Have You Learnt Your Lesson?

Tired of how creepily Zephyr stares at Rainbow, Rarity takes action.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 9 )

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Pete100

Pete100 #1 · Aug 7th, 2023 · 1 · ·

Was it ever revealed why zephyr liked rainbow dash?

TheGJ90

TheGJ90 #2 · Aug 7th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11660505
To my knowledge, no. I could be wrong though.

Pete100

Pete100 #3 · Aug 7th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11660598
Just wanted to make sure.

Posh

Posh #4 · Aug 7th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11660505 Blue fetish.

Pete100

Pete100 #5 · Aug 7th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11660630
That’s surprisingly believable.

Patriots3492

Patriots3492 #6 · Aug 7th, 2023 · 2 · ·

Zephyr Breeze deserves the slaps he got from Rarity

Hyper Star

Hyper Star #7 · 3 weeks ago · 1 · ·

You would like Zephyr to stop staring at you all the time and for him to stop pretending that he sees you as a sister right? I have an idea. Worry not darling, for I'll handle all the acting. ♡

A heart? Are you a fellow tablet user?

Having written that, she tapped Rainbow and passed the note. A few seconds later the athlete turns to her. "Go ahead! Now put your face in your hands, turn around and stare at him exactly like that!" The rainbow haired girl grimaces as she jerks a thumb in Zephyr's direction.

"The athlete", "the rainbow-haired girl", why not just say "she" and "Rainbow Dash"? It’s way easier to understand.

"You chucked it at me, you indecent boy! "

Unnecessary space between the exclamation mark and the quotation mark. Also, "chuck" doesn’t seem like a word Rarity would use.

"Gah!" He yells in frustration as he sees that Rarity is behind him yet again. "Just leave me the fuck alone, bitch, or I'll fucking report you to the teachers!"

Unnecessary profanity. Two fucks and a bitch probably warrants a T rating.

Her seat is in the row next to the boys row, and once she's done drinking, she turns around...only for the boy to throw a chair at her in a panic.

That, that could seriously hurt someone, Zephyr is definitely messed up. Atleast, I think Zephyr, it’s hard to tell who "the boy" is.

This time, everyone is in the class, and Rarity glances at her leg to make sure that her skin isn't ruined. Fortunately, it's fine, but that doesn't excuse Zephyr from his actions. Imagine if her skin had gotten scraped! That would be just terrible.

Skin scraped? Mhm, what about her a bone breaking!

"Ah well, I suppose I'll just have to teach him another lesson…"

🔫

This fic wasn’t anything special, really, I liked it. This gets an OKAY.

One gripe, this plays out exactly like the real life scenario in your blog, just the characters have been replaced.

KingSombraTheTyrantRuler

KingSombraTheTyrantRuler #8 · 2 weeks ago · · ·

11885217
Yes, I use a tablet. It may be simpler to use Rainbow Dash and she, but I had an editor who gave me a few tips, one of which was to not just stick to those two. I guess chucked isn't a word she'd use, I'll have to edit it soon. It's already rated T, from the day I published it. I probably should've mentioned it was a plastic chair.

Thanks for commenting!

Hyper Star

Hyper Star #9 · 2 weeks ago · 1 · ·

11887281
Sorry, what I meant was that it would warrant a profanity tag.

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