- Member Since 6th Jan, 2022
- offline last seen Tuesday
lphu
All characters in these stories are 18 years old or above. This is my account for lustful stories for you to enjoy. NO minors allowed!
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nice work on chapter
Thanks, man. To be honest, I put a lot of blood and sweat into this chapter.
I really wanted to like this story, but this first chapter has a huge number of problems with it. The most glaring issues are the many mechanical errors (grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc). Beyond that, you have issues with awkward phrasing, pacing that's too fast in some places and too slow in others, and a lack of good characterization. I think you have a good premise, but if you choose to continue this, I'd really recommend you spend more time proofreading, or find an editor to help you with that.
11640919
First off, I appreciate your honesty and I'll take your word for it. Not just that, but I also have other stories outside MLP fanfiction that need to be worked on. That's something I want you to understand. Once again, I appreciate your honesty. Also, I did the proofreading on the chapter like you said, hoping it's enough.