Stuck-Up PTA Punks, Think They're Too Good for Me
Sitting alone at a long table in an empty meeting room, Principal Celestia stared up at the clock in the center of the opposite wall. She watched the minute hand rotate, ever more slowly; she swore it went backwards at one point. She exhaled slowly as she felt her eyes glaze over, before gently shaking her head back to earth.
She pulled out her phone again. No response from Luna.
Celestia couldn't help but feel a twinge of bitterness as she sat and waited for the superintendent, three days after being forced onto administrative leave. Their meeting was now over an hour behind schedule, even though Celestia had come over so early she hadn't even managed to properly blow-dry her hair. She was fairly certain she knew why he was late, but that didn't make it less frustrating.
Like he has the slightest idea of what I've had to deal with, she mused. Him or anyone on the school board, or the PTA for that matter. I'd like to see one of them come up with the proper course of action on the fly for anomalies opening up in reality during a major school event.
Celestia loved her job. Certainly, there were times when she missed her old days as a teacher, and days when the students could run her ragged. And it was true that things had gotten... consistently weirder since around the time of the Fall Formal. But she could hardly be blamed for Canterlot High becoming the epicenter of bizarre extradimensional magical activity, right? Hardly something she could control... right?
Apparently, the PTA and the district didn't see it that way. And now Luna was Acting Principal Luna while Celestia could soon be Ex-Principal Celestia if she didn't play her cards right.
Sure, there were a few things that could help her defense legitimately. Dean Cadance had submitted a testimonial in her favor after Celestia's suspension from her duties became public knowledge, stating that Crystal Prep in no way blamed her for the events of the previous week. And Principal Cinch was in no position to object to the dean's words, facing her own potential dismissal at the moment. A poll conducted by the school board also showed that Celestia was still well-liked by the student body, with most advocating for her to return. Unfortunately, the students' opinion mattered little to the superintendent; it was the parents who were furious, and Celestia had become their scapegoat.
But of course, it wouldn't be so difficult for them to find another scapegoat, would it?
The tension of the situation was starting to get to her, and she took a moment to try and relax herself. She had a plan. It was a good plan, she felt. Luna had disagreed, initially, but eventually accepted the logic behind it. But it was a risky plan, one that could backfire on them in a heartbeat. She certainly couldn't deny that.
But there was no turning back now. Half the plan had already been enacted. Now it was up to Celestia to stick the landing.
The door on the other side of the room finally opened, and in strode Superintendent Neighsay. Celestia suppressed a sigh at the sight of the man, wearing his ridiculous red tunic with a high collar framing his stupid, stupid goatee. He was barely older than her but looked ancient, his features roughened by his constant sour attitude and his eyebrows furrowed so perpetually she wasn't certain he could even make another expression. She hated meeting with him even in normal circumstances, never mind when her job was on the line.
Even by his standards, though, he was looking deeply wrathful.
"That blasted NMM..." he muttered as he shut the door, then looked towards Celestia. "Pardon my lateness, there was some urgent business that needed attending to. Now let’s get started."
"Good morning, Superintendent," she said in a placating tone.
"Spare me the false pleasantries," Neighsay growled as he pulled out a chair on the left side of the table from her, dropping down onto it. "We both know no one in this room is happy to be here."
"Is that right?" Celestia asked, the sarcasm already starting to bleed through into her speech.
Neighsay responded with a visible eye roll. "As passively aggressive as ever, I see. Surely flippancy will be the way to win me to your side."
"I didn't realize this was a matter of sides, Superintendent. I was under the impression we were here for a review of the facts of the case against me."
Somehow, Neighsay's eyebrows furrowed even further, and Celestia could spot a bulging vein on his forehead. "Oh, so you need a reminder, then?" he said, practically spitting as he did so. "Well then, allow me to elucidate. Which incident of mass student trauma should I start with? The gigantic red demon that mentally enslaved everyone at the Fall Formal and fought six students with wings and magic powers? Or last week's purple demon who nearly sucked everyone into holes in space and time?"
"With all due respect, Superintendent," Celestia interjected, "I don't see—"
"Yes, yes, I expected that kind of sniveling response. 'Oh, but Superintendent Neighsay, how on earth was I supposed to handle something like that?' Well, perhaps you could have convinced me your confusion and inaction was understandable the first time, but the fact that it happened twice, and you still failed to do anything meaningful to protect your students the second time, does not, in fact, reflect very well on you!"
"Superintendent—"
"Ah-ah-ah!" Neighsay held up a finger and waggled it. "We're not nearly finished here! Now I've had to work overtime to try and suppress knowledge of the specifics of these incidents from spreading. The last thing I need is for this district's flagship school to become known as the site of some 'interdimensional portal' that invites monsters and magic. And you have cooperated admirably in our efforts to keep these details under wraps. One can only imagine the carnage had some digital vigilante like NMM gotten their hands on footage like that. But coverup would be a lot less necessary if you had put in the effort to prevent some of these incidents entirely!"
Celestia opened her mouth, then decided against speaking and closed it.
"Dean Cadance, of course, has written that you were not culpable for the events of the Friendship Games. Yet I have learned that the attack at the final event was not even the first incident! Magic venus flytraps of some sort invading the field, eating dirt bikes and attacking the competitors! That event was already barely given the go-ahead by our safety team! And even after all of that, you still moved forward with the next event?!"
Celestia was irate. "That was Principal Cinch who pressured us—"
"No one forced you to give in to her! She has her own people that she is now answering to! What matters here are your actions! And I haven't even gotten started on the 'Battle of the Bands...’"
"So am I going to be allowed to get even one word in edgewise or—"
"Exactly why did you feel the need to change a perfectly friendly musical variety show into an all-out student war? I've seen multiple complaints alleging that you and the vice principal were acting just as aggressively and vindictively as the students themselves! Combine that with the damage to the amphitheater at the actual event…"
"There was no real damage!"
"The venue certainly found a way to charge us for some. And I wouldn't be so quick to bring up property damage, Celestia. That shiny new wall at the front of Canterlot High certainly ate a nice chunk out of the district's yearly budget, didn't it? We don't even have enough left to rebuild the Wondercolt statue after it met its own fate recently. And there was something I heard about you and the vice principal attempting to use child labor as punishment before the real construction crew arrived..."
Celestia sighed. "I'll admit that was a bad idea."
"Indeed it was. There are plenty of disciplinary measures we can take against destructive students that don't violate federal law!"
"All right!" Celestia shouted as she suddenly stood up. "Yes, Neighsay, you have certainly read me the riot act and taken me through everything that has gone wrong at Canterlot High over the past year! Now may I please be allowed to say some words in my defense?"
Neighsay scoffed. "And what exactly can you say that would excuse negligence, dereliction of duty and placing students in dangerous situations?"
Celestia's blood was boiling. She was sorely tempted to give in to her anger and blow up in Neighsay's face, to tell him exactly which orifices he could shove his critiques inside before storming out of the room. But she wasn't that person. She was already feeling shame for having leapt out of her seat a moment earlier in fury. That wasn't who she should be. It wasn't who she could be, right now, if she wanted the plan to work.
She needed to be calm, but not pacified. Reserved, but not restrained. Careful, but not paralyzed. She could be forceful without rage.
"Superintendent, I understand that this has been a difficult year. I recognize that much has changed for us, and for Canterlot High itself, ever since we began learning about the... changed nature of our reality during the Fall Formal. And I understand that we aren't quite able to adapt to those changes as quickly as many of the parents in our district would like, to the extent that they even understand the pressures we are under. But..." She took a deep breath.
"But what, Celestia, spit it out!"
Here goes nothing. "But I know I'm not the only person parents in the district can get mad at."
The superintendent's eyes widened, then narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"That urgent business you mentioned earlier. It wouldn't have anything to do with this NMM character, would it?"
"Excuse me?!"
"Well, while you had me sitting in this room alone for nearly two hours, I had time to do a little bit of HayTube surfing. And I happened to notice there was a new bit of audio released on the 'NMM's Nocturnal Secrets' account." She took out her phone. "Let me just pull it up."
Celestia pressed play, and Neighsay's eyes grew wide again at the sound of his own digitized voice.
"And furthermore, I've just about had it. This is our third straight year of declining test scores, declining graduation rates, class after class of ugly, ugly children. And you know who I blame? These simpering, good-for-nothing parents! Who just let their children run amok without teaching any sort of discipline or respect, never instill any passion for learning or knowledge! And they have the gall to blame us for their mistakes!"
The audio ended as Celestia melodramatically winced. "This was from a board meeting, I assume? I imagine the parents haven't been taking this very well."
Neighsay was seething. "Indeed they haven't. We’ve been fending off outraged phone calls all morning. But this changes nothing. That was a gaffe, posted by a cowardly digital leaker. An embarrassment, but ultimately minor. It's nowhere even comparable to the very specific incidents of negligent behavior you're here for, the Musical Showcase and proceeding with the third event of the Games in particular!"
"Maybe not," Celestia said as she calmly sat back down. "But I think it does show something important. Parents are fickle. They get riled up easily. And most importantly, they can be mad at more than one person at a time."
"I don't know where you're going with this, but—"
"Look, I'm not happy about the way I've handled every incident that's happened at Canterlot High of late. But I'm growing from these experiences, as is Luna. We're working with the students who understand these forces better than any of us. We're developing new plans to keep students safe. And most importantly, we're there for students who need us. Students who want us. And as the district's own polling shows, they do want me. Will they accept a replacement?"
"Hardly relevant to the point you seemed to be making, Celestia, and we don't traditionally give students a say in the district's hiring processes. What are you suggesting here?"
"I'm suggesting you should try to imagine exactly how things will go if you fire me, today."
"I beg your pardon?" Neighsay asked.
"It's simple, really. I want you to really think about how removing me will change things at Canterlot High."
Neighsay stared, not saying a word.
"Firstly," Celestia began, "Luna would remain Acting Principal, but of course she was present for all the events I was, and is my sister to boot. The board would never allow her to become my permanent replacement. So you'll have to pressure her to leave her post. Heaven help whoever takes over as principal from there. I can't pretend Luna and I are fully prepared to deal with crises of a nature no human has ever experienced before, but we've truly learned a lot these past few months. Whoever takes over will barely have an understanding of what they're dealing with, never mind how.
"So what that means," she continued, "is that you'll be left with this revolving door of principals who take the job, learn what they've gotten themselves into, and get the heck out as quickly as possible. You now have no stability at Canterlot High, no solid rock for students to place their trust in. Relations between students and faculty fall apart because the students don't feel they can rely on the adults to be there for them. That leads to declines in test scores, student morale, graduation rates and lots of other things the PTA won't be happy about. Not to mention a continued failure to properly respond to magical incidents.
"And when they can't blame the principal anymore... who do you think they will blame, Superintendent?" She looked him dead in the eyes, and he squirmed.
"You can't seriously think..." Neighsay trailed off.
"I can, and I do. Who else would they blame? How long are you going to be fending off criticism over just that little bit of audio? It will fall out of the spotlight eventually, I'm sure. But think of the damage something as small as that can do. Now think of how it's going to reflect on you as one of the top public schools in the state collapses into chaos and disorder!" She stood up again as she spoke, leaning forward, knuckles against the table, as the superintendent started to cower.
She practically hissed as she went on. "There's going to be hell to pay, Neighsay, make no mistake about that. You think you're insulated here at the top, but you're not. You may not know it, but your job is hanging in the balance too, and if you value your position, then maybe you should think about where the chain of dominoes leads a little harder—"
"ENOUGH!!!" the superintendent roared as he leapt to his feet, startling Celestia, who stumbled backwards slightly. Her heart rate began to quicken as she looked at the absolute fury in his eyes, hatred dripping from his lips as they reverberated from the force of his scream.
I went too far, she thought helplessly as he continued.
"I will not stand for this appalling bit of insolence, Celestia! Your conduct is not merely unprofessional, it is physically repulsive! I will not have my own teachers and principals think they can march up to my face and speak to me in such a manner! You are out of line to a truly grotesque degree, and I would have absolutely no qualm with firing you on the spot this very instant!"
Celestia was frozen like a deer in headlights. She was already mentally starting to script out her post-Canterlot plans for finding employment before she began to register that Neighsay had included the word would in his explosive rant.
That was a critical word.
The superintendent's features relaxed slightly as his rage curdled over into a hideous grimace. "Fortunately for you, however," he growled, "you managed to make a compelling point, in spite of everything. In such volatile times as these, perhaps the students do need the measure of stability that a consistent authority figure can provide. Canterlot High... does not need the risk of unnecessary discord."
His voice had softened, but was still bitter, and Celestia could tell that that was not the only point she had made that had resonated with him.
Neighsay was visibly disgusted as he chose his next words. "You may keep your post, Principal Celestia. Your administrative leave will conclude at the end of the week and you will be restored as Principal on Monday. Enjoy your paid time off. I will expect to see improvements in Canterlot High's... 'disaster response' protocols upon your return."
Celestia's body eased slightly as she managed a reply. "Thank you, Superintendent."
He stood up, then walked close to Celestia, who was still standing. "But I would refrain," he added, "from assuming you've managed to assert any kind of power over me. And I would further advise not being so eager for scoops from this NMM figure. They've been a thorn in my side for long enough and I intend to smoke them out. I wouldn't want any... undue attention... to come toward you and your sister for any potential association with this crook."
He marched off to the door and left in a huff as Celestia let the tension ease out of her shoulders, flopping back down onto the chair.
"I would refrain from assuming..." Sure, Superintendent, you're definitely still the one with the authority here. She smiled, feeling the rush of power the sight of Neighsay's acquiescence had given her. Sunset had once said she knew someone like her who was practically a god. She wondered if this is what that felt like.
Her phone was still in her hand, and she opened it up. Luna had texted back. Everything alright?
Celestia's smile was now back to a full grin as she replied. Never better. Thanks, Night-Mare Moon.
Satisfied, Celestia strode towards the door, eager to finally get her wretched hair back into its proper shape.
"To conveniently placed webcams!" Celestia declared as she and Luna clinked their glasses together.
"You never know when one might come in handy," Luna remarked as she took a swig. "I still can't believe that worked," she added with a laugh.
"Are you kidding? That audio had him rattled the entire time, especially once I gave him the reminder. Don't you ever trust my plans?"
"Out of common courtesy, I will refrain from answering that," Luna replied. "But I still say blackmailing him with it would have made more sense than simply publishing it that morning."
Celestia rolled her eyes. "Always such villainy with you, Luna! Besides, it wasn't damning enough to truly intimidate him with, and even if it was, it'd have been only a matter of time before he figured out how to discredit it and us. No, this way I think he'll be leaving us alone for a good long while."
"If things can stay relatively under control, anyway. At least things should be calmer at Camp Everfree," Luna noted. "But there are still the parents themselves to deal with."
"You let me worry about the parents," Celestia replied, before a question she'd been meaning to ask occurred to her. "You were recording this meeting too, right?"
Luna smiled. "Oh, of course. Figured it'd be good to have in the event of a... relapse."
Celestia chuckled. "You're absolutely diabolical."
"It wouldn't be me if I was any other way."
They clinked their glasses again and took another swig.
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Well, they‘re in for a ride
Well written and an interesting plot, I enjoyed reading it
Best not to question how a public school district has that kind of information control. People who poke too deep there tend to disappear.
In any case, very nice stuff. The sisters are a formidable team in any universe, and those who underestimate them do so at their own peril.
11276411
Ouch, poor Celestia.
Wow I did not catch the significance of that bit about Camp Everfree.
As soon as I saw the Chancellor Neighsay tag, I immediately went for this story
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Probably not the most flattering portrayal of the character, but I hope you enjoy! (FWIW, I mainly tried to write him as a guy with a serious temper and some grudge issues, but still just trying to do his job at the end of the day.)
11276610
I understand, don't worry :). A lot of authors here write him like that...but there are some like me I guess 😅
A few notes of critique for the author:
1. Lots of telling instead of showing. For example:
All of this is exposition, and IMO it shouldn't be. This is all stuff we could see shown to us in the course of being revealed as the maneuvering between Celestia and Neighsay plays out.
Worst case, these paragraphs could have just been cut from the story entirely, and I think it would still hold up and the pacing would be improved by sparing the reader the impression that they're being back-filled with a lot of telling them things they should be seeing for themselves instead.
2. Not saying the story was bad, by any stretch, so don't take this in that way, but: what stopped me from really liking this story is that neither of the characters is really very sympathetic. Neighsayer is a jerk, but we knew and expected that - so it falls on Celestia to walk the high ground. Instead, she connives and colludes to set a trap, and not in a way that feels very heroic or above-board. This doesn't, again IMO, really make her the protagonist I think we want to see here.
Or, at least, not the protagonist we want to see for the way this story is written and the thematic ideas it explores (or doesn't). Celestia doing some shady stuff to keep her own neck off the chopping block would be very interesting in a story that centers around an exploration of, say, the ethics and larger contextual cost/benefit public good and wider best interests questions that might justify (or not) pulling these sorts of shenanigans to get results. But I don't think this story does that, really. It just sort of assumes that the outcome that's personally good for Celestia is what's wanted and what we as readers are rooting for, and when that's just given to us, it's usually most satisfying to see the protagonist accomplish it by means that are morally upright.
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Hanging on the inside of the doorway leading to Principal Celestia's car there is a note written in large black letters: No matter how urgent your trip is, read your Volume 2 Day Planner entry #163 before you leave.
Upon opening her Day Planner, entry #163 is easy to find because of the little sticky tab on its edge, though it is strange to need to look at an entry from almost a full year prior.
Entry # 163
Good morning or evening Celestia, depending. If you know what you will read here, tick once to the left; if you have no idea what this is, tick once to the right. There is a student in your school named Wallflower Blush. You probably have no idea who she is, which is fine for today. She has with her an odd rock from the opposite side of the portal. If it is important to have people forget an event, call her to your office. She agrees to help you make all your troubles vanish from memory.
There are about 130 tick marks on the left side and nearly 400 on the right....
I absolutely adored this fic! It's every bit as fun as it is well-written!
Your style never ceases to impress me, and you're able to transform things like waiting in a room for nearly two hours into a natural time for rumination and consolidating one's nerve to go forth with another half of a plan. To that end, your Celestia is incredibly in-character! She always strikes me as someone who, for every single word she says, means another alongside it. In that way, everything she says has a surface interpretation and another with depth, and you have exemplified this with remarkable finesse!
Though to get back on track with what I admire about your style, the way you the argument between Neighsay and Celestia seized my attention and had my chest stir, it was almost like you laced fire under every one of their words. But you never lingered on any particular point, and it always flowed forward with remarkable pacing!
Now, some might call your style tell-y, and I used to say the same thing about my own writing. But in actuality, I've found that one of the very important tasks of a writer is to communicate what happens within the story, and what the characters are feeling. To some that's 'telling', but to me it's laying an important foundation. Moreover, I've come to realize that I value a story far more when it stands on its own two feet and proclaims itself in its own voice rather than trying to change its tone or be mindful of its vocabulary in pursuit of sounding more professional than it needs to. Which, your voice comes through loud and clear!
To the end about the characters, I think the way you wrote Neighsay was hilarious! A figure who takes his position much too seriously and holds onto every word just as tightly as he holds grudges for others. To picture him as a pony with a cape on is a funny enough image, but to imagine him as a person wearing a red cape had me laugh out loud. It's comical, and the thought that he's Celestia's boss makes it that much funnier.
In all, I'd have more to say but I'm strapped for time, and I don't want to take up any more of yours. Suffice to say, I loved this fic even if I'm slightly inept at describing what I did enjoy about it. I can't wait to see more of your writing!
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Thank you so so much, this review brought me joy
Hard not to see where Neighsay is coming from. In Equestria he was pretty much a dick, but in this story and in the human world, he's a guy with legit grievances and I can't even begin to imagine what he's had to deal with after the first three Equestria Girls movies. The fact Celestia wasn't fired and possibly charged with something is simply a miracle.
I do like you portrayed him as not an out and out villain as no one in his position would simply sit by and let all that happen. I do think Luna and Celestia's means of avoiding the guillotine was a bit hypocritical, but not bad.
Howdy, hi~!
Oh, this was fun. I aught the NMM thing from the start but it was a joy to see it play out. I like the setup and banter back and froth between both Neighsay and Celestia, they both brought up valid points and counterarguments to each other. I also enjoy that Neighsay isnt like his pony counterpart and more generally evil then the rather specific evil in the pony world. This was a super enjoyable read with a lot of great stuff.
Thanks for the read~!
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Hypocritical, perhaps, but the events as they transpired were genuinely beyond Celestia's ability to influence. The only points Neighsay had were Sunset's physical labour punishment and not stopping the Friendship Games after the first magical disaster. Though that particular responsibility ultimately falls to Cinch, as it was her student who was causing the magical disasters and she could have stopped all of them simply by confiscating Twilight's locket. Celestia raises a good point that firing her wouldn't solve the problem. It would be a purely political move, done entirely to appease the parents rather than actually tackle the problem and ensure the students' safety. And that's where Neighsay is still just a jerk, because firing Celestia would have ultimately been done for his own benefit, not that of the students.
11278873
This, sadly, does have its roots in reality. This is especially the case in the world of politics; a remarkable number of decisions are made to save face rather than fix problems.
As fun as this story was, I can't help but wonder about the repercussions of Luna running a leak/blackmail channel, especially if they're not in a one-party-consent district. Not exactly the moral high ground I'd expect from the Princessipals.
Man, the Principal Sisters handled that like bosses.
Stories like this make me lament that there was no full-length EG series. Getting into a bird's eye view of Principal Celestia and how she deals with the various magical crises from her office sounds like an exciting story idea.
11276972
That's an excellent way to suppress information.
Leave it to Luna to have a surveillance system set-up
That was a nice quick read
Kudos on making me despise Neighsay within a paragraph or two, and I do so enjoy Celestia and Luna teamups, heh.
You don't say.
Technically it was to another world/dimension.
I guess that's a no for Celestia.
Sometimes I forgot how much I hated him.
Oh this is getting interesting.
Someone's getting busted. 😏
Can't argue there.
Ya think? 😑
Hopefully...
Faith has other plans for that one Luna. 🙄
Your story has been reviewed by me of the Advisor's Cove at here! Thank you for submitting your story!
Honestly, this is probably the only explanation as to why celestia wasn’t fired, because any student or parent would’ve snapped at her.
11277881
11279069
Sounds like some good fanfic material/concepts.
Greets, I believe this is yours.
An epic story with a twist that I should have mentioned I liked forever ago. Neighsay may have been in the right here, but literally no one else could do a better job than Celestia and Luna here.
And with that, you have earned your 214th follower!
What a delightful piece. Itʼs always nice to see Celestia stand up for herself and itʼs always satisfying to see Neighsay get put in his place. Some might question the sisterʼs blackmailing at the end, but I love to see good characters do morality questionable things for the greater good.
All in all, lovely work!
I can say that this fic quickly became my favorite for how deeply well you've written it, mixing in the comedy with a bit of drama. I really enjoyed the way Chancellor Neighsay was written, too.
Well, finally sat down and read this in full, and I'm very glad I did. XD
Great job with this!