a random idea from this song i typed then drew down on a pice of paper
but my speling is not very good so be don"t mad at me for my speling its just a problem i have
and don't say that the pichter is bad it was made in microsoft paint i have limets with that program but have fun reading this story
and now its fixed so no more comments of me being 8 years old now please
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Review train here with all my helpful writing tips!
1) As far as I can tell, your story consists purely of lines of dialogue. My first suggestion is to put every spoken word between quote marks, as follows:
This will show us where one quote ends and the next begins. Also notice that when I changed speakers, I started a new line. This helps us keep track of who's saying what.
2) Next, indicate who is saying what:
That way we know who's saying what.
3) Now, add some narration. Pure dialogue can work, but it's really hard. Narration sets the scene and makes the story much more interesting.
4) Make sure you capitalize the first word of a sentence as well as names. See the previous examples for... examples
Well, gotta go. Hope that helps!
I can't stop laughing when reading this.
ScribbleStick - thank you, appreciate the helpful tips.
I highly recommend getting an editor. I recommend here: Looking for Editors. I mean, there's quite a lot of flaws here, and since you are aware you aren't a great speller, it'd help you with your stories for someone to help out with a lot of things.
Spacing is really needed so everything isn't thrown into a large mess of a page. It's hard to understand at times, so double space after every paragraph; as in, press ENTER twice.
To be honest, this is VERY hard to read. I can barely get what is going on. Rather than throw us immediately into Mario fighting Bowser, at least set up the scene a bit, let us know what's going on. Also, punctuation, capitalization, lack of narration and understand of who is speaking when, this is very flawed. But with a little help, I'm sure you'll be fine.
A lot goes into adding small details. I won't do anything but add punctuation and some other things, and you can see how much better it works:
Changed into:
I didn't even add much other narration minus mentioned who was talking; I decided not to because it's a waste of my time and yours to read since it's not my work. Anyway, though I didn't have too that much since the only two are talking, so you can just stop at one point, but I'm trying to tell you how much small things can impact how a story looks! Get an editor, and I'm sure everything will be fine!
the story is fixed now spelling fixed no mare problems
1303199
Scribble Stick, you are truly a king of reviews.
1304144 Does that mean I get a crown?
is there a reasan the thumbs down bar has the number 17?
1304219
Yes.
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQT0pQZb65aWQceta4HmAbo0pJ_ynIZtONpE56LsLOZ73sZzKWpIw
if you don't like my story go to my you tube channel its boomrainbownuke
1304222 That means 17 people gave your story a thumbs-down, as opposed to a thumbs-up or no vote. (opposable thumbs joke)
1304228
im not very happy about the my storys rating
so im not going to make a anether story ever again good by forever
1304280 If the internet had been a thing when I first stared writing, my first stories would have been downthumbed to obvivion, too. If you want to improve, we can help. If you just want to give up, well, not much anyone can do about that.
Yeah, I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3993-1333293281961.png
I can hardly make anything out.
1304280 If that's really how you give up writing ever again, I don't see you being a writer. You see, a writer writes not for the fame or anything; it's getting responses in either praise or assistance for future works. However, if that's how you feel, I won't stop you, I just think something like this shouldn't stop you from writing altogether. You get better by just trying and trying. Believe me, all writers started at the bottom and just rose up because they stuck with it.
And I'm sorry to say, but while you fixed a few problems, there are still WAY too many to mention. No "mare" problems? I don't think so.
they start at the bottem? fine they start bad i wont give up then
what do you people want then?
i gave my story comedy i made Bowser act like an idiot
i right fast thats must be why i make problems easy
1308884 Writing is all about timing, and taking your time with your work. Everything must be worked out as best as you can bring yourself to.
And don't ask us what we "want." Write what YOU want to write. It's not about us, it's about YOU, the author!
1316670 Uh, you said "What what YOU want to write." I think you meant "Write what YOU want to write."
1322986 Oh, my bad. Fixed. Much appreciated. (:
Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
this was my first story so don't insulte me also if you all are calling this a troll fic i can't understande why if its what the ponys are saying i had to impravise of how they acted in the story there was going to be anether story but the site is submiting it also i was allways geting ideas but they allways disaper on me and don't bich on the spelling
there not sumbiting the other story so ignore the is submiting
Holy fuck, it's the brony version of My Immortal!