Hmm, mildly interesting premise, but the execution's on the boring side. Probably fulfilled what the commissioner wanted, but as some advice: Consider when repeating a basic scene's premise to vary the details more (having one scene use a kiss was basically this, and made at least that scene not as boring), and try to have tension (whether for clop or story reasons, an "edge of our seat" feel can really elevate things; in this, it seemed like them being undiscovered and eaten was a foregone conclusion, and also the eating was over really fast).

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Thank you, I do try my best and I'll try to improve the quality and the length when and if I get commissioned again