fine with that.

Anyways, enough of that.

I think its kinda sad how much work you pump into this and especially how good it is with such a low reader count. I honestly tried to recommend your story on one of my blogs but I don't think it worked.

As for Red Alert chapter three it is a bit long because a lot is happening and I've been working on other stuff at the same time.

Silver out!

This story was great and I would like to see you grow and extend yourself into other works, when you are ready of course!

I hope Valiant turned out ok and that female officer that knew Phalanx as well. I wonder who those two team members that Fleethoof wanted were...I think Valiant would be one but I'm not sure on the other...that sniper of whom I can't remember the name of right now! That's it!

A sequel?

Besides possible conflict during the reconstruction of the Griffin homeland, a out of left-field terrorist attack on Equestria, or a third disenfranchised country wanting revenge for something, I can't think of anything.

Maybe Fleethoof and his new team are sent back to the Griffin homeland to help the (now allied) griffin forces against the last of the old king's zealots? A mopping up operation, maybe training the allied griffins in the process? Kind of like military advisors?

Then on the home front, Shining Armor has to deal with a terror cell in Equestria that inducing chaos throughout the country? Maybe anti-princess ponies like a radical sect of those protesters? Then somehow link both fronts back together into one giant plot reveal? Introducing fighting tactics on Fleethoof's side as he helps train the fresh griffin recruits and intro a few new characters on both sides of the conflict? Set it about...one year after the war's end?

Make it a mystery/conflict type of thing?

Take a deep breath...just an idea I'm pitching.

Anyways, whatever your next work is, whether I'd be a sequel or taking a stab at a different genre, I'll be there.

If you've noticed, I haven't been watching you thus far...

Do you know why?

It takes a special type of writer to earn a watch from me. I don't exactly hand those out like candy.

So I guess that Fleethoof and Shining Armor aren't the only ones being promoted, but you as well author.

Welcome to my watch list. :twilightsmile:

Silver out!

Well I haven't had a chance to read the last few chapters so I'm going to go do that right after this... but 1st I'd just like to thank you for giving me something to read... and it was a GOOD something to read. :twilightsmile: I'm kinda sad that this story is done but that's the nature of things right? And besides, no story truly ends... I for one would love to see what else you've got planned and what else you have in your writer's mind.

Right... well it's time for me to go read the last few chapter! Looking forward to it! :twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

1679911
Words cannot even begin to express the emotions you're evoking in me right now. I'm deeply touched by all the support you've given me, even when I didn't fully expect this fic to go over well! I have almost a ton of ideas for how a sequel would go, and I'm going to be sending around an idea via message to several of my avid readers (including you, of course) with a general idea to snowball around and see how people feel for it.

I also have an entirely new story in the works that I've been beating around for a few weeks now, trying to get the plot together. Maybe we'll be seeing some of that in the future.

I am honored that you were so moved by my work. I hope everything I continue to release is pleasing to see on your watch list. :twilightsmile:

Thank you so much.

1681720
Believe me, it was my pleasure! It was a melancholy thing for me too, writing those last few pages. But indeed, all good things come to an end - even if they don't end right away. One ending may be another beginning.

I'm guessing you'd cast your vote for a continuation/sequel to this? :twilightsheepish:

Enjoy! I hope they're as to your liking as the others were, and thank you so much!

1681884

All you have to do is request support and I'm there. :twilightsmile:

Silver out!

1684267
I went back through the chapters after reading your comment, and you were right about the amount of "suddenly". :twilightblush:
Fixed those up with synonyms where I could, so it should have a better variety now.

I also put a line into their advance into the city that should help clarify it a little better.

Thanks for the feedback, and hope you enjoy the rest of it! :pinkiehappy:

1692758
Please do, by all means! It means I can continue to enjoy seeing the trip it's taking you on. :pinkiehappy:

Firstly, I am very glad you like all the messy emotional aspects to the story. I like having multiple dimensions to my stories, and emotions are a whole world on their own. Plus it gives me some use to my Psychology and Human Relations classes. My suffering did not go to waste! :pinkiecrazy:

Secondly... dang, I can't even address this without giving away too much of the rest of the story! The reinforcement size is roughly around what you're imagining - not large, but not so small as their not intimidating. Dang, I really don't wanna spoil the story for you, so I'll just say keep reading for your answers. :twilightsheepish:

Thank you so much for your continued reviews! :twilightsmile:

Are you planning on writing anything else to do with fleethoof or Fireteam Skyfall?

1694145
HOORAY!! You got the reference! Obi-Wan is my favorite, and that bit was inspired by Episode III. Have a cookie! :twilightsmile:

I'm so glad you loved it, and your kind words definitely encourage me to continue. I actually am working on a sequel series with Fireteam Skyfall, since it seems that was the popular demand. So fear not! Fleethoof and company will return soon! :raritywink:

1694533
This part was very interesting for me to write. I was trying to convey the Captain's disregard for any authority that contradicts his own as well as his lust for control and power. Fleethoof was put in charge of the rescue force - but not the Army. The Captain still had his authority over the main body of Equestria's military, which he exploited (which is why the soldiers on the ship didn't know how to react when they confronted one another). I also had to show Fleethoof's inability to stand up to his COs. Even though he had more authority, he still saw himself below the Captain, and couldn't stand up to him properly - not until the very end of the story. It's a character flaw that brought him down before when the Captain killed the griffons without mercy in Skyfall during their initial invasion. I tried not to spell out too much of this in the text, because I didn't want the reader to feel like I was spoon-feeding anything to them, but I also didn't want to make it so obscure that it went right past them. Looks like I missed both. :twilightblush:

I'm so glad you liked that last chapter, especially the entry. That took forever to work to make it just right. Be assured, there will be continuations to this story, and fairly soon. :twilightsmile:

Right, well this is the end, (For now.) and I'm a little sorry to see it go. However, it's been a good run so no regrets there. Overall I really enjoyed it with only one moment really taking me out of the story, but otherwise I was actively engaged with the characters and felt like I knew not only what was going on, but also what was physically and emotionally happening to the main character. So well done! I didn't notice many (if any) spelling or grammar errors but those aren't exactly my strong point... but still, well done. :twilightsmile: The characters felt alive and realistic, so again nice work. :twilightsmile:

Of course there was that one moment that took me out of the story. This was right at the end with the griffin prisoner bit. Not necessarily what happened but Fleethoof's response. Which was to do nothing even though he is the commanding officer of the relief force. Appointed to that position by Celestia... so his lack of a response baffles me. Why wouldn't he try to stop it from happening when he's in command? Or if he can't stop it then why doesn't he do something about the captain after on the ship? Especially when he wants to shoot the guy, but he knows shooting him is crossing the line though so he doesn't... but... he still has the authority to clap him in irons and throw him in the brig before laying down the charge of disobeying the order of a commanding officer and committing a war crime... sooo yeah in short his failure to do anything was the moment that I got pulled from the story... and sadly after that the remaining story held a sour after taste for me in them... so... I feel like this is something that really could be considered to cripple an excellent story.

1695059
Edited, and hopefully fixed. I added a little more tension and explanation into the scene, so everything should fall into place more easily now.

1695336 It... it's better. It is better. :unsuresweetie: But... IDK... I just feel like he still has authority. At least among those that came with him across the sea. He was given power from Celestia herself, who . Those griffins were prisoners captured during Fleethoof's mission... so they'd still fall under his jurisdiction... the Captain is still outranked here... he's on Fleethoof's ship(s) where Celestia purposefully placed Fleethoof in command OVER the Captain... I mean... It is better. It still just doesn't sit right with me though... but that's just me.

1695941
You'd be correct, Fleethoof does have authority over those he brought over - and them alone. The Captain still has his position in the companies of the main Army though, which had greatly outnumbered Fleethoof's troops. It was the ones under Cuirass who carried out his orders, not Fleethoof's soldiers. He did still step waaaaay out of line, but they were two completely different entities following two different leaders, and that's why he couldn't come right out and take the Captain down without starting a fight amongst the two sides of soldiers. There were still plenty of soldiers that had committed similar crimes and were loyal to Cuirass on board. He still broke so many rules and regulations though, and that's why he was punished later on by the ones above both of them.

The whole situation is purposely crafted not to sit well with anyone, but it's in such a way that there isn't a deliberate "right" answer to it. Fleethoof could have acted on rank and had the Captain arrested anyway and risk fights breaking out, but he didn't, because that isn't his character. He could have ignored it, but he didn't, because that isn't his character. Stuck in a catch-22, he went with the only option that permitted all sides to get home without conflict. In the end, Cuirass and his soldiers got their just rewards, as did Fleethoof. And nopony got hurt over it.

I'm sure this debate could go on from both sides for days without end, because this isn't the first time this has popped up over this chapter. I even had my prereaders arguing with one another over the actions and consequences of the ordeal!

1696049 ...screw it Fleethoof should have just have had his ships open fire on Cuirass. :trollestia:

1696369
Hooray, excessive force! The best kind of force there is! :pinkiecrazy:
That Celestia icon... "Hey Cuirass, do you like mmmm bananas?"

1697155 Send that bastard to the MOOOOOOOOOOON! :trollestia:

One of my favourite stories. I will have a re-read, there's no doubt.

2172063
Equestria's military has gone through the misfortune of a long-term peace at the time of the war. All their military development had pretty much come to a halt, and the Guard isn't at its full strength, leaving them to use more basic weaponry and equipment. Now that warfare has returned to their lives, that development is gonna resume tenfold, and you'll definitely see weapons like that begin to emerge in later stories. :twilightsmile:

2172174

Hmm...well I'm an Intel weenie, so what do I know about infantry tactics? :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Wow...you took part in the Battle of Fallujah? Mad respect, I heard that the fighting was rough in there. :twilightoops::pinkiegasp:

Silver out!

2172343
As a grunt i fell in love with the final entry. it strikes deep

:rainbowderp:

Wow. Just... Just wow. It's a crime, and a damn shame to boot, that this story doesn't have more views. Your portrayal of war is chilling. Are you in the military? If not, you must have friends if family who have served, because this is painfully lifelike.

Watching you now. I'll be starting Skyfall soon. Also, I do fan fiction reviews for FOB Equestria, a military brony site. I'll be doing a review of this story sometime soon. This needs to be read. Great job. :twilightsmile:

2270545
Thank you very much, sir! Unfortunately, I have not had the duty and honor of serving my country, but you were right, I do have very close friends and family who have served. I'm just a military lover who actually listens when soldiers talk about their experiences of war and want to share in those heroes' stories. It makes me very happy to know that I'm getting at least pretty close to relating.

Oh my gosh, thanks so much! I hadn't heard of FOB Equestria before now, and that's... Wow, thank you! I hope Skyfall is mostly to your liking as well. It's more special operations oriented than military/warfare centered like this one was, but it will switch back and forth as the story progresses. I'm happy to be doing you and all those in the military some justice. :pinkiehappy:

Great story. Definitely deserves more views, more likes, more favorites. While the technical aspects of the writing weren't much to write home about (I still found typos and errors), it was more than made up by the spectrum of chilling emotions, and more importantly, the excellent structuring and delopment of the story. First class, mate.

2575849
Without risking giving away too much to the future readers, I'll just say that the tone of the story shifts further along through the story deliberately to deceive and make you perceive something terrible had happened further on. It's up to the reader to find out what had happened. :twilightsmile:

-- DQ

3192386
It was, but when your target has been reinforced and your options are overwhelm the city or get pushed to the ocean and die, well... strategies change. Plans fall apart. The first casualty of war is the plan. I won't spoil any of the story, but that does play a factor in the plot later on, as does the executing of certain individuals.

I've only read a few war-like pieces before and this story right here is the only one I've actually finished. The others felt wooden--just kind of "there", but this story was so intensely...well, intimate with the character's side of things that I had to read the entire piece in two sittings (ONLY two because I had to sleep for school on the night I started reading this!).

I do believe this story needs a far greater viewing than it has had so far, and I will proudly display it on my front-page favourites (when I get back to a computer). I eargerly await my readings of the next in the Skyfall series, and I believe YOU can be sure that this was a story well written. :pinkiesad2:

(I just realised the comment replies are in the last chapter. For some reason Fimfiction does not notify you if there is a reply across chapters...)

3192425
Quite understandable. Admittedly the one little complaint I had was silly and insignificant.
It did not detract from my enjoyment of the story in any way.

The story was quite a roller coaster. It had a nice balance of grand sweeping settings and intimate, immediate characterisations where neither one overpowered the other. I see that there are 2 more stories in the series. I look forward to reading them during my next red-eye shift...:pinkiehappy:

3205992 u speak is if you think you know what your talking about

Hi! I'm here on behalf of the Good Grammar Directory. Your story has been approved and added to our folders. Good job! :)

3529496
You found her!
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2900_small.png

Bingo! The city itself is based off the design of Babylon, with the environment mimicking Thermopylae.

3533970
Considering the operations were run by position of the sun for relative time, and in my headcanon it didn't take the Mane 6 very long to vanquish Nightmare Moon, the difference in time would've been relative to Daylight Savings switching over. You only would've noticed if you were actively waiting for the sun to rise, like the ponies at the celebration.

Eeyup! :eeyup: Who better to deliver mail in the middle of a war than the only pony who doesn't even know what's going on? :derpytongue2:

3538395
Alaric confirmed for MLP Hitler. :pinkiegasp:

3553430
The one thing that always bothered me about Shining Armor in the show is that we know little to nothing about his background. Sure, the IDC comics now gave us glimpses of his teen years, but we never know how he got to where he was when we met him in Season Two. He has such potential as a character, and I hope I did him justice by giving him some more depth. Same with Cadence, although granted, she wouldn't be as much of an obvious player in a war story as a soldier would.

It's the perfect setup for a sequel, no? :pinkiehappy: I am very glad you thoroughly enjoyed it, and hope I continue to entertain you with my work. Thank you very much for your comments and support. :twilightsmile:

3616418
Nope, the prologue and first chapter went up at the same time. Nobody commented on the prologue though. Hope you enjoy the story!

I have a small problem with something, or should I say the lack of something, in the medal ceremony. During the war you mentioned Fleet got his wing rather badly hurt twice. So with that information why did Fleet not get a Purple Heart?

3771267
Not in this one. Equestria's technology tree is a massive tangled vine from all eras imaginable, and many have debated over what would and would not be in the world. In this one, that happens to be guns. I know several people (if I can find the link again, I'll post it in the chapter), have made the argument that guns would be canon, given the existence of gunpowder for fireworks and functioning cannons.

I could write a whole history on Equestrian warfare if given enough time. I might do just that. :pinkiehappy:

3777990
Show canon has already confirmed that weather outside of Equestria is uncontrollable. It would have been a moot point.

And still nothing on how your ponies hold guns?

That was in Chapter 1 and shown in Chapter 2. In short, the same way they hold instruments and stand upright. Their hooves pull the triggers the same way they grasp mugs of cider through handles.

3802369
Depends on the artillery, and entirely on the branching technological advances and needs of a civilization. In the general case of human history, yes. In the case of Civilization or Equestria, not necessarily so.

From reading the comments, it seems people have difficulty swallowing the assumption that ponies can have fully automatic guns with magazines. However, as illustrated below, it isn't a huge stretch per-say, since we know Equestria has the Electricity, Railroad and Flight technologies (flight, because airships and hot air balloons), and judging from the microphone that Twilight had during "Love is in Bloom," they also have the Radio. Also, they likely have Replaceable Parts because the Flim Flam brothers' machine had gears (though this could be subverted as they seem to be innovative entrepreneurs). Therefore, since Equestria is clearly in the early stages of the Modern Era, it's reasonable to assume that they have Plastics, which is one step from the Replaceable Parts and Radio technologies whose presence have been hinted at in the show. Following this logic, they could also have Ballistics, which would explain machine guns, since they have the Railroad and Flight technologies.
well-of-souls.com/civ/images/bnw_tech1.jpg
Stay tech savvy, my friends. And Cheers :twilightsmile:

3806631
steam power is a prequisite to Flight and the Railroad, and Equestria has both; therefore, they have Steam Power. :twistnerd:

Well, I can certainly like without hesitation at this point! Thankfully for me, this story was written a good bit ago, so I can read the sequel at my leisure. :coolphoto:

The story was incredibly engaging, with engaging not even being the right word to describe how it sucked you in and chained your attention to the chapters (not that you resisted after a while). Ponies with guns, I figured was odd territory, but then again, the Rainbow Factory and Cupcakes... Yeah.

Great story, I enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to perusing through the various sequels. If Alaric turns into Makarov... Well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see. My only grievance is simply that what exactly Shining did, the leadership and stuff, what actually made the battle for the capital for them decisive and all, was glossed over.

Granted, this was from Fleet's perspective MOST of the time, but I felt that not a lot was devoted to that, even though it felt like a plot point, as he was medalled alongside Fleet. The griffin note was addressed, but it is hard to grasp the importance of what Shining did in the midst of what Fleet did in the context that the story gives us.

3916505
Thanks for all the comments, and I'm very glad you enjoyed the story! Welcome to the Skyfall saga, my friend. Enjoy the rest of them at your own pace and I hope they're all to your liking. :twilightsmile:

A good question about Shining! And for that, I can actually give you what you (hopefully) seek! Go take a look at Antecedents. It's a collection of short stories surrounding characters in the series. Shining Armor's is actually all about him after he and Fleethoof separate and details all of his actions. Maybe a satisfactory answer will be in there for you.

Look forward to any future comments from you. Thanks again!

Maybe I was wrong, Fleethoof didn't die in Skyfall, but then again, there is "Fireteam Skyfall" eh? So, lets get down to it.
I loved this story, to be honest I was dubious at first. I learned of this from Jake The Army Guy's profile page, and I was expecting swords and spears. That's pretty average in my experience of any Equetrian war stories without humans, but this? This added guns and ponies.
I always felt this was extremely hard to introduced, with notable exceptions of Fallout Equestria side stories where the world building has already been completed.
You, however, gave them weapons that are archaic- Bolt action rifles, and then Carbines. You portray them both well, and you see them more-so as a tool, and it wouldn't be a big loss to Fleethoof if it broke or the like, unlike other stories of "My AK47 with laser sight, holographic, extended drum magazine and silencer fell! Oh nooo" but instead you made it more about Fleet's adaptability. Damn, he is good at CQC.
This entire story was an emotional roller coaster, truly gripping and giving us insight into the mind of a soldier who went to war. Fleethoof is a good character with his flaws, and is realistic. I enjoyed his friendships with various characters, and the death of Captain Phalanx was something of a shock.
Captain Stratogram, is actually one of my favourite characters. I think you portrayed her well, and I sincerely hope to see more of this in the sequel(s).
I'll be honest though, I understand the effect Steel Shield's death had on Fleet, but I don't really feel too bad about it. I don't think it matters if he had two or three chapters of development, it was all at the start and it seems foreign looking back on it. His death, while it may have had an effect on Fleet, didn't on me.
I immensely enjoyed your story, and I will be following this serious.

4047637
Never a bad problem to have, if you ask me! Hope you enjoy it! :pinkiehappy:

4054033
Not in the Navy and Coast Guard. But yes, this chapter has yet to be corrected. I'm currently on Chapter Six.

4047727
Next!

I liked this story a lot compared to some of the other war stories on here. So thanks for the good read!:twilightsmile:

4056325
Thank you for taking the time to read it! :twilightsheepish:

4142110
I'm half-British, so I'm used to seeing both spellings of words. :pinkiehappy: Sounds like a good book.

Thank you for the story, I really liked it :)
There several questions though that appeared during reading:
We see this Equestria as very militant and aggressive country, ready to launch full scale war with only possibility of attack ahead. "Strike first, strike hard". They have advanced military, they study military theory. How could they start the war with next to no military intelligence? How could they allow so high number of casualties?
Also ordering Fleethoof lead attack at Skyfall without promoting him to appropriate rank at least temporarily seems strange.

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