its good, very good, i personally love Chrysalis x Twilight stuff and futa Chrys is just murr.... spelling and grammar was good and although my mind is still spinning, ahem, i did not see any errors so dam, very good clopfic 8.6/10
I admit, I was drawn in by the title. But I didn't stay for the clop; instead, I was intrigued by several interesting details you mentioned.
The first would be Chrysalis' admission that all Changelings are born male, which is actually an accurate fact that I never thought of. Generally, hive-based insects (bees, ants, et cetera) only have one female present in the hive at any given time: the queen. Although the one difference here is that queens are actually bred and don't metamorphose into that form, I can see why you skipped over that to create Futalis.
The second was this: "Her eyes flicked from one chain to the next, then back again, occasionally sliding up to the cold iron band at the base of Chrysalis’s horn that bound her power as surely as anything could, magical or otherwise."
This intrigued me simply because few people know about iron's role in folklore: that of a lodestone and a focal point of life energy... and that of a talisman to ward off evil spirits and supernatural entities. A magic deadener, as it were.
In all honesty, I couldn't care less about the clop. Those two details made this an entertaining read.
1359539 i agree. a Twilight x Chrislalis (totally spelled wrong) story would be in intriguing read. maybe something about love and how it transcends evil or something
Chicks with dicks, by far, is one of my oddest kinks, but it's one of the few fetishes out there that makes my motor purr every. Single. Time, when the futa's nailing a sexy lady. <3 With Chrysalis being hung and banging Twilight? Oh jeebus, I fear for the health of my keyboard and how sticky it may become in the near future.
Just kidding of course, I'm much more clean than that. I aim off to the side!
To be more serious though, this story was very well-written, good grammar, punctuation, et-cetera. I would love to see this clopfic take on a multi-chapter format, perhaps give us more detail of the growing relationship between Twilight and Chrysalis, maybe have Twilight really working hard to have Equestria understand the Changelings, and maybe work towards peaceful relations with them with the help of Celestia, Luna and Chrysalis, along with her friends. It would be an intriguing read, especially when you get into the kind of drama that would arise between Twilight, Shining Armor and Cadance when the latter two find out Twilight's all up on Chrysalis's dick.
this is an awesome fic. Awesome clop fic as well, not that it mattered that it was a clop fic. Your grammer and spelling appears to be impeccable, and your description is extraordinary. you sir or madame, are simply amazing.
Even tough this is technically a great story in almost all senses; it has that particular same problem that I've been finding in almost every one of this one shot clops fics. While one character has great develop and a vivid personality, the other is nothing but a mindless/ without will doll. Honestly I can't tell where is is the romance of this story. All I saw was Twilight behaving like a stupid child desperate to lose her virginity.
But hey! For writting the very first futa story, AND clopfic involving Chrysalis and Twilight that dosent ends up with the frist one mindbreaking the second, like EVERY-FUCKING-ONE ELSE; you can bet I'm clapping my hands as hard as I can.
At first I thought this was a joke, but as I saw the amount of thumbs I realized it had to be something else.
I read it, and even though I don't find clop-fics sexually arousing, this was exceptionally well written. Good use of words, effectively displaying emotions and so on. I also learned a whole new array of words and expressions. Great work.
I got bored, really. I've already read a few fics today (clop or otherwise) so I'll have to finish this one when I'm not as tired...
But according to the beginning, twilight didn't keep her cool. To be a good biological scientist, you can't be afraid (or embaressed) to ask the weird questions... whatever they may be. And far be it for me to say that you NEVER EVER have sexual intercourse with your subject. Because that's just unethical.
In other words; Twilight is a) not a good scientist and b) unethical.
Motion for "Unethical" Twilight to be be best Twilight!
Can't wait to see how you do with the clop elements. Tomorrow.
This could really use some more work on not using the same tired language that bodice-ripper romance novels have worn to death for decades. "she guided her shaft between the thick folds of Twilight’s aroused sex and into the furnace within." is a particularly bad example.
Also, it felt like there were chunks of description missing in several places of the story, most obviously just before Twilight's teleport, when we go from Twilight fogging up Chrysalis' leg directly to horsecock with no intervening description at all of the anatomy in question or its revelation. If you're going to write a futa fetish piece, that would seem to be pretty vital and audience-relevant as a part of the buildup.
This could really use some more work on not using the same tired language that bodice-ripper romance novels have worn to death for decades. "she guided her shaft between the thick folds of Twilight’s aroused sex and into the furnace within." is a particularly bad example.
"the conniving changeling Chrysalsis lovingly, slowly guided her glorious iron shaft carefully between the thick, solid, earthly folds of the lavender unicorn's actively aroused reproductive tissue structure and into hot, molten magma within"
O... MAI... BUCKIN... GAWD... If you'll excuse me for about fifteen minutes...
Okay, I'm back now. This is wonderful. I can kind of see how the romance tag makes sense. This would do well as an actual story. expand plz. Twilight X Chrysalis is beautiful, and i think that this could be love. even if the queen is trying to master her. i don't think that Chrysalis is actually evil. She's just evil by circumstance. she has to feed on love to live, and nopony seems to want to willingly love her, so what else can she do? haha... misunderstood villains... yay...
Well, that was interesting. I saw this on the featured box and was like "...wat?" Obviously, I had to give this a whirl just for the heck of it. It was some interesting narrative... Yes, narrative...
I read it. It was...excruciatingly hard for me to understand even the slightest thing in this story, especially the thing that everyone was waiting for throughout the intriguing introduction. Very good, by the way. At least you didn't just jump into the sex like a lot of others would.
Now, I'm not saying the story is bad--Maybe I'm just not intelligent enough to understand the third-person narrative you used. I do kinda wish I could finish the story to see what the outcome will be.
Ha! Bloody brilliant mate,never would of thought someone could make a bloody master peice with the changeling queen! 1360412 By any chance has someone tried to hit you with a keyblade before?
1358800 actually, in a hive, there are many female, in fact, they are generally the workers. i think what you are thinking of is the mating. Only the queen mates. For bees, a queen lives for 2-3 years and only mates once during that time. After that, there is no use for the males, but they are born in case the queen dies, and a new queen needs to mate. Ants are similar to this.
its good, very good, i personally love Chrysalis x Twilight stuff and futa Chrys is just murr....
spelling and grammar was good and although my mind is still spinning, ahem, i did not see any errors so dam, very good clopfic 8.6/10
yay good fic lol futalys
Wow, that was much better written than you title and synopsis give on.
Pretty solid clop.
Really good, i love when Chrysalis is portrayed as more than a classical antagonist that is evil for the sake of beeing evil. Really like it.
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/99/megusta_display.png
Oh, SexyBack has a new story!
"Futa Chrysalis and Twilight Sparkle Have Sex"
....Wait what?
Absoluetly love it. yo, so gots ta watch you dude. keep it up.
but Chrysalis shushed her softly,
How can you shush someone loudly? =P
1357842
With the Royal Canterlot Voice of course.
bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/not-bad-meme.jpg
1357842
Carefully.
Dear Sir and/or Madame.
This fic is very good, much better than the description and title lets on.
That said the title is genius by itself.
Thanks for writing this.
what
I admit, I was drawn in by the title. But I didn't stay for the clop; instead, I was intrigued by several interesting details you mentioned.
The first would be Chrysalis' admission that all Changelings are born male, which is actually an accurate fact that I never thought of. Generally, hive-based insects (bees, ants, et cetera) only have one female present in the hive at any given time: the queen. Although the one difference here is that queens are actually bred and don't metamorphose into that form, I can see why you skipped over that to create Futalis.
The second was this: "Her eyes flicked from one chain to the next, then back again, occasionally sliding up to the cold iron band at the base of Chrysalis’s horn that bound her power as surely as anything could, magical or otherwise."
This intrigued me simply because few people know about iron's role in folklore: that of a lodestone and a focal point of life energy... and that of a talisman to ward off evil spirits and supernatural entities. A magic deadener, as it were.
In all honesty, I couldn't care less about the clop. Those two details made this an entertaining read.
1357842
Luna: SILENCE, THOU UNGRATEFUL WHELP!
Or anything like that, really.
*Fwap* God damn wing boner, you are embarrassing me.
anongallery.org/img/9/3/i-came-pope.jpg
Good story and everything however I must ask. When did ponies receive arms?
'arm raised'
Do I need to ask what happened in bed with Shining Armor?
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/360/b/2/ultimate_chuck_norris_approved_by_crispywire-d35p9p4.gif
Make a real story from this. Make it longer, and give a true end to it.
1359539 i agree.
a Twilight x Chrislalis (totally spelled wrong) story would be in intriguing read.
maybe something about love and how it transcends evil or something
Excellent! Very well-written, hilarious and hot. Well done.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
So many likes, so little comments. But yes, me gusta.
i... like it. o.o
THIS is the kind of love the changelings should feed on :3
I'd also like to see more.
Chicks with dicks, by far, is one of my oddest kinks, but it's one of the few fetishes out there that makes my motor purr every. Single. Time, when the futa's nailing a sexy lady. <3 With Chrysalis being hung and banging Twilight? Oh jeebus, I fear for the health of my keyboard and how sticky it may become in the near future.
Just kidding of course, I'm much more clean than that. I aim off to the side!
To be more serious though, this story was very well-written, good grammar, punctuation, et-cetera. I would love to see this clopfic take on a multi-chapter format, perhaps give us more detail of the growing relationship between Twilight and Chrysalis, maybe have Twilight really working hard to have Equestria understand the Changelings, and maybe work towards peaceful relations with them with the help of Celestia, Luna and Chrysalis, along with her friends. It would be an intriguing read, especially when you get into the kind of drama that would arise between Twilight, Shining Armor and Cadance when the latter two find out Twilight's all up on Chrysalis's dick.
this is an awesome fic. Awesome clop fic as well, not that it mattered that it was a clop fic. Your grammer and spelling appears to be impeccable, and your description is extraordinary. you sir or madame, are simply amazing.
Silly sex fantasy scenario, but decently written. Nothing special but nothing to gripe about.
One typo:
"Wealth of experienced" shoule be "wealth of experience".
Even tough this is technically a great story in almost all senses; it has that particular same problem that I've been finding in almost every one of this one shot clops fics. While one character has great develop and a vivid personality, the other is nothing but a mindless/ without will doll.
Honestly I can't tell where is is the romance of this story. All I saw was Twilight behaving like a stupid child desperate to lose her virginity.
But hey! For writting the very first futa story, AND clopfic involving Chrysalis and Twilight that dosent ends up with the frist one mindbreaking the second, like EVERY-FUCKING-ONE ELSE; you can bet I'm clapping my hands as hard as I can.
One half of me is clapping and shouting words of praise at my screen for you to hear.
The other half?
It's just shaking its head and saying, "good job, but you're corrupting the morale of our master."
All in all:
Good job.
At first I thought this was a joke, but as I saw the amount of thumbs I realized it had to be something else.
I read it, and even though I don't find clop-fics sexually arousing, this was exceptionally well written. Good use of words, effectively displaying emotions and so on.
I also learned a whole new array of words and expressions. Great work.
myfacewhen.net/uploads/3238-i-can-clop-to-this.jpg
anyone else felt a relationship between this and field notes of the alicorn reproductive behavior and how to steal centries by biologic orthradocy?
1358800
Iron? What about Silver? Or is that supposed to be a conductor? It's been a while since I've been involved with magical lore.
1362058
Though Celestia and Chrysalis had opposite bedtime manners, yes. Science-y bit about rare, unstudied species, then futa clop.
Willpower almost failed me this time
I got bored, really. I've already read a few fics today (clop or otherwise) so I'll have to finish this one when I'm not as tired...
But according to the beginning, twilight didn't keep her cool. To be a good biological scientist, you can't be afraid (or embaressed) to ask the weird questions... whatever they may be. And far be it for me to say that you NEVER EVER have sexual intercourse with your subject. Because that's just unethical.
In other words; Twilight is a) not a good scientist and b) unethical.
Motion for "Unethical" Twilight to be be best Twilight!
Can't wait to see how you do with the clop elements. Tomorrow.
For science: The two greatest words in the history of plot enablement.
1360320
I'd agree, for the most part.
This could really use some more work on not using the same tired language that bodice-ripper romance novels have worn to death for decades. "she guided her shaft between the thick folds of Twilight’s aroused sex and into the furnace within." is a particularly bad example.
Also, it felt like there were chunks of description missing in several places of the story, most obviously just before Twilight's teleport, when we go from Twilight fogging up Chrysalis' leg directly to horsecock with no intervening description at all of the anatomy in question or its revelation. If you're going to write a futa fetish piece, that would seem to be pretty vital and audience-relevant as a part of the buildup.
This piece pleases me immensely.
i49.tinypic.com/b9dte.gif
1363670
"the conniving changeling Chrysalsis lovingly, slowly guided her glorious iron shaft carefully between the thick, solid, earthly folds of the lavender unicorn's actively aroused reproductive tissue structure and into hot, molten magma within"
Is that better? //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
So... Why is this tagged as Romance?
O... MAI... BUCKIN... GAWD... If you'll excuse me for about fifteen minutes...
Okay, I'm back now. This is wonderful. I can kind of see how the romance tag makes sense. This would do well as an actual story. expand plz. Twilight X Chrysalis is beautiful, and i think that this could be love. even if the queen is trying to master her. i don't think that Chrysalis is actually evil. She's just evil by circumstance. she has to feed on love to live, and nopony seems to want to willingly love her, so what else can she do? haha... misunderstood villains... yay...
Well, that was interesting. I saw this on the featured box and was like "...wat?"
Obviously, I had to give this a whirl just for the heck of it. It was some interesting narrative... Yes, narrative...
I read it.
It was...excruciatingly hard for me to understand even the slightest thing in this story, especially the thing that everyone was waiting for throughout the intriguing introduction. Very good, by the way.
At least you didn't just jump into the sex like a lot of others would.
Now, I'm not saying the story is bad--Maybe I'm just not intelligent enough to understand the third-person narrative you used.
I do kinda wish I could finish the story to see what the outcome will be.
What the FUCK?
well...this is...how do I...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png
Yeah this was AWESOME! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
Ha!
Bloody brilliant mate,never would of thought someone could make a bloody master peice with the changeling queen!
1360412 By any chance has someone tried to hit you with a keyblade before?
1358800 actually, in a hive, there are many female, in fact, they are generally the workers. i think what you are thinking of is the mating. Only the queen mates. For bees, a queen lives for 2-3 years and only mates once during that time. After that, there is no use for the males, but they are born in case the queen dies, and a new queen needs to mate. Ants are similar to this.