My Little Golem

by Plonq

Cutie Mark Contretemps

“Spike, you shouldn’t feel threatened by this gem golem,” said Twilight Sparkle without looking up from her book. “Wasn’t it just last week that you called me a slave driver? Don’t you want a mindless servant who obeys every command without question?”

“I don’t know, Twilight,” said Spike hesitantly. He was wringing his hands nervously and looking up at the seven foot, sparkling monstrosity standing between two of the towering bookshelves. “The princess was pretty angry with you when your last creation went on a destructive rampage through the town. You promised her you wouldn’t do it again.”

The pony sighed and turned a page in the dusty book. It had taken a bit of digging to find My Fyrste Golem: Ye Darke Arte of Abominable Anymation in the dingier recesses of the Canterlot library. “I promised her that I wouldn’t reanimate the dead any more. I said nothing about golems,” said the purple unicorn. “Aren’t you looking forward to having another body around here to help with the cleaning and cooking? Won’t it be nice to have a meal that isn’t full of shed scales?”

“I guess,” said Spike, though he sounded less-than convinced. “But she won’t be happy if she has to wipe everypony’s memories again. She said it could cause brain damage and lead to the Pinkie-something-or-other.”

“Pinkiefaction,” said Twilight Sparkle primly. “If you erase a pony’s memory too many times, the mental discontinuity in their brains can lead them to a state of cognitive dissonance with regards to reality, like what happened to Pinkie Pie when the sonic rainboom scrambled her frontal lobe.” When she noticed that Spike was blinking mutely, obviously too confused to even formulate a question about her statement, she said, “It will make them loco in the coco. Don’t worry yourself, Spike. In a worst case scenario, if this gem golem doesn’t work out, you get to eat it. Now don’t break my concentration while I power up its heart.”

The young mare closed her eyes, drew a breath, and suddenly the air in the room became charged. If Spike had sported fur rather than scales, his hair would have been standing on end. When the pony began to murmur under her breath, the strange, arcane words nearly made his scales stand on end anyway. As she chanted, the room seemed to morph as if it was growing and shrinking at the same time. The air grew thick in the dragon's nostrils, and Spike felt as if he was building up a potential charge like the kind he would get from shuffling across the carpet before touching the unsuspecting Twilight Sparkle on the back of her ear.

It was only the introduction of a persistent, but polite rapping at the door that broke the magical mood in the room.

“Now who could that be?” said Twilight, shaking herself out of her magical reverie and trotting over to the door. She cracked it open just enough to poke her head through the egress. “Oh, hi Apple Bloom. What brings you here?”

“Mah cutie mark,” said the filly matter-of-factly, pushing past the older mare into the library without missing a beat.

“Oh, your cutie mark,” said Twilight Sparkle dryly, back-pedalling to keep the filly in full view. “What a surprise.” She paused a moment and added, “Wait, why aren’t you in school?”

“Ah told Miss Cheerilee that ah felt another case of cutie pox comin’ on,” said Apple Bloom. “So she told me to go home an’ rest up. Sis says all that education stuff just fills mah little filly head with funny ideas that I don’t need anyway.” The young filly seemed to notice the golem for the first time, and her gaze fixed on it while she spoke. “I was talkin’ to Granny Smith about it again today, an’ I asked her if getting mah cutie mark would make other girlie issues start to happen. She said somethin’ about cutie marks being one of life’s little miracles, an’ then told me ah should come into town and talk to you about it.”

“Good old Granny Smith, always so full of wisdom,” said Twilight Sparkle tightly. “You’ll get your cutie mark when it’s your time, sweetie.” As she was speaking, she locked eyes with Spike over the back of the oblivious filly and made frantic head motions toward the kitchen.

“Is that there thing supposed to be flashing yellowy green?” asked Apple Bloom, staring up at the giant golem.

Twilight Sparkle spun in alarm. “What? No! I mean, things flash all the time in here. You know the library, always full of flashy things,” she said with exaggerated glibness, stepping furtively between the filly and the golem. She gifted the young pony with a cheesy, disarming grin. “So what did you want to ask me about cutie marks?”

Apple Bloom bobbed left and right, trying to see past the mare. “Well, I still ain’t got it for one thing,” said the filly, momentarily conceding defeat to the older pony. “And ain’t it s’posed to be from something you’re good at?” She looked imploringly into the older pony’s eyes. “The problem is I ain’t good at much of anything but whining. I don’t want a cutie mark for whining.”

“Oh, Apple Bloom,” said Twilight Sparkle with a forced, commiserative laugh. “I’m sure you are good at more things than whining – in fact I think you should head over and talk to Rarity. She can teach you how to complain instead.”

Rather than being appeased, the young filly seemed discomfited by the news. She lowered her gaze and shifted uncomfortably on her hooves. “But I don’t like whining or complaining,” she said sadly. “Ah haven’t ever told this to my sister,” she said, reducing her voice to a nervous, conspiratorial whisper, “but ah don’t really fancy apples very much neither. What if my cutie mark is something apple related? Ah might be good at something I really hate!” Tears welled up in the young pony’s eyes. “Twilight, what if mah cutie mark is for something I don’t like? Haven’t you noticed how a lot of cutie marks match the pony’s name? Mah name is Apple Bloom, so maybe it’s predisposed or sum’in.”

“Apple Bloom, look at me,” said Twilight Sparkle firmly. She had to raise her voice a bit to be heard over the growing hum from the golem. Apple Bloom raised her head and looked at the older pony. “Actually, look just a bit to my left,” amended the purple mare. “A bit more… perfect!”

“OK, I’m lookin’ over there, but what…” began the filly.

WHANG!

Apple Bloom’s red bow flew across the room as she crumpled to the floor. The dragon, who had crept up behind her unseen, dropped the cast iron pan he had been holding.

“That hurt!” he said sourly.

“Oh, I’m sure she didn’t feel a thing,” said Twilight Sparkle, “Though I think somepony is going to have a bit of a headache when she awakens.”

“It hurt me,” said Spike, wringing his hands together tenderly. “My claws are ringing. Why did we have to knock her silly?”

“Spike, Spike, Spike,” admonished Twilight Sparkle as she levitated the limp pony and started winding her way toward the back door. “Get her ribbon and I will explain on the way. We need to get her out of here.”

Spike bustled over to grab the ribbon, casting a furtive sidelong glance at the golem that was now starting to vibrate along with its chartreuse pulsing and hum.

“She was starting to ask forbidden questions,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Ponies are not supposed to question predestination, or it may lead them to thinking about free will, and how everything in their lives seems to be scripted.”

“Oh, right,” said Spike. “The Lorax.. er, Lorry…”

“The Lauran effect,” said the the pony with a mixture of pride and affection. “You have been listening. Now let's find somepony to keep little Miss Apple Bloom distracted while we come back and clean up..."

The rest of her words were cut off as Spike closed the door behind them.

Meanwhile in the library, the golem’s shaking became more violent before it suddenly stilled. Gem scales flaked away from its head, revealing malevolent, glowing red eyes. Its gaze turned languidly left and right, sweeping the room in an unearthly radiance as it took in its surroundings. With a sound reminiscent of crushing stones, it raised a leg and took a tentative step forward.

Then another.

Comments

[faurana]

"room as she as she crumpled"

as she as she, you doubled something.

also:
"said the Twilight Sparkle"

I think the "the" isn´t supposed to be there. could be just me.

the chapter overall isn´t bad, just the ending ... I think its a bit ... meta? seriously, the whole explanation twilight gives about sweetie belle´s skull not being broken is right in the way of how comedy works normally(i think), but it feels way to off coming up in the story itself. If you would rewrite it it would make the storry so much better. And one last thing, I don´t think twilight would use the word "stuff", just erase it and do some mayor editing at the ending and you´re good to go.

[Plonq]

1279162

Thank you! I fixed the errors, and made a couple of tweaks to the story based on your other comments (specifically the meta discussion at the end). I left in the part about predestination, but I agree that the discussion of cartoon physics seemed a bit off in retrospect.

[faurana]

1279932

weeeee! way better. I have no problem with helping people, ponies or other random creatures running around in circles. just keep as far away from meta as possibile and you will have a promising story.

[IchibanGravity]

I definately liked the part of "questioning existence or free will" and whatnot. Excellent read!