A young human called Vlad is a simple guy in his world. Not perfect, not worst.
He had a good life. Loving family, decent grades and stuff. Vlad wasn't interested in having friends or getting enemies(though he DID have one friend). He also REALLY liked games and due to that his mind thought of life as a game. Unfortunately, it lasted only for 15 years...
Once, coming back home from school, he felt something from the back. The next thing he realizes: Is that he died...How? Vlad didn't know...or care. He had a choice: Vlad could just accept his fate.
OR
He could start a new life that would ACTUALLY be like game. However, he wasn't told about just one thing...It was ANOTHER world!
You already know what happens next so let's start, shall we?
Chapters (21)
You don't know English, do you?
I wonder how EXP will be handled.
You'll need an editor, you seem to be missing a lot of transition words, and some words are in the wrong tense.
11200320Yeah...I will need to correct everething soon...
11200392
Yeah, I'm having troubles finding needed words sometimes...Thank you for mentioning it!
The writing is a bit disjointed and story feels rushed since there is lack of detail. I am no writer but my advice would be to take your time with the scenes and characters. What happens in a story in my mind is less important than the who and why.
PS:
Also do not worry, i have been told only way to get better at writing is to write more.
11200550
Thank you for mentioning my mistakes! Imma try to do better in next chapter
11200572
specifically, tenses are off, sometimes you forget to put in the subject, and a couple o times you mixed up the plural + the singular versions of a word
11200715
Yeah...I need to work on my grammar...Thank you for mentioning!
Time to hope he knows the classic and most important rule of every RPG:
Save Often!
11204523
...too bad this game doesn't have any Checkpoints!
11204541
Tis' a Shame indeed.
Poor boy Vladislav. his name was shortened to a simple "Vlad"
I can't say for the knowledge of the language, because I don't know it myself. ХD
then I'll read the second chapter, but so far everything is balancing between "average " and "something grandiose."
Good luck!
11204646
Thanks! I thought that calling him Vladislav would look too badass, so yeah.
Great work!
Keep it up!
11216393
Ari-...
Thanks!
Threats
11226740
Whoops! Thank you for correcting me!
11237709
I just wanted to add some "Balance" to this. I mean, he is already kinda over powered.
11237661
So am I!
11237490
I guess you have the point here
11237494
He forgor 💀
11237616
ZIPPER MAN! Though those are not actually buttons, they are just dots that look like buttons.
11238157
Well, you have point here. Still, I just want him to have some weak points.
11238153
I agree there! Zippers are WAY more comfortable (and look sick). As I said, those buttons are just drawn circles.
11246457
Indeed
11246409
Cough cough
11246405
Thanks
11246439
In my country, underwater rocks mean some kind of a trap
11246886
indeed
If you had better grammar and a more coherent way to switch viewpoints I'd read this, but until then sorry.
11272979
I can understand it. I think that in future I will try to correct my grammar. Though with switching...This one is kinda hard for me. Thank you for mentioning it anyway!
I have a serious questione.
How Luna didn't notice him? She is able to see his dream door. And this door is different, from others, so wtf?
11274425
AAAAND this one will be answered in Part 2!
tried to read this story. im an avid "The Gamer" fan and love stories that try to have some kind of gamer system in them, but i just cant read this yet my dude, it was almost painful to read this unedited, but i am really interested to read this. i hope it will be edited soon :)
Yeah, I'm interested, but the grammar is far too atrocious for me to be able to stomach reading this in its current state.
I'll add it to read later incase you ever manage to clean it up.
11303939
Well...I know there are a lot of mistakes...So maybe after I finish Part 2 I will try editing my story
11304064
I will try to edit my story after I finish chapter 5
11304348
nice, i look forward to reading it
11273267
Lad, not to insult you or anything but the first chapter looks more linear and too convenient to interact with or read. Forced is the word I would use. Your Idea of doing a story with a side focus of a system is normal and can be appreciated, however, it is actually a minefield for your story.
The interest of people varies a lot with everything one can put inside a story. you brought a system but it lacks body, you brought a character but lacks his own story. He just poofed in the first chapter and accepts everything or remains calm by the oh-so-called "gamers mind".
That trope is a sociopath maker when you use it. The first chapters are the basics of everything, the foundation of the story is here.
You do your stories however you want to do them. I want to just make a point to everyone: Try to do it and look for perfection by your own decision, be sure that you can enjoy it and everybody too so does.
A self-insert is a good way to practice impersonation, make a Perfil of your characters, and try to act and think like them. What you write is shown over here, what you thought is put to practice by your characters.
I am going all over the place with my words because I am eager to speak to others, that is a fact and an observation of myself. that can be an opinion of others about me.
NOW, onto what you did positively good: you did mention a "Skill tree" which is something people tend to forget is a common ground among many games and generalized lots of skills inside a group. It calls for the imagination to think of each skill, perk, or talent and could be dependent on their own actual desires. If one wants to be stealthy and sturdy, they could raise their perception-dexterity and vitality and practice a lot on crouching, making less sound when moving, and blending in with the environment. Up vitality and the perk could actually be regeneration if it is the desire, mimic of texture or colors if combined with stealth, and even partial polymorphosis at the extreme end of things.
You got magic, it is esoteric in the extreme, and conceptualization of things is important to all.
If I were there, I will freak the fuck out and barely move, talk or react. Not just shock, I will possibly try to prove to myself it is not actually real and could possibly harm myself or others to prove it.
I would start touching even the ground and comparing to my memories, grasping for some sense of familiarity, even though I know myself well enough to say that my doubt is greater than my sense of logic and rationality.
Desperation is an emotion that does not need to be logical, rational, or even makes sense to feel it.
11310036
Holy moly...
I...I literally have nothing to say...
Thank you for your criticism. I think I will try to rewrite the whole chapter after I have time.
Is this a harem?
11391274
Nope. Nuh uh. Never
(Seriously, this is NOT a harem)
Suupperrr chapter
11435375
Thanks man :D
Not on MY watch! If you don't have enough to eat, you won't have the strength for future chapters!
Sooo. 30 days ago huh? very fresh reading material! However alot of editing is required for all chapters. I would help out there
Always happy for update 😊
11466154
:D
It's getting more and more interesting... Now we have two reborn.
Reborn huh...Pretty accurate! Well, one of them is. Another one just got YEET'd into another world.
Is this a crossover?