Second Childhoods

by Proud Lutheran

When the New Student is Asian

Author's Note:

Based on the comedy of Steven He.

“Good morning, class!” greeted Cheerilee.

“Good morning, Miss Cheerilee!” said the foals, some more enthusiastically than others.

“As you can see, we have a new student with us!” She pointed to the orange earth pony colt wearing a gray blazer. His hair was black and he had a slipper for a cutie mark. “Would you like to come up and introduce yourself to everypony?” The social worker who dropped him off had looked haggard and said that she didn’t know his name. He had tentatively been referred to as Orange.

The colt confidently walked up to the front of the class. “Hello. I am professional Asian dad. I specialize in failure management.” He looked over his classmates as they tried to figure out what he meant. Cheerilee assumed that he was trying to be funny in order to make friends. “Today we are going to learn how to start a business.”

Cheerilee chuckled at his eagerness. “Actually, we’re going to be going to be learning some other things today.”

The colt looked at her. “Yes, you right. They should already have their own business when nine years old.”

“We’re ten,” said Diamond Tiara.

“Ten years old? What the hail you doing in school? Go start a business!”

“Okay, that’s enough,” said Cheerilee. “Go back to your seat. We’re all here to learn.”

Orange didn’t budge, however. “You are all ten years old and just go to school and go home? You don’t work? What the hail?”

“Ah work,” said Apple Bloom.

The “Asian dad” fixed his gaze on her. “Oh, good. You start business?”

“Ah help my family business.”

“You work family business, what the hail you go to school for?”

“Orange!” Cheerilee scolded, “You are being disruptive. Go back to your seat so class can start.”

“Oh, we start class?” he asked. “Okay, today I teach you quadratic formula.”

“I’m the teacher here. If you don’t stop interrupting, I’m going to give you detention.”

To Cheerilee’s surprise, he hoofed her a slipper. “Use slipper instead. Much more effective.”

“What?”

“Perfect for punishing your failure. I use all the time on my son, Steven. Very effective.”

Everypony was silent as they tried to figure out just what this colt was saying. Cheerilee couldn’t remember exactly when her hoof met her face.

---

“I can’t be the only pony who knows that colt’s a complete weirdo,” said Diamond Tiara. “Nothing he said made any sense!”

Everypony except Orange was outside for recess. Orange had to stay inside with Cheerilee as punishment.

“Yeah, like, he actually thinks he has a son?” asked Silver Spoon. “What’s up with that?”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders wanted to say something in the new colt’s defense, but found themselves unable to come up with an appropriate retort. Even they had to acknowledge that a broken clock could be right twice a day.

---

Once the fillies and colts were all back inside, they immediately noticed that Orange was nowhere to be seen. They also noticed that Cheerilee was not smiling.

The lessons continued as normal up until Diamond Tiara said something very unkind about Scootaloo’s inability to fly. A slipper came flying through the air and hit Diamond dead in the face.

Orange came at her seemingly from out of nowhere. “You act like you better than other failures? You can’t even cook rice!”

“Miss Cheerilee!” whined Diamond. “Orange hit me!”

“He’s doing his job as the newly appointed class monitor,” said the teacher. “Maybe next time, you’ll think twice before you try to bully somepony in my classroom.”

“I’m telling my mom!”

“Please do. Please tell your mother that you were punished for being a bully, so she can realize what a failure she’s been in raising you.”

Diamond Tiara promptly fainted from sheer emotional damage.

Orange nodded in approval. “Very effective.”

Cheerilee smiled.

Comments

[Nx_alpha]

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

[Fluttercry12]

Ok !!

[Killjoy1221]

But does orange have the wok hei?