Inner Demons: To Rise Again

by Lenora Goff

Moving on is hard to do...

Alright, so what can I do after I get out of here?

It wasn’t as if there was much else to do, and she needed to get that good first step. A bad first step would likely lead to another hospital, or in the worst case scenario it might actually lead to a very real case of death. That had been what the mare had been trying for, though fortunately it hadn’t been a complete success. As she thought, her eyes moved to see the calendar. How long had she been out?

The azure mare had apparently been out for a grand three days, if her memory served her correctly.

Three days?! There are a lot of things that need to be done. And now Trixie has to be here another day? Calm down, calm down, it’ll all be alright. After today, you have to just figure out a way to get out of here. But where to go? Her horn lit up, and a piece of paper moved from the table nearby. A pencil came with it, though it stayed in her magical grasp. Even though she couldn’t get out of there that day, Trixie was still magical enough to do something as mundane as writing down notes.

Where should I start? I know! There are places that I can’t go, I think I’ll start there.

Places that Trixie can’t go:
Hoofington
Ponyville.

Those two quickly came to mind. The first was the place where she had been dealt the most recent blow. Not a single pony had come to her show. That didn’t even take into account the mare who had yelled her out of a building. Trixie wouldn’t go back there for as long as she could, possibly never if she could get away with it. Then came the second place, and that one was obvious because of the Ursa Minor attack. Even though it hadn’t been her actions that had brought it, her words had likely been a small portion of the reason.

Also, it was obvious they blamed her.

That didn’t even take into account that there was a lavender mare that annoyed her greatly. Trixie knew she was a better pony than before, but she still didn’t like that unicorn. She had been so quiet, likely thinking about what she could do that Trixie could not. The lavender showmare knew that she had been thinking, back then, about anything she could do that was better than what any other pony could do. Of course, some might have said that the list in question was inflated. Some might have said that Trixie thought that she was better at some things that she wasn’t.

That wasn’t relevant to her current train of thought.

Alright, so is there anywhere else that I would not be allowed to go? Is there anywhere else where I would be laughed, chased, or yelled out of town? That would be a harder question if she had to think about every single angry pony, there were always ponies, always those who found her methods and presentation to be angering. The reason why Trixie hadn’t ever stopped, until recently, was because the hecklers could be silenced. They were the minority, and they were the ones that everypony would turn on if it seemed as though it would benefit them the most.

I don’t really know of anywhere else. If I’m going to keep this with me, though, I think I should make a special note. I have to make sure that I don’t make the mistake of coming back here anytime soon. The pencil had fallen, as he thoughts had been wondering, but soon enough it was lifted up and pointed at the piece of paper that was sitting on her belly.

Don’t come back to Canterlot unless absolutely necessary. And if you are forced to, make sure that you are within sight of a crowd at all times. Do not, do not, DO NOT, let yourself be somewhere that has no potential witnesses. There is no reason to believe that the mare isn’t unhinged enough to try again. That quick note had been long enough, perhaps too long, to emphasize the point. Trixie knew that her health depended on not being in the situation again. Next time, there might not be the same luck that had ensured her survival this time.

There was no way that she could pay for the hospital bill anyway, and Fancy Pants would likely not put forth the money.

So far, she had put down three places that she needed to steer clear of. Two of the places had been show related, with her presence obviously not being welcomed, and the third had been health related. All of that still made it obvious that she didn’t know where it was that she needed to go. Even without there being a single place that she needed to go, as there likely wasn’t, there were dozens of places that might be nice to go to. Trixie could treat it as a vacation, using the time to figure out just what she wanted to do with the rest of her life.

That sounded like a good idea, anyway.

Trixie glanced over to the clock. Almost an hour had passed, and there were only eight more hours to that day. That didn’t take into account her sleeping, which she planned on doing until the next day. She would go to sleep around 10:00, and she hoped to wake up with the sunrise. With that, she could get out of there and get out of town. She still hadn’t decided what it was that she was going to do, though, or where she was going to go.

Alright, so how can I get around?

More notes had to be taken, more possibilities.

Ways to travel:
Just walk
Get a wagon again
Use public transportation

The first one had a problem with what would happen at night. Trixie loved the stars, loved the moon, but there was something to be said about sleeping in a building. When there was a cold wind, the walls could keep her protected. The same could be said about rain or snow, both of which would come eventually. There was the upside that it would cost her nothing, which would mean that she could use all of her remaining funds to take care of herself. Either that, or she could save them up and use them in the future in whatever venture she ends up going on.

With the second, there were a lot of upsides. If there were winds, snow, or rain, there wouldn’t be any problem. The walls would keep her protected. Not a lot of animals attacked a wagon, either, leading to there being less of a chance for something to happen to her. Trixie could deal with wild animals, but she didn’t like the idea of something attacking during the night. The list of downsides was smaller. One of them was monetary, in which she would have to spend a lot of money for it. The other was a lack of laying out under the stars, which was actually more comforting than she though.

Finally, there was the third option. It had the benefit of being cheap, without also being something that meant she would be outside. Normally, it referred to trains. There was one huge downside, though, when she thought about it. There were parts of Equestria that weren’t able to be connected through the many methods. If she chose that, she would be limiting the potential places that she could head to.

Another alternative was to use more than one.

Canterlot had a train that went to a few places. If she could find a place that sold wagons for cheaper, then she could get one from there. Or she could just walk from there, depending on where she was going next. Actually, there aren’t that many places that sell the type of wagon I would want. And I doubt I can get it much cheaper than I can here. If I go that route, I’ll have to get it tomorrow and then head out of town quickly. But I still have to decide the first place that I’m actually going to head to. I still have to figure out the first place that could possibly just take me in without questions.

After all, I really don’t want to answer any questions.

Another hour passed, and nothing had been decided. Trixie still had no idea where she was going, or even where it would be nice to end up. The only thing that she had decided was that she was hungry, which eventually ended when a nurse brought a plate of delicious looking salad. Of course, it was all devoured within the span of a few minutes. She had been really hungry, which was likely the product of being out of it for three days.

That was something that she still didn’t like to think about.

I just have to move on. I can’t focus on what happened, I’ll never keep my sanity that way. I have to think about what I’m going to do from now on. I have a places that I have to go, I have ponies to meet, I have things to do. The question still went through her head, wondering exactly what it was that she was going to do. Trixie could see herself trying something new, maybe singing or dancing. For all she knew, she could start trying to sell things. That was something that seemed strange, but perhaps that was something that would be good.

There wouldn’t be the same expectations, and she wouldn’t have to use her name. After everything that had happened, she wasn’t sure that she wanted something that would involve her name. Perhaps after a few more months, the name of Trixie Lulamoon would be one that would bring about smiles again. Right now, though, Trixie just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t another repeat of before. She knew, above all else, that a unicorn horn was a lot sharper than she had expected it to.

Still, she had to remember how she wanted to move.

Alright, so I have to figure it out right now. I have to decide something. Eyes moved to the clock, realizing that a couple more hours had passed. She might end up going to sleep soon, and then she would want to get out of there as quickly as possible. Quick, quick. I have to figure out how to move out quick. And then I have to make sure that I have a way to keep safe. Storms, blizzards, animals, and maybe even a few crazed ponies trying to get their revenge on me. The last one, and blizzards, are actually the most possible. Snow will be coming soon, winter is close upon us. And I know there are some ponies who definitely want revenge.

The decision had finally been made, she was going to get a wagon. It was slightly made out of fear of what might happen, of course. There was something comforting about going around in a wagon, much as she had before. It was almost as if Trixie would have some semblance of normalcy back in her life. She didn’t have to think about the fact that she had nearly starved, or died of blood loss, or what had happened in Hoofington. The only things she had to think about were where she was going and what she was going to do when she actually got to her destination.

One step down, the other two had to be decided.

If I can’t stay in Canterlot, I can’t go to Hoofington, and I can’t go to Ponyville, that takes out some of the places I know of. Las Pegasus would be good, but there is a certain...problem with me being there. After all, it’s a pegasus town, I doubt it is ground level. There is Stalliongrad, that’s always a good place. Well, I think it is. Then again, I thought that Hoofington was a good place. Obviously things change, and sometimes they don’t change for the better.

I suppose that I might go there later.

Where else is there? There’s a whole kingdom, of course. But I should probably come up with somewhere for me to go. If she had known this was going to be so difficult, she would have asked for a map. Trixie wasn’t used to not knowing these things, not having an idea of where she was going to eventually go. It was made worse by the fact that she still didn’t have any idea for a big action. She was, essentially, vacationing at this point. That was something that she hadn’t really done before in her life.

What did one do when they were on vacation?

Wait, I do know of one place. Trottingham should be excellent around this time. I can’t really say I’ve been there in a while. And if I have to stay anywhere, that would be the place where I’d want to wait out the winter. Either there, or Manehattan. Both places have their own unique charm to them. Though, I have to admit, Manehattan is not really much of a choice right now. It is too close to Ponyville, and they might have heard about what happened. A nod of her head, as she finally decided where she was going. Everything was coming together, everything was leading to Trottingham.

Her head started to dip, tiredness setting in.

“I’ll just decide what I’m doing on the way.”

Nopony would blame her for shutting her eyes for a little bit. Trixie was just going to rest, she was going to try to make sure that she was ready for the big trip that would start the next day. It might have even been a case of something from the hospital. There were some tubes that were in her legs. For all she knew, something in there was making it more difficult for her to actually stay away. In the end, though, it didn’t matter why she was going to sleep. A few more nods of her head, and the azure unicorn was unconscious.

Eyes fluttered awake, and once again she was on a stage. This was the same stage as before, one again empty. Trixie had to admire the sheer beauty of the stage now, though there was a hint of sadness that she couldn’t ignore. She knew what had happened here, she knew what it was that caused her to remember this. It was guilt that kept the stage on her mind, and part of her knew that the showmare, whose name she still didn’t know, would soon be appearing. Part of her said that she should forgive herself.

That was been the part of what Trixie was sure had been a dream. After realizing she had been in the hospital, a near-death experience was taken off of the table. She had been dreaming, not dead. Perhaps the drugs that had kept her alive, or something about a surgery, had caused her mind to put her guilt into center stage. Either way, she reasoned that something similar was going to happen this time. The drugs were going to make sure that she saw what was likely the most powerful image in her mind.

She was wrong.

The mare did appear, but there was something different about her. At first, the showmare didn’t bother looking at Trixie. It was almost as if she was ashamed, or maybe that she couldn’t bear the thought of looking at her. This had to be the part where Trixie would eventually tell herself, using this other pony, that she had to forgive herself. She knew it was a dream, she knew this was coming next.

“You killed me.” It started, the voice cutting deep. Still, the specter of her past didn’t turn to look at her. “I didn’t do anything, all I wanted to do was provide a show. All I wanted to do is make ponies smile, and you took that away from me.” No eye contact, no turning, merely looking away as the azure unicorn started to shake.

“I-I-I didn’t mean to.”

It was at that time, suddenly, that the mare turned. Her face didn’t look like it normally did, or even had during the show. This time, Trixie saw the face of the dead. She saw the face of a mare who had drowned, though it was more than that. She saw a face that looked like that of a victim that had died months before. To say that it was disgusting would be an understatement, and the sight of it caused Trixie to take a few steps and fall offstage.

Somehow, she fell into a tank of water.

With the closing of the tank, and a lock on the outside, Trixie was stuck. She tried to use magic, but nothing worked. Her hoofs smacked the glass, but it didn’t give. Her breath was held, but it couldn’t be held forever. Even a pony who had prepared for this sort of thing couldn’t hold their breath forever. Without her tricks, without her strength, without anything, she started to succumb to her fate.

Water rushed into her lungs, and it was over.

A snap to attention, Trixie looked out the window to try to figure out if it was morning yet. Perhaps it was her luck that it was, though she was worn out. This was almost as bad as if she hadn’t slept at all, a feeling that she knew from the many years of being on the road. With any luck, that sort of thing could only be a temporary thing. She enjoyed her sleep, she needed her sleep, there wouldn’t be any way that she could go on a trip if she had to deal with those more than once.

Nopony could say that she wasn’t tough, but even she needed to sleep every once in a while.

Why had this happened? She hadn’t thought of that day before, it had been forgotten, but it was firmly in her mind now. Trixie couldn’t stop thinking about that show, that mare, and how everything that transpired had caused a death. Then it moved on to the fact that her actions had caused a mother to lose a daughter. It made sense, the more she thought about it, that the mother would have done something like that.

Of course, she would never admit that to anypony.

A few moments after she had awoken, the thoughts about the nightmare still fresh in her mind, a nurse came in with a tray of food. It was breakfast time, obviously.

“A last meal.”

Trixie’s eyes snapped open. Oh gosh, this was going to be the final meal that she had. This nurse was working with the mare, the rich mare. She was going to die there that day. The azure mare started to shake, a hoof went out to grab for the nurse’s hoof.

“L-last meal?”

This couldn’t be it, could it?

“Yeah, the doctor said you’d be able to leave today. I figured it’d be nice to get a good meal, or whatever this is, before you go.” Eyes looked into hers, a confused expression on her face. The nurse didn’t know anything about what she was talking about, didn’t know anything about the mare who had tried to kill Trixie. At least, that was how everything seemed.

It made sense.

You have to calm down. There isn’t a single pony here who is trying to take your life. None of them have been paid by that mare. They haven’t. As the nurse left the room, Trixie started to glance down at the food. Just take a bite, everything should be alright. This is a hospital, there isn’t a single pony here who is trying to hurt you. There isn’t a single threat in this hospital. All you have to do is eat this food, sign a waver saying you’re leaving, and then you’re out of here.

Next, you get a wagon and head toward Trottingham.

Yet, she couldn’t will herself to take a bite. Those words still went through her head, the fear taking its toll. What if the nurse had put something in the food? That mare, the one who had wanted her dead, was obviously a pony of means. If she wanted to pay off a nurse, it wouldn’t be much trouble. The nurse would have gotten paid, and Trixie would soon be dead. It would likely be overlooked, maybe it would look like some sort of accident with a medical overdose.

That wasn’t going to happen.

She couldn’t wait for them to kill her.

Trixie did her best to get up from the bed. The fact that she hadn’t rested the last night be damned, she was going to get up. There wouldn’t be any wires, tubes, or anything else that would prevent her from finding her way to get out of this building. She knew that her life depended on it, and if not that then at least her health depended on her ability to get out of there without any trouble. It wasn’t even as if she had to worry about making sure that she had everything she brought with her.

Aside from the cape, she had her pouch of bits.

Eyes looked out into the hallway, but there were plenty of nurses. She could count five, but it was at that point that she quickly pulled her head back into the room. Trixie wasn’t going to get caught, but getting out the normal way seemed to be something that was completely out of the picture. That won’t stop me. There has to be some other way that I can get out of here, a way that will ensure that I’m able to get out without a single pony trying to stop me. The doctor seems nice enough, but that might just be a ruse.

And then the nurses...

If it hadn’t been for that nurse giving everything away, I would have never known.

There had to be another way, and she would think of it. Eyes moved around the room, and she practically face-hoofed. It didn’t take a genius to realize that there was one way that she could get out of there without too much trouble. Trixie quickly moved over to the window, looking out to see if there was a quick-and-easy escape. She was quickly met with the fact that she was on the second floor, which was something that would be considered more than a minor setback.

She almost thought about jumping, but wasn’t sure if her cuts would reopen with the impact. Trixie wasn’t somepony to let something as small as a giant fall, or more accurately a giant drop, stop her escape. It would stop her from jumping, but she had something else that could help to make sure that she could at least survive and get out of there. Unicorns could lift things with their horns, and she had seen that lavender mare lift something as heavy as an Ursa Minor with hers.

Obviously Trixie could easily lift herself.

Her horn lit up, and Trixie slowly started to lift from the floor. It wasn’t perfect, it was wobbly as she tried to stabilize herself. This just felt weird, with her focus having to be forced onto the task at hand. She actually dropped the first time, the sheer feeling of being lifted into the air was enough to freak her out at first. The second attempt went better, and she was soon floating out of the window and down toward the ground below.

Everything was going perfectly, at least until a nurse had apparently come in to look at her. There would be no murder plot that day, Trixie was escaping. Of course, the scream of the nurse didn’t let loose their obvious schemes. The cries were about the fact that a patient had gone missing. It was almost as if she was worried, but the azure showmare knew a lot better than to go by something as easily faked as a tone.

The sudden scream did have an unexpected effect, though. Trixie had been concentrating, making sure that she was focused. She had been about three feet off of the ground when it happened, and her focus was shattered. The only upside was that it was only three feet, and it was merely painful. She would live though that, pain was just something that ponies had to get used to.

No time to dwell on the pain, she knew she had to get going.

Trixie was quickly galloping away, trying to make sure that she didn’t stop for anything. She didn’t know if her wounds would open again, but it was good luck that they hadn’t. It was also that good luck, or so she assumed, that led to there not being a single pony outside of the hospital to look for her. While she might have been great, there was absolutely no chance that she could take down a nurse. This would have even given the mare, or perhaps mares, the opportunity to take her down without having to resort to trickery.

Accidents happened, and sometimes the things that looked like accidents really weren’t.

Trixie’s own paranoia was likely going to get the best of her, but of course she saw it otherwise. As she looked around, trying to find the place where she had bought her previous wagon, she kept her eyes looking for anything out of the ordinary. She had to be ready for a nurse, or two, or somepony with a knife, or a unicorn that was performing some sort of spell. When she got out of there, she could relax a little. When she left the city, there was much less of a chance that she would have to deal with a pony that was after her life.

Another few minutes of walking, and she finally discovered the shop.

The stallion didn’t even bother to look at her, which was good. Trixie still had a couple of scars, her side had some stitches. She wasn’t exactly looking her finest, and she didn’t want anypony to take the time to look at her until she did. A mare had to think about her appearance, after all, at all times.

“Trix-”

She was cut off with a hoof.

“I know, I know. The Great and Powerful Trixie requires something befitting a pony of her greatness.” The stallion started, still staring down at a newspaper. “Just pay the same amount you did last time, and I’ll have it done in a couple of hours. I know how I made the last one, so it shouldn’t take the whole day.”

Something about this actually made her calm down a little.

“Here you go.”

A third of the money from the bag, which was amazing considering how much the original had cost, was soon sitting on the table in front of the stallion. He didn’t seem shocked, it was almost as if he assumed that she was rich. It might have been the way that she carried herself last time, or the fact that he was simply too busy to look at her, but it was almost as if he thought that this was the same Trixie as before.

Of course, times had changed and so had Trixie.

Alright, I have a few hours to spend. I could go out, get something to eat and drink, and come back here. Then again, the nurses might be out there looking for me. If I wait here, I’ll be bored. Not to mention that I’m still tired as ever. Eyes looked out, across the street was a donut shop. A question went through her head, even as she tried to figure out what the best course of action would be.

Why hadn’t she noticed that before?

Either way, it seemed like a great opportunity to get something to eat. Even if she didn’t get anything to eat, there was the chance for coffee. That stuff truly is the nectar of the alicorns. I don’t think it would be a horrible idea for me to go over there and get a cup. Eyes looked over to it, only for a small blob of doubt to enter her. She had thought about the nurses, but she hadn’t thought about everypony else. If she went over there and got the coffee, then there might be something wrong with it.

It could be poisoned.

Okay, so coffee was out until she had left the city. Trixie knew better than to eat, drink, or do anything else from within the city limits. The only thing that the azure mare could do was sit there and wait, hoping that she would be able to get out of the city before too long. That would give her enough time to make sure that the wagon was alright, and then a small journey before she would eventually be able to get some sleep that night.

Her plan was perfect.

Without coffee, without anything to do beyond stand around, time seemed to drag on. The next two hours seemed like a small eternity, no end in sight. By the time an hour had ended, she was sitting there. The floor wasn’t the most comfortable place, but it was certainly better than standing around for the next hour. It would have been even better if she wasn’t feeling as though she was about to slip out of consciousness at any point.

Although, some sleep might be good.

By the time an hour and a half had passed, Trixie’s head was starting to droop. She needed some rest, the last night hadn’t been good on her. It wasn’t that she had never gone a night without sleeping, she had gone plenty of nights without sleeping. There was something to be said about her injuries, the ones that she had sustained at the horn of the unicorn and the knife, that made everything worse. Wait, that doesn’t make any sense at all. How could that make it worse? Then again, they probably had to do some sort of surgery. That would have needed some medication, and that likely...

Okay, full paranoia hit her.

Trixie shook her head a few times, trying to shake the tiredness and the thought from her mind. She had been at the mercy of the people at the hospital. But that was quickly pushed into the back of her mind, the sudden thought being something that forced her to become completely aware of everypony around her. Eyes even looked out at the ponies that were passing by, the combination of what had happened in the last few days having more than a little bit of an impression on her. When I get out of town, when I get out of town. Canterlot isn’t the safest place right now, I have to get out.

Another ten minutes had passed, time was starting to go slower.

By the time that the rest of the twenty minutes had passed, Trixie had discovered a new method of making the time pass. If she started to lightly tap her head against the wall, and proceed to increase the force behind it from there, everything seemed to speed by. The next twenty minutes had seemed to pass by as quickly as the ten before it, which was certainly an improvement from her perspective.

It happened, the hours finally ended. Trixie heard him come, though at first she cautiously glanced to make sure that nobody was with him. She was given a weird look for her troubles, but she had already paid. That seemed to be the main thing that the stallion cared about. He likely didn’t want to become a part of the giant drama that was the assassination attempts on the mostly innocent Trixie Lulamoon. It was mostly innocent, of course, because she knew exactly what it was that caused the mare to want her dead. It would almost be understandable, except for the fact that she didn’t think that way about herself.

As down as she ever got, Trixie never wanted to be murdered. She doubted, very much, that she would ever really want that. Life was one of those things that she wasn’t ready to part with, even if she had to part with everything else.

Alright, focus! I have a wagon, but I have no food. Then again, I can’t get any food from here. There should be a small village a few days away. That won’t be pleasant, but I’m sure it will be possible. And I might be able to get it cheaper. Cheaper, lacking in poison to kill him. There isn’t a downside here. The only downside was that it meant she wasn’t going to really be able to eat the next few days. It might be good to get some sleep, but that wasn’t even going to happen for quite some time.

It wasn’t noon yet, a couple hours from it. Trixie wanted to be ten hours away from the city, which meant she had a lot of traveling to do. Of course, it wouldn’t be completely pleasant. Ten hours of travel was something that she hadn’t been forced to do on her own for a long time. She could barely remember it, actually. That wasn’t important, right now she had to get ready t get moving. The energy, from startling herself, was still giving her the energy that she was missing from the coffee.

So she was soon rushing out with her beautiful wagon.

Nothing of note had happened while she was in the city. Her eyes glanced around, making sure that she saw everyone around her. It wasn’t as simple of a task as one might thing. The only thing that helped was the fact that she really wanted to get this done, and she was fully alert after she had scared herself earlier. Something didn’t seem right to her about the fact that she had gotten out of the city without any trouble.

That was a good surprise, though.

It had only taken fifteen minutes, another surprise actually. She would have expected it to take twice as long, possibly even up to an hour. The shop where she had gotten her wagon wasn’t exactly in the outskirts of the city. It was actually closer to the middle, the exact middle. There might have been something to be said about her pace, though. Trixie was going to get out of the city, and she was going to do it in as little time as ponily possible.

Just because she was of of town, though, didn’t mean that she could slow down.

The first hour went extremely slow, which should have been expected. Trixie’s pace was fast, but she was still worrying. She was still thinking about that morning, that mare who had said those words about how that was going to be the azure mare’s last meal. If It hadn’t been for her quick thinking, that might have been the end. It had all been because she had put the clues together, the nightmare giving her the chance to see the smaller details that she would have normally overlooked.

After the first hour, and a respectable distance, time started to go by quicker. Her pace didn’t slow down, she didn’t stop thinking, but everything seemed to blur together for the rest of the day. Without any food to look forward to, there was no reason to stop. Trixie couldn’t even keep track of time, there was no way. The only thing she could do was look up at the sky, see the sun, and estimate what time it was.

She had never been good at that.

It didn’t take a genius to know when it was time to stop for the night, though. Aside from the darkness, which came quicker than expected, there was a feeling in her legs that told her to stop. It was almost as if they were rebelling against the mare, trying to stop her from taking another step. Every single time she tried, they ached. Trixie had been determined to get away from the city, and to her knowledge she was far enough away that she would be able to take a rest for the night. There was no chance, or at least almost no chance, that she would be followed out this far.

That made sense, even to her.

I think it’s time to get some sleep right now. Tomorrow, I can continue. If I get the same pace, I should be able to get almost the rest of the distance to the next town. I should be able to get some food there, which is definitely something I’m getting. Eyes moved to the wagon, a smile on her face. This was another thing that she was looking forward to. Trixie hadn’t realized how far she trotted, and she still didn’t know how long she had trotted, but her legs hurt from it.

It was time for some sleep.

Her hopes didn’t turn out to be what happened, though.

The last thing she felt before her eyes quickly opened was that feeling. Trixie had been pushed into the tank, her horn wasn’t working. Water had filled the tank, this time the tank had started off completely empty. This time, her drowning would have been something that she would have had to endure the lead-up to. Water had filled her lungs again, and then her slumber had been completely killed. If it had been morning again, that would be one thing. The moon still high in the sky, Luna’s beautiful night taunting her with her own inability to sleep.

There was something that she had barely noticed in the wagon, though, that soon changed that. When Trixie had looked around, there was a bottle. She couldn’t go to sleep right now, the images were fresh in her mind, so the only thing she could really do was think. There was only one thing that could get her mind off of those images, and that was a curiosity. Why was there a bottle in her wagon? This would have been a small curiosity, likely it had been some sort of mistake by the stallion that had built the wagon.

When she went over to get it, though, there was a paper under it. Trixie moved the mottle out of the way, the moonlight helping her read the words. The fact that she was still tired, a side effect from not sleeping, didn’t help her in the slightest.

Dear Trixie,
I decided that you’ve been a pretty good customer. Last year, I was able to get my hooves on a few kegs of Apple Family Cider. This is, without a doubt, the greatest cider I have ever drank. You don’t seem so bad. I had decided to put it in bottles, savoring every last drop.

I decided to give you one of the bottles.

You can thank me by buying from me next time.

Sturdy Hand

Apple Family Cider is the best cider he has drank, and he’s giving me some so I’ll buy more of his stuff later. Got it. Most of the letter had actually proven to be completely unreadable to her, but that was alright. Should she trust him? Trixie had know the stallion for more than couple of years, and she counted him amongst the trustworthy. There had also been the fact that he had built the wagon, a strong wagon, and had only charged the same amount as last time. That was something that she liked, the predictable nature of it.

The cork was soon removed, and she sniffed. Did it smell like cider? If it did, she would have to trust him and take a drink. If it didn’t, she would throw it aside. That stallion would have thrown his trust away. Luckily, both for her and for the stallion in question, that sort of thing wouldn’t actually happen. This wasn’t just apples made into cider, though. This smelled like a small bottle of liquid heaven, with a strong smell of what could only be described as burning.

What did burning smell like?

Well, obviously it smelled like the cider.

What did it taste like?

The odd thing was that she didn’t really taste a burn. It must have been a problem with my nose. This stuff tastes delicious. Within the span of fifteen minutes, the entire bottle was gone. Not only was the entire bottle gone, but Trixie felt magnificent. She couldn’t remember the last time in the last few days that she had felt this good. It might even contend with the top five, or at least ten, times of her entire life. There was nothing that could go wrong, she felt as though she could get out and start walking again.

Her legs didn’t even hurt.

Trixie stood up, her determination to move forward great. Almost instantly, though, she realized that maybe she had stood up too quickly. Her flank quickly hit the wagon, and her eyes started to droop. Maybe she would need just a little time sitting. She still knew that she would be able to do this soon. Her desire for a sit became the desire for a small nap. All it would take would be fifteen minutes, and she would be able to get back up and get moving to the next destination.

Where was it again?

Oh, right, she had wanted to go to Trottingham.

Eyes closed, though there had been the fear of that dream. She didn’t want to deal with those images again. Trixie didn’t want to deal with that fear, that feeling of water rushing into her lungs. The strange part was that she had never experienced it herself. A rational mare would have considered this, thrown it into the real of implausible, and just went on with it. Every bit of it felt real, every bit of it felt as se imagined something like that would go. The feeling of a lack of oxygen, and every minute fearing death.

That didn’t actually happen this time, though.

The sun came up, but Trixie did not. She did not dream, though. As the day continued, several ponies passed by her little slice of paradise. Noon came by, and she still wasn’t awake. That actually made it less likely that she would be able to get to the town by the end of the day, or even by the end of the next day. She was not a marathon mare, she had no intention of doing anything more than keeping up a good pace. Right now, actually, she didn’t even intend to do that. Right now, her only intention was sleep.

That plan had come to fruition.

Night came, and she did not stir. This would have been the type of night that she loved, the moon was a small sliver in the sky. Trixie wasn’t going to awaken, though. Nothing could really get her to get up, or even do more than move slightly. Her snoring, though, started at some point that night. Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice would have had a hard time overcoming the volume that she was producing. Night had came, and eventually night had left without anything that could make it seem as though Trixie was waking up.

It wasn’t until a few hours after the sun came up, again, that she started to move.

Trixie stretched, a headache being the biggest worry that she had at that point. She didn’t know that she had just slept through a day, though she was starting to get really hungry. That could easily be attributed to her former walking. On the upside, my legs don’t hurt as much. It could have been that cider. I haven’t slept that well in a while. Yep, good old Apple Family Cider is able to make sure that I... no, that isn’t going to happen. You are much better than this.

Drinking won’t happen, you’re better than that.

Strangely enough, the day went by quickly. Trixie wanted to push herself to go as far as possible. There was no way that she would be out of a town for too long, she needed to get some supplies. Even when she was forced to stop, and eat some of the grass, she didn’t stop for long. The grass wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t something that she knew could sustain her. There wasn’t enough grass growing along the path, and she was sure that it wouldn’t be a good idea for her to stray from the path. Even fully awake, and mostly rested, those words were still there at the back of her mind.

That would be her last meal.

It had been her hope that there would be a restart, a mental block that would stop her from focusing on the horrible thing that was proving to be the worst thing that could have been said to her. Trixie was still thinking about it. The only thing that had happened is that it started to become less important with each passing hour. Even by the end of the day, when she was at her best, it was only something she could easily ignore. When she was walking, thinking about everything else that had happened, it wasn’t there anymore.

Perhaps it was good luck that ended her day by a stream.

To say that Trixie was thirsty would be an understatement. Actually, I’m making really good time. If I just continued for a few more hours, maybe four at the most, I’d be at the town. And there are only three days from there to Trottingham. And that’s if I don’t get this pace again. If I can step it up, or keep it at this, I might be able to cut a whole day from it. Maybe I’ll find a way to stay up, starting tomorrow, to where I don’t even have to sleep. If I don’t have to sleep, I’ll get there even faster.

That’d be so great.

Trixie pulled her head from the stream, heading off to what she was going to call her own last rest. The next day, she would head to the town and figure out a way to not have to sleep. Perhaps she would get some coffee for that day. Sugary treats would likely help keep her energy up at other times, but she wasn’t sure that they would suffice to keep her up the entire trip to Trottingham. She also didn’t know if it would be healthy to rely on something like that to be able to stay awake.

Come on, this is it. I’m at the final stretch. I get to this town, I get supplies, I go to Trottingham. But first, I get some sleep. Perhaps it had been her previous, cider-induced, sleep that gave her the confidence that this one would succeed. All she needed to do was get one more night of sleep, eight to ten hours, and then she would be able to deal with the rest of the time with anything else. That was the plan, and she was going to stick with it. One more night of sleep, one more night of sleep.

That can’t be too hard.

By now, she was laying down in the wagon. It was comfortable enough, though one of the things she would have to get would be blankets. Trixie wasn’t one that couldn’t deal with the cold, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t prepare for it at all. While she was safe inside the walls of the wagon, she wouldn’t have to deal with anything else. Right now, though, she didn’t have the blanket. Right now she would just have to get her sleep without that.

And a pillow. I can afford a pillow, and so I should get one.

Eyes were closed, ready for a lovely night of sleep.

Everything faded away into nothing. When Trixie opened her eyes, she wasn’t looking at the same stage as before. This was something of a relief. It wasn’t just any stage, though, this was the stage that she had performed on. This was the type of stage that had been used so many times when she had gone to smaller towns. She wasn’t as comfortable as she had once been, standing there, but she knew that this couldn’t be the same thing as before.

Trixie had become quite aware of her own dreaming, though for some reason it was still as if she was watching a movie.

It turned out that everything started off brilliantly. Trixie was on stage, telling about her feats of grandeur. That wasn’t anything new, it was actually quite old. She could barely remember er last show, actually. It was in Ponyville. But the mare on stage was telling a great tale about how she had defeated the Timberwolves. The story itself was almost meaningless, really, compared to everything that went into the show.

People came to see fireworks, displays of magic, and anything else that was used to make the story come alive in front of their eyes. All of Trixie’s tales had always had spectacular special effects.

Everything had to be timed perfectly. If even one thing was off time, the entire show might be marred irreparably. This had been her trade, her art. The dream pulled back, from seeing it in Trixie’s own sight, to seeing it from an outside perspective. She had never been able to do that, of course. When one did the shows, they weren’t able to see how it went. There had always been the assumption that everything went perfectly and that the audience adored her for her many feats of greatness.

Or they loved the spectacle of the lie.

There was no way that she could have really foreseen just how amazing the shows actually looked. If this was a dream, and she was sure it was, then she didn’t want to awaken. She didn’t want to have to deal with any other reality than this one. This show was beautiful. The words droned out, which might seem strange considering they were her own words, and the spectacle of everything took over. The images, while generally crude, made her feel as though she was there herself.

Fireworks were beautiful, they kept her in the trance that the images had started.

If that was what the shows were like, then she should probably go to one of somepony’s.

The dream reeled back into first person, Trixie, as she went off stage. This had been a good show, not to mention a good dream. Nothing had gone wrong with either. When she got offstage, there were even a couple of fans waiting for her. She couldn’t tell who they were, one of their faces was covered up by a giant bouquet of flowers.

Those had been the days.

With everything going so well, Trixie trotted right up to them. None of them really looked all that familiar, but a fan was a fan. Not only that, but the flowers looked delicious.

“Are those for me?”

“Yes, yes they are.”

That voice was enough to unnerve her. Trixie knew that voice, it was the mare from Canterlot. The words of many a great pony went through her mind, all of which were varying degrees of the most obvious command that she could have thought of. She turned away, wanting to get away from there before something happened. They were offstage, there was very little chance of anypony would be able to actually see them.

Immediately, she felt herself being stopped.

It was magic, sadly. It was something she should have been able to do something about. For some reason, though, she couldn’t.

Her back was turned, so there was no seeing what happened. It didn’t take that, though, because she felt it. Trixie hadn’t actually been bucked before, but she guessed this was what it felt like. This wasn’t some weakling, either, this was obviously the stallion that had been in the group.

She buckled, a cry of pain escaping.

Not a single pony came.

It seemed as if the stallion wasn’t going to be alone with this, either. Again and again, she felt herself being bucked. Ribs were broken, legs cracked, and the final blow that she felt was on the back of her head. There was a cracking sound, and then she finally succumbed to unconsciousness.

With a startle, Trixie jumped up.

Where was she?

Oh, right, I’m heading to ton. I was just asleep, nothing actually happened. I don’t have to worry about it. All I have to do is get up, go outside, see that it’s day. As she said this, the mare stood up and got ready to leave for the day. There was only one problem with this chain of events, and it was the fact that it wasn’t morning yet. It wasn’t even about to be morning, if her calculations were correct.

A sigh escaped, and she trotted back to where she had laid down.

It was going to be a long night.

Sleep, sleep, sleep. Come on, you can force yourself to sleep. Wait, why am I talking to myself in second-pony? Whatever! Just sleep! With that, Trixie rolled over onto her back. She had heard from a stallion, one time, that sometimes restlessness came from the position that you were sleeping in. It hadn’t made much sense at the time, back then she didn’t have a single problem getting to sleep, but right now they were the most important words that she had ever heard.

There was no such luck for Trixie, though.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t tired, but every single time she closed her eyes something happened. It ranged from the sight of the mare’s face, though that barely happened, to the feeling of the buck that had started the beating that she had taken at the hooves of those ponies. The worst thing, though, was when there was a sound. Oh Luna, she’s coming after me. She’s going to actually get her revenge. There was very little that Trixie could do if that was the case, but she still worried greatly about the concept of her life being ended.

Hour by hour, time crawled by. Trixie still forced her eyes closed, still tried to make sure that she got some sleep that night. Even fifteen minutes, a nap by anypony’s definition, would have been enough. It didn’t make any sense, though, she had found it easy to go to sleep that one night.

What was different now?

It didn’t matter, Celestia was gracing Equestria with her brilliant sunlight.

This is horrible. I should be moving by now, but I just can’t move. And what was it that happened last night? I should have been able to sleep. I should have been able to do something to get some rest. How am I supposed to continue through the day, trudging along, without a single moment of rest? Gah! I’ll just have to force it. I don’t have any other choice in the matter, now do I? With obvious effort, which was something that made it good that she was alone, Trixie stood up and shook herself. She didn’t know a way to get herself energized, but she had heard that this sort of thing might help.

Unfortunately, it did not.

That didn’t stop her from getting out, and getting ready to trudge on. There were places she needed to go, ponies she needed to see, things she needed to do. As of now, she didn’t know what was in that third category. She hadn’t actually decided what she was going to do, but that didn’t matter. Trixie was going to get to the town, get some supplies, then get to Trottingham. Her want to head to the town was hampered, though. It felt like she wasn’t going anywhere, as if she was simply sitting down. That didn’t even begin to say anything about the fact that she felt like the day went on for years.

Oh, how the last day had proven to be much better.

By the time the day had ended, Trixie didn’t know what to do with herself. Her eyes held an exhausted look, her expression was basically bare. The only thing that pushed her forward was her indomitable will. She wouldn’t stop, she wouldn’t. Okay, so maybe I should stop for a little sleep. There’s nothing wrong with that, right? All I need to do is get some sleep, and tomorrow will be alright.

So much for not stopping.

Trixie was actually quicker to get into the wagon, to lay down, than she had been the entire day. One could only assume it had to do with the lack of sleep, with the hope that she wouldn’t be awake until the next day. That was what she hoped. Eyes were closed, and she tried to force herself to sleep again. As she started to drift off to sleep, though, the face of the rich mare appeared in her mind. Words about murder, about how Trixie was a murderer that was going to get what she deserved, were whispered softly.

Every minute felt as though it was ten. By the time that sixty of them had passed, an hour, the only thought that went through her mind was that this wasn’t working. Trixie wasn’t sleeping, she was just laying there. She couldn’t imagine what could cause something like that. Her mind even went back to the dream, the forgiveness, as if to try to quell her own nightmares. That didn’t help, though.

In the end, she got out to start moving again.

Time became something of a useless measure. Night became day, and day became night. It was an endless cycle, of course, with one thing in common. Trixie would close her eyes, try to get to sleep, and she would see that face. She would hear those words. One time, she could even swear that she heard the voice of the showmare that had died. It didn’t make any sense, though. None of it made any sense.

An entire week passed this way.

She hadn’t even realized that she had passed through the town, and was at Trottingham.

Eyes were puffy, face a mess, mane didn’t look so good. Her expression was a frown. This wasn’t the expression of somepony who was on vacation. Trixie needed to figure out how to deal with this, or she would eventually just drop.

At least she was in a big town, there might be somepony there who could help her.

Comments

[Uncr3at1ve]

Forgot to close your italics somewhere near the beginning, but good read regardless

[Lenora Goff]

1562369

I can't believe I made such a rookie mistake.

x_x

[Azure Sandora]

Since I know where Trixie ends up, and the pony she becomes, it's really interesting to see her suffering so much. I'm anxious to see how you envision her full journey, going into her 2 year pilgrimage to the moment she's preparing to face Twilight.

Once again, if you have any questions concerning my head canon, or just want to know more about the Trixie I made, let me know. I'd love to help in the production of this.