When the humans came, there was a portal that opened in the middle of Ponyville. Things were calm for a bit, but i was on the front lines - so it got hary. I had my best friend there - Jimmy - who had brown eyes and a brown shirt (They let us wear t_shirts into battle because humans thought it wouldn't be hard to invade ponys (Horses).
I had a Ak-47 and Jimmy friend had a gun as well. But when we went through... It was like vietnam all over again...
The princess was there and I shot at her because this was not part of the plan to invade. She attacked back and me and jimmy hid behind some boxes while my team was blown up. After the fight, Jimmy died from a box cutter a pony magically took from him and killed him with. That box cutter was from his dad and I never forgot about him for as long as I lived... (He took the box cutter btw)
When Equestrian fell we had to put the ponys to work, but i felt very sad for them. One time when I was outside I saw this purple pony named Twilight and she said to me "help me" I cried so hard that day it was so windy.
My commander wanted to spy on the ponys sad he had me get in a machine the burred and went BOOM! BAM! There was a red liquid inside and i said, "Why do I have to do this?"
"Because America is God"
I suited with tears in my eyes. He was right... But I knew in the future, which is now from when I'm talking to you right now, that was so wrong and I wish I attacked him but I didn't have a gun or batman sense (A lot of the guys were watching the dark knight at the time (this was in 2012))
Next thing I knew when I stepped out I was wobbly like jelly I ate yesterday - from that day not the future ok? - and I had OH MY GOD FOUR LEGS! and I had a horn which was very smelly because chemicals. I had a mark on my rump of an hourglass being broken. I asked the officer about it and he called me a dirty pony animal (It was training)
I was then placed among them. I looked just like them and had wings like them, but both. They were somewhat suspicious of my when I told them I was there lost ruler and Twilight, we were in a work camp at the time because ponys were enslaved for their rock mining operations, told them that "I am powerful and can help the revolution."
I was black with these huge amazing red eyes that look like demons. Red hair and two horns that wrapped around each other. The military scientenced guys thought it'd look cool
I didn't understand - but then i did.. I saw Twilight working mining rocks one day, and then a human guard beat her for pounding dirt to hard. (They cut off her horn because magic was crazy) I took out my friends box cutter and killed the human guard. It was so sudden, but then Twilight kissed me...
"To use your magic power," she said, "you have to say the magic words!" Guards were approaching us from all the around and the sirens were blazing so loud my teeth roots swelled.
"What magic words? What are those??" I was so confused.
She whispered in my ear and I nodded, facing the human guards.
"Я Бог" I spoke the moon runes and the humans exploded into fine mist. I saved the work camp...
Rainbow Dash and Apple jack were there too and took out a map of their dirty foreign lands and put it on a table. "We need to attack her and here but first we need the staff of power which Luna keep under the castle to give everyone back their magic because human locked it away using the staff but didn't get rid of the staff because they thought it might be able to return the magic if they did?"
Rainbow nodded and spoke her famous one liner "Kowabunga!"
But just then I looked down at my box cutters from my dead friend Jimmy and thought "Am I going to do this?"
I held me head low and walked on all fours out of the camp. Rainbow Dash, Flutter shy, Twilight, and Apple Jack said to stop, but I left anyway. I need to be alone. Twilight didn't try to stop me..
----------------------------
I sat up top a hill of grass by a thin tree. It was the only one not to be burnt scorched by the napalm - the scorched earth. It was spared, and I felt a connection to it. Like Jimmy was talking to me through it. I know it might sound crazy... but I wanted to hear him so bad back then that I think I could actually hear him.
"What should I do Jimmy??" I placed my hand (hoof now) on the wood of the try and sobbed. Then I felt a hand on the shoulder. I looked over, tears in my dry eyes. It was Twilight.
She sat beside me on that grassy hill as I cried so hard for Jimmy.
"The revolution needs you..." She gasped then hung her head low. "I don't even know your name..."
"It's Time Shatter," I said. "My old name is dead. It's not coming back..."
We sat there for a while until I saw her broken wings and asked about them. "They broke them when I tried to read a book while working."
"Gosh that's awful."
"Yeah."
"Wait, I have wings, can't I fly?"
She told me how to fly and I got up and tried. I fell down a few times but after 5 hours of trying and Twilight laughing at my cutely I managed to fly into the sky with Twilight on my back. She was so happy to be free again.
I think I'm ready to join her weird pony kind as one of their own. I ready to lead the revolution...
Beautiful writing, as always!
11255615
Thank you boooo!!!
So, how many chapters will this have?
how can it have 18 dislikes if it just came out???
11255658
No one likes Mary Sue alicorns. OC alicorns are pretty much the most hated thing.
11255661
i have no problem of OC alicorns
Overpower: Check!
Male Alicorn: Check!
Red or Black colour: Check!
instantly romance Action with Main6: Check!
Edgy Name: None
4 out of 5
Come on, you can make an OC better than this
11255684
I mean male alicorns Are not inherently bad and this is a war story so it makes some degree of sense
11255684
IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT??
11255661
what makes it a mary sue?
Love it.
11255713
thank you!!! there are some trolls around here righnt in the now that make it hard to make storys but at least i will DELETE AND BLOCK THEM
11255726
but im a girl? my OC (Time Shatter) is not a mary sue because he is a HE not a MARY.
Make sure to join my FAN group made by MY FANS if you want to be A FAN! LINK IN DESCRIPTION!
So apparently, Harvard's English classes have completely dispensed with such trivial things as detecting sarcasm in favor of "how to be James Joyce" (who they don't actually understand, but they try to make that sound like it's a good thing). I can't say I'm surprised or even disappointed, because I don't really expect better from the US' education system.
11255730
Gary Stu is the term they are looking for then
11255762
how is my character a gary stu if you did not read it?
You can actually disable the upvote-downvote bar, since it'll never be in your favor anyway. (For the record, downvote-bots are actually real but they only provably target foalcon and other illegal-to-actually-partake-in fetishes)
Wow, I have read a lot of bad stories in my life, but honestly, not even the worst story I ever read was anywhere as bad as this. May it get as many downvotes as it deserves and get an even worse rateing than those supertrampoline story.
11255777
so you own the bots that are attacking me?
11255779
this story is not bad. anyone who says it is bad never read the story. you did not read it. i know because you think it is bad.
11255763
absolutely rude. dont post garbage pictures here
11255789
Belive that if you want, but I know that it's not the case since I regrett the time spent on it.
11255792
did not read it i guess
Man, they're deleting comments like the Gestapo burning books.
11255795
If you want to keep accting that way, than so may it be. I won't waste any more time on it
For now, welcome to my list of blocked users, it's a very lonely place and will probably stay for a long time.
11255800
blocked users??? NOOO!!
I checked the rules, and this doesn't technically break any.
More words are correctly spelled than not, and most paragraphs at least end with a full stop or ellipsis. Ignore how hilariously low of a bar that is; much like how I bring up James Joyce, there are dead-tree publishers with lower standards.
This almost sounds like a justification for at least some of Windlife's actions. Much like jaywalking
or social distancing, being a stickler for the actual law apparently means posting on r/AmItheAsshole afterwards and being told that you are. Again, ignore the comically thin skin that causes the situation because the rules don't actually care about that.11255808
tahnk you for combating the haters !
it is really good so far
11255768
I didn't say your character is one, was pointing out that a Gary Stu is the male version of a Mary Sue. I would have replied to the comment that called the character a Mary Sue but it's deleted
Honestly dude, this is impressive.
this is the most ratio'ed story i've seen in the new tab.
11255834
gotta agree here
I can't tell if OP is an insane schizo or just trolling, but it's amusing to read through the dumpster fire that is this comments thread.
More fun than reading the fic, at least.
11255789
Is this a real person an automated meme bot edgelord machine?
11255850
?????
11255844
Haters come after me on every story i write. even if i try to be funny or sirus they always attack me and try to dystroy me