Hi, just a quick request. If anyone wants to rate this story particularly low, it'd be much appreciated if you could leave a constructive reason for doing so in the comments, so that I can improve. Getting a 0.5 star rating for my first rating with no explanation whatsoever is kind of disheartening.

EDIT: It appears that some troll has been going down all of the stories posted today, rating them 0.5 stars. Well, yay for that.

trolls will be trolls i guess story looks intresting and with the anonymous ratings disabled cause of the rate bombings hopefully it will start getting the higher rating it deserves.

Thanks for the support! Ah well, can't stop the trolls trollin', I guess...

Hey, I enjoyed this first chapter. Don't let the trolls get you down :P

New chapter for you guys, relieved to have gotten this up before Christmas. Sorry it's a bit on the short side, but woo, internal monologues!

This is turning into one of my favourite stories at the moment! I'm off to read the Wikipedia article on Imposter Syndrome now.

>>8564185641 Thanks a lot! Must admit I only heard about Imposter Syndrome myself a short time before I started writing this, but I thought it was a bit more varied than the straight up depression that Dash often suffers from in fanfics. Man, this fanbase loves to be cruel to its characters sometimes...

Long chapter is long... This one kind of ran away with me, decided to go for some background exposition stuff. Hope you all like it!

I don't mind log chapters longness, in fact I approve!

Awesome story really can't think of much else to say

Great story, keep up the good work!

4000 is about average from what ive read ive seen stories with capters anywhere from 9,000 to 14,000 words that i consider long.

Thanks for the positive feedback, everyone!

>>9368593685 True, there are some pretty long chapters out there in the Fanfic universe. I meant in comparison to the previous chapter more than anything. The average chapter length for this story will probably be just on the upside of 3000.

New chapter for y'all, hope you like it. Over here it's been 2012 for 3 hours now... Happy New Year everypony!

...

Sorry that's all I got.

I apologise for the wall of text this comment's going to take up, but it's necessary IMHO.

First off, let me say I've really enjoyed it to this point. The only thing that really jumped out at me was that one of the paragraphs was FAR too long. I've given a suggestion as to how to break it up below,

I hope she’s okay, Twilight thought concernedly* with concern as she closed the door. Turning away, she paused. Was I seriously just worrying about sounding flirty? She felt her face become flushed again as she remembered. Now that the haze of worry had passed, and she had time to think about it, the more bothered she was by the last ten minutes. Why did I hug her like that? I guess I was concerned, but still…If she was honest with herself, she knew that something else had come close to happening as they lay together in front of the empty grate. Twilight put a hoof to her head, mentally berating her heart for choosing this moment to spring something like this on her.Oh Celestia, this is such a bad time. I don’t know anything about this kind of thing! <<new paragraph>>

This was perfectly true. In the years she had spent under the Princess’s tutelage, it was rare that she would speak more than three consecutive words to another pony outside of study conditions. This isolation had been largely of her own creation, driven by her inclination for academic work, but had largely precluded her from having any kind of romantic involvement with other ponies. She was not entirely oblivious of the feelings involved in such situations. Indeed, she would be a liar if she claimed never to have harboured slightly inappropriate fantasies concerning her regal mentor, (she went even redder at this thought, rapidly locking it back up again in some sealed box in back of her mind.) However, she had honestly never even thought about that sort of thing since she had arrived in Ponyville, particularly not about her friends. She supposed that this was understandable, after all, fighting dragons, hydras and goodness-knows-what else was bound to be fairly distracting. But now, she was forced to accept that seeing Dash without her bluster and abrasive brashness had changed the way she saw her. Suddenly her friend was beautiful. <<additional paragraph break. Probably unnecessary, but it brings Twi's thoughts into sharper focus IMHO>>

“Why now? Why her?” she whispered. Remembering looking into her friend’s eyes made her heart pound almost painfully, seeing Dash’s gentler self behind the gleaming magenta windows, without the shields of boastfulness that she had spent so long building.

<<rest of text as is>>

That's probably about as good as I can do on splitting the paragraph, but that particular paragraph REALLY needs splitting. It affects readability quite a lot. I also felt "becoming flushed" flowed better than "becoming coloured" flows just a smidgin better, but that's *really* a nitpick.

With that out of the way, keep up the good work! That paragraph was the only thing I really have to criticise - the rest of it really is VERY good.

*I'm pretty sure concernedly isn't a word, and even if it is, it sounds clunky here. The comma's probably not needed here with the changes. I've also simplified a sentence there. The italics have been established with the first thought as indicating Twilight's thought, and it's redundant to mention it as her thought one sentence after this has been established.

You don't have to follow my suggestions of course, but I figured, what the hay.

Apologies for the ludicrously long comment.

>>100518100518 Thanks so much for the epic comment! It's brilliant to get some detailed feedback.

Now I come to read back over the chapter that paragraph is rather on the enormous side! I'll definitely edit to chop that up a bit. Actually, now I think about it, the last paragraph change you suggested is right at a transition from 'Twilight's-internal-monologue' to 'Twilight-actually-speaking-aloud' so it could easily be regarded as a change in speaking character.

The online dictionary seems to think that 'concernedly' is a word, (although the Microsoft Word spellchecker dictionary doesn't seem to, so the jury's out on that one), but, existent or not, I agree it seems clunky used in that setting.

No need to apologise for the ludicrously long comment, they're the best kind. I'm glad you think that it's generally good!

EDIT: Changes have now been put in. Many thanks again for the feedback!

Brilliant! I know it's against Dash's new (or old, I guess) views, but I still can't wait till she rainbooms the hell out of that Lightning guy.

And the Twidash is just superb! Really loving how it's progressing--maybe it IS a little rushed, but it seems to me that it's rushed in a way that is still believable.

TwiDash ship is best ship  

>>110300110300 Thanks a lot for the support! If Lightning's actually introduced as a character, he'll most likely be a quite background-ish one. (It's a bit too Mary Sue for comfort otherwise.) I wanted him to be more an outside force than an actual character. With regards to the speed the TwiDash's happening at, I wanted it to seem as if the characters themselves are rushing into it a bit, perhaps too fast for their own good, rather than making it seem that it's being forced along by the author. I hope it struck that balance.

>>110581110581 Must admit I'm more of a TwiShy fan myself under normal circumstances, but this narrative needed somepony who could realistically break a speed record, and Fluttershy... Well, she probably couldn't.

D'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!!

I love this story!! Poor Rainbow. I wanna hug her so bad.

Hmm, your take on Rainbow's psychology is sort of similar my views in 'Faded Rainbow'

I love the shipping cuteness. TwiDash is adorable.

The story was really well written and the characters practically leaped off the page. Loved it!

Can't wait for more!

New chapter! Take that, writer's block! I decided to include Rarity at last, after much procrastination and rewriting. Pinkie is probably sad now for not being included, but I have plans for her. (Probably.)

Winning? You also totally had the same idea as i did. Good job with where you're taking it.

I like your thoughts on how Pegasi can fly with such disproportionately small wings! It makes a lot of sense, though it poses some unfortunate implications for my favorite Pegasus. If every Pegasus knew they could potentially break the sound barrier just by believing in themselves, they'd be pulling off sonic rainbooms left and right! PREPOSTEROUS!

I somewhat agree with SatoshiKyuionpuno but this is a good story overall, like the concept of the wing thingy should make her fly better cuz shes in luv with Twilight and stuff. They also should join together and steal Celestias powers and imprison her, then they rule Equestria.

>>119765119765 Thanks! I need to read your stuff so I can stop accidentally ripping off your ideas!

>>119795119795 I must admit, I'm kind of regarding Dash as having abnormal amounts of determination, confidence, the general 'winning spirit' as compared to most Pegasi. In my headcanon, based on what I've seen in the series, the majority of Pegasi are pretty tenacious, but Dash's instinctual ability is way beyond most. It's in the same way that Twilight's magical ability is so far beyond most Unicorns.

>>121582121582 Curses! My nefarious plans have been revealed! Cheese for everyone!

>>121969121969 It's ok man! I never got around to finishing the one chapter I did have and deleted that story. I do have a strange fixation on the many pony psychology stories I keep running into....

ONLY 1000 VIEWS? ALLOW ME TO CHANGE THAT!

(This story definitely deserves more view than it's current total.

New chapter time! Sorry this one's a tad on the filler-ish side, I just wanted to tie up a few details of the TwiDash stuff before launching into the 'Experiment' story arc. Also I wanted to give them a nice ending to their first day. (Uh-oh, I'm empathizing with fictional characters. This way madness lies!)

>>121995121995 I must admit I have quite a thing for psychology fics as well. Actually, the original Pony Psychology series is still one of my favourite MLP fanfics out there.

>>122001122001 Well, thanks! I must admit, the lack of views compared to most stories with this many chapters is probably due to the fact that I have absolutely no idea about posting at peak times, etc. (I'm in England, so my chapters probably tend to go up at 3 in the morning or work/school hours or something.)

>>124669124669 I know what you mean about peak times. I usually post around 1 am central, which for some reason is about the only time my fic gets any views. It still is crazy that your fic has so few views though!

Good chapter, great grammar. I think this deserves more views.

I agree with the rest, it definitely deserves more views!

Can't wait to read the next part!

>>124675124675 Well, I'm glad you think it deserves more! Hopefully it'll pick up a bit now there's quite a lot of chapters.

>>125088125088

>>126686126686

Thanks a lot to both of you! Just prepping the next chapter for publishing as I type this, actually.

Five stars!

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH woooo Dash finally overcame her feaaaaaaaar.

This is a great story, some of the best characterization I've seen from a Rainbow Dash story. Psh, study for Praxis tomorrow? Nah, TwiDash is all I need!

"She had never before heard Fluttershy accuse anypony of being a sack of anything,"

I love your writing style so much, this is such an easy read, my eyes drink it up. It's hard to describe what reading is like to me, but I can tell a really cohesive work when I see one and this is a prime example, a million awesome points to you!

"“I walked in on Twilight and Rainbow Dash kissing on the rug this morning!” he blurted out in a single breath, before he could prevent himself.

You’re dead."

I lol-ed, that scene was perfect, haha

"Twilight lived for the moments when she could simply gaze into those deep magenta pools, but each of those moments were tempered with sympathetic pain for the scars that her love still bore inside her, long after her father’s hoof-marks had faded, and long after the Flight School nicknames and taunts had stopped echoing in her ears. Twilight wished that there was some way for her to help, some way that she could change Dash’s past, but she knew that it was a challenge beyond her intellect. All that she could try to do was to give her the future she deserved."

Agh, I loved this paragraph, Twilight's adorable and awesome. Keep up the great writing!

I totally expected Dash to pull a Spiderman there. Hover in front of and just above Twilight, and then roll upside down and kiss her. The thought was strangely both amusing and adorable all at once.

Woo, plot development! This was a very fun chapter to write.

>>129360129360 Thanks a lot! Glad you're enjoying the story.

>>129757129757 Dang, I missed an opportunity there. I could even have slipped in a 'friendly neighborhood' joke as well!

Wow...shit suddenly got REAL!

LOVE IT

There must be some sort of purpose for them doing this, who knows? Perhaps Twilight might join them, or Dash, or both. Or one of the gets cut in half and only half of Twilight goes, or only half of Dash goes, or both of them cut in half goes.

But the being cut in half brings the possibility of dieing so maybe Twilight doesn't go, or Dash doesn't go, or both of them don't go.

Also, with the possibility of death means that the possibility that only one of them dies so maybe, Twilight joins or Dash joins.

Not to mention all the possibilities if only one of them dies, so maybe Dash joins, or Twilight joins, or even both

Or Twilight joins, or even both, or dash.

And, or even both, Twilight joins or Dash joins.

Also, someone they might not like, like Trixie may be in there group too, so this brings the possibility of revenge, okay I'm sounding retarded now with this piece of shit reply.

If this is a piece of shit reply, it brings the possibility of being hated on, which may start a flame war, and if that happens the owner of this site might ban us and track down our ips to kill us in real life.

Whew, got it posted in time. This is part one of probably 2 or 3. This particular bit of the arc felt too cohesive to be split under different chapter names, but I didn't want to make everyone wait for me to spend all week bashing out a 10,000-worder. So, here's part one!

Awesome, the plot thickens. Can't wait to see Celestia kick major ass!

Oh, when will these random evil pony organizations learn that you don't mess with Celestia's favorite pupil (possibly the most powerful Unicorn in existence and an Element of Harmony) or the fastest Pegasus to have ever roamed Equestria's skies (another Element of Harmony who can turn herself into a living nuke and walk away without a scratch). Screwing with both of them at once is just asking for a beatdown, really...

IT'S GO TIME.

>>141346141346 Stop! Celestia time! *Epic breakdown*

>>141722141722 This lot have done their homework... They know what they're up against, and they've got a few tricks up their sleeves. Hoping to get in a nice Flutter-Rage moment, though...

>>142692142692

Not homework so much as clutching at the straws of hope

Huh, I'm in suspense to who these people are, I mean, they could be anyone... very nice.

And Part II's here! It's official now, this is the longest thing I've ever written. (Actually, it's my first go at writing a story per se, but this now beats any other project I've done in terms of length.) For the record, this is both the first and the last legitimate 'fight scene' that this story will contain... I don't want this to devolve into a beat-'em-up.

EDIT: Yeah, my predictive abilities when I wrote this comment were not up to much, apparently.

Princess Badass and Epicshy

oh shit...celestias gonna fuck 'im up!

YES!!! Awesome action scene with Princess Celestia in the role of the cavalry. Excellent!

AWWWW SHIT, the definition of bucked lies before us: the three helpless unicorns, about to get destroyed by Celestia! Woooooooo

Saw it coming, but nice fight scene really.

Also can't wait for Celestia to kick some ass.

>>148716148716 Yeah, it's a tricky one actually. I keep repeating to myself; "Benevolent Princess, no disemboweling allowed!" I can say that she's not particularly happy, however...

>>149504149504 I must admit, I wanted the 'boom, it's the Princess' moment to be foreseeable, that's why I opened part one with her getting the message... It was kind of designed to 'bookend' the 2-parter, if you will. You know, start with Princess, finish with Princess.

Next chapter should be out either tonight or tomorrow. Sorry about the slightly shabby update frequency lately, real life is a pain.

Argh, big chapter. Decided to not go for the full-on tyrant Celestia treatment, if possible... Oh well, a spot of Freudian symbolic emasculation is fun anyhow.

Celestia....like a BAWSS

That was scary in its intensity the moreso as Celly didn't seem openly furious. Nice touch. I have been loving this story from the start and its only gone from strength to strength, to borrow a phrase. Awesome work!

Well done with Celestia, she seemed like an all powerful goddess while still being a good pony. Great work on the story so far, keep up the good work!

>>156188156188

That was better than I was expecting, actually, the breaking of the horn was much more meaningful then turning the unicorns inside out or sending them to the moon, it actually makes sense. Awesome chapter!

eternal solution to so many of life’s problems. A cup of tea.

Why yes fluttershy, I'll have some tea while waiting for the next update to this wonderful story

Amazing, for some reason I can picture this story alot better than other ones, and of course the romance, action and mystery is very good.

Thanks a lot for the positive responses everyone!

>>156215156215

>>156286156286

>>157714157714

Really glad the Celestia bit went down okay, I must admit the horn thing was inspired a bit by the Gandalf/Saruman "Your staff is broken!" moment from Lord of the Rings. I did briefly consider actually killing one of them, but thought it was a bit more meaningful this way and made more sense narrative-wise.

>>164033164033

I pictured it exactly the same way, haha

Okay, it's here after extensive rewrites! Sorry it's kind of filler-ish, it's mostly designed as a setup chapter before heading into the big final plot arc. Hope it's okay despite it's filler-ish-ness.

I love you. This is what I needed to break apart my writer's block! This story was a guilty pleasure of mine while I tried to become a writer. I think that you, name i can't even pronounce, are a truly talented person.

This has some really great writing in it, I also like the whole Sunset thing too.

I would just like to mention that this is the first Rainbow Dash-involved story that has ever portrayed her as a GOOD cook, haha, the joke usually falls on her poor abilities , glad to see that trend change!

One of my favorite MLP stories ever, is this one. Its awesomeness cannot possibly be articulated in the English language, and I'm not yet fluent enough in Dragon to form intelligible sentences, so... yeah. I'll just say that I love it, and if you ever decided to stop I would hunt you down and outside your window at three in the morning until it drove you insane.

>>165778165778

>>166994166994 I literally squee'd when I read these! Thanks massively for all the support, I'm really glad you like the story so much.

>>166853166853 Yeah, there have been quite a few instances of Dash suffering from liquefied toast moments... In my headcanon she's good at making snacky stuff like waffles, but would probably fail massively if she tried a proper dinner or something.

Hopefully this one's less on the filler-ish side! I've been looking for a decent moment to write the 'reveal to the friends' chapter, so here it is at last.

...I think Applejack hates me now.

Wait, did they tell Fluttershy already? Also, good job on this!

>>169776169776 Fluttershy was there two chapters ago when Celestia found out. She already knew though, because Rarity couldn't keep her mouth shut...

This story kinda puts me in there hooves, good explaining.

>>169875169875 Thanks a lot!

To  have one's horn broken for a unicorn would be like having all one's fingers broken off. No more carrying anything unless it's in the mouth or in saddlebags. Eating politely is impossible, scratching an itch is hard. No teleporting anywhere of course, if he wants to go anywhere he has to walk or take the train.

My mind immediately jumped to "The Godfather" when i read the part about 'sending a message'...so this could be like the Horse Head scene, for those who have seen/read it...Don Celestia...lol

aaaaaanyway, all cinemaphilia aside, i am LOVING this story, youre doing GREAT and i hope to see more!

A bit more backstory, this time around. I had a few ideas for reasons behind Dash and Fluttershy's early departure from Flight School, but I liked this one the best.

"Twilight blushed, giving Dash’s hoof a squeeze."

I had alot of trouble visualizing this...

how does one squeeze with hooves?

other than nitpicking, I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORY!

Keep it up! I look forward to the rest

>>176571176571 In that scene, I was imagining Twilight squeezing Dash's hoof between two of her own, rather than actually gripping it. I think I mention that she's using both hooves earlier on in the scene. (I must admit, squeezing anything with a solid hoof would probably take practice, if not surgery.)

Glad you're enjoying the story! The next few chapters should wrap up the Rarity mini-arc.

>>175558175558 And you do such a great job making it fit with the basis of the rest of the story. I can't wait to read more you have me enraptured in this

I know it's short! The reason for the shortness is because I think of this chapter as a sort of 'end of part one', if you will, for this story. The next chapter's the start of the part what's labelled in my head as 'part two', which will eventually bring the story to its close. Besides, I thought the rainboom-at-night was a good place to end this segment of story. Any attempt to bulk it up length-wise would just have come out as meaningless filler.

EDIT: I need a bit of an opinion. I know this story can be pretty lighthearted from time to time, but do you think I should keep the comedy tag? Or are the humorous moments too few-and-far-between for it to count?

I liked it even though it was short.

To answer your edit, I have to agree with taking it off, this is just not too much of a comedy. At all.

>>182867182867 Thanks. Agreed! To the moon with the irrelevant tagging!

SQUEE! so cute

ur so awesome...keep writing, im glad that this is the halfway point and therefore NO WHERE NEAR THE END!

I like to think of this as the start of Part II. Sorry about the delay in getting it posted, the Celestia scene needed a good bit of tweaking. (For the record, as the majority of regulars to this site are probably in the US, I write in British English, hence the use of Centre instead of Center in the chapter title.)

do i detect a scene of implied torture...you sly dog you...

Well well i am enjoying this immensely

keep it up

So... I have one thing to say.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY VIEWERS! Take my views as well! I'm not doing anything productive with them.

hmm i just found this fic and have to say I love it. I can really feel this fic and that is awesome.

I call it now! Rainbow Dash's Mom is a Leader of sunset (i suspect she is the mysterious Libra).

And the Drought of Foolishness i can see several ways they are gonna use this...

e.g. they probably used this on some Pegasi  to get new Members(i look at Dusk for example, the Pegasus he was with acted overconfident and foolish)  and/or they used this one the members to get them to join(again look at Dusk).

they could use it on RD during the record, which makes her try something foolish and thus getting seriously injured

>>190506190506 I must admit I originally considered a 'truth spell', but I thought it didn't come across as drastic enough and would raise the question of 'so why don't they use it on all the ponies they interrogate?' Glad you're enjoying it!

>>191815191815 Yay!

>>196066196066 Curses! My spoiler-banks have been foiled, and my evil schemes laid bare! ...Or maybe not. I'm not confirming or denying anything because obviously that'd screw the story up later on! (Though it's probably worth noting that about 50% or more of the Chekovs in this story are probably red herrings.)

>>196949196949

look if you confirm/deny anything i say, i would be disappointed, but by giving this ideas, other readers get something to think about. Hay sometimes i give even the author a new idea for his story.

>>197015197015 Well, I'm all for idea discussion! It always makes things more interesting when people are speculating over what's going to happen.

DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNN

*squee*

"lol, I tortured him, he cried like a BITCH!  UmAd Twilight Sparkle?

I love it. Twi is about to knock some sense into Celly for getting all worked up over doing the right thing. Perfect. But if you make LF a bad guy, I'll be a little annoyed. It's more than a little cliche and entirely unnecessary.

...Waiting for the next one is gonna be HARD.

Small typo, you had the three walk back in a "companionable" silence.  I assume you meant comfortable

>>197873197873 Trolololololol! Actually, I can just imagine Celestia suddenly bursting into that song, halfway through an episode. That would be epic.

>>198146198146 Thanks for the feedback! Regarding Lightning, I don't want to make it seem that anyone in the story is 100% good or 100% bad, because that doesn't happen in real life. With LF, I imagine him to be something of an impulsive hothead with a very strong conviction (hence the flying ability), and I thought that going through a militant phase as a student was in-keeping for that kind of character. He's not necessarily a bad guy as a result of that.

>>198528198528 Actually, companionable was intentional, it's a word that means affable or congenial. Comfortable would have worked too, but I thought companionable implies that they're comfortable because they're all good friends with recent, shared experiences. (It was mostly for Fluttershy's benefit, actually.) Thanks for pointing it out, though.

Shits bout to go down!

RUN RAINBOW!!! RUN FROM THE TRUTH!!!!!

>>203529203529 Cue dramatic music! I must admit, I've got my fingers crossed that this whole subplot goes down okay. I know that stories with sudden exclamations of: "Hey! Here's a main character's previously unknown relative!" can often be susceptible to cries of cheesiness, but hopefully this has enough context and back-story to get away with it. (At least she didn't just appear from nowhere for no reason like they sometimes do.)

hmm so no mother just a sister... now i wonder if the mom was in sunset and then firefly took over her position as leader.

poor RD just got rid of the father in her mind and now the rest of the family comes...

Edit: I don't realy belive thats was it with Sunset, every action seems like they did a mistake, but each one was just a part of a bigger plot and they survied destruction once already