What happens when the world is left for robots to live in? Well, They try to live in it as much as they could. But some one doesn't want that to happen. So what do they do? They send other robots to slaughter them all That's what.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wow, what do we have here? Two new Murder Drones crossovers in the same day? I'm floored. Let's see what you've got, dear author.
Edited: I'm going to go blunt here: The entire first chapter contains zero pony-related contents. From all concepts you introduced within the first four thousand words, this seems more like an insertion au fic of MD than a crossover.
Edited: Oh, I just saw Flash Sentry in the tags, so I'm going to assume F.S is based on him. But then, he isn't displaying much characteristic of Flash Sentry, and appears more like an oc that shares the name.
There, you've unsold the story to me. People come to FIMFiction expecting pony fanfics; you probably shouldn't offer them something barely related. I'm sorry, but I downvote this and will see myself out.
Wonder if other MLP characters will show up?
11567147
Don't worry. The next chapter will show about him more. Just need a bit of time.
OK, I'm gonna be honest, it needs a few more pony references in order for it to be a legit crossover with MLP, and there are plenty of typos that can be changed up. But, this is only the first chapter. I'm sure this story will get better.
11567183
Yup. Also it's murder drones. You gotta aspect these things to happen in it right and done worry the second chapter will come out soon.
I had dreams of crossover of it except i was N and i was raised by celestia and lived in ponyvile as murder robot with chaotic murder power with some dark scary stuff and funny stuff even mlp stuff
11567189
Eh,Nice dream. You should do it. I had a dream and look now I did it
11567190
nice except i bad at report at grammar (very lazy even though i uni student. I more of a maths person then report and i never made my first dream that made me join the fiction come true years ago. I give up) also well done
11567193
Well thanks. But hears a suggestion. Never give up. I was lazy aswell but now I'm doing this.
YESSSS!!
FINALLY!!
A good story involving murder drones
im speechless
you really can make a crossover with anything.
Hehehehheheheheheh
Here we go again
A great story, but I think it had some grammar mistake.
Anyways 9/10 if we don't count the grammar mistakes
11600094
Thanks
Wow!
New chapter please, or rewriting the chapters and fixing grammar mistakes.
How did I not know about the story?
Time to fix some grammar here. I knew that my story is bad because of bad grammar, but I know basic-intermediate level grammar.
There was a blizzard going around a town. As the town itself was abandoned itself as the buildings were broken down as well as the houses and stores. They were all tore down and destroyed as well. The blizzard was moving fast as it was making anything freeze to death(maybe, also don't include this text inside this close-open parenthesis). There were also dead frozen skeletons on the streets and places as they all had clothes still on. It was like something happened that took them by surprise. And the light of a different moon was shining on the planet. Not a moon but a ringed planet with a small moon orbiting it.
This one was different as it arms and legs were modified longer a bit with his hands being futuristic and as his legs were metallic white blue boots type. He also had a tail on his back which had a vile with yellow liquid inside as it also sported a syringe. It looked like a scorpion tail if being precise. The figure face was the same as the destroyed bots on the ground as it had a visor on it. The visors showed his blue holographic eyes on the screen as well as the mouth underneath the visors that was an actual mouth. It also had blue hair on its head which were comes up in stile but they had five small circle lights which glowed yellow. He also wore a jacket that was sporting a lighting shield symbol on its back.
Note: Fix some words that are capital letter for no reason please.
"They're talking to her then. If she knows you even exist around her or not." F.S muttered."She'll know me eventually F.S. she just needs.. a bit of... time." N scratch his back as F.S gave him a look."Don't give me that look okay! She's just busy doing her own thing that's all. I'll get her to notice me in no time once I show her my worth!"
F.S just signed at his antics to get the girl. He just doesn't know what he sees in her that makes him fall for her. On that would be too much exaggeration but still, he has a mission to simply kill all the worker bots and return back to base that's all.
"N." F.S signed as he looked at his coworker and friend. "The time you let her notice you would be ages away even after our mission is done here. And by the time she does, she'll say on 'Oh God, who the heck are you?'"
"Again sitting here Uzi?" Another worker bot came in as it wore a simple football shirt and a cap."Trouble again with the teacher?"
(I think you need to remove double words in a sentence)
"You're planning on going outside to face the killer robots, sent to kill all of us and possibly drink our oil, which I have been hearing all this time." Davis told her. "And doesn't your dad, Khan, make those doors to keep us away from those killer things?"
Uzi shoved the gun Infront of his face scaring him a bit."Don't put my dad's work into this ok!"
Now when the Saturn's moons came up and it was night time it was the perfect time for going to follow her plan.
"Oh. This is great! My daughter following her old man's foot steps and making doors rather than fighting like a rebellious teen." He suddenly hugged the door. "Good doors. Good. Good doors." He then went back. "And you're making them so why fight when your safe from the danger outside? For that, I like you to have this wrench." He pulled out a old oiled wrench from his pocket. "It was the same wrench I used to tite the nots on my first doors. And to put your mother out of her misery when the murder drones got to her by their nanite virus." He said the last part darkly. "And I like you to have it."
11685152
Dude. You could have just did a private message to me
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Sorry. I didn't realized.
Meanwhile Uzi ran as fast as she could to get away from the killer robots as she ran towards the gate. The workers inside were playing their game when she suddenly opened the door running it. They all complained about it but she didn't have time. "Bite me ok! I don't have time for this!"
She used the key card and closed the door in a hurry. But hope seemed lost as the door stops. She looked back and was now full of dread when a claw was holding the gate. It opened slightly revealing N's eyes. "OH! Are you all playing card game? I wanna play! Oh but I have to kill you all. Rain check!" He launched his tail and stabbed the master key card and the control panel. He fried it off, causing the systems to crash as all the doors opened.
This was the time to run as Uzi and all the workers ran away. While they were running some couldn't escape as N came in charging and ripping them apart as he bounced on some. He then fired shots at them while he was busy with his prey as Uzi ran fast as a worker ran beside her.
Uzi ran desperately as she could. When she looked back to see N, he was nowhere to be found. As she thought she lost him she heard a voice she didn't want to listen right now."Ok the system is checked just need to-" She looked back to see her dad coming and stopped seeing her daughter and the doors opened. His eyes widen in shock "Uzi... What have you done?!"
Before she could say anything, N came crashing in front of them and pushing them back. Uzi there thought she had screwed everything. Bringing a killer robot here and endangering the lives of her fellow people. And most of all making one of his own kind try to save him and who knows if his alive.... But she isn't gonna stop here. If she caused this she'll fix it. She grabbed her gun and spun it around and took aim at him.
Khan got the chance as he was told what to do but... he didn't take it. The trauma of losing his wife was coming back. The death of his beloved scared him that he couldn't even do it. He took a step back in fright making Uzi go wide eyes. He had to decide that whether save her or the people. He looked at her in sadness for one last time. "I'm sorry." Those were the words he spoke as he closed the gate down on them pushing the gun back. Now the only one left were those two.
Uzi couldn't believe what happened. It looked like she lost the will to fight now. Being betrayed by one's own family is the hardest. She stopped struggling as her hand fell down. Soon the red lights were on as her face showed that it lost all her colour. N looked back at her as he felt sympathy for her as his eyes turned normal. He could tell what it's like to feel betrayed by a loved one. He heard someone coming and looked to see his two comrades coming in to view by the vents. He quickly threw her to the side making her yelp a bit.
Uzi looked at him and sighed in relief for some reason. "I'm... I'm happy your okay. Also, sorry for making you almost get yourself killed by your 'comrades'" She told him not looking at him."But it doesn't mean that were cool with this. Were even and that's all! Ok!"
11685308
I told you do a private message!
"Why are we here?" She asked in confusion as she sees this. Flash signaled her to just follow and she did so. She looked around to see many game machines there as they were all fine but wee off and didn't have dust on them. "Huh, I thought the parts of the store would be destroyed?"
"How do these things work? There's no power whatsoever or anything." Flash gave her a smirk which she could tell is gonna be good. He went towards the power box and opened it. He took his tail and ripped the yellow venom capsule out shocking her but it grew back. He took the vile and put it on in the box and combined it with the wires. Finally after doing this, he flipped the switch and the lights of the store and the booths came to life. After being done with this, He looked back to see the now dumbfounded teen bot as she had a slack jawed look on her face."So, Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna come and play?"
"Hah. Wish I had wings to fly. That'll be awesome." Uzi muttered to herself. "But, how did you and N become friends anyway?"
Hey author!! I think you need to use this website to fix your grammars.
https://quillbot.com/grammar-check
11683590
What do you mean?
Ok, I really wanted to give this story a chance, but the sentence structure is just awful. Sometimes it's even hard to decipher the meaning of some of the sentences. And for the love of god, itself is one word.
Let me give you an example of a paragraph I found especially bad:
Alright lets try do dissect this. First, the paragraph is way too long. While it does keep the same topic, that of description, it drags a little. That is only a minor thing and it isn't even that long, so it's far from condemning.
Let's go for the first sentence:
1) modified longer doesn't make sense. What you probably meant to say is that their ("they" is a unisex pronounce that is used when you don't know the gender, "it" is used mainly for objects which could still qualify considering they're a robot) arms and legs were modified to be a bit longer. It should also be said that we as the audience don't know it's a modified worker drone so saying they were modified isn't ideal.
2)missing a comma.
3) This sentence is just a mess. What I think you meant to say is that he (not sure why you switched pronounce) has futuristic hands and metallic blue boots. You should avoid using "type" in descriptions unless it's an actual recognised type of something.
Alright, sentence two:
1) Tails don't grow from your back. Your back is where your spine is, not where your ass is. A better way to phrase this would have been that a tail was showing from behind his back or just a tail coiled behind him.
2) This part doesn't specify where the vile is, just that the tail has it.
3) And. "As" doesn't make sense in this situation.
4) I'm not completely sure what you meant but it was probably meant to be a syringe. A syringe is strictly a medical tool, which that thing definitely isn't. A needle or a spike would have been more appropriate.
Fourth sentence:
Just as a comment, it doesn't.
1)To be precise.
Fifth sentence:
1)Figure's
2)Robots. Or drones if you want to be lore accurate. A bot isn't a literary word, it could be used when quoting characters speaking, but not anywhere else, just like most slang words.
3) I don't even know what is this trying to say.
Sixth sentence:
1) Due to this being one sentence, it's still talking about the visor (which is more of a viewing thing from which you look out of rather then a screen. Similar looking things are often described as visors, but that's because there are eyes under them) so it makes it seem like the mouth is also on the screen.
2) A mouth that was an actual mouth? A very awkward, indeed.
Alright that will be everything, I don't have enough time to go over every little thing you did, and I have to go to sleep. I hope I inspired you to consider your sentence structure (aka syntax) a little more in the future, since it really is pretty important. At this point it's pretty obvious English is not your first language. My first language also isn't English. You should probably pay more attention in your English class or if you don't have it, just try to consume media that actually has good English. This site is a great example of how people can integrate bad syntax into their own English because of seeing it so often. A significant part of the new releases here are with bad syntax and you should probably strife to avoid them so they don't influence your syntax.
Also, I can't make this clear enough, but I'm not trying to insult you or bring you down or anything like that. People rather say how good something is then criticise here, so it can be difficult to know when you're doing something wrong. I merely want to point out that your syntax isn't ideal so you could improve it. I don't want you to feel bad about it. I was bad at English too, but I learned to be better. And you can too. It may take a while, but eventually if you keep at least some of your focus on improving English, it will improve.
11748715
Thanks for the advice
Cool that Spike has shown up(and isn't a pet)
So he's a hacker? Awesome
11771034
He's more then a hacker. You'll find out later.
11771711
Sweet
Definitely Pinkie
11774741
Can't say much as you'll find out later.
I understand if you're not good at English but seriously you should still recognize what roasted shit with a piss glaze looks like. Even your comments are making my teeth hurt somehow!
11821814
Don't judge a book by it's cover. You'll be getting more what you bargain for.