Twilight has time to think about all the small things in her life that had made her happy through all the years living with rainbow. Catching up with old friends and seeing how spike has grown has taught her a valuable lessen in her life thus far.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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ok,number one, STOP SWITCHING PERSPECTIVES IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCENE WITH NO WARNING! At the VERY least have a page break in there. Another thing, work on your capitalization, I don't think you capped any of their names unless it was at the start of a sentence. Number three, it is ok to put contractions. most of the time you would not say "I will" instead you'd say "I'll". Especially for speech, read it out loud to yourself to make sure it flows well. The writing in general could use some work, you may want to look into getting yourself a pre-reader/editor. The plot looks interesting, actually, and I'd like to see where exactly this is going to go.
Just a tip: Stories flow better if you don't type what their thinking to much. Instead if you want readers to know that RD will miss Twilight show it in action. Also I have no idea where you're taking this story, because the tittle is misleading.
1. Capitalize names of people (or in this case ponies).
2. Put an ' apostrophe to show ownership.
3. Get a ******* proofreader, i.e. me. I`m a proofreader.
Plus I can help you get this story straightened out. Seriously, you have poorly structured sentences and your paragraphs, well...let's not even start with your paragraphs.
Look, want my advice? Allow me to go through this and edit it properly for you, if of course, you want me too. If your interested, feel free to PM me.
Sorry if I came off as a bit rude or harsh but when a story is like this, it fustrates me.
I think this story has real potential but with the weird and sudden perspective changes its a bit..odd. Ill keep watching it for a bit to see what happens, best of luck
"Its okay, I will get it all cleaned up later. I don't want you to be late for your first season tour with the wounderbolts."
ITS NOT WOUNDERBOLTS DUMBASS. ITS WONDERBOLTS. Even me who writes horribely and dont care about spelling errors GETS MAD AT THAT.