Trixie's Train Troubles

by Rewan Demontay

An Adventure

Trixie stomped as the Canterlot night train left her behind. Such rotten luck! She desperately needed to escape. Somehow, she’d missed every train for two weeks straight. So many bits wasted on needless tickets.

Sighing, she departed and trotted toward the empty streets. A giggling wind blew her ragged hat. Passing by an alley, her cape dragged dust. Frustration compelled her to shout.

“I’d do anything to leave this city already!”

“Anything you say?”

A dark-cloaked stallion stepped into the light. Trixie instantly smiled in realization. She darted up to him, which caught him off guard.

“Yes! The Desperate And Needy Trixie says yes to your offer!

He tapped his chin. “Uhhh… names Qrow… we need a unicorn thief on the train-”

Enthusiastically, Trixie lit her horn and swiped a sealed envelope. “Accepted! Won’t miss this train!”

Shrugging, he melted back into darkness. Curious, Trixie followed. Suddenly, a short, fuzzy energy rippled through her. She felt…. tired.

Eyelids drooping, her world went black….

… sunshine burned her eyes.

“Madam, are you okay?”

A train whistle screamed five times in a row.

Trixie’s eyes flashed open. A mare stood over her. She was still in the alleyway. She gasped as she realized the horrible situation she’d become entangled in.

She had almost slept passed the train! Up she leaped up, shouting.

“No, I’m not okay!”

She proceeded to gallop at full throttle.

The morning crowd milled before the station. Trixie shoved through, caring not for social etiquette. She must board or else be with them for yet another day. In the panic, she lost her hat and cape to the fray; this heist would surely pay for a new set. Gradually, she pushed through, ignoring shouts and counter shoves.

Panting, she finally reached the station.

“Here!” She slammed a ticket, from the envelope, onto the counter.

Trixie bounced in place. Every second wasted was another second in this unappreciative city. It’d also mess with her mission. Hot air rushed past, intensifying her sweat. The clerk ran the ticket through a unicorn-tailored scanner. Clicking his tongue, he whistled. Immense worry burst.

“Hm, out of luck,” he announced. “Underpaid by… two bits. Hm, wow.”

“How could the Great and Powerful Trixie be underpaid?” Trixie shouted, pressing her face onto the glass. “I demand my contractually promised first-class seat! This must be a mistake!”

He ignored her antics and scratched his beard. “Hm… have any change?”

Her eye twitched. “Agghhhh! The one time I need it, I don’t bring my coin bag!” she wailed. She pounded on the glass.

“Hm. Better luck next time.” He motioned her to the stairs that exited to the street beside the tracks.

Placed in a conundrum, Trixie entered a hyper-intense state of focus. Bad luck had struck again. Frantically, she went through the metal bars, swiped a random coffee now that she was supposed to be a master thief, and walked off the platform. Sipping, she looked around. No one matched her gaze.

With a speed assistance spell, she shot in front of the station. Trixie huddled behind a bush, hidden between the track and station wall. Her mind into lucid overdrive. Never mind the ants crawling up her back.

She had to make it onto this train! First class should’ve made this a luxurious snatch and brag for the newly minted Trixie, Glorious Master Of Pilfering! Not getting caught would require delightful dirty work. Canterlot’s trains were Equestria’s securest. Teleportation was too finicky to try.

Trixie rapidly tapped her forehead as she racked her brain. She delved deep into thought, trying to remember any useful spells. A unicorn as fantastic as she could do it. So still was the mare that a butterfly rested on her snout for several minutes. And several minutes more…

The train whistled. Her train of thought exploded.

“Ah!” Covering her mouth to maintain stealth, her head hit bricks. “Ow…”

Trixie was greatly alarmed. Three minutes or bust and she still had no plan!

Sneaking on, despite a crowded, overlooking station, was her only option now.

Looking around for any chance to slip on, she spotted a royal guard walking around the caboose. A terrible idea zinged. It was her only shot. No other way was reasonably possible!

“The Innovative Trixie can visualize the other side of the track,” she whispered. “She must uphold her bargain!”

Wincing tightly, her vision went dark. Her brows furrowed with the might of Tartarus itself. Nothing happened.

The train whistled again–two minutes to go.

Her magic channels refused to cooperate. Even sparks refused to ignite from her horn. She pressed her hoof to the wall, struggling to imagine.

Another whistle, one minute left.

The guard was almost certainly away from their needed location.

“Damnit, Trixie!” she quietly shouted. “Teleport!”

And with that, an overwhelming surge blew through her. She felt magic released to the environment. One moment, the sun shone on her. The next, she gazed at a neutral white void. Lastly, she popped in front of a surprised guard.

Instinctively, she threw a punch and knocked them out cold. Adrenaline and excitement filled her, breath heaving. With haste, she enchanted the armor to settle on her. Trixie floundered the mare into a ditch, hopefully out of sight.

Metal footwear against gravel, she sped up and jumped onto the moving caboose just before the crowd could see her. She swept inside to avoid outside detection. By Celestia’s grace, she had made it onto the train at the last possible second. Her bad luck had finally run out!

Despite her overworking lungs, Trixie grinned. Now, the heist could truly-

“Trixie?!” announced a familiar voice.

Turning around, Trixie gazed across a pink alicorn.

“Er, hello, Princess Cadence!” she greeted.

Cadence’s eyes narrowed as she lowered her new coffee. “You know, you’re still wanted in the Crystal Empire.”

On top of pulling off a heist and escaping the train, now she’d have to plead for a pardon.

Sweat started to pour down a frozen Trixie.

The butterfly dismounted her quivering, smiling face.

Author's Note:

Should I make a sequel about the heist itself? I feel like I should.

"Up she leaped up" she a mistake but I like it too much now.

Comments

[Lulamoon-Crystal]

Oh Trixie. You goof This was a fun read!

Trixie stomped as the Canterlot night train left her behind. Such rotten luck! She desperately needed to escape. Somehow, she’d missed every twin for two weeks straight. So many bits wasted on needless tickets.

Also. Did you mean “train?”

[Rewan Demontay]

11613503
Eep! Fixed!
And many thanks. I strive to serve enjoyment.

[Unimpressive Chaos Lord]

I think this story has potential, but the limitations of the context have made it a disservice. At first I thought you were going for a Shirley Jackson style kind of dark comedy/horror approach, but then you took another direction. I'd have been willing to follow you into it, but the character limit made itself clearer and clearer the more you went, forcing you into an accelerated pacing that deprived the story of impact or atmosphere. I think there is potential here, if I were you I'd rework this somehow to allow the scenes to breathe a little bit more, develop the jokes better, even establish the plot somewhat. This has potential, I think you ought to exploit it later on.

[Mystic Sunrise]

Cadence’s eyes narrowed as she lowered her new coffee. “You know, you’re still wanted in the Crystal Empire..”

Did I miss something? What happened? Great story otherwise.

[Rewan Demontay]

11613830
You didn't miss anything I wrote it for humor.

11613524
Excellent review, thank you. You are absolutely correct in that this story does have greater potential I should exploit. I realize now the opening does have a disjointedness to it. Such bait and switch can be comedic, but the balance is not achieved here.

[ibanix]

I hate bad lack.

[EndlessPossibilities58]

Cadence’s eyes narrowed as she lowered her new coffee. “You know, you’re still wanted in the Crystal Empire.”

Okay, now I really want to know what Trixie did.

[Bicyclette]

Trixie stomped as the Canterlot night train left her behind. Such rotten luck! She desperately needed to escape. Somehow, she’d missed every train for two weeks straight. So many bits wasted on needless tickets.

skill issue

“Yes! The Desperate And Needy Trixie says yes to your offer!

not the best thing to call yourself in a negotiation!

Her eye twitched. “Agghhhh! The one time I need it, I don’t bring my coin bag!” she wailed. She pounded on the glass.

“Hm. Better luck next time.” He motioned her to the stairs that exited to the street beside the tracks.

oof, the Equestrian train company here is heartless!

And with that, an overwhelming surge blew through her. She felt magic released to the environment. One moment, the sun shone on her. The next, she gazed at a neutral white void. Lastly, she popped in front of a surprised guard.

teleportation is quite a feat! i am honestly proud of Trixie for pulling this off

Cadence’s eyes narrowed as she lowered her new coffee. “You know, you’re still wanted in the Crystal Empire.”

hehe, Trixie L. she really does seem to have a train-specific curse on her!

[FanOfMostEverything]

This feels like a middle section of a larger story. It longs to include earlier attempts to catch the train, a better explanation for why Trixie’s ticket is invalid, reasons why she can’t just walk—the mare pulled a wagon across Equestria on hoof; she’s familiar with the concept—and whatever she did in the Crystal Empire. As is, it’s a bunch of sound and fury signifying little, divorced of any context that could make it more engaging. I’d love to see an expanded version, but as is, this didn’t work.