Princess Luna finds herself entwined in a passionate relationship with Private North Star, one of her most loyal guards. Dating and sex ensues.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I keep getting confused by all the names swapping out when the scene timeskips and the cousin is calling North “big bro.” Maybe clean that up a little?
For a moment, before I remembered the cousin existed, I thought you were “revealing” that the filly orphaned by Diamond’s assassination was actually his sister who had been going by Nebula, but forgot to say so explicitly, and were just changing the name in use in the scene.
11651762
My apologies on the confusion. I should've clarified that Lotus Dance calls North Star "big bro" because, despite being cousins, North has been more of a brother. It was also me not so subtly doing an "onii-chan" joke in this whole thing. My apologies once again, especially for the delay. I've been away from my computer.
11652076
No I got that, once I went back far enough to reidentify all the names. It was just the sudden scene shift after a long flashback after more than a chapter since she was even mentioned, having her say that again made for a confusing “wait, she’s who?” moment before we’d even been told who all was present in the new scene. And if I got confused I know I won’t be the only one who will, because I’m usually pretty good about keeping track of details, even when leaping from fic to fic as they update.
11652141
Got it. I'll go back to look through and give it a reread. Can you pinpoint the specific points that got you so when I do, I can be prepared? I am working on a commission, and that comm is going to help with gas money for next semester in college lol
11652213
It was when the scene changed from the flashback to wherever they went to confront Diamond.
11652302
So, I made a slight change for emphasis, I hope that was good enough.
11652459
Looks like you made a couple. Either reminder is definitely enough to avoid that confused moment.
11653308
Thank you so much! I might take a bit of a break from writing cause I can feel burnout starting to fill me. Not to mention I need to prepare for college. I will return!
11653514
Burnout is bad! Don’t do that!
How about, don’t feel pressured to write. Because yeah, coursework can be time consuming.
Write to blow off pressure. When you need a break from the grind. Then when you post it we’ll all be surprised and happy at the treat!
ARGH!!! I evil author, leaving it on such a cliffhanger. I WANT MORE... pretty please.