Fluttershy woke early the next morning, and smiled as she watched the strange dark-blue stallion—her stallion—sleeping beside her. She giggled. She still didn't know if his name was Smiles or Nosey. But that was unimportant. A name was nothing compared to the bond they now shared. She got up, careful not to disturb him and not to let her hooves click as she walked to the kitchen, and hummed quietly as she moved around preparing breakfast.
He came in, yawning, just as she was setting coffee and two dishes of alfalfa sprouts out on the table. He blinked at the domestic scene before him.
"Would you like sugar with your coffee?" she asked.
"Oh, that's lovely. Really sweet of you. But I have to run."
She stopped, then set the sugar bowl down slowly on the table. "Oh. If you have to."
"Afraid so." He gave her a quick peck on the neck. She sighed happily. Then he turned to go.
"Wait!"
He stopped in front of the cottage door, looking over his shoulder, one hoof suspended in the air. "Train to catch."
She shook her head at him lovingly. "You need my address, you silly colt. To write to me."
"Of course," he said, although he looked a little confused.
She dashed into her bedroom and found a pen and a scrap of paper and quickly scratched out her address on it. She tucked it into the little cloth neck pouch that he kept his money in. "And I want to give you something else," she said excitedly. He raised his eyes questioningly. She motioned for him to open the door. "Outside."
They stepped out into the yard, and went to a shed behind the chicken coop. The hens rushed out and began running about the yard when she walked by, expecting to find seeds, but she'd take care of that later. She disappeared inside the shed and appeared a moment later, carrying an empty flowerpot in her mouth. She set it down next to the chrysanthemum bed, carefully scooped out the earth around several flowers, and transplanted them into the pot.
"Take this," she said, and smiled proudly.
He looked uncertainly at the flowers, then at Fluttershy. "You do know I'm going to Appleloosa?"
"It's just a little pot. I'm sure you'll figure out a way to carry it." She beamed at him, confident in his cleverness.
"And I'm not going to be back in Ponyville for some time." He spoke hesitantly, like a colt caught playing truant.
"Yes, so these will help remind you of me!"
Smiles, or Nosey, took a deep breath and looked her in the eye, as if he were about to say something big. Then he exhaled, looking down, and just said, "Did you have a nice time?"
"Oh, I had a wonderful time."
"Well. Good. Good luck, kid."
His words and his look reminded her of the brown stallion from the night before. He smiled with one side of his mouth, and obediently picked up the little flowerpot with his teeth. She liked that about him, that he wasn't above using his mouth, even though he was a unicorn.
"Keep them damp," she said. "Not full of water. Just damp." He nodded, winked at her, and set off down the road.
Fluttershy watched him until he disappeared over the hilltop, then went to get the seed for the chickens. She noticed it was running low, and she'd have to head to town soon to get more. Ordinarily that filled her with dread. But that morning, it seemed like a delightful prospect. She laughed at herself for ever being afraid of walking to town. It was a beautiful day, and who knew who she might meet along the way? Ponyville was full of lovely ponies, and she should spend more time getting to know them. In fact, she would go to town right now. Maybe she would even stop and see the town's new library that was being built.
Maybe she would do something completely unexpected! She was now a mare who tried new things, and she felt giddy with the possibilities. From this day on, everything was going to be different. She could talk to other ponies, and understand them, and they could understand her. She wasn't a cowering filly any more, never knowing if the colts and fillies in flight school were making fun of her. She was a grown-up mare, entering into the world of grown-up ponies who related to each other on a spiritual level.
She put on her saddlebags and trotted down the path towards town, enjoying the morning breeze and the brilliant colors of the autumn leaves, which they had shaken off the trees, but which were still blowing about on the ground. She was still finding new colors when she crested the hill and saw a white leaf stuck in a bush just off the road. She trotted over to inspect it. Bending down, she saw it was the scrap of paper she'd given to her lover. It must have blown out of his pouch.
Farther back in the bush, she saw a little burst of yellow color on the ground, like fireworks, lying next to something with a strange shape and a burnt red color.
"Oh," she said, "oh."
The pot had broken into several pieces when it had been tossed aside. There was no point trying to repair it. She would have to get a new one in town.
Fluttershy stared at the broken pot and the flowers spilling out of it, and wondered what she'd done wrong. Everything had been going so well, up until when they, well.
Maybe she just wasn't very... good.
It was nice of him to try to hide the pot in the bushes. That proved that ponies weren't just animals. An animal wouldn't have done that.
She looked down the road towards town. It would be the busy morning hour by the time she got there. She imagined the grocer, the feed store clerk, and all the working ponies who would be milling around the hardware store at this time of day. They always impressed her, the way they walked down the aisles confidently, all business, knowing they belonged there, not noticing Fluttershy unless she cleared her throat several times.
She wondered how they would look at her if they knew whatever it was that Smiles knew. Then she remembered how the ponies last night had known so much about her. How they'd both looked at her when they left, when they knew for sure.
The same way ponies always looked at her.
She didn't need to go to town today. Besides, she felt itchy all over, like she was coming down with a rash. Maybe a bath would help. She didn't bathe every day, but it seemed important now.
She gently picked up the fallen flowers in her mouth. They needed to be replanted as quickly as possible. So she turned around and galloped all the way back to her cottage. But when she got there, she dropped the flowers in the yard, went inside, and shut and locked the door behind her. The hens kept milling around the yard for another half hour, waiting for seed to appear, before they gave up and returned to roost in the warmth of their coop.
Alright, having read the original and then this one, this is a vast improvement.
Knowing the pre-history of this I must say I'm surprised this made it to market but I'm glad it did. Very worthwhile piece.
This is a sort of 'origin' story for one tiny piece of why Fluttershy is Fluttershy.
The language is clean and the editing is excellent as it always is with just about anything by Bad Horse. Some of the writing was a bit touch and go during the initial iterations but as per his usual style it's been refined with a diamond and cut down to the bare essentials.
The emotions come across in a very detached sort of way right up until the very end which actually works for conveying the real sadness of what happens to her. I can't say I 'enjoyed' it in the sense of having fun reading it but I was definitely engaged and it's worth your time.
-Chessie
I know you're not supposed to respond to spam (also: reported btw)
but every time I see the brand name Ed Hardy now, I think this:
saved the story to read later though cause I gotta get to work
Ouch. Great story, but... ouch.
J.
Dear Beloved Granddaughter,
I was most distraught to hear of your recent meeting with an
individual with low respect for our beloved family. It is with the
utmost of concern for you, my most beloved of grandchildren, that I
asked a number of my associates to look into the matter.
We were deeply saddened to find out that he had been placed in the
Canterlot General Hospital, Dermatology Wing due to an an unfortunate
accident resulting in the need for extensive skin grafts. My
associates assure me that he regrets his actions to you most
sincerely, and shall never darken your doorstep again.
We have sent a flower to his hospital room for you, so there is no
need for you to trouble yourself.
Your loving Grandmother,
Petunia "Kneebreaker" Posy
PS: I have included a rug made to the exact color of this
heartbreaker's coat, which you may place upon your front doorstep of
your delightful home. Think of your loving family every time you wipe
your hooves on
himit.1444577 Sometimes I like to think fluttershy is actually a mob boss who is trying to keep a low profile, but every once in a while the stress of a situation brings her back to her old ways.
...Bastard
I was just wondering if you found any of your inspiration for this from Alice Munro's "How I Met My Husband." The tossed aside flower pot instantly made me think of it. Great story, btw, but so naive Fluttershy
1445630 I stole the discarded flowerpot from "The Chrysanthemums" by John Steinbeck. The other stories that I thought about while writing this one were "Everything That Rises Must Converge" by Flannery O'Connor, and "Miss Brill" by Katherine Mansfield. They all have a similar structure, none of which I completely understand.
That was good, really.
1445778 yeah I derped there. "The Chrysanthemums" was actually the story I was thinking of but for some reason I got it mixed up. Great inspiration though!
1445778 haha... you guys are talking like its over!..hahah...its not though...right?
Well, that was painful.
Thumbs up.
This isn't sad =/
1446248 Look for the action-packed next installment, in which Fluttershy learns the ancient martial art of Wing-Fu from a silent mail-mare pegasus with a lazy eye, stocks up at the Sweet Apple Acres Small Arms Factory, then travels to Appleloosa to wreak vengeance upon Smiles!
If it's okay with him, that is.
1446429 Im sold however can you give a really sad chapter before wing fu?
1446429 You're an evil bastard for making me want to read something with that premise...
-Chessie
Is this the end of the story? I hope its not
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Seriously, this is now one of my favourite fanfics on the site. Hats of to you, Bad Horse.
So sad... great story but so sad... ;_;
Ruined my night. Great story, but.... damn.
Poor Fluttershy
She really should have listened to the first guy, the one she didn't like. He was the honest one. It fits my mental imagine of pre-Elements Fluttershy to fall for a false act of kindness and disregard honesty as being mean.
A well written and engaging story. Good Job
NTL
this fic is awesome but it sorta bums me out
Hmm, not bad. a bit different from the usual.
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This was brilliantly tragic, absolutely beautiful
1446358
What an insightful piece of feedback.
Unfortunately, I read this chapter before the others by mistake. Still it never seemed like I missed anything; I'm informed that Fluttershy had been manipulated by this colt the other night. A lot was said in such a short amount of words, which makes me think of Richard Laymon's works. Good job.
Oh Fluttershy...
Good stuff!!
Poor little naive Fluttershy
Damn it, I hurt my hand punching the desk in rage. Fuck that guy, and then Fluttershy trying to defend what he did. Son of a bitch!
Stupid good story made me feel.
Maybe she'll use this to learn and get a happy ending*?
* Fluttershy later gave birth to a sickly bastard child, who died shortly after. Half a year later, a depressed Fluttershy suffered a savage manticore attack while trying to find ducklings lost in Everfree Forest. Her friends found her, but she had no will to keep on living and slipped into a coma, dying a week later. King Sombra conquered and enslaved Equestria due to the inability to find a replacement Bearer of the Element of Kindness in time. Celestia and Luna were taken as his personal slaves and concubines while Twilight wasted away in isolated imprisonment, like the rest of the Elements of Harmony. Shining Armour died in the guerilla war that gripped the nation for decades. Cadence, soon after her husband's death, fled to lands unknown, never to be seen again. Currently, a War To End All Wars is being fought between the tyrannical forces of King Sombra and the insane host of Discord. Millions have died since Sombra invaded and there is no hope or end in sight.
Ohmygoshthatissosad
Poor and naive Fluttershy... Sadly so is life. Eh... I hope she will recover and one find someon ein your parallel universe
Poor Fluttershy. She, of all ponies, doesn't deserve this.
This story is just excellent.
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The feels... They are strong with this one
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Imma liking this already.
The calm before the storm.
Imma watching this.
I always use images to convey my thoughts.
1444577
I would have done the same............
I'm cornfused... What did he do to her, exactly?
1459887
What he did was use her. To her he was a great stallion who would always be some great love perhaps sire a generation of frail winged scardy ponies.
To him she was an easy lay on his way out of town never to be seen or heard from again.
I was hoping that she's go on him and leave him whimpering, but i guess it wasn't meant to be...
Great fic by the way, really nice buildup to that end.
Now i'm off to sharpen my axe.
That's it, I'm building the Pony Punter 9001 and punting this fuck straight to the moon.
Excuse me whilst I go get my gelding tools. And a large hammer.
I knew that asshole was going to use her and leave like a coward! But still, good story.
I think I need therapy after this fic...
Guys tell each other to that sort of thing so you can get more confidence resulting in more fun times. However, you never know how much hurt you can cause so I will never do that. Then again those guys are out there getting laid and I am reading MLP fanfics...
Oh boy, this was a threat. Sad and tragic, without devolving into emotional porn, or painting some kind of terrible destiny or villains. The gradual emotional detachment of the writing during the end worked out great, and frankly, it leaves me speechless. One of the best stories in the fandom, no doubt.
Poor Flutters
Excellently written story though, grabbed my attention and didn't let go until I've finished it.
1444577 The flower sent to his room is, of course, Poison Joke. And of course it 'accidentally' came into contact with his skin.
1462725 They're empty inside. Hollow shells whose latter days are nothing but misery and depression. Then they die of heart attacks and AIDS at age 60.
1458495 But just then, Alondro, the almighty Deux Ex Insert appeared with his commander general Deadpool, "GOD MODE IN DA HOUUUUUUUSE!!" Alondro fixed everything and revived the dead because he's, like, a zillion times more powerful than god. Then he took the stallion who used Fluttershy and sent him to the Japanese Hell of Hentai Tentacle Monsters and Sadistic Futa Sex Fiends where he was raped forever.
And then Alondro and Fluttershy had sex, because he was so hot and she lusted for him like for no other. They had many god-like children who were perfect and all of them had IQs of 500 and they were totally sexy and athletic.
The End.
1462725 What really hurt her in this story was feeling like there was something wrong with her but she didn't know what, and that everyone else knew. That can happen just as easily from laughing at someone, criticizing their clothes, other trivial stuff. It's just harder to make a story out of. But on the 0-10 scale of romance-induced pain, having sex with someone and then later regretting it is usually probably less than 1. Don't stay at home from fear of hurting people. If you're worried about hurting other people, you're not that guy.
1464383 Sorry. I probably should have asked first. I knew from your stories that you'd have some crazy stuff in there. Thanks for the help!
1459647
Wow...so many feels!
1462725
Screw those guys, I'm fine with my fics!
This fic made me momentarily hate my kind; males above the age of 13.
I hate arrogant, smooth-talking sons of ß∫†(#3$ like that...
Love the fic, tho. Struck me right in the feels.